I was nervous. And that was bad because my nervousness often cost me too much.

During one of my attempts to attract the freaky redhead’s attention in a ball, I had poured a glass of wine on my favorite gown thanks to my nervousness. Not mine, for I was too young to drink. In my first year, I had almost failed the hand-to-hand combat course terribly because I was damn nervous. Moreover, I often blushed around my mongrel because I was fucking embarrassed, which was no different from nervousness.

So, I was debating whether to invite my mongrel to the fourth floor. He was a plain man from every angle, but my crazy heart failed to pace down when he moved too close. At least since the last time I had kissed him and seen that blush on his face.

I glared at the noble boy who had reeled closer to me, and he scuttled away to the other end of the corridor. Beth and Casey had abandoned me because their damned names didn’t have ‘L’ in them. What a pathetic reason, but one that I couldn’t even refute!

So, that takes me back to my first thought. I was nervous and alone, and both never walked hand in hand.

I gazed at the hazy black eye with grotesque red veins deeply before deciding to call him to the corridor.

“Mongrel, can you come up?” I glared at the eye, holding a hand over my chest. “I’ll take responsibility, so don’t worry about the mages.”

The eye bobbed and swirled around my head before disappearing. My mongrel had explained the logic behind the pseudo-summoning spells that didn’t require blood sacrifice. The mages abstained from conferring a consciousness of their own to the materialized beings, so they were more like puppets than actual summons. Though alive, they didn’t have the ability to go out of control should the mage lose their control over the summons. I didn’t really need any summoning spells, for I had a mongrel with me, but I couldn’t wait to try out [Ice Wraith], the strongest summoning spell. The success might earn me a pat or a kiss in the best-case scenario. I pushed down the blush creeping up at the thought and turned around to gaze at the capital in the distance.

The winters were chilly as always because Rudolf always complained about the midwinters that became excruciatingly cold for commoners. The coasts were often warmer, or so he claimed, but I hadn’t visited any to attest to his words. Sailing in the vast sea was my immediate dream for now because I would love to see fish in their homes. Trapped fishes, though colorful, didn’t have the same kind of beauty as lively ones, free to roam around in the vast expanse of blues. Dolphins, Whales, Bueurs, Carsans; all the large fishes were never sold in the capital, so I had seen them only in the Academy library. For everything, I needed to clear the exam, which only increased my nervousness, and my troublesome shoes didn’t rest serenely anymore.

My progression through mage ranks had been smooth since I started to grasp the essence of external casting. I had ingrained the steps in my mind instead of doing everything instinctually after reading my mana assimilation notes every damn morning. Feel the mana striking every pore of my body, start channelizing it to a long continuous stream once you absorb the particles, and let it circulate opposite the bloodstream so that it doesn’t reach the internal reserve close to the heart.

The internal reserve was probably fictitious because marred human bodies never really gave us any clues regarding the existence of the mana reserve. But it was an undisputed fact that the swirling mass of pure channelized mana around the heart was the internal reserve because all internal casters could feel it.

For me, all I could feel was the abhorrent opposition to the flow of the mana within my body by the bloodstream. So, a portion of lazy streams always went with the blood and started circulating in my internal reserve, which was impure in nature, and hence my sweaty body. Or at least that’s how I theorized everything after my mongrel had given me subtle hints using his bread analogies.

Rudolf never really explained the facts, so getting the counter-current flow of mana right was the most challenging part of the external casting. Or it still is because mastering the effortless flow of channelized mana was a really steep hill to climb. I lacked channelizing expertise, so it was harder for me than Beth and Casey. But I would do it, for I had to grow stronger to stand beside my mongrel. Or to tie him down to my bed in the future, should he try to leave.

What began as my obsession with him had matured into a strong urge to progress every day, and my serious training was about to get tested. Nervousness should be damn obvious.

I glanced at the corridor filled with my classmates sprawled in groups. Some alone like me didn’t escape my gaze. At least for now. Beth and Casey were standing outside the Placa hall that was no different from other classrooms at first glance. I hadn’t visited it. So, that accounted for additional uncertainty.

I supported my elbow on the window sill and placed my chin on my palms, watching the commuters devoid of haste. I never really understood the thick clothing they wore, but it was just my natural affinity to cold helping me out. Rudolf called it passive ability, but it was more like an inherent trait due to my attribute. I hadn’t honed the ability, but it got refined over the years. Passive ability didn’t quite sound right, but if my mongrel could learn it after a few years of practice, then inherent ability sounded obnoxious.

I watched Rudolf’s tall silhouette stumble out of the stairs, and I tried to prevent the relief washing over me from showing on my face. I waved my hand and called him closer. He was tall, and I hardly reached his chin, but it only made his protective embrace more soothing. I wanted to snuggle closer to him, run my hands in his hair, but these past days I had learned to control my fucking urges.

“He needs to crave for you, Leti,” Beth had said with a grin.

Though, I doubted this bastard ever craved for anything other than bread. And slaughter. I don’t know how I felt about the latter, but I couldn’t imagine a life without my mongrel. That much was obvious, so it didn’t really matter how many bodies I watched in my wake.

