《A Boy’s Simple Ambition》Request for Feedback!
Advertisement
Hello!
First thank you very, very, very much for reading this story. I hope that you have/do enjoy it and that it hasn't been too difficult to follow. This is my first web novel and I have learned a lot over the last 100k words, both about my own skills, web novels in general, and world building. In retrospect it seems this web novel is what could be considered a first or rough draft of a story. While I have tried to mitigate glaring mistakes regarding grammar and spelling I know there are a lot of them and that in its current form this story is faaaar from acceptable.
I had always planned on taking this story from web novel to published (self or, if I was lucky, professionally) book/ebook so I knew I would be going back and doing edits and combining the smaller "chapters" (basically parts) here into longer traditional chapters. While I have started doing the latter I have not begun the editing step. It was during thinking about the edits, recent world building revelations, and being able to better define a few concepts in Nelumexa that I come across a few questions I had hoped you would answer. The fact that I'm also nearing the end of this first arc/story is also playing a major role in this post.
I feel that the story as it is doesn't flow as well as it could and also leaves a lot to be desired about world knowledge that I feel should be in a "beginning book" in a series.
I know there are more people who just read this story than those that comment. To those that have already commented, thank you! To those that have just been reading, also thank you! To both of you, in addition to thank you can I ask that you reply to this post with some answers to my below questions? Or perhaps with questions of your own? Your help would be greatly appreciated!
Advertisement
Would you like to see me post the revised/edited chapters (second draft) on this site as I complete them? As I edit I may make some changes or clarifications, though the overall story would remain the same so I'm not sure if that would just be boring for a reader. Would you be interested in/feel it would be ok/find it exciting if I were to go back and, using the first draft posted here, create a new story that uses a different setting/perspective that provides more information on the world, while highlighting the events of this first/rough draft as examples/story line hooks/plots to provide more clarification?
Again thank you and I hope to hear from some of you! I'll add a poll in case you just want to reply that way :)
Advertisement
- In Serial13 Chapters
The Ruins of Rimnir
The full story can be found at RuinsofRimnir.com/TheAlchemist --- It's hard being the poor kid at a rich suburban school, and Darren Karofski knows that all too well. He's ostracized, alone, and wants nothing more than to help out his struggling family. And he has finally found a way. The Ruins of Rimnir, an advanced, technical marvel of a game which allows players to trade game currency for real world dollars, is the teen's answer. Darren has a plan: go into the game, work hard, and reap the rewards. But it all changes when Darren is the first to find a rare, elite World Perk. And now, everyone is after him. --- Sign up for our mailing list!
8 430 - In Serial17 Chapters
Unlimited Evolution [New]
“If anything can go wrong, it’ll go wrong”—Alex found the truth of this quote the hard way when his Thursday evening was ruined by a blinding golden light. Thrown to war against his wishes, in a world that was not his own, he didn’t even survive the first day. But, death was not his sweet retreat. It was just the beginning. Reborn as an Imp in the hellscape of a dungeon, Alex’s life just got more complicated. In a place where you are food to other monsters and a lump of EXP to humans… survival was nothing but luxury. But Alex will survive. He will squeeze every last bit of potential from his [System] and work his way up the ladder of the food chain until he is strong enough to step out of his prison. The first step to such a lofty goal is to conquer the menace of goblins. Unlimited Evolution narrates the struggles of a young man from earth who gets the short end of the stick even in a different world. After a betrayal that resulted in his death, he wakes as a monster in a dungeon where even his fellow monsters saw him as nothing but food. The story will be a little slow-paced in the beginning and the battles will be calculated, brutal, and short. The litRPG element will be there and the system plays an important role in world-building. I'll try to explore each and every character I introduce as much as I can. Hopefully, I do a good job in that aspect. **I hope you enjoy this book of mine.**
8 608 - In Serial6 Chapters
Infested
In a world where Super human powers are almost guaranteed at birth, one boy was not gifted but rather plagued with the misfortune of the """"Zero Gene"""" case. Punished and tortured by those around him, just because of his mere existence, he uses rage and anguish as a fuel to claim his revenge on those who caused him such pain.*This is my first ever fanfic; if it turns out to be bad, I will delete and try to make a new story**Strong language**Fanfic inspired by venom from marvel*
8 89 - In Serial19 Chapters
Ronin: The Dark Huntsman (An Isekai Progression LitRPG)
Chains of ice, the crown of kings,Evil shall emerge from the broken wingsBrilliance may lead to downfall, Darkness might bring respite Because not every salvation, Is found within the light —Prophecy of the Blind Sage, Excerpt VII, The Grey Book A pleasant and comfortable life, peace, good-hearted people, and a loving job are things that Rudolph didn't get. Feel pity for him? I hope not. Because he gets something much better. What did he get? Umm, he nearly got drowned upon getting teleported to another world. The twenty-two-year-old software engineer had enough with his life when a mysterious encounter resulted in him teleporting into a world far away. A world under the influence of soul archives, also known as the system to the mundane. His whole life is changed when he is introduced to a world of unlimited possibilities. He gets to explore the whole world and meet new races and befriend people Eat food he had only dreamt of Get a system with class, levels, professions, bloodlines, and whatnot. Fight and kill the monsters, he had only dreamt of. Not enough stakes? How about all of the above while fighting and interacting with gods, evil cults, monstrous beasts, and dragons? The prophecy about the birth of an evil being? And a considerable chance of losing sanity due to his newfound powers? Sounds plausibly dangerous. No? ---------------------------------- Tags: Western Fantasy, Adventure, Action, Progression Fantasy. Release rate: 5 chapters/week The author and the MC aren't Chinese. ----------------------------------- If you feel hating it early on, give it a try nonetheless. Who knows you might fall in love with it. Criticism is highly appreciated. And so are reviews. If you see any mistake, mention it in the comments. It will help me to elevate my work up a notch. I apologize in advance for any typos and grammar issues for I am not a native English speaker.
8 196 - In Serial13 Chapters
Mages of Temberlon: Snippets from Landrea
Prequel to the main Mages of Temberlon story. A side project to try and get me writing again. My goal is to write one snippet every week day until the end of March 2022. Main story (currently on Hiatus): https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/36322/mages-of-temberlon-growing-shadows Discord: https://discord.gg/tsvz8V9
8 172 - In Serial16 Chapters
TOP 15 WATTPAD'S MAFIA MUST READ STORIES
Y'all, bitches. Who doesn't like a hot motherfucking sexy bad boy/man? Or a badass female heroine who can hold her place in a room full of tough men. Yea, I'm talking about the Mafia bosses, whether female or male.Hence, if you appreciate Mafia stories that come along with love, sex, romance and a bit of action. This book is for YOU. It will guide you in picking the best mob stories you could ever dream of.
8 174

