Tujuheim, 180

We walked through the cold rain in silence. Worry was heavy on all our hearts, and we were all sick and tired of the rain as we walked for hours. If only the horses hadn’t been killed.

Being the impatient girl that I was (albeit very sweet and adorable, as Daddy would often tell me) I turned to Caerwyn and asked him while shivering, “Caerwyn, when is the next town?”

“About a day away, and then seven more days to the templar temple and the city. You’ll be well taken care of when we arrive, Princess.” Caerwyn promised. He turned to me and saw me shivering and frowning. “You poor thing…”

He smiled and undid his cloak. He wrapped it around me with a flourish—still careful not to touch me.

I shook my head. “I-I’m fine. I have Terry’s already.”

“Such kindness for humble peasants! You need not be so proud, Princess. You deserve it the most. You are an innocent and delicate thing!” Caerwyn exclaimed, flattering me the way I liked to be flattered.

How he made my heart skip! For his sake, I tightened the cloak around myself.

“If you two are done flirting,” Terry interrupted jokingly, “there’s a farmhouse up on that hill… Do you think it’s too risky to visit, Caerwyn?”

Caerwyn looked up at the humble farmhouse thoughtfully. He shook his head.“It would be worth it just to take refuge from the rain… And we can avoid the next town coming up that way as well. We must be ready to run if the guards follow us, however.”

Caerwyn hiked up the gentle hill with us in tow. Being thin and emaciated, it was a hard climb for me. I got dizzy halfway up and collapsed, breathing harshly as my vision swam. Terry offered me a hand, and I took it.

“Caerwyn,” I asked. “Why can’t you simply lie and say I am your slave?”

“They would see through that ruse, Princess. Templars are not allowed to have slaves.” Caerwyn explained.

“Oh…” I replied. I was learning new things by the minute, it seemed.

I made sure to hide my face within my cloak again so whoever answered the door would not see that I was a moth.

Caerwyn knocked on the door of the farmhouse and a pregnant woman opened it; she was accompanied by a few rowdy human children pulling at her skirts.

“Can I help you mi—Sir Knight? We would be glad to give you shelter for the night with all the good work you do.” The pregnant woman offered, mistaking Caerwyn’s gender at a glance. I was becoming accustomed to that.

“That sounds lovely. Would you mind helping this kind lady as well? She is on a pilgrimage and would like to take refuge with you.” Caerwyn pleaded hopefully.

The pregnant woman eyed me curiously, but then agreed. The three of us piled into the house and Caerwyn made my excuses to the woman immediately. “The lady here is very tired and would like to get some rest. You wouldn’t mind if she ate away from us, would you?”

The pregnant woman shook her head and showed me to a guest room with a single cot. She returned sometime later with a hearty meal on a plate and then left me to my own devices.

I was severely exhausted both physically and mentally. I allowed myself to think of my family again and I burst into tears. After a good cry, I fell right to sleep.

_

I don’t wish to put any more thoughts down about my family right now! Whenever I consider all the time I lost with them--whenever I consider their deaths I just…!

I am so angry and resentful towards humans that I have thought of slitting Caerwyn’s throat in his sleep!

But he is too sweet, too golden… I can take no satisfaction in hurting such a bright man.

I am helpless. I can do nothing to ensure a safe future for myself. Moth girls are not trained in the art of fighting like the male moths were. I had nothing but female graces as my defense, and I had a feeling they would get me nowhere.

__

Thankfully, the next morning, we were not caught by any human guards. The friendly pregnant woman and her family sent us on our way and foisted food upon us for the road. They were all overly charmed by Terry, but even more so by Caerwyn, who they tried to convince to stay.

“Please stay, Sir Knight! You will be well taken care of and we will pay you for protecting our cattle from predators!” Begged the pregnant woman’s husband.

“I am sorry; I am sworn to a higher cause. Thank you all so much.” Caerwyn bowed gratefully and took his leave with me and Terry in tow.

As usual, I was silent as the three of us walked along, clasping the precious sapphire Caerwyn had given me tightly in my fist.

“What a meal that was!” Terry exclaimed. “And how nice it was to have a warm bed with little worry!”

“I am sorry Terry; I wish I didn’t drag you along on this venture.” Caerwyn apologized.

“I wanted to go, Caerwyn. You’re not just my knight, you’re my best friend!” Terry replied cheerfully.

Caerwyn put a hand on his friend’s shoulder gratefully. “You’ll be a fine templar, Terry.”

I watched them jealously. They had a bond; the type of bond that was robbed from me. Here they were ignoring me and my suffering and only thinking of themselves! What spiteful and vindictive creatures humans were!

I spoke up, wishing to offend Caerwyn in a subtle way, “Caerwyn, I thought it was just me that thought you looked like a woman, and only because we are different species. But even humans seem to have trouble telling you whether you are male or female! How embarrassing that must be!”

“Yes, Princess…” He said with some embarrassment and a fallen look on his face.

What was I thinking turning this golden man blue…?

I felt very guilty. He took my veiled insult to heart.I shouldn't have said what I did; I was feeling reckless and impulsive.

“In truth, Princess, I am a eunuch.” He said with some difficulty.

Terry was stunned and he barely kept from exclaiming something in shock. He looked away. “I… I did not know, Caerwyn…”

I looked at them both in confusion as we walked along. “I don’t understand… What's a eunuch?”

Caerwyn would not look at me. “A defective male.”

I still did not know what he meant, but I told him honestly, “but you are not defective! You are very effective! Why, you rescued me where no other man even dared to!”

Caerwyn looked at me in surprise for a moment, and then his look of surprise melted into a golden smile. “You are too sweet, Princess. In truth, it isn’t all that bad. The door I made earlier—it is something only me and people like me are blessed with. There are… cruel people out there, but their cruelty has a purpose.”

Terry was looking down, not knowing what to say. I wondered what a eunuch was, but I didn’t want to embarrass him further.