Such a good morning we are having today.

Gentle rays of sunlight kiss my forehead, a soft warm breeze enters the room through the slightly ajar window, birds are singing a merry tune, a naked girl is clinging to me...

I push her out on the floor. Screw this, let's restart the day.

Such a good morning we are having today.

Gentle rays of...

- What was that for?!

- You tell me, brat. What's the big idea - souring my mood right at the crack of dawn?

- I was feeling cold so I... I mean, it is slave's duty to take care of her master's needs.

- Just go ask for another blanket, sheesh.

- Such thorough denial. Could it be that you actually prefer meghkmpf!!!

Shutting the pointy-eared alarm clock with an expert headshot pillow throw, I stand up and stretch.

- Okay then, get your rump off the floor - it's time for our daily morning calisthenics.

- Caliwhatnow?

- Exercises. From this point onward, I'm going to whip your wimpy body back in shape. Week of extensive training and then we leave the city and march towards Berg.

◇

Day 1

After some light exercises to get the blood flowing, we have our breakfast and leave. I weren't able to finish all the shopping yesterday, so might as well finish it now instead of prolonging it indefinitely.

Yesterday the clothing problem was resolved, now it's time to find some gear for the kid. Without giving it much thought, I decide to head towards the shop where I bought the armor yesterday. Shopkeep may be shifty, but at least she seems to know her stuff.

We quickly arrive to the place but...

It's not here.

It's gone.

The whole damn building vanished without a trace, leaving an empty spot overgrown with grass and weeds.

There's no mistake, I know it was here. Without thinking I start tearing off all the parts that aren't made of leather and throw them all one after another into the nearby ditch.

- Did something happen?...

- Yeah, kid. Sure did. I've just suddenly realized that I absolutely, irrevocably, one hundred percent hate this armor with every fibre of my soul.

- Really? Such a shame, it looked good on you.

- Meh, it's okay-ish. Let's go find something else to replace it.

After some fumbling about we found another place. Apart from weapons and equipment, I've also nabbed some leather straps, tools and some other items for future use.

Next I located a nice park that no one really frequents at this time of day, since everyone is most likely at their workplace. Sure feels nice to not do jack and be free like this~

I show the kid what she has to do and correct the most glaring mistakes, then leave her and sit under the tree.

- You aren't joining me?

- No need. Just keep doing what I've shown you until you feel like you are about to die, then rest up for a minute and resume with the training. And no slacking, or retribution shall be swift and deadly as a silent burrito fart in a stuffy closed room.

- Boo!

I ignore her and get to work. Even though I previously got Tailoring somewhere down the line, making a punching bag isn't that easy. Soon I manage to somehow get a hang of it, fill it up with sand that I extracted via earth magic and string it up on sufficiently sturdy tree branch.

- What is that?

- Never seen one before? I might patent it then... Anyway, that's what we are going to do next. Open your ears wide and listen.

I impart Martial Arts onto her, as this seems the most logical choice here - it shall make her stronger, but not to the point where she becomes a potential threat to me. We knew each other for a day, so this amount of carefulness is a must. As for the style, I believe that krav maga should be the best decision, but it is simply too early for that. You may have the techniques, but they are useless if the body is incapable of performing them. Therefore, good old-fashioned boring boxing is the best choice to build up physique with its simplicity and all. Sure, there's weaving, blocking, counters and whatnot, but in the end it all boils down to three basic moves of jab, hook and uppercut - even a child should be able to understand.

In addition, I make her use her bare hands without bothering to try make boxing gloves. For one, it seems like a pain in the arse to make them all by yourself. Additionally, I'm teaching her how to injure and possibly kill the opponent, not have a fair sport match on the ring - she has to learn how to punch in a way that breaks the enemy's bones, not hers. And convenient magic makes it possible to heal fractures in minutes instead of a month, so that's another plus. Thankfully, there's no need so far - the skill seems to guide her arms well.

-I...can't............dying...

- You weren't even punching it for a minute, is that all you've got?

- Just...kill...me...

- If you have the strength to talk, then you have the strength to press on. Faster! One more time! One-two! Don't slow down, you bum!

