Chapter 3 – ‘Freddy Krueger is Among Us.’

Unhinging his jaws to give a big yawn, his throbbing head having cost him a night of sleep, Kuno sat on a park bench with Donovan, waiting for his other classmates. ‘So, what are they like?’ Kuno asked.

Donovan dug in his chest pocket, grabbing two pieces of gum, offering one to Kuno. He accepted, after which Donovan said: ‘They’re a handful, like yourself. I just recently got promoted, allowing me to teach, so I got the weakest group.’

Kuno put the piece of gum in his mouth and rubbed his eyes. ‘Don’t have to rub it in… Us F-tiers have feelings too.’

‘You’re the only F-tier,’ he said, to which Kuno replied: ‘I quit,’ trying to walk away, only to be stopped by Donovan grabbing his collar.

‘Sit down. You’re an F-tier for now. Develop your ability and you’ll rise in the ranks,’ he said. ‘Open up your EMA.’

Donovan scooted closer to Kuno, who stared at his EMA screen. He pointed, ‘look, it says level 1.’

The Level N/A Kuno had seen before had changed to 1, causing him to smile. ‘Transparent progress, is there a more beautiful thing?’ he thought.

‘Leveling in Terra Two is a bit abstract,’ Donovan explained. ‘You’re free to discover your capabilities and limits. Depending on your own progress, your level rises. When I developed my Blood Blade, I rose three levels at once.’

Kuno’s brows rose as he turned to Donovan. ‘Very interesting.’

‘The tiers are different, though. After the initial assessment, the Order decides if you rise in the ranks or not.’

‘Well, that sucks,’ Kuno replied. ‘Do I have to be all buddy-buddy with them to get a higher grade? I’ve kissed plenty of asses in my early MMORPG days, so I can’t say I’m not experienced.’

He chuckled. ‘They’re pretty strict. We’re forced mercenaries to fight in their war, after all. Let me give you a tip: The order values offensive capabilities more than defensive, since they don’t really care all that much if we survive or not. After that comes defensive capabilities able to protect their own people. At the bottom is your own survival. The fart you produced yesterday repelled you forward, but since it doesn’t really do any direct damage, nor protects anyone from danger, apart from yourself maybe, it got graded as an F.’

Kuno nodded his head. ‘I see, I see. I also prefer damage.’

From their left, the silhouette of a person approached.

‘Try to be serious about this… I’ve seen a lot of people die already. This isn’t one of your games. Today’s quest is meant for beginners, but even beginner quests have a 27% death rate in Terra Two…’

Donovan expected him to make a confident remark, but Kuno didn’t speak. He just stared at the tree in front of him, listening to the silence of this grassy park. He looked down at the shell road they’d walked over to get here. ‘Hardcore mode…' he thought. ‘I know so little… the potential to get instagibbed is high…’

‘Morning, Sammy,’ Donovan said.

Kuno turned to his left, seeing a skinny white girl with wavy, light brown hair standing next to the bench. Kuno was skinny himself, but not at the level that she was. Her cheek bones were well defined, and the shape of her mouth muscles could be seen due to her sucked-in cheeks. She wore a patchwork summer dress, as if she made the whole thing out of small pieces of cloth, although the color was the same for every piece.

She gave a quiet: ‘Hi,’ and sat on the corner of the bench, putting her bony fingers on her knees.

‘Hey, I’m Kuno,’ he said, waving from the other side of the bench. She looked at him and gave a quick nod before turning away again.

‘I got a reaction. Fuck yeah!’ Kuno thought, used to ignorance from girls other than family.

After an awkward minute of silence, Donovan asked: ‘He’s late… Do you know where Walter is?’

‘No, who’s Walter?’ Kuno asked.

‘I was talking to Sammy…’

Sammy shook her head, barely audibly saying: ‘Only ever see him with you.’

An hour later, with the vein on Donovan’s temple growing each minute, Walter arrived. Not a hint of hurry in his step, he walked up to the group and gave Donovan a death stare. ‘Don,’ he said.

