“I’m over you, Mia.”

Mia looked up from her notes at me, her startled eyes too big and vulnerable for someone with her face. Mercifully, the look was replaced quickly with a smirk.

“I might’ve missed a step here,” she said. “When were you, uh, under me?” She bit the bottom of her lip to keep from laughing, which just made her look stupidly cute. I had to look away then, or I’d risk forgetting the speech I prepared since morning.

“Never,” I said and crossed my arms, which was a feat given I was holding a cup of freshly brewed coffee. “I mean that from this point onward, I am never going to talk to you outside of classes again. You and I are rivals, as we should be. As we are.”

The smile on Mia’s face vanished. It made the ever-present circles under her eyes stand out even more. “O-kay,” she said, drawing out the O. She flipped her notebook closed and tucked it into her bag. “Want to talk about it?” She was sitting under the single tree planted in the middle of the schoolyard, and scooted over to make room. One of our lecturers told us it was a Sakura, which bloomed only in spring, which meant it was nothing but a tree with empty branches most of the year.

I shook my head. “I already told you. I’m done with you.”

“Yes, I heard,” Mia said. “What I don’t get is why.” She was much more serious then, and as she talked her eyes kept darting to my shoulders. I didn’t know if she was trying to check my number through my winter jacket or looking for someone behind me.

It hurt to see her so confused and frightened. Before I knew it, I was smoothing down my skirt and sitting next to her.

“Here.” I shoved the coffee at her. “It’s not very warm anymore, but in my opinion that does not deter it from being utterly disgusting.”

Mia eyed the cup suspiciously. “You’re giving mixed messages, Ai,” she said. “More so than usual.” She took the cup regardless, popped the lid off and took a sip. Then she closed her eyes, and the skittishness around them lessened almost immediately, like magic.

“Mmh, I needed this,” she said, peeking over at me as she exhaled fog into the crisp cold air. “I ran out of tickets two days ago. I had just begun drawing up plans to steal Dr. Oswald’s personal coffee machine when you showed up.” She offered the cup to me but I refused.

“I prefer something that doesn’t taste like hatred,” I said.

Mia laughed. “And yet you know exactly how to make a perfect Americano.” She raised the reusable cup as a toast. “Not too much water, then add the espresso. The way it used to be done.”

“You put the shot in first, actually,” I said, not thinking to stop myself. “I asked Dr. Oswald.”

Mia’s eyebrows shot up. "And yet, you claim to hate the stuff."

I harrumphed, crossed my arms and turned away. There was no way I was telling her the truth, not when I didn’t want to admit it to myself yet.

Mia laughed again. It was too pretty a laugh for someone who liked to play pranks and write on the girls’ bathroom walls.

It was a sound I would miss.

I sighed and buried my face in my hands. My plan was rapidly derailing already.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Mia’s arm slipped around me, her hair falling down across my shoulders. She even smelled like coffee, bitter and sweet. “Is it Hikari?”

I shook my head and tried not to love her more for caring about my sister. She was the only one at the academy who knew about Hikari, but she never made me regret telling her.

Still…

“I saw the new rankings,” I said miserably.

I expected to hear Mia gasp then, or hear the sound of her sucking in air like someone mentally gearing themselves for a tough fight. But instead, she simply said, “So?”

I broke away and looked at her. “So?” I echoed. “What do you mean so? You got risen to 10th place. I’m now 12th!”

Mia nodded. “That is how numbers work.” She took another sip.

I almost wanted to smack the coffee cup out of her hands. “You’re top ten!” I shouted, not caring if we’re heard. It was a Sunday afternoon. All the good students were in their dorms getting ready for a new week of classes and training, which meant the ones loitering out here in the yard were high-numbers who didn’t have any sway on the social ladder.

Neither do we, if I was being honest.

“You made it before I did,” I said. “That was my dream.”

Mia looked like she wanted to say something sarcastic, but seeing my expression she stopped. “Is this what you’re so worked up over?” she asked. “They’re only numbers, Ai. You’ll always be Aiyano to me, no matter if you’re number 11 or 100. Besides, there’s still the end-of-year exam. You can still move up.”

I stood. I wasn’t here to be comforted but that was what was happening. And I knew enough about my own psyche to know it was a slippery slope I’d never get off if I let it continue. “It matters to me, Mia,” I said. “And as long if I don’t get into the top ten or at least back at eleven, I’m never speaking to you again.”

Mia frowned, then a slow smile spread across her face. It was like watching a sunrise. “I get it,” she said. “You’re giving yourself an incentive to study. Very clever.”