Soon enough she falls face down on the ground, greedily grasping for air. I sit on her.

- Guuu!

- What, you don't like it? The winner takes all and does whatever he wants, the loser suffers and dies. If you don't like it, then do something about your weakness or I'll use you as a chair forever.

I let her rest up and give a little bit of water - just enough so she doesn't barf it out from overexertion. Then I announce a break and we go grab a light meal.

- By the way, forgot to give you this.

- What is this? A book?

She examines the diary I handed over to her.

- Nah, it is blank. For now, at least. I'm going to educate you on the most basic of things and since there's just a week before we move on, there's no time to teach you properly. You will write down the things I say and study it by yourself when there's free time. And you can write down the events and experiences or some other girly stuff like that, I don't care - you can do whatever you want with your things.

She stares at it intently.

- Then can we start now?

- Hold your horses, Sunny Jim. Finish the food first.

Afterwards I taught her basic arithmetic and multiplication table. More physical training until the sun started setting. Then we bothered the poor guy in charge of the baths, returned to the inn, had our dinner and went upstairs.

- Yaaaaawn. I'm so tired... Good night, master.

- What makes you think the day has ended?

I cover my hands in anti-inflammatory medicinal massage oil I came up with recently.

- Eh?

- Allow me to impart an interesting snippet of biological knowledge upon you. Proper way to train a person spans over six to twelve months, however I said you'll become stronger in just a week. Know why? There's a phenomenon called overcompensation - if an unfit person like you suddenly begins doing extreme training, your body will start producing lactic acid that breaks down glucose to keep you going. But in addition to that it destroys your muscles, forcing them to quickly regrow and cause severe soreness and pain on the following day. So, to make sure you can keep training... I'm going to thoroughly work on your muscles and manually return your bones where they belong every day until our little training session ends. Prepare yourself.

That night, for a good hour, all lodgers of the inn could hear were pained screams of a young girl begging to stop.

◇

Day 2

- It huuurts...

- Good morning to you too. Drink this and get your bum up - it's time for warm-up.

We worked out after she took the homemade painkillers and went to have our breakfast. For reasons unknown some women looked at me as if I were a festering pile of trash, some with unconcealed interest, some furiously blushed and looked the other way. Men, however, smirked and gave thumbs up. The hell is happening here?

Leaving the weirdos behind we head towards the park.

After repeating everything from yesterday I introduce some new things, then we have a light spar.

Her movements are surprisingly good, but she clearly lacks in experience. There are rookie mistakes popping up here and there, they really need to be corrected.

As she tries a risky lunging punch in attempt to break my defense, I lightly step to the side, trip her leg and comfortably sit on her after she falls.

- That's not fair! Using legs is not fair!!!

- So? You are the one with flawed defense, not me. The weakest place of a boxer is his legs, so keep in mind that attack can come from any angle and place - don't just expect to be hit from the front. Well, at least you kept your eye open this time and didn't flinch when attacks came. Not bad, let's go one more time.

- That's animal abuse, please stop.

- Don't degrade yourself just yet, I wouldn't go easy on you even if you wallow in self pity.

- Meooow? I'm just an itty-bitty kitty, please spare me?

- Break time's over, back to work.

I tear her off the ground as she desperately claws at it and tries to stay prone. But no such luck, we shall keep on training.

Today I've taught her human anatomy and the location of all easily accessible pressure points that induce pain or outright make the person lose consciousness if they receive too big of a stimuli. Apart from that I listed the functions of all inner organs, what is detrimental to them and what's healthy.

We return back home with no accidents. Another productive day, time to kick back.

____________________________________________________________________________

I am standing in the middle of nowhere holding a torch, surrounded by pitch black darkness. I want to get out, but there is no indication of where the exit is and even if there is one. I hear slithering and breathing of an enormous beast. As I move further, my little circle of light illuminates something scaly. I look up. A pair of cruel emerald eyes look back at me.

◇

Day 3

I feel like shit. I were dreaming about something just now, but it's so vague that it is impossible to remember anything. With a groan I stand up and shake the sleepyhead awake. Time for our usual bullshit, I guess.

...I wanna puke.

