《Art of Mortality》Chapter 44: Edward's Feelings
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Edward was so tired that he was feeling sleepy. He didn't force himself to stay awake. He fell asleep while sitting in meditation. His mind dived deep into an abyss.
While in his sleep, he could feel a kind of soothing energy flowing inside his body, calming his body and mind, recovering his lost strength and removing his tiredness.
"What is this green energy? It's so refreshing!", he exclaimed in his sleep. It all felt like dream.
More and more energy kept flowing inside him. Slowly, it restored his stamina, recovered his physical essence, and pushed up his cultivation. Every second, he felt stronger and stronger. In aq dream-like state, he focused on the source of this vital energy. it was the Seed of Origin Life.
As the energy kept refreshing his mind and body, recovering his strength and stamina, Edward lost himself in deep sleep.
After about two hours, Edward woke up, fully refreshed.
Robert also snapped out of his meditation, looking at Edward in shock.
"You've recovered already? So fast! How did you do that?",Robert asked. But before he could finish his questions, he was shocked once again.
"Wait. What? You've even broken through to the Second Level of the Shell Shattering realm.", Robert jumped in shock. He remembered Edward reaching the Shell Shattering realm a few days ago. And now, he had reached the second level of the realm already.
"I guess it was with the help of the Seed of Origin Life.", Edward said after pondering a bit.
"Seed of Origin Life?", Robert wondered.
"A gift from my past life. I got in the Lake of Tears while you were unconscious. Although I haven't recovered all the memories from my past life, from what I can remember, the seed of origin life has literally Infinite Lifeforce. If the user is powerful enough to use its true power, it can heal any kind of wounds or recover from any kind of illness. At its true power, It can bring every single dead creature of the world back to life, humans, or any beings. It can even give life to lifeless objects. It has also the power to manipulate the cycle of reincarnation to make someone reincarnate whenever and however they want."
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"What the hell? Do you really have something like this? That's crazy!", Robert was astonished.
"It's not crazy. It just tells how powerful the First Paragon was. He wasn't called the Paragon of Life for nothing.", Edward said calmly.
"Man, how can you be so calm saying this? That was you! You were the First Paragon, you were that powerful!", Robert shouted in excitement.
"It's no big deal. Though he was the First Paragon, so what? He failed, I failed, to fulfill my goals in that life. I failed to protect my loved ones. They all died one by one. Even though I gained strength at the and, at what cost? What good will strength do when you have no one to care for, no one to protect with that strength? And now, here I am, reincarnated with regrets, walking on the same path, and on top of that, I am just a weak mortal. Currently, I'm over 17 years old. I'm only in the Shell Shattering realm. Julian, Snow's fiance, wasn't even 20 when I saw him. Do you know what realm he was in? The Heavenly Wisdom Realm! Freaking Heavenly Wisdom Realm! Do you see the gap? Not even any of the paragons managed to reach the Heavenly Wisdom realm at such a young age. Do you see his talent? Do you see high up he is? That's what I'm supposed to overcome. Not only that, but I could also feel his inborn aura when we met, and I could tell he was not lacking in quality either. It wasn't like he somehow rushed to that level, his foundation was strong and he was a full-fledged Heavenly Wisdom realm cultivator. Now tell me, how do I surpass that? Do you think me being the First Paragon in my previous life can turn the table here? He is someone who is worthy to become a paragon in this life, and the best of them all. How do I beat someone like that? Should I just back off? But will my feelings for Snow let me back off? No. And above that, my pride will never let me back off. If I just forget about her and leave her be, just to avoid facing Julian in battle, I can never show my face to her again. I won't even be able to look at myself. My pride will shatter, and it will haunt my heart forever. No matter how much I train, how hard I cultivate, to Snow, to myself, I would forever be a loser, forever! If that happens, then what kind of paragon am I?", Edward burst out in self-ridicule while speaking. He wanted to cry but he couldn't. All he could do was believe in himself, and move forward. Finally, when he meets Snow again, whether he can stand side by side with her or not, only time will tell.
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"Haa. I guess I can never truly understand your burdens. Unlike you, I am not burdened with such a challenge. My only challenge is myself. I aspire to surpass myself again and again as I reach the peak of martial arts. Even if I become the strongest, I will still aspire to become stronger then my current strength.", Robert said with a sigh.
"I wish I could say the same. Well, I could, but only after I am done with Julian.", Edward also sighed.
"Do you hate him?", Robert asked.
"I can't say. It's complicated. I understand that he is someone more worthy to be with Snow. I have nothing against him, and chasing Snow, I am like the monkey trying to catch the moon, and Julian on the other hand is in his rightful place. I could tell that he is not a bad person, and he truly cares for Snow, so I have no right to hate him. To be more honest, I think I envy him. I envy him for being more talented than me. I envy him for being born in a better place. I envy him for being older than me, for being able to start cultivating before me. I can't help but think that for someone with his talents, no matter how much I cultivate, no matter how far I progress, he will still be one step ahead, because he is not lacking in talent or resource or background. On top of that, he started cultivating long before me, and he is also older than me. So, in the end, he is still far ahead. That's why I hate him. At the same time, I also hate myself. I hate myself for being so powerless, I help myself for being poor, for being someone with no background, for having no resources. Being a paragon in the past life may put me above all others, but I still can't see myself surpassing Julian. That's why I hate myself, I hate myself for being so pathetic that I have to envy another man for being better than me.", Edward said all these words with regrets. This was his innermost feelings.
"If I were you, I wouldn't envy him. I would only work upon myself, and let things flow as they are supposed to flow. I would do my best and face him. If he still turns out to be the better man in the end, then I would let go of Snow. If I still stay obsessed and push things further, I would really become pathetic.", Robert said.
"I can't help but be pathetic. I can't help but be envious. I can't let go. I am indeed too obsessed. Maybe I am a lowly mortal after all. Pride, wrath, envy, lust, they are all in my nature.", Edward said letting out a heavy breath.
"Well, I can't say. Maybe I don't understand because I am not in your place, but I understand this pathetic side of yours. I might have a family with a martial arts background, but in the grand stage, they are nothing and we all who are born in such tiny backwater country are just mere mortal after all.", Robert said with a sigh.
"Anyway, let's continue our journey. Who knows what else will come out of the forest?", Robert said to change the topic.
"Yeah. You're right. Let's move forward. For now, that's all we can do.", Edward nodded.
The environment was turning gloomy, so in order to lighten things up, they changed the topic as they walked deeper into the forest.
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