Terry

My diary, there are many people in this world who I have feelings about. Some of them I love, some of them I have mixed feelings about, but very few of them do I actually hate.

Because I like to know exactly how I feel about certain people, I want to make an entry about each important one.

Terry is one of those special people you meet. Not special in any magical or otherworldly way, but special in a kind of way where they have a particular effect on you. Whenever I am with Terry, I feel like I can be myself. A silly, high-spirited, fifteen-year-old girl who loves to have fun. The time has past for me to be that girl anymore, as I am no long fifteen and no longer a princess.

As a queen—especially a queen among humans—you have to wear many different masks. With Paris, I have to be his utterly desirable and yet sweet and comforting wife who is more human than moth. With the nobles I meet, I have to be a kind and understanding, yet distant queen. With Caerwyn… With Caerwyn, I wanted to be a greater woman than I actually was so that I could match him in goodness and purity. I wished I could be as close with Gerta as I was with Terry, but we simply seemed to have conflicting personalities.

But Terry—Terry is family. And you can be yourself around family. Perhaps it is because he is so young, so energetic, so happy, and so foolish that I love him so much. When I look at him, I feel as if I am living the adolescence I lost.

But it’s not just that that I love about him. Terry is strong. He can fight. He can defend me and has thrown himself bodily in my way to do so. He is fearless—more fearless than I will ever be. But, like all people, he is complex. He isn’t all sweet and perfect, and certainly has a dark side.

Terry seems to relish the fight.

I remember seeing him grinning in battle both when he saved me and Paris from the attack of the moth slaves and when he and Caerwyn fought those mounted knights so long ago. And I swear to God, nobody ever terrified me as much as he did when he pinned me against the door in fury when he told me of his affair with Julia. I truly thought he would kill me with his strength that seemed almost inhuman.

Terry has short red hair—in moth culture, this is the color of love, passion, and anger. His blue eyes are indicative of almost the opposite in moth culture. They symbolize serenity, illusion, and lethargy.

Perhaps they tell of a war being raged inside his being.

Regardless, Terry is the only person left who I know that I love without reservations and unconditionally.