Despite being in a foul mood, I choose to keep on going with our routine and head towards the park.

As of today, I add weapon training to our schedule. I chose to teach her how to use knives and a short iron baton. Problems started from the onset - kid seems terrified of weapons, especially bladed ones. Despite me teaching her the proper grip and everything, the first accident didn't make me wait for itself.

I were holding a small wooden block in outstretched hand, her assignment was to keep on slashing at it over and over again. It's something that helps develop both speed and accuracy, a completely safe exercise. Or so I thought.

At some point her grip weakens and the blade comes flying straight to my face, leaving a deep cut on my cheek.

- Son of a bitch, fuck!

I sharply inhale and stomp the ground, blocking away the torrent of profanities I want to unleash. She sits down, cowers and keeps repeating "I'm sorry" like a broken record player.

- What are you so scared about, kiddo?

- You aren't...angry?

- What do you mean "not angry", moron?! I'm furious as all hell right now - do you know how much it hurts? Still, it's not like I'll kick your sorry ass for an honest mistake. Remember this forever and learn the proper grip, understood?

For the rest of the day she meekly kept quiet, never complained once and obediently did everything she was told. It was awkward.

Today's lesson was first aid. Even if healing magic and potions exist, it doesn't mean that one should be ignorant on how to apply bandages and click bones back in place.

◇

Day 4

Today I decided to mix things up a bit. After briefly doing the usual routine at the park, I take her to the forest. Although it isn't the main reason for coming here, I thoroughly explain her the basics on navigation, tracking, hiding and survival in the forest.

We wander around seemingly aimlessly, I use the downtime to point out every edible thing from berries and fruit to tree bark and insects, show all the poisonous or potentially dangerous things, et cetera.

In the middle of me rambling about most efficient ways of collecting tree sap, we finally stumble upon a suitable educational material - a lone goblin. I sneak up on it, grab it by the neck and bring it back as it flails wildly, making vain attempts of biting me.

- This is?

- Today's learning material.

- You want to teach me goblin ecology???

- You can put it that way. Sorta. Mind taking your dagger out?

- Okay. What's next?

- Nothing much. Kill it.

- Um. Can you...repeat?...

- You heard me loud and clear: get a good grip over mr.Stabby and murder this thing.

She takes a step back and visibly shivers.

- B-But! Surely, there's no need! I...

- You know, this thing wouldn't hesitate even for a second to maul you, given the chance. I'm counting down to three and letting it go. Kill or be killed, kid. One!

- Wait!

- Two!

- I'm not...this isn't!...

-THREE!

She drops her weapon and cowers, protecting her head. I understand that I'm asking for a lot out of the blue, but I can't help but feel slightly disappointed at such a weaksause reaction. At least take a stance, don't crumble down all flustered-like, damn it.

Skinny gob in my hands becomes even rowdier after seeing someone wimpier than him, I vent my irritation by giving him a good smack. It yelps and pipes down, afraid of getting seconds from me.

I don't want to go home empty handed, so it's time to try the "chicken" approach.

- You are quite pathetic, you know that? You have the power, you have the skill, and most of all, you have an enemy that wants you dead. Is it really so hard to add two and two together, or you are secretly getting off from playing the victim?

She clams up even further. This isn't going anywhere, mission is a failure. Let's throw this thing out and return home.

- Whatever, forget it. I guess you'll just watch me die then, if it ever comes to that.

- ...master, die?

- Mmmhmmm. I'm willing to bet you'd just stare like a frightened bunny instead of helping me if I ever get pinned down and gored right before your eyes. But that's fine, I'm used to watching my own back. Let's g...

Greenskin held in my arms lets out an ear-splitting shriek of pain.

As I look down, I see a face contorted with anger. Unlike her usual unthreatening pouty chipmunk demeanor, this is a face with deep malice and unbridled rage written all over it. She lets out a roar and repeatedly stabs the little blighter over and over again, not stopping even after it stops twitching. No grace, no efficiency, no finesse. Only desperation of a drowning person that is willing to grab at straw.

As the adrenaline rush ends and realization of what she did settles down, she looks at her bloodied hands, then up at me, as if asking for confirmation. I'm the one who pushed her over the edge, it would be irresponsible to leave her hanging.

