Chapter 5. Part 1.

(POV Chi Kaban)

I was minding my own business in the abyss when all of a sudden a stereotypical event transpired. Someone fell from the sky and landed on top of me. At first I was slightly expectant, I thought a beautiful girl had fallen from the sky, but upon closer inspection they wore clothes intended for males. I felt cheated so I tossed them to the side disinterestedly.

It appeared he was already dead and I had no interest in necrophilia, nor was I gay. I was still troubled over my present situation as a blood bag for this high and mighty vampire progenitor. No matter how I tried over the last month I never even landed a single scratch on her fair white skin, nor did I ever successfully pin that dainty little waist of hers to the ground. Rather the reverse often happened.

She often toyed with me playfully like a cat that had mischievously stalked a mouse as she amused herself with the feeble little resistance I put up. Every day she drained my blood at least twenty times. It’s not that I didn’t put up any resistance, it’s just that with my limited strength I was not her match.

Occasionally she summoned low level monsters in hordes and watched as I was ripped to shreds. I was far weaker than them, but occasionally I somehow managed an occasional kill due to their negligence.

My first kill was sadly only because I was eaten in one piece by a creature with the appearance of a pig. Through a miracle I used brute strength and just barely ripped apart it’s intestines from the inside. I naturally exited from where the sun didn’t shine, covered in it’s disgusting bodily fluids.

When I got out, she was actually repulsed enough that she didn’t want to suck my blood directly. As for her solution to that problem, she lopped my head off and destroyed my body. After it reformed she chopped my head off and destroyed my head.

Suddenly I was as clean as a baby’s bottom, just how she liked before she quickly drained me of all the blood in my body. Was this how an immortal took showers? It was certainly quite the painful way to keep clean.

As I spent an entire day inside that pig-like creature she really had her fill for that meal, not just seconds, but forty more body bag sized servings.

When one considered how my blood regenerated endlessly, it wasn’t too bad, but it wasn’t fun being dominated and played with like this every day. Sure, she was hot. Sure, but, not being able to touch the meal before my eyes was excruciatingly painful as a man.

While I squatted down and examined what I presumed was the body of a dead man, I thought of the devil and she naturally graced me with her almighty presence. She appeared right on time for her meal. Her fangs happily pierced into my neck with arms wrapped around me from behind. As for why she insisted on stirring my desires in such a suggestive manner, perhaps I’ll never know.

She only does things like this when she’s enjoying her meal though. On any other occasion, she treats me like dirt, not letting me touch her for even a moment. She’s really stingy with skinship outside of her meals to the point it’s infuriating.

“By the way Chi Kaban, who’s your guest?”

“My guest? Wouldn’t he be your guest? Isn’t he another sacrifice for you?”

“Now that you mention it, she does feel a bit familiar. Looking closer, I feel like I have actually seen this person before. If I remember correctly, it was probably about five years ago.”

“Considering I didn’t give them any benefits after sending you down, maybe they thought you were insufficient. Ah. Right, right. I remember now, this was the stupid 45th summoned hero that Star Cleaving Sword chose as its master. I wonder what she is doing down here?”

“Wait. She? Isn’t this a guy?”

“Ah that? Well… I made up a random prophecy that the 45th hero would be male, but it turned out they summoned a female instead. They really took those prophecies far too seriously, I usually just flip a coin in boredom when handing out their prophecies. Somehow, I miraculously kept a streak of forty four correct guesses through this method, they probably took that the gender must adhere to the prophecy. Rather than doubting my baloney prophecies they made the female hero crossdress as a male. They were probably also secretly panicking after sending you down here thinking they messed up somehow. When I gave them no blessing or benefit they probably thought the would test the waters by sending down a second sacrifice.”

“Too bad for them I don’t need any more sacrifices in the future now that I have a bottomless blood bag like you.”

“I really don’t appreciate being treated like your food.”

“What else are you then?”

“Your future love interest?”

Suddenly my lower jaw was missing from my face and in the palm of her hand.

“Is it this stupid jaw that doesn’t know how to keep it’s filthy comments to itself?”

Over the last month I had grown accustomed to her tsundere act.

Suddenly I felt a sense of deja vu, I saw my brain held out in front of my eyes.

“Is it this idiot brain that still likes to think moronic thoughts?”

Okay, she’s really just a kuudere.

Two fleshy balls landed in the palm of her hand.

“Are these the balls that have the nerve to label a being at the top of the food chain like me?”

The pain was still there, but I’d become a bit numb to it thanks to my pain resistance stat increasing over the last month. However, this was the one part, my Achilles heel so to speak, that if taken, it sent me to the verge of insanity whenever she crushed it into dust.

“Aaaaaaaggggghhhhh!”

I really thought I’d pass on for a second when the pain caught up with me.

“Haaah. Haaaaaaah. Haaaaaaaaah.”

With three heavy breaths I pleaded for mercy, “can you please just let me off with that?”

“Food does not have the right to lust after the one who eats it.”

Damn it! I want to be eaten, but not as food!

Ugh, whatever. I’m just trying to drown myself in mortal pleasures to forget my situation. I’ve already lived for far too long already after all.

