Rulaheim 182

As I wait for Peter to return, I have decided to write what I know of his personality in you, my diary, to better get what I want out of him.

Cruel.

Abrasive.

Disgusting.

Jealous.

Passionate.

Greedy.

Rude.

Ah, this isn’t very helpful. He has almost no good traits other than being passionate. And even then he is passionate about the wrong things. Perhaps if I try to match him at his own level… Perhaps if I am as cruel to him as he is to me, he will send me to the battlefield just to get rid of me, but I have no means to be as cruel as him, and might not be able to even if I did.

I can’t stop trembling, my diary. I am so afraid. I am a mess of frayed nerves.

Suddenly, the door opened again to reveal Caerwyn only a few minutes after he had left, and he said hurriedly in a hushed voice, “I have to try to get you out of here. No protesting. Peter is returning swiftly and must have realized I told him a lie when I said Torr wanted to see him.”

I shook my head. “Caerwyn, you will only get the two of us into trouble. We’ve been through this; we will only be caught and maybe even killed.”

“Mimi, if you do not let me try, I will never be able to live with myself.” Caerwyn informed me determinedly.

I knew I should have refused. I knew the best thing for us was to hope Leon could get me out of this situation; I knew the likelihood of us getting caught was too great a risk, but when I thought of that man—that wild beast—and what he would do to me, I could think of nothing but escape.

Caerwyn silently stepped toward me and said, “I will say I am merely taking you to the garderobe, and then I will give you this cloak, and we will run for the exit.”

There was a long moment of hesitation for me as I tried to decide what to do. I wanted to say no, but…

But into my mind was projected an image of Peter’s ravenous eyes and his clawing hands, and I couldn’t refuse.

We stepped out of the room together, and the guard down the hall asked us, “taking her to the garderobe?”

Caerwyn nodded. “Yes.”

And the guard thankfully went about his business and trusted Caerwyn not to run away with me.

Caerwyn led me downstairs casually and was good at pretending like nothing was wrong. I was not. My heart was thumping the whole time. Caerwyn made a right down the hallway and we stopped in front of the garderobe’s wooden door.

Caerwyn told me to go in, and then he slipped a black cloak under the door. I donned it, waited until Caerwyn knocked on the door, and then left the garderobe while a guard down the hall had his back turned to us.

Many guards we brushed past calmly looked at Caerwyn and me suspiciously as we went. Some asked Caerwyn where he was going, and he replied that Peter agreed to give him a break temporarily. He lied and said I was his sister who had sneaked out to visit him and now he had to take me back home.

These were not like the guards at castle Nui who were ordered to be delicate with me and not to harm me and weren't as attentive as they should have been; they were on the lookout for anything suspicious and told to be rough if they saw me escaping. Peter was clearly a man who all his guards feared. They were determined not to fail his orders and were particularly attentive.

We went down a flight of spiral stairs further down the hallway where we sped up our pace a little.

When we emerged on the ground floor of the castle, a guard immediately noticed us and unfortunately saw enough of my face to realize who I was. “Halt! Isn’t that Peter’s…?”

Caerwyn sped up while dragging me along with him.

The guard blew a horn and was joined by a dozen others. I heard him yell, “the templar has the prince’s mistress!”

Caerwyn headed straight as fast as he could toward the entrance of the castle—still dragging me by my wrist which was beginning to throb in pain—it was so close! I could imagine bursting through the door and being safe from Peter’s cruel hands!

But there were two more guards in front of it who pointed their lances at us.

Caerwyn unsheathed his blade, ready to fight, but I yelled, “no Caerwyn! It’s over!”

A dozen guards had us surrounded, and soon enough, Peter himself showed up looking furious. His face went from furious to smug in a moment.

He laughed at Caerwyn. “Are you in love with her? I can’t believe it. Raul said he thought you were while we were in Nui, but I didn’t believe him. You are fit for no woman, eunuch. Not even a beast like her. She is mine, anyway, and I will have you hanged for this.”

I turned to Peter pleadingly, “don’t have him hanged! This was all my idea! I just wanted to be married to you first before—”

Peter slapped me across the face. “You will speak only when I tell you to.”

Caerwyn slammed his fist into Peter’s face he stumbled backward. He had a bloodied lip as he gazed upon Caerwyn in fury. He wiped his lip.

He ordered his guards to throw Caerwyn in the dungeon, and he took me roughly by the shoulder.

__

Peter threw me onto the bed into his quarters angrily.

I automatically leaned away from him as he tried to kiss me.

I reached out, trying to calm the trembling of my hands, and placed them on his arms while begging him, “let’s get married first.”

He was not to be reasoned with, however, and he ignored my suggestion and began kissing me instead. I bit his lip and leapt off the bed. His face was shadowy and he looked for all the world like a demon ready to pounce upon me with his teeth clenched in rage.

My mind was awhirl with fear. My legs felt weak, and I was a sweaty mess. I had no idea what to say or do and I knew I wouldn’t get out of this situation unscathed.

Peter said to me, “that damned head priest is working to get you out of here—you will likely be joining the men on the battlefield. Father says I might only have a week with you.”

Before this, I never hated anyone. What an awful feeling it was to hate someone so profusely that it made me tremble in rage. How horrible it was to seek pleasure in thinking of the many ways I wished him to die.

But after six of the seven days passed while I waited and hoped to go to the battlefield, I began to feel very empty. My passion and desires had left me, and I was suddenly unafraid to die. I was made into a gray creature who didn’t care about the future or even my own safety. I was what that man wanted me to be; an object to be used when he saw fit.

__

Leon had succeeded in negotiating for my freedom. On the sixth day of being locked in Peter’s quarters, I was brought to a meeting in the temple in the city with King Torr, Leon, and Caerwyn.

Leon looked at me in horror as I was dragged by Peter into Leon’s office and told to sit down. I obeyed without question.

Leon turned to Peter. “What have you done to this girl? It looks like you have been… Dragging your nails across her face.”

“She is mine, priest, and no one can take her away.” Peter retorted unsympathetically.

Caerwyn ignored everyone else and collapsed on his knees in front of me tearfully. He saw that I had declined slowly from the woman I was to a girl who lost her heart.

“Mimi, please talk to me. Stop staring listlessly forward like you can’t see me. Where has your soul gone?” Caerwyn cried.

I ran a hand through his hair slowly and emotionlessly without a word. I wanted to tell him that I would be fine, I wanted him to stop worrying about me, but I didn’t have the strength to say anything at all.

Leon announced, “I think we have all come to an agreement about you two. Caerwyn, you have openly told me you have broken your vows, but you may find redemption on the battlefield as a normal soldier instead of a templar. However, you have turned your gaze from God and are no longer allowed in the temple. You are guilty of no treason, however; Torr and I decided that you rightly wanted to save this poor girl from being with a man while being married to another. Mimi, Torr and I have also argued for a week and decided that you may also join the men on the battlefield. It is a noble goal for a woman of the faith like yourself.”

Caerwyn asked, “and Peter? What is his punishment in all this?”

Leon looked at us both sympathetically. “He will pray for forgiveness for his evil sins.”

He knew Peter deserved a much harsher punishment, but there was only so much he could do.

“She is mine, father! You promised I could marry her!” Peter said angrily.

I looked at King Torr who now had the blackest eyes I had ever seen. “You should have married her before you did what you did.”

And at that, Caerwyn leaned his head on my lap and wept endlessly as I stared expressionlessly forward.