I woke up in the middle of the sea. Yes you heard me right THE SEA. Mr Shinigami didn’t even bother checking where he dropped me off. I desperately swam to the water’s surface, it was surprisingly easy. It only took me a few kicks and I basically flew out of the water. Wait I am flying!

I was hovering just above the water’s surface. It was raining so heavily I couldn’t see in front of me. Before I started panicking I tried to see what changes I had undergone.

I could remember my past but not in detail. I cannot remember my name. I remember the sleazy Shinigami gave me some new powers for this world.

That’s when I noticed that my body was as white as ivory. Oh I have aaaaaabbs now. All it took for me to get a six pack was death. Wait there’s a WHOLE IN MY CHEST! But I’m still alive so whatever. I have some cool looking tattoo lines running along my chest as well. My wrists, ankles and collar seemed to have some sort of red fur growing from them. I also saw that I now had long orange hair.

When I tried to feel my face I realised that I was wearing a mask with two badass horns coming from the sides. This feeling was strange; the mask was heavy but felt as though it should be there. With this skull mask on I felt safe. I felt whole. This was funny because I had a huge hole in the middle of my chest. I wonder if that means I’m “HOLLOW”.

[Cough][Cough] I felt a chill run down my spine. No wonder why all I was wearing was a torn black kimono. Still something felt out of place. I instinctively stretched my right hand in front of me with my palm open wide. What am I waiting for… suddenly I felt it.

The sea parted into two opposite directions as a pitch black sword erupted from the sea. This sword and my mask where connected, two half’s to a whole, I don’t know why but I knew both where a part of me. The sword flew into my hand and I felt a wave of power hit me. Now that I got a closer look I saw the sword was a pitch black katana.

Now that I felt complete I decided to head towards a random direction. After 15 minutes of flying at a slow pace I could see a city in the distance but before I could make out any details I was shot out the sky.

I managed to control myself before I hit the water. When I looked up I saw a beautiful purple haired cos play girl wearing a cheap angel costume with wings made of paper. Beside her stood 6 orange haired men with purple onion ring eyes (okay one of the men was bald).they all wore black robes with a red cloud insignia and stood in a strange formation.

“Shit please don’t tell me orange hair is common in this world, o wanted to be a unique protagonist!” I cried cursing the Shinigami who sent me here.to make matters worse judging from the size of my opponents I have been reincarnated as a child. Well I should have noticed how short my limbs where and how large my sword was compared to my body….okay I knew I was a child but let me live in denial PLEASE!

“Pain you were correct this child has the chakra level of a tailed beast” the hot Goth chick said to one of the men.

The orange haired punk with badass piercings in the front of the formation replied “yes he must be a secret weapon sent by our enemies”

For some reason I could feel my opponents energy, the only way I could describe it was spiritual pressure. Konans spiritual pressure wasn’t much to look at compared to me but I still sensed danger from her. The real problem was the six man team to her left. They all had immense spiritual pressure rivalling mine, but what scared me was the fact that their energy was being transmitted from somewhere, these where probably puppets or clones. I decided to try my luck by baiting a response from them.

“Huh all six of you are called Pain, that’s just bad writing” I replied unimpressed

“Konan our enemy seems to be tracing my chakra! Do not let his foolish words distract you, let us show him true PAIN” Pain said ominously

“I’m no one’s enemy dammit! But if we must fight get ready for an ass kicking” I replied and then added “BAN-KAI!”

I don’t know why I said the last part but if just felt good saying it.

*AUTHORS NOTE*[bleach fans please don’t kill me. I know that the main character is already using bankai, but who can resist starting a fight without such a beautiful word]

The next ten minutes can only be described as painful.

I flew painfully slow towards Konan who seemed to be a speeding bullet compared to me. Her not so cheap cos play wings shot paper explosives that blew me out of the air with ease. “Instead of blowing me out of the air maybe you could blow me” I tried my best to trash talk her into flying in my direction.

Sadly my words only served to piss off the six Pains’ who started running in my direction. The thin (Ningendō) Pain with long hair grabbed by arm and I felt as though my soul was leaving my body. I could see a transparent outline of my soul as he pulled it out of me, [so that’s what I look like, scary], but to my surprise it started moving on its own and punched pain off of me. Before my soul returned to my body it roared and fired of a red laser from between it horns towards pain.

[Shit I’ve got to learn to do that!] Sadly another pain jumped forward and absorbed my attack. I had to comment “I call bullshit! How many powers do you guys have and why are they all so convenient!”[Didn’t the Shinigami say I would be on the same level or stronger than the people on this planet, why does it feel like I’m destined to be cannon fodder or fertilizer for a protagonist’s growth?]

While I was complaining the bald Pain fired a missile at me which exploded with enough force to send me spiralling back into the sea.

When I resurfaced I shouted “why do you guys use so many damn explosives, I hate explosives!”

Konan then replied “we should have brought Deidra along to take care of this mini pervert”

“Wait I’m not a pervert, I said that stuff to throw you off your game, you know trash talk” I said defending myself

“Of course trash talk’s trash” she replied and sent a few more air blasts my way.

“Konan that doesn’t make any sense “Pain uncharacteristically pointed out “you should have said trash talk is for trash”

Honestly I wish I had instructions on how to use my power I felt helpless. Even my enemies had time to joke around while they kicked my ass. The serious mood Konan and Pain had at the beginning of the fight had dissipated as they realised how weak I was.

Pain (Tendo) closed the distance between us and slammed me in my face with an invisible force while shouting out “Shinra Tensei!” the force was hard enough that my mask disintegrated. With the mask gone I felt almost all my power leave me.

I began to cry “first I died and found myself in the ocean and now I’m going to get killed by overpowered cos players why!”[Waah][WAAAAH]

Konan and Pain stopped when they saw me crying. Konan was shocked to see my real face “Nagato, he is a child?” she asked confused.

I wondered who was Nagato but I let it go because I noticed their hesitation and decided that if I’m going to survive I have to act like a weak willed brat, if they ask why I’m so overpowered I’ll just say that I’m a runaway lab experiment. Even if my lie seems weak I have to try, after all nothing ventured nothing gained!

“Child where are you from” Konan asked

“I don’t know all I remember are labs” I replied as cutely as I could [but for some reason I really couldn’t remember where I was from. I tried remembering my past life or even my own name but nothing came up]

“Do you know who your parents are” Pain asked

“I don’t remember anything but except being in the water and some men in white lab coats” I sniffed after replying

“He must have been a runaway experiment” Pain said.

What! They actually believe me. Ok stay calm let them make up their own story to make sense of this situation.

“I mean look at him he is white as paper, he must be one of Orochimaru's experiments” Pain reasoned

“Then why is his chakra so high” Konan asked

“I heard Orochimaru has part of the 8 tails horn he must have found a way to combine its vitality to a future potential clone body” Pain said with confidence

Konan agreed “that would explain the horns”

Oy oy oy. Are these guys normal? No they are way too gullible. From the moment they saw my real face they stopped attacking and believed whatever sob story I told them. Wait I didn’t even have to tell them a story they made one up for me.

“Young one from today onwards you will be a junior member of Akatsuki!” all seven of them said in unison

I just hope I haven’t been invited into something troublesome.