My cheeks flared at the implication behind her words. I raised my hand and threatened to slap her, but she’s already back to drinking her devil’s brew.

Of course it was a trick to force myself into gear. That was all it ever was, no matter how I wanted to dress it up as. Throughout the rest of that year, I worked my butt off. I knew the whole thing with the Top Ten was a ploy by the founders of Eternal Haven to encourage competition between the 100, but just because the rabbit knew about the carrot didn’t mean it wouldn’t keep trying to reach the end of the stick. So, while Mia enjoyed her extra snack tickets and private tutors, I poured everything I had to improve my scores.

My efforts caused quite a stir, as things tended to do in a small community of a hundred teenagers all living under one massive roof, but any gossip about me didn't hold a candle to what people were saying about Mia. And about us.

It started on the night she was promoted. As per protocol, she moved into one of the private quarters reserved for the Top Ten, kicking out its previous inhabitant in the process. As I was showing that same inhabitant, who was also the new 11, how to hang her clothing from our bed rail so it wouldn’t get in the way, that was when the door flew open and Mia marched in. She had a duffle bag slung over one shoulder and her hair was wild from running.

At least I thought it was running. I didn't want to think of any other reason she could've looked so flustered.

“I’ve changed my mind,” she announced before throwing her stuff back on her bed.

We all just stood there, staring at one another.

“Um,” said the girl who was supposed to be in said bed. “You can’t do that.”

“I’m top ten,” Mia snapped. “I can do whatever the hell I want.” She pointed to me then. “Her feet smell. Her hair does too, cause she hates washing it. Her back aches all the time since her boobs are so big, so she always demands back massages that last for ages and never lead to anything.”

The girl’s jaws dropped open. Mine had hit the floor.

“Let’s see, what else.” Mia counted the rest on her fingers. “She swears a lot and hits people. You should know that already. She never does her laundry on time and likes to stay up watching movies without. Goddamn. Headphones. On.” She turned to the girl now. “Did I mention her hair gets every-fucking-where? I hope you enjoy picking out fistfuls of wet clumps from the shower drain because you’ll be doing that every single night from now on.”

The girl looked like she might cry. Her face had turned pale and she kept looking between me and the bag of her belongings still on the bed, next to Mia’s. “Um,” she said. “U-um.”

I turned away to hide my blistering face, but who was I kidding. “It’s alright,” I croaked. “I’m sure there’s a form we can fill out for this kind of situation.”

The girl’s relief was almost painful to watch. She quickly gathered her things and ordered a delivery drone on her wristband computer.

“Please send the files over when you’re done,” she said once her stuff was on-route back to where they came from. “I’ll sign it as soon as I can.” She then turned and fled from the room, leaving only me and a madly grinning Mia left.

Mia let out an accomplished sigh. She surveyed the room as if looking at it for the first time. “So,” she said, turning to me. The rest of her sentence flew through the air as I slapped her.

“Ouch.” She rubbed her cheek. “I guess I deserved that.”

“Fucking right you do,” I said, balling my fists and ready to fight. But my stupid pride betrayed me then and I started to cry.

“Oh, come on.” Mia was next to me in an instant, her arms around me. “I didn’t mean most of those things.”

“Most of those things?”

“Er… you know what I mean.”

I shoved her away. “What do you mean, then?” I asked, wiping my cheeks with my pajama sleeves. “Because I sure as hell don’t get it, Mia! Didn’t I tell you I wasn’t going to spend any more time with you? What are you doing pulling this kind of stunt? We could lose both our numbers for going against protocol. Is this what you want?”

Mia looked hurt by that. It was genuine pain, the kind I’d never seen on her face before. It didn’t suit her and I felt a powerful urge to make it go away. I didn’t know how, though. I already used up my last snack ticket that morning for the coffee, but it wasn’t like that tactic could work anymore. By tomorrow, she’d be able to drink all the poison she wanted. If she got to keep her number, that is.

Mia swallowed uneasily. That skittishness was back again. Her eyes darted around the room like a lost butterfly, fluttering down to perch on my shoulder for only a brief moment before taking flight again. “Ai,” she said, “Ai, I…” She shuffled her feet, scratched her head, shrugged. “I don’t know what came over me. I was being shown around the private cabins by this guy. He's number 5. Everything was fine, you know? I was finally not going to hear you banging about at four in the morning, doing god knows what to your sneakers.” She laughed, but it sounded too forced. “God, Aiyano. I was thinking about that and having a good time thinking about it. But then another thought hit me. I wasn’t going to be tortured with your wake-up routine because I wouldn’t be in the same room as you when I go to sleep.” Her voice hitched at the last word. She spun away but I caught the first sign of wetness in her eyes. “And when I get back from my classes at the end of the day... you won’t be there either.”