‘Walt, you’re late.’

‘Hey, I’m Kuno,’ Kuno said, seeing the spiky-haired blonde guy, about his age, maybe a bit older. ‘Definitely listens to punk. Most likely hates his father. Probably sucks at Smash Brethren.’

Walt put his hands in his pockets. ‘Well, I’m here. Let’s get going.’

Don stood up, prompting Kuno and Sammy to do so as well. ‘Now that Walter’s here, we can start our quest.’

‘Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. What are we gonna do? Kill boars? Collect herbs? It’s been a long time since I’ve done those types of quests, feels nostalgic.’

Kuno felt Walt’s stare burn a hole in his temple. ‘Great, we got a clown in the party…’

‘I’m sorry, Kuno. It won’t be a picnic,’ Don said. ‘A small village in the South-East has been attacked by the Soji Empire. We’re going to free them. I’m sending the quest to you EMA.’

Kuno’s EMA popped up:

Quest! Difficulty: Beginner.

Free the Vermillion Village by any means necessary. Enemies: 15 Hogmen. Survival rate: ~16%. Success rate: ~1%

‘Oi… teach, it says the survival rate is 16%. D-Didn’t you say the death rate would be 27… shouldn’t it be a 73% survival rate or am I tripping?’ Kuno said.

‘You gotta be joking… You’re a fucking F tier?’ Walt said, looking at Kuno with a disgusted look.

‘Ease it, Walt. I’m not surprised you didn’t read Kuno’s file I sent you…’ Don said. ‘Kuno, the survival rate is based on your own rank. You’re an F tier. If you would take on this quest by yourself, you’d most likely die. But you have us, so the survival rate rises.’

Kuno held his chest, breathing out a sigh of relief. ‘Thank God. What rank are you guys, anyway?’ He looked at all the members, ending at Sammy.

‘D+ tier,’ Sammy said.

‘C+,’ Walt said.

‘Alright, didn’t know there were plusses. Impressive,’ Kuno said, thinking: ‘This jerk is more than 3 tiers higher than me!? At least he’ll help me level…’

‘There’s the TelePole,’ Don said, pointing at a lollipop shaped pole in the distance. ‘It’ll bring us a walking distance away from Vermillion Village.’

‘Sweet,’ Kuno said, looking down at the densely woven brown moccasins he’d been given. ‘These are fucking comfortable,’ he said out loud. ‘Must’ve been made by a podiatrist.’ He looked at the feet of Walt and Sammy, noticing boots with iron spikes on them. ‘I’m not surprised Walt is wearing those, but why Sammy… a summer dress with iron spiked boots?’

‘Are those boots for combat?’ Kuno quickly asked.

‘Mhmm,’ Sammy hummed.

He turned to Don as they almost reached the TelePole. ‘Can I have boots like that?’

‘Hah,’ Don laughed. ‘The more you do for the Order, the more rewards you’ll get. Try to prove yourself on this quest, kid.’

‘Pffffff,’ Kuno blew through his closed lips, unintentionally spraying spit on Don’s back. ‘Watch me, teach. I was a top student back on Earth.’

‘Yeah, right, a loser like you?’ Walt said.

Kuno frowned, putting his hand on Walt’s shoulder. ‘Would a loser have an average of 83% win-rate in every competitive game he plays?’

Walt smacked his hand away. ‘Yes, actually. And you better have a 100% win-rate here. One hit and it can all be over, dork.’

They arrived at the pole. ‘Hold my blazer,’ Don said, putting his hand on the silver color pole with a giant blue sphere on the top, flashing between blue and green light every two seconds.’

All of them took a hold of his blazer.

‘Hey, teach. You never told me your rank?’ Kuno said.

When Don answered, Kuno got chills through his entire body. Equal to that one time, he met the rank one arena player on his World of Grand Theft server, back when he wasn’t the number one yet.

‘A+.’