“Took you long enough, mongrel,” I said, mindful of the stares but put on a dismissive front. I wanted to see how others looked at us, but my mongrel’s attire didn’t help much in that aspect. He was here as my servant, and not as my… my… forget it!

He waved at Casey and Beth, and I pulled his hand. Look at me, bastard! I tried to convey the words with my eyes alone, but the eyes didn’t talk.

“Are you nervous, my lady?” he asked. His third eye reappeared and rested on my shoulder, which helped me calm down marginally. It felt natural, just like my shoulders.

I scowled at him, but my gaze softened involuntarily, and I moved closer to him with a parched throat. I hated how much control this bastard had on my body.

He rested his forearms on the sill and let his palms feel the cold wind. Gloves masked those pretty hands, so they were relatively safe in the enclosure. I loved his long, slender hands that made me feel safe, and I loved the tingling sensation in my body when he ran his fingers over my tangled hair every morning. They were tainted with the blood of probably millions of people, and I didn’t really know how my mother would feel about it. She was my only key to sanity, and Rudolf knew it better than me. I wasn’t going to abandon her, despite my apparent obsession over my mongrel.

“Letitia,” I heard Gladiata’s voice behind me. “And Rudolf?”

I had to exert every effort not to kick him out of here. I didn’t like this bitch. But I absolutely detested the fact that she was about to stare at Rudolf. Maybe I should cover his face with a mask. Then again, that would be a loss to me because he followed me every day with the usual content smile that showed no signs of waning. I wonder why everyone feared it, though.

“Don’t call my mongrel’s name! And it’s lady Letitia for you!” I snickered. Why was this bitch acting all familiar with Rudolf?!

“Please treat him better. He’s your faithful friend, after all,” Gladiata said with a noble expression, and I clenched my fists. “Servants who serve their masters willingly deserve to be recognized for their hard work, lady Letitia.”

This bitch!

“Lady Gladiata,” my mongrel called out, and I glared at him, for he had called her by her name. If it wasn’t for the lady in his address, I would have personally stabbed his thighs. “I don’t need you to mind my wellbeing. My lady treats me much better than you ever could treat a stranger. So, please, refrain from talking against my lady.”

My glare instantly disappeared, and I felt heat rushing up my cheeks. I squeezed his hand behind his back and decided to bite his neck later. Beth called it ‘hickey’, but I did not really understand the significance. Nevertheless, I liked my mark on Rudolf because he belonged to me.

Gladiata started at my mongrel with a tender gaze, and I clicked my tongue. “Why are you here, bitch?”

“I just wanted to know how you were doing,” Gladiata said, her eyes moving between the two of us. “The Marquis and your fiancé died one after the other, and people have started calling you cursed. I was really worried about you, lady Letitia.”

I didn’t know if this bitch was being pretentious to attract the attention of her men, but I hated unwarranted kindness.

“Thank you,” I smiled at her, maintaining my noble decorum. “But I’m glad both of them died a painful death.”

“Letitia!” the bitch shouted, and we earned glances from everyone around us. “How could be so heartless?!”

She looked at my mongrel for confirmation, and she got none. He is mine, bitch, so dream on!

“Just because you have a loving family, don’t assume everyone is lucky enough to have that. And don’t stare at my mongrel! I’ll gouge out those eyes,” I said in annoyance.

Elert dropped by and dragged her away, hiding her pained expression in his bosom. I didn’t like either of them, so it was good that they were sticking together because that way, I didn’t have to go out of my way to hate others.

I smiled at my mongrel before turning to face the capital. “It feels good to know that you are immune to charms of other women.”

“Not other women, my lady, all women,” he grinned and punched him softly, resisting the smile on my face. I would become a splendid woman and seduce this undead. It was much easier than becoming an immortal myself. And I didn’t intend to break my mongrel’s vows. Just like how he never forced me to do anything I detested. Despite his ostensible machinations.

I stared at the fading crowd with much easiness and held my mongrel’s tailcoat. “Damn it! Why the hell am I nervous, Rudolf?!”

He patted my head. “You see, humans–“

“Ah, stop it!” I slapped his hand away. “I should know better than to ask undead.”

He laughed. “You’ll do fine, my lady. [Darkness] might force you to face some of your most dreadful fears, but it’s just an illusion. Your fears will never manifest as long as you have me around you, my lady.”

“Are you professing your love, my mongrel?” I raised my lips.

“I’m not, my lady,” he denied almost immediately. There was no hesitance either.

“It wouldn’t hurt to lie at times like these,” I pouted, something I could never imagine myself doing before. I didn’t really know if I had changed for the better.

“We undead don’t lie,” he said, and a mage outside the Placa hall called out my name.

“Wish me luck,” my palms felt sweaty as I tried to smile at him before ambling in the direction of the hall.

“Good luck, Letitia,” I heard his soothing voice behind me, and my worries melted with it because I knew my mongrel would wait for me downstairs.