Her shoulders were hitched. I saw them rise and fall as she let out a huge breath like there was too much air inside her. And then she was quiet.

We stayed like that for a little while, her staring at the wall and me watching her.

And then I couldn’t hold back anymore. I walked over to her and slid my arms around her waist.

Mia tensed at first, but her body soon melted into mine.

“Aiyano...”

My name came out as a whisper, a wish.

“Ai... I think I-”

I locked my hands and knees together, squeezed Mia hard against me, and suplexed her up and over onto the bed behind us. Mia squealed then gasped then screamed. She hit the mattress, bounced, and I threw myself onto her and pinned her on her way down. Our bodies knocked together, forces equalizing as they collided. I held her arms down, knees on either side of her, and leaned over her so my hair tickled her face.

I was panting then, my heart doing lines of cocaine off our bed railings like those crazy people in Daddy's movies. I grinned. “You missed me,” I said. “Admit it.”

Mia looked up at me with those wide, vulnerable eyes again. A corner of her pajama top had lifted to show a mole just below her belly button. I never noticed she had one there. She caught me staring and smiled ruefully. “Don’t pretend like you didn’t miss me.”

“I'm not,” I said, leaning in closer. She had brushed her teeth already and I could smell her minty toothpaste. I realized with startling clarity that I wanted to know how it would taste.

Almost like she knew what I was thinking, Mia’s eyes grew even wider. The corners of her mouth dropped and her lips parted slightly. Her tongue darted out to wet them.

“Ai,” she breathed. “I-”

A knock sounded at the door. I leaped back from Mia, tripped over the rug on the floor and fell hard on my butt.

“We don't need our room cleaned!” Mia yelled towards the door. “Come back tomorrow!”

Whoever it was knocked again. “Mia?” It was a boy’s voice. “It’s me, Daichi. I heard what happened from Samantha. I just wanted to know if you were alright.”

“I’m fine!” Mia shouted. She was up now, smoothing down her tousled hair and pulling her top back down. “Better than fine, actually.” She gave me a wink and came over to help me up. I took her hand. Her skin was warm. Hot.

“That’s good,” says Daichi. There was a pause. I imagined him kicking at the carpet by the door. “Can I come in? I just want to know what happened. Why’d you run off like that?”

Mia dragged her free hand through her hair, messing it all over again. “Ah, crap,” she whispered to me. “I did kinda just leave him hanging.”

“It’s alright,” I said, letting go of her. “He just wants to talk.” I opened the door to let the boy in.

Daichi was Japanese as well. That was a surprise. There weren't many of us left after the Reset. He had hair as dark as ink and a fair complexion that would put many girls to shame. His eyes darted towards me, held my gaze briefly, and then he was inside, talking to Mia.

I watched their exchange from the comfort of my own bed on the other side of the room.

“I just didn’t feel right,” Mia tried to explain. “I’ve always lived with other people, you know? Sorry, man. I didn’t mean to just up and leave like that. I guess I kinda freaked you out.”

Daichi nodded like they were discussing a math question, or a physics one, or whatever the top ten talked about during their free time. “That’s understandable,” he said. “But you must understand, Mia, you are one of us now. You don’t belong here.” He was still standing there, I noticed, with his arms held limply by his side. He hadn’t touched anything since coming in.

Mia pulled a pillow from her bed and started to fluff it. “You can’t say that, Daichi. We’re all equal citizens on these ships. If there was any silver lining to be had from the Reset, that would be it.”

“But not all people are made the same,” Daichi countered. “You are the only one to have ever climbed into the top ten this year. That makes you better than all the ones beneath you.”

I caught him glancing my way with that last statement, and tried to tell myself that I’d imagined it, but a heartbeat later I was standing.

"Holy shit," I said, chuckling. "Are you hearing yourself speak? You sound like a fucking movie villain! How can you believe that one soul is worth more than another?” I contemplated listing Mia’s many flaws for effect, but that wasn’t my style.

Daichi ignored me completely. He folded his arms across his skinny chest and looked about the room with a quizzical eye. I tried to see what he was seeing. The walls were spotted and dirty, with a particularly large orange splatter near the head of my bed. That was where I accidentally flung a bowl of noodles in a heated game of Truth-Or-Dare a few weeks ago. The carpet was leftover material I stole from the claws of a trash-bot, but it matched the drapes so I always thought it was alright. I noticed then that my bra was hanging from the overhead washing line and started to grab for it, but Daichi wasn’t looking at that anymore. He was looking at me. Through me.