When they arrived, next to a TelePole in what seemed to be a forest, Kuno didn’t know what was going on. He heard grunts, followed by two deep oinks. He looked to his left, seeing Sammy run away.

‘Walt!’ Don shouted. ‘Two o’clock,’ as he bit his finger, shouting: ‘Blood Blade!’

Kuno turned to the right, only now seeing there were two gigantic hogs, standing on two legs with robotic arms. It seemed like one had pulled out a device. Walt swiftly extended his right arm. Kuno saw something fly towards the device in the hogman’s hand, crashing into it and having it fall out of the beast’s hand.

Seeing red to his left, he wanted to look towards it, but something grabbed him from behind, lifting him high. ‘Hey! Hey, what the-!?’ He looked down, seeing a hogman beneath him, saliva dripping from his tusks.

Unsure if it was on purpose or out of pure fear, Kuno ripped a fart, propelling him towards the right. He slipped out of the Hogman’s hands, but as his body rolled down on the dirt, he hit a tree, sending a sharp pain through all his limbs as the air out of his lungs got forced out of his body, and the piece of gum Don gave him flew out.

His ears were ringing and his vision got blurry. He saw the silhouette of the hogman approach him, drawing a scimitar from his belt. From behind him, he saw Don and Walt in combat against the other hogmen.

‘Move, kid!’ Don shouted, blocking a scimitar strike from a hogman.

‘H-Huh?’ Kuno said, focusing on the Hogman towering over him, whose blade was on its way down to slash him in half.

Kuno quickly lifted his left butt cheek and farted, shooting himself farther to the right. This time, he adjusted his body mid air, extending his legs to the right to absorb the blow as he hit a tree again. ‘Holy fuck, are we getting ambushed!? They were waiting for us!’ Kuno said.

‘No shit, Sherlock!’ Walt shouted from his right, having his back turned to Kuno.

The hogman began running towards Kuno again. Kuno thought he had time until the Hogman spoke: ‘Flash Dash!’ in a phlegm-filled tone.

‘T-They can speak!?’ Kuno said, a fraction of a second before the hogman appeared in front of him, crashing his shoulder into his chest. Simultaneously, Kuno farted again, just in time to avoid him being squished between the tree and hogman. The hogman swung his sword after Kuno, but missed by just an inch. Kuno vomited up a splash of stomach acid in mid air, crashing into another tree.

‘Stop…’ he uttered with the hogman running towards him again. The hogman didn’t want to stop, but was made to.

‘Crimson Dash!’ Don said, appearing behind the hogman, who knew his end was nigh. In one swift strike, Don chopped his head off. It dropped down, gushing blood, rolling up to Kuno, who lay there beaten and bruised.

Walt ran up to Don. ‘Three down, twelve to go.’

Kuno saw Walt’s hands. His nails had grown 22 inches, completely covered in blood.

‘Nails… How fitting of this nightmare…’ Kuno thought, getting helped up by Don.

‘Sorry, kid… didn’t expect them to be waiting for us, but we stopped them from contacting the others,’ he said. ‘Come on out, Sammy!’ he shouted, with Sammy appearing from a bush shortly after, completely unscathed.

‘He farts?’ Walt asked Don.

‘He’s supposed to shit as well,’ Don replied. ‘I’m glad you’re still alive, but this is just the beginning. I’d advise you to take your pants off, before it gets in the way.’

‘Everything is happening so fast,’ Kuno thought. He put his pants off and tied them around his waist. When he lifted his head, he saw Don and Walt walking away, a pool of blood beneath them. Both of them slashed the air as the blood on their weapons shot to each side. Kuno saw the entire back of Don’s blazer had turned dark, with blood dripping from his waist. ‘It must’ve been that spell he just did,’ he thought.

‘That guy Walt is strong… How is he in the weakest group?’ Kuno whispered to himself, cracking his back. ‘No nerve damage, luckily.’

Sammy glanced over towards Kuno, seeing his naked bottom half and quickly turning away, running after the other two with a blushed face.

‘This is getting exciting…’ Kuno thought, farting after them.