Paris said he wanted to have dinner with me at the private table—probably to give me the hard news—but he was absent. I asked the slaves who had set the table, “excuse me, where is the king?”

A cream-colored moth replied, “he got a letter earlier and went out for a walk. He hasn’t been back since.”

“Oh… Shall I go look for him?” I asked.

“Oh no, milady! We can’t have you out in the rain!” The slaves protested. They had taken a liking to me since I had spread that gossip. I was grateful for it.

I looked around at the table set with wonderful foods and I glanced around skeptically before whispering, “would you like to eat with me?”

The slaves were shocked, but many of them nodded eagerly. Others didn’t trust me enough to dine with me and left.

I realized I recognized one of these slaves; he used to be a young noble in Daddy’s court. I used to have a little crush on him, but now I felt nothing at all when I looked at him. He was a peppered moth with really soft-looking fur. “Gods! It’s you, Markus!”

He smiled a little. “It’s good to see you again, Princess—despite the circumstances.”

“How did you survive? Did you just get lucky like Gerta and you happened to be outside the city when the thunderbolt struck the land?”

“Yes. Most everyone died when the thunderbolts struck the land, but some of us were just standing in the right place at the right time and it missed us.” He said sadly. "I was one of those who was spared."

“There was more than one thunder bolt?” I asked.

“They were everywhere… It’s a miracle anyone lived. Gods, it’s hard to get the images out of my mind and the ringing out of my ears.” Markus answered and took a bite of his steak with a trembling hand.

“That’s awful…” I answered.

After a moment of silence I asked him, “Markus, I keep asking her, but Gerta refuses to tell me why Daddy didn’t come to rescue me while I was captured before that calamity happened. Do you know why?”

Markus was dead silent for a moment before answering, “there’s no easy way to say this… He--changed. He said that… that he had plenty of other children…”

I was devastated. I stopped eating and I shivered with sadness. “I was expendable to him?”

Markus looked at me sympathetically. “I’m sorry.”

I gasped and clapped a hand to my mouth. I shuddered with unfathomable sorrow and then I stood up from my seat.

I ran from the dinner table then with my already fractured heart broken in two and I threw myself on my bed and wept.

__

What I would have done for mother to take me in her arms and quell my fears like she used to when I was a child. Not only could I not stop crying, but I was deathly afraid of the constant thundering outside.

I held Caerwyn’s sapphire and sniffled and wept until I could no longer muster up tears to cry and my throat was soar from all the lumps being formed in it. I didn’t want to accept that Gerta was right and I was expendable to Daddy. I didn’t want to accept that a man who doted on me and loved me so unconditionally could secretly think so little of me--so little of me that I was not worth the time to rescue. And if he thought so little of me and never came to rescue me, I knew mother must have thought the same if she didn’t convince him to. In my mind, I was their little girl who they put before everything--my courage came from the love they gave me, and now it was disappearing.

He changed. Markus had said.

That was the one thing that could console me. He had changed. But how? Had he changed like Paris’ father? Had black magic infected him somehow? Maybe it had. I had to believe it had. I couldn’t let these dark thoughts take me to a dark place. I was finished pitying myself and thinking of death.

Caerwyn had taught me the value of convictions. And now, I was convicted to survive and save my people. I could be as damaged and broken as they come from past grievances, but I would never give up now that God had shown me my purpose.

__

Paris didn’t come back for the rest of the night. I worried about him endlessly. If he died, I had no idea what would happen to me.

I will write later.