“I’m not saying Mia’s soul is worth more than yours,” he said finally. “I’m saying her brain is.”

I shook my head. “How… does that make it any better?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” Daichi said dismissively. “You’re only what? Number 11? Oh sorry no. You should be 12 now.”

That did it. I lunged at him. Mia, who was usually the one to stop me, couldn’t get between us in time from where she is. She called out, “No, Ai!” But my fist was already turning Daichi’s cheek.

The boy’s face snaps sideways, his glasses flying from his face. I was stunned. I thought he would block me or dodge but he didn’t do either. I watched as the boy slowly bent to pick up his glasses, rubbing them between his fingers before putting them back on. Then he turned to me. I’d cut his cheek, I realized with horror, and a trickle of blood ran down to stain the collar of his pristinely white shirt.

“What an interesting individual you are,” he said with no small amount of sarcasm. “I find it troublesome for you to be spending any more time with such irksome characters, Mia.”

I looked over at Mia, who was halfway off her bed with one hand reaching out uselessly towards us.

“I think,” she said slowly, “that you should go, Daichi. We can talk about this later. My mind is already set, though. I appreciate you giving me that tour.”

Daichi nodded again. “Very well,” he said. “I will talk to our faculty manager about this incident. You should expect a word from him soon.”

When the boy is gone, Mia sat back on her bed with her chin in her hands. I went over to sit next to her.

“I thought he would block,” I said quietly.

Mia sighed. “I know.”

“He did it on purpose, didn’t he?”

“Yea.”

“Crafty bastard.”

Another sigh. This time she didn’t answer. I glanced over at her. The circles under her eyes had darkened immensely. She looked exhausted. I wondered if it’s of me.

“I have something to tell you, Aiyano. I don't want you to think too much into it, but-”

Mia’s wristband beeped then. We both looked down at it.

“The drone is here,” Mia said, a mixture of relief and annoyance in her voice. She made no move to get to the door, so I did. I never understood why I was so eager to get her things in the door, but it might've been because I subconsciously knew what she wanted to say and didn't want to hear it.

Once all her stuff was back where it belonged, Mia took a shower. I sat on my bed and listened to the sound of water splashing and tried in vain to not imagine her naked. It wasn’t like I never saw her in her underwear. Living together gave you that privilege. But I realized that even after spending nearly an entire year together, we never saw each other completely nude, never touched anywhere too personal, as if we knew what it would do to the other person and neither of us wanted to push.

We’d been careful. At least I was. But what I did tonight, throwing her on the bed and everything that followed, was getting too close to that invisible line we drew between us.

I didn’t notice the bathroom door opening until Mia was already walking out. She was wearing only a towel and her hair was bundled in another, exposing her neck and shoulders and a good deal of cleavage.

So much for not showing skin.

“My god, I really needed that,” Mia said, barely glancing at me before turning away to drop her towel.

The gorgeous expanse of her back called out to me, demanded my eyes. I tore myself away before I could say anything stupid and raced past her into the still foggy bathroom.

Looking back, I knew that was Mia’s invitation for me to cross that line. She wanted me to take the first step because she was already there, waiting.

But I didn’t. I ran away into the comfort of that bathroom, with the scent of Mia’s shampoo still heavy in the air. I striped, cranked on the showerhead and stepped in, listening to the sound of water drumming against my skin and trying desperately not to wonder what it would feel like to run my own fingers down that naked back.

I never got a chance to do that.

When the next morning came, Mia was ordered back to her private dorm by a drone and a message from the facility manager. She wanted to run, I wanted to punch the drone. Neither of us got our wishes. We went our separate ways after that. The Top Ten had their own lecture rooms and training halls. They ate together in a different cafeteria and spent their free time in a different part of the academy.

When I saw her again, it was two weeks before Christmas and I shopping for a present to give to Hikari. I saw Mia through the store window. She wasn't alone. Daichi and some other girl were with her, walking down the rows of hobby stores so close to her their shoulders were almost touching. One of them said something, the other two laughed.

If I was braver I would've gone out of the store and caught up to them. But all I could do was clutch the stupid reindeer puppet in my hands, and watch as they strolled down the tree-lined footpath decorated with tiny Santas riding plastic sleighs.

She was gone. I didn't see her again.

I never found out what she really wanted to tell me that night we were last together, because two weeks later on the eve of Christmas, Mia threw herself off the roof of our dormitory.