xx49.07.25 | 22:46 | Still Friday

Kind of sulking. Kind of hiding in the bathroom. Kind of upset with C2. Kind of really angry with Daniel. Kind of guilty at feeling that way.

Let me start at the beginning. After dinner, after Daniel dragged C2 away to his workshop. I went to see what was happening. They were in there, Daniel was showing C2 some of Arthur MBE's new tricks.

C2 was laughing.

I KNOW.

There wasn't even anything funny happening! Just a stupid little robot mouse bumping against C2's hand then running away when she moved it, what's so laughworthy about THAT?

I've never heard C2 laugh before. Nothing I've ever said to her has made her laugh. I barely get smiles from her! She looks really ... really different when she laughs, her face goes all soft, she has a really pretty laugh too, much prettier than mine, I always get all snorty and wheezy, my laugh sucks compared to hers. You could probably describe C2's laugh as 'tinkly', she's got this little giggle to it and it's nice and high and

Argh, this isn't fair. It's not fair that my brother knows all about the stuff that C2 likes, how am I supposed to compete? We all watched a movie after that, the latest Sweet Mystery one, it's one of my very most favourite movie series of all time and I've been saving this new one for weeks because I wanted to share it with C2. What happened? She and Daniel just talked the whole way through. About NOTHING. Nothing I could understand, anyway, going on about auras and phase-shifting and just, I don't know, just SMART stuff. I'm not smart! I can't talk about that stuff without sounding stupid! When I tried to join in Daniel looked at me like I was an idiot and C2 ... C2 looked at the floor and had this little half-smile on her face and I could tell she was embarrassed, she was embarrassed for ME! Because I'm an idiot!

I don't even know how the movie ended, I was so upset by that point. After it was over I went off and had a shower and left the two super-geeks to talk about whatever it was they were going on about, now I've done every single thing it's possible to do re: ablutions and I'm just hiding in the bathroom.

My best friend likes my stupid brother more than she likes me.

He's not stupid.

That's the problem.

ARGGGGGH

xx49.07.25 | 23:11 | Still Friday

I phased out to sneak to my room. Daniel and C2 were still talking. Probably they still are. I'm in bed. I kind of feel like having a cry. Can't blame mood/mind/whatever control this time. My chest hurts too. Not just from the pain of BETRAYAL but from these awful pseudo-bullet wounds. Dr Tsezch said it was like 'internal bruising', which is as horrible and painful as it sounds. It's kind of itchy too, like I can feel these holes through me except there aren't any holes. Not even a mark, I'm looking at my chest and arm now and I can't even

[Entry Timed Out]

xx49.07.26 | 00:16 | Saturday

C2. Has. The. Worst. Possible. Timing.

So I'm sitting there, on my bed, pulling open my pajamas to look at my chest, and she walks in.

SO EMBARRASSING. I was practically naked! And she got embarrassed too, I don't think she even knew I was in there, and of course she's C2 so she gets embarrassed by anything. I won't recount the whole recovering-from-awkward-embarrassment ordeal. It actually wasn't so bad, I mean I even managed to laugh about it a little and C2 did her cute tinysmile thing, and, I mean, at least she wasn't talking to Daniel or something, right?

After we'd gotten over ourselves she went to change into her pajamas—blue with little clouds, cute—and then she came back and got into her bed, I was already in my pajamas—black silk—and for a while neither of us said anything, but it was kind of nice. Not uncomfortable, I mean. Then C2 said:

"Are you uncomfortable?"

And I said, "No. Why, are you?"

And she said, "No."

And then we had some more comfortable silence for a while. Then she spoke again:

"If you were uncomfortable, you would tell me."

It wasn't really a question, it was more like she was confirming what she thought out loud. I replied anyway:

"Of course I would, you know I can't lie."

"But there's a difference between lying and not telling someone something."

I had to think about that. Of course, she's right. Even Mum can omit facts—she's got this honesty curse worse than me, but she's also had it for longer. She's pretty good at getting around it when she has to. I mean, she managed to keep the fact that we live on the moon a secret from me for fifteen years, so, yeah, that's pretty impressive.

"If you're ever worried," I said, after I'd finished thinking about things, "you can just ask me. Ask me anything, I mean, about how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking or ... or anything."

That seemed to make C2 feel a little better. Not that she seemed particularly gloomy or anything, just ... well, you know what I mean.

"I like Daniel."

Yeah, I know. You didn't have to tell me that, C2. It's pretty obvious. I managed to stop myself from actually saying this, though.

"You two have a lot in common." Neutral, factual statements like this are a mainstay for those of us with honesty curses. "It's natural that you'd get along well."

"He's very interesting. And his workshop is amazing."

I don't think I've ever heard C2 describe anything as 'amazing' before. And she's certainly never called ME 'interesting'! Anyway, after that C2 talked about stupid Daniel and his stupid workshop for a while, then eventually she said:

"I'm tired, would you mind if I slept?"

And I said, "No, I'm tired too."

So she went to sleep. And I started writing this. But I actually am tired. So I guess I'll sleep too.