“Then we will split up and meet here at sunset to discuss the logistics,” Beth played with her hair, sparing me a few glances. “Leti and Casey will go to the Hesroeder manor, and you both handle the task with the mercenary and the merchant guild. Even with that bitch. Get some more people for the gathering at sunset so that the hired commoners will have a clear picture of what to expect. Leave the merchants out. They are only interested in profits. I will go to Yura and steal her official seal before dropping by the merchant guild.”

I didn’t want to leave Rudolf. I didn’t want to, but the adamant expression on his face told me he didn’t feel the same way.

“Sounds good, lady Beth,” Garlan said and got off the stool.

Annoyance was the least of my concerns. I didn’t want Rudolf to roam the streets without me. Where thousands of eyes would bore into him. Of women. Of vixens. They were dangerous because the Marquis had started abandoning my mother for a reason. And she had stayed devoted to that wench all her life.

I knew my mongrel wouldn’t do it. But I felt uneasy. Yet, I feigned indifference. Because I knew I had to give him space. That’s what Casey had said. But I hated the thought of imagining his time without me, him smiling without me by his side. Someone else watching his curving lips, his chuckles, his amused laughs, his beautiful eyes, and his arrogance. I wanted everything for myself. Wanted to lock him up by my side, yet the thought hurt me. But I would own him, even if it crumbled me from within.

Space, I reminded myself and acquiesced silently.

I followed Casey and Beth out of the mutt’s dingy booth and paused at the door. That bastard mutt might taint my mongrel, I reasoned and turned back.

“Now then,” the mutt wrapped his hand around my mongrel’s neck, and I saw them through the almost shut entrance. “Since it’s just you and me, how about we visit a brothel first?”

I pushed open the door in a rage and glared at Garlan.

“I’ll be good, my lady,” Rudolf waved at me. “So, carry on.”

The mutt tried to hide behind my mongrel. That was an impossible task given the… I averted my eyes from Rudolf’s body.

“Don’t take my mongrel to a brothel. If I smell women on him, you are losing your head first, mutt,” I said and stormed out of the room.

I wanted to touch my mongrel, but I held back and followed Casey to the carriage.

The pavements glittered in the glow of the dawn, and the chilly wind felt great against my cheeks. The dark clouds flooring the sky offered me much solace because I loved the weather. When I was young, my mother used to hug me throughout the morning, nuzzling against my face, and I often reveled in the memories, hoping my mongrel would sleep beside me too. Just sleeping and nothing to satiate the raw lust that was increasing my yearning for him. I hated growing up because it was harder to hold back. Yet I wanted to grow up.

Would he consider me less of a woman if I take the initiative? I would stab him if he did.

Casey helped me up the carriage after her maid had helped her up. I didn’t like commoner bastards because they had thrown eggs at my mother when she had been labeled as a traitor. I held grudges and terrible ones at that. Rudolf always said I should hold on to them until they morphed to hatred. So, I hated the commoners, except a handful of them. The mutt was my mongrel’s bread lad, and it was the only redeeming feature of the bratty commoner. The maid left us alone after a nod in Casey’s direction.

The carriage trudged forward, and I glanced at the disappearing booth with longing. Would he be all right without me? This was the first time I was commuting without Rudolf, and I didn’t like the feeling.

“It’ll be fine, baby,” Casey smiled at me. “Give him some space, or he might come to hate you.”

“That won’t happen!” I said, trying my best not to shout. “And you always say that. I don’t want to give him space. He’s mine. Why should I give him any?”

Casey sighed. “Obsession and caring are two different things, Leti. You can obsess over him all you want, but that doesn’t mean he can feel how much you care for him. Men are dense creatures, and Rudolf is a rock.” I glared at her while she just smiled. “If you want to show that you care, grow up. Adjust to his needs. See what he eats and what he likes.”

“He likes bread and eats bread most of the time,” I added with pride. I knew everything there was to know about my mongrel.

“I can’t refute that,” Casey laughed. “But that doesn’t mean you can stay like this all your life. It’ll suffocate him soon, making a living with you a chore. Don’t you want to see him happy?”

“Happy?” I tried to think about Rudolf’s curling lips and his bare chest. And his body. No… how did his body entire the picture? I pushed down the blush and glanced at Casey with indifference. “He’s happy.”

He would be cheerful as long as I walked down the wrong road. This must be another one of his machinations, but I wasn’t bothered much.

“Yeah, he might be now,” Casey said with another sigh. “I don’t want to have an argument, but you need to woman up, Leti. Ruddy might tell you that you are fine the way you are, but do you intend to remain an ignorant brat all your life? Or do you want to become a woman worthy enough to claim him for herself? You are beautiful, Leti. Really beautiful, but you have a rotten personality. And very wrong notions about the world. Rudolf might have rubbed off his screwed views on life on you, but do remember that he is a rock. He might be right in most other circumstances, but on wooing man’s heart, you are better off listening to our advice.”