The reason I was given the immortal object ability in this world, I was quite confident I understood why.

The world I came from was certainly not a nice place. I was raised as an experimental test subject, born in the times of Ancient Egypt. It took thousands of years of effort before I was successfully brought into the world through countless experiments. The project began when the first pyramid was built in 2630 BC and lasted right up until the fall of Egypt when Cleopatra the seventh died.

Born shortly after her death, I remained dormant deep within the first pyramid that was built.

Pyramids after the first were all for the sake of more research facilities. On the surface, to the people of Egypt, the pyramids were thought of as the tomb for the pharaohs of those times; however, beneath the surface, they disguised and hid the secrets of a long forgotten civilization that controlled and treated the Ancient Egyptian populace as puppets. Deep beneath the surface, another civilization existed, far more advanced than the Ancient Egyptians. That very same hidden civilization was once referred to as the Ancient Egyptian gods. They were in truth, a technologically advanced civilization that the brainwashed populace worshipped in awe.

The pitiful Egyptians who didn’t know a thing about technology were turned into slaves. They naively built the pyramids that hid countless experimental research facilities deep beneath the surface of the Earth obediently as instructed. The all powerful pharaohs feared by the people were nothing more than lackies used by this technologically advanced civilization that pursued the secrets to immortality. This civilization had already long ago discovered genetics and were working on creating a human whose telomeres could regenerate.

After thousands of years of effort, they had one successful case, which was none other than I, the sole fruit of their unforetold efforts.

Once Ancient Egypt inevitably fell, I infiltrated the Roman empire and took part in many historic events that ranged from when Caesar Augustus became the first Roman Emperor in 27 BC and reintroduced monarchy to Rome. I was also there when the Colosseum was built in 80 AD. I even personally took part in the construction of the Hadrian Wall in 121 AD which kept the barbarians out.

I even experienced first hand the third century crisis where the Roman empire suffered chronic political and military instability between 235 AD and 284 AD. Those were truly turbulent times that I’ll never forget.

I definitely didn’t miss those epic battles when Constantine converted to Christianity in 312 AD. I had a few close shaves and nearly died a few times over in several of those battles. Those times of war left me with a few traumas of my own as I watched the people I knew struck down one by one. I stuck around all the way until the fall of Rome in 476 AD. I sadly witnessed first hand how the last Roman Emperor Romulus Augustus suffered defeat to the German Goth Odoacer.

Thereafter, I lived under the reign of the barbarian king of Italy who was later killed by Theodoric who became the next ruler of Italy.

Eventually I grew wary of life in one place. People inevitably caught onto my unaging nature. It was truly carelessness on my part. Due to my foolishness back then, I was captured and researched by countless individuals that seeked the secrets to greedily stop time for themselves.

As part of one test I was forced together with a woman. They tested if it could be passed down genetically. It was partially successful, the child certainly aged slower and would definitely live a long life, but the king didn’t want a child not of his blood to succeed his position. In cold blood, the child I had together with that woman, whose name I did not know, was ruthlessly butchered right before my eyes. The child hadn’t even reached the age of 5. Needless to say they didn’t test that again.

One day I miraculously escaped from my fate of endless inhumane experimentation. I fled far away from Italy and ventured towards Russian soil where I spent a hundred years before I moved to India and later China. Several hundred years passed by through my never ending journey across the rapidly changing times. I experienced many different eras and customs until one day I eventually arrived in Japan, the land of the rising sun. It was at this point I settled down a bit. I acted as an intermediary between China and Japan.

I typically alternated between the two countries every twenty years. In that manner I kept my existence a secret for quite some time. I naturally changed my identity each time I moved about. With this routine in place, I experienced the chaotic and turbulent times in both countries.

My time ranged from the Tang dynasty to the Qing dynasty in China from 618 AD to 1912 AD, then through the Nara period to the end of the Meiji period in Japan from 710 AD to 1912 AD. I truly went through all sorts of ups and downs. I first arrived in Japan in 710 AD right at the start of the Nara period. From then on I alternated between China and Japan as a trader. In fact in 777 AD I was actually a part of the group that delivered eleven female Japanese dancers from Balhae as tribute to the Chinese Tang dynasty.

Ah, those were rather memorable days when at sea. Good old pirates really knew how to spice up your life. No, but really, it was a disgusting time period. It’s a miracle I survived all the voyages over my extensive sailing career of approximately 1300 years at sea. I may have been unaging, but that did not mean I was immortal like now. If I was slightly careless, I could have easily died back then. It was painful when isolated and alone, but I felt if I killed myself or led a senseless death after everything I’d been through, it was an insult to all the people that desperately tried their hardest and only barely got by in life. That was one of the few motivations that kept me alive through my seemingly unending days.

One of my favorite time periods was definitely the Sengoku period in Japan from 1467 AD to 1600 AD. It was definitely what I would call an interesting time for me. I personally witnessed it all first hand, along with what came afterwards. I must be quite frank, a certain betrayal was thanks to the words I carelessly spoke to a certain individual at Honnō-ji.

For those curious about the secret behind the reason for his so-called betrayal it was actually nothing more than the result of a bunch of drunks rambling. The conversation went something like this.