Taranheim 181

I had my first lesson with the physician today, my diary. It is a wonderful thing, when I think about it, that I have grown enough to have other interests other than being a wife and mother. Both of those things are wonderful pursuits, but it is good to have goals that are all my own—especially while I wait to become pregnant.

The physician, whose name was Lara, was a little bit of a nervous woman. We had that in common. She taught me what some basic herbs for treating wounds were, and she taught me how to bind wounds properly and what salves to use on them. She also showed me some concoctions for headaches and other minor irritants. She had me repeat after her exactly what kind of salves go on what wounds. I got some right and some wrong.

“You know,” Lara said nervously as she demonstrated how to staunch a wound by wrapping gauze around my arm. “I don’t envy you. You seem so sweet and you’re married to that terrifying man. I hope he doesn’t… I hope he is kind to you.”

I frowned deeply—again being reminded of how disliked he was among many people. I smiled at her and said, “he is actually very sweet… Don’t you think he’s doing well as a king?”

Lara glanced at me nervously, hoping I wouldn’t tell the king what she said. She replied, “I think he is doing well largely thanks to you… If it weren’t for you, who knows where Nui would be. I moved here to get a fresh start, you know? So I was willing to take a chance and move here even though I’m not fond of Paris. My husband left me and I thought it would be better to live anywhere than near a man I used to love. I couldn’t really… I couldn’t give him any children, you see…”

Lara sweated nervously. I looked at her empathetically. “That’s so sad… Children are everything to moth women.”

Lara nodded. “They’re everything to human women as well…”

__

“Terry,” I said to him later in the day when he wasn’t busy. “Can I borrow you for a moment?”

“Certainly,” he answered and followed me out to the garden. We sat together on a bench between two lush bushes as a fountain bubbled nearby. I let him enjoy the peace and quiet for a moment before I asked him, “Terry… I know you fear yourself. I know you fear you’ll hurt other people.”

Terry, who was wondering what all this was about and looking immensely bored as he had been looking for the past few weeks. Being a guard and a soldier was boring when there were no threats of wars or battles. He raised a curious eyebrow.

“What are you talking about?” He asked. “I mean—of course that’s a fear of mine… But why are you bringing that up?”

“It’s not just a fear. It’s your greatest fear. You actually… You actually believe that drivel that there’s a demon inside you. I’m here to tell you it’s not true. When I look at you, I see a normal, happy, young man. You’re just a little overly energetic. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Terry was confused, but he looked soothed. I reached out and put a nervous hand on his cheek. I knew precisely who he was.

He was so simple and easy to understand, which was what I loved about him. He was like me in that way; we were two of a kind. We were childish and innocent, and trying to understand hardened adults was hard when you were a child.

I couldn’t understand Paris entirely. I couldn’t grasp why he should hate himself so profusely. I didn’t grasp why he did many of the things he did, including drinking to the point where he was no longer himself.

But Terry was like a sibling, and siblings were so much like yourself that you could never misunderstand them. Even Gerta was fairly easy to understand.

Siblings were life companions in the way that a wife or husband could never be; wives and husbands can leave one another, but even if siblings fight, even if they hate one another, they still share the title of sibling and can never be divorced from it.

This was what I thought as I coaxed that bird out of his head. His eyes turned black for what felt like a minute as his face went blank. Finally, a red dove flew out of his eyes and fluttered up into the air.

Terry was silent for a moment—looking at me in awe.

Terry exclaimed, “you did it, didn’t you! You got the bird out of my head!”

I nodded cheerfully with tears in my eyes. Terry grinned broadly and threw his arms around me. “You saved me!”