- Good job, kid. You passed with flying colors.

Her arms and legs lose strength. Knife falls to the ground and so does she, clinging to my leg and wailing, as if I'd disappear otherwise. All I can do is toss the corpse to the side and comfort her until she cries herself to sleep. I should probably treat her to some sweets when she wakes up.

I decide to cancel the classes for today, clean up the mess, pick shortie up and head back to town.

*You know, I'd slap you right now if I had the hands to do that with. I understand why you have done it, but there must've been another, less crude way.*

You think so? And how much time would it require to ease her into finding the marbles to take someone's life? I wouldn't be able to babysit her forever. And I doubt I need to remind you what the local gentlemen do to the captives?

*...*

What, got nothing to retort with?

*Screw you.*

Likewise, friend.

◇

Day 5

Little champ was looking depressed, so I took her out on a date instead of going training. It's not fun if she just quietly does as told instead of complaining, then doing it anyway with quadrupled motivation after falling for an obvious provocation or promise of a grilled beefsteak in the evening.

After walking around, watching street performers, visiting most of the questionable tourist traps the city has to offer, and locking joints of unlucky pickpockets, we ended up at the market. A certain thing immediately caught my attention.

A group of strong men were huffing and puffing as they lugged an enormous body of...something. It looked like an angler fish, however it was the size of an adult bull and was still alive despite being one fin in the grave. I use the chance to nab the maxed out Swimming and Diving, sadly it didn't have anything like water breathing. Then again, something as natural and inborn as this would probably never be included in the skill category.

Fascinated by the creature, I decide to ask the chaps where they got it - this town clearly doesn't have access to sea and the creature itself would really look out of place in a freshwater lake/pond. Turns out, there are two magic dungeons in this area - one is a training ground for fledgling soldiers of the country, the other one was a fairly dangerous place with strong monsters, but suddenly got completely flooded after an entire knight order was sent to subjugate and erase it by breaking the core. What happened there - nobody knows, as none of them returned back to tell the tale.

Sometime after non-humanoid water-based creatures started spawning there and it became a popular (and profitable) fishing spot. Interesting. I think I'll give them a quick visit before leaving the city.

The day ends without any notable incidents, many thanks to lil' J for that.

____________________________________________________________________________

Burning sun. Explosion. Pain. Ringing in the ears. Shouts. Gunshot. A little girl with her brains splattered on the sand. I hunger. Emerald eyes laugh. I laugh with them. I won. It hurts. If God ever existed, he had forsaken us on that day.

There's only pain.

There's only hunger.

There's only hatred.

Droll. Devour. Dominate.

Only take, never give.

In the land of the devils saints don't survive. So stop pretending you are one.

◇

Day 6

We are squaring off from the crack of dawn to the very end of the day. She hasn't realized it yet, but I'm willing to bet my nonexistent hat that she can easily take down an ordinary army grunt and toy around with an adult man that is fit but had no combat training. Her punching strength is no laughing matter either - even though I don't show it, her jabs pack quite the sting when I block them instead of evading, grabbing her arm and throwing her, or redirecting the blow to the side.

Power of skills is truly terrifying. But this is an abnormal situation, so it's okay? After all, that shitty king must've trained for decades to reach such a high level. Plus, it merged with my own knowledge and experiences - all of that being directly engraved onto her being afterwards. I should think twice before giving her any other combat related skills... Should probably go for Cooking next or something like that instead. Definitely, let's settle with that.

Today I casually taught her kiddy-level natural science. It was amusing to see her reaction when she learned that the planet isn't flat and there is no "edge of the world" with ships falling off into the abyss of nothingness. Sadly, I had to lie here and there when it came to the structure of the solar system - after all, I've got no flip-flapping idea what any of these alien constellations are and what planets revolve around the native sun.

◇

Day 7

The big day is tomorrow - we take a look at the dungeons (mainly due to my curiosity), then we blow this joint.

I must say, it has only been a week, but it's hard to think that she's the same kid that was forced onto me by her invisible benefactor(?). Weak, shy and malnourished girl is gone - abundant food, expensive medicine, chiropractic treatment and physical exercises did their magic.