I rolled my eyes. “That’s what you thought about me all along?”

“Yes,” Casey grinned. “But I like your rotten personality. That’s why we are friends in the first place.”

“I hate you, Casey,” I pouted and turned my head.

“Aw, isn’t my Leti adorable?” Casey rubbed my head, and I didn’t hate it. Slapping her hand away came naturally, though.

Rudolf was responsible for everything!

We reached the Hesroeder mansion without any detours, and Casey teased me most of the way back home. I started missing Beth when I got off because Casey was a talkative bitch without Beth forcing a few blushes on her girl’s face. I was familiar with the spiked gates of the mansion after having visited here already, but meeting Heathe brought back terrible memories about the dinner. And the flying utensil. And my mongrel under me. I wanted to see him there again. Under me, not in Hesroeder mansion. And I didn’t want to see the bitch. Heathe.

I hated my lust, but I hated the fact that I hated it. What was wrong with a woman craving for a man? I didn’t know, but there was my mother’s teaching nudging the corner of my mind, overpowering my mongrel’s simplistic view on life. Woman or not, stay true to your desires. I pushed everything out of my mind and followed Beth through the overgrown lawn.

The maid beckoned us inside, and Casey led us through the hallway after we had changed into indoor footwear. The hallway opened into a courtyard that I had grown familiar with after my first visit, and we ascended the flight of stairs on the right. Casey’s room was on the right side again, and she touched my hand briefly and motioned for me to wait for her inside.

I nodded and walked inside the familiar room. I had been here twice before, once when Casey and Beth were rolling over each other. They hadn’t been bothered by my presence and continued their weird activities, trailing kisses on each other’s almost naked bodies. I had forced myself to watch them despite the creeping blush, and Casey just warmly welcomed my presence. Said it made her feel more excited. I didn’t really understand Casey’s words. I didn’t want anyone to watch my mongrel without his shirt, let alone half-naked.

I often used Beth’s skills on my mongrel, eliciting little response compared to Casey’s moans that night. She was in her underwear. But my mongrel was always wearing his clothes. He rarely removed them in front of me. Almost never. That might be a reason for his uncanny indifference. Wasn’t he a man underneath the cracked personality?

I smiled at the thought, thinking about the blush on his face. But Casey’s words struck me hard and stole the smile just as fast. I had to become a woman worthy of claiming him for myself.

Casey returned with an aggrieved Heathe behind her and stoic Rudina. The latter never really talked much, so I was used to her silence. Even when Casey jabbered on and on, she just nodded from the sidelines, giving her opinions when required and staying quiet most of the time.

Was that an ideal woman? I stared at her for too long since she looked at me soon enough and smiled warmly. I snorted coldly and turned my head, but another peek gave me away. Damned eyes!

I resorted to drawing the pamphlet the rest of the day, Rudina giving me many valuable tips and rubbing my head when I did well. She felt warm, just like my mother, so I didn’t hate her touch. I didn’t hate Rudina as a person, either, unlike Heahte, who was young and dumb and bitchy. I thought I would miss my mongrel, but Rudina’s presence eased a lot of my restlessness and anxiety.

I even drew Rudolf’s face once we were done crafting the posters, but it came out too handsome, or so Rudina said. Heathe and Casey had disappeared to hand the task of copying the posters to the maids.

“But he’s more handsome than this,” I pointed out. “His nose is small, lips full, thin but long eyelashes, defined jaws, and a slim body. This picture looks pale in comparison.”

Rudina laughed. “Aren’t you a maiden in love? But, what is your dream, Letitia?”

“Huh?” I pondered on the question. “Living with my mongrel?”

“What do you want to become?” she asked again. “Your crush won’t feed you. You will need something to hold on to when all the flames of attraction die down. Rudolf realizes this better than you think, Letitia. You are young, so your flings might be appealing to you, but you will change as you age. And so will the things within you. I liked multiple noble men in my younger days,” she smiled, “but I ended up marrying a dissimilar man altogether.”

“But I am different, Rudina,” I said, too harshly. “I will never look at other men!”

“Then again,” she ruffled my head. “You need a dream, Letitia. Something different from attraction. You don’t need to hurry. Just think about it at leisurely. I,” she stuttered and looked down, concealing melancholy, “just wanted to raise my child. Because that made me happy. But the dream was crushed. I have nothing left now except for my family. It keeps me going through hard times. Even in the gallows, Volch protected us. So did Casey. The family has become an irreplaceable part of me, my new dream; to strive for my family and Volch.”

I didn’t prod any further. I knew her child had been killed before her eyes under the royal family’s order. I clenched my fist and decided to take vengeance for Rudina, too, should the day ever come.

As for my dream, I pushed the thought to the back of my mind. I would think about it later because I had too many problems in my head. Stuff about commendation letter and meeting my mongrel’s insatiable demand for bread with broken accounts. And making Rudolf succumb to my advances took more effort than I ever imagined.