I keep the training moderate for today, as we are leaving tomorrow. This time I'll be certain to join a merchant caravan, but just in case we have to leave on foot I'd rather have both her and myself in top condition.

As for her education, I taught her about a vast amount of games of chance and the ways people in charge cheat to make the house win and what happens to those who get carried away in such establishments. I'm not a fan of PSAs and I doubt she's a gambling type, but I did find out firsthand how curious, excitable and easily engrossed she is. Might as well spend a day as an insurance for the future - just in case. On a sidenote, she took a serious liking to Cee-lo, which we ended up playing quite a bit. Something tells me that instead of vaccinating I might have infected her instead.

Today the first floor was bustling and uncharacteristically loud. We set down and ordered our dinner, but I couldn't really dig in with all the annoying buzzing and guffawing. Looks like I wasn't the only one who got their appetite spoiled - the patrons that I got used to seeing every morning and evening were also giving the bunch of drunk young looking mercs the stink eye, but wisely kept quiet.

I could tolerate the usual drunkards-being-rowdy routine, but there was something that was grinding on my bare nerves - a high pitched sound somewhere between a squeaky dog toy and a fly buzzing right above your ear. I took a look in their direction and identified the perpetrator - a tiny naked fairy pinned to a dartboard with needles was screaming up a storm as two unshaved tipsy guys were throwing kitchen knives at it, starting a laughing fit, along with their pals that set at the table, every time another knife hit the wall. Very classy. Can't you do that shit in some other inn, I'm going to lose appetite at this rate, assholes.

- ...kid, hold my beer.

I stand up and walk towards the two as they pull out the mismatched blades that stick chaotically from the wall, some even in the floor due to sloppy aiming and throwing.

When they notice me lock onto them, they let out a nasty smile as if they were waiting for someone to snap and come over, so they could find a reason to stir trouble and start a brawl.

- Wellll lookie *hic!* here! Mr. Hero came to...

I grab one of the knives from his hand and throw it at the fairy. It lands millimeters away from her face, lodged firmly into the wall.

- I just couldn't watch your sissy throws anymore, asswipe.

I seize the other two blades and throw one between the fairy's spread-eagled legs.

- How about you two return to your pals and drinks, eh? No need to be a bitch that ruins the atmosphere, am I right?

His face becomes beet-red, I can see his hand reach for the sword. So I grab it, then press the remaining kitchen knife to his junk and hiss into his ear.

- You seem to have quite the heavy package down there to try pull out a weapon in a fine establishment like this. Must be hard to lug around such a burden around. Should I, perhaps, cut some of it off?

Red color gradually changes to white. What are you, a chameleon?

- A free tip: never criticize me when I'm holding a knife. I'll even throw in another freebie - never fucking ever stand between me and a warm meal that will inevitably grow cold because I have to deal with your childish bullshit. Do us both a favor and scram, will ya?

Intimidation works wonders as always, it is basically an insect repellant at this point. While all of the onlookers are focused on quietly jeering at the pair, I approach the fairy, take out the pins, use some light magic on her and casually toss the annoying buzzer out the window when nobody's looking. If she survives - good for her. If she dies after I went through all this trouble - serves the ungrateful fly right.

Magnificent, I can finally eat in peace.

Kid looks at me with a smug face and a weird look in her eye that makes me irritated.

- If you have something to say, then say it or knock it off before I slap you.

- No-no, it's nothing~ I just didn't know master was secretly a big softie~

- You seem to have forgotten your place. Looks like I'll have to administer an extra strong physical treatment for your spine and muscles tonight.

- Geh! Please reconsider! You aren't soft, not at all! Coarse and prickly like an old mop, yes!

- ...perhaps I should add acupuncture to your treatment.

- NOOO!

Another peaceful day, another night of lodgers being unable to sleep due to screams of a certain girl.

- They are going at it again, huh? Must be nice to be young.

- That couple sure is passionate, aren't they?

- Darliiiiiing, I kinda want some of "that" myself now.

- Really?!

And so, unknowingly, the pair of irregulars rekindled the flames of several couples whose relationship grew stale over the course of decades.