1586 Summer

In Aquitaine, France, Henry III’s army was defeated by the Huguenots, losing 6,000 soldiers at a single battle. So, France – Henry III, to be exact – needed the soldiers and since they couldn’t hire mercenaries from the Holy Roman Empire (Germany) as before thanks to the Cologne War (German War of Religion), they sent me an envoy and requested me to lend them my army.

So, I ordered this matter to be discussed in the Congress, and the Parliament, after a series of meetings, they’ve decided to dispatch only half of France’s original request. And that was 4,000 soldiers and some fleets which were led by Admiral Charles Howard – who in the original history, defeated the Armada and burned the Cadiz under Elizabeth I. I demanded him only one thing.

“Admiral? Avoid the battle as possible. Focus on taking control of the French Ports.”

“…Yes, your majesty, it’ll be a piece of cake.”

And it sure was. Since France had literally no Navy left, thanks to the long civil war, the dispatched troops under Howard’s Command swiftly gained the French Ports. Of course, France wasn’t happy with it.

“Your majesty? Are you trying to help us? Or are you trying to conquer us?”

“How dare you! I’m trying to help France and your king, Henry III as hard as I can! Is that a proper attitude to your ally?”

So, the Catholic League of France sent an envoy and complained, but I explained that this was to secure a supply route and eradicated the Huguenots on the way. In fact, Howard’s fleet distributed massive supplies produced in the Netherlands and Great Britain via the France Ports to Catholic League of France troops located in various parts of France. So, they had no choice but to suppress animosity and crush the Huguenots.

1586 Fall

Henry, the King of Navarre himself led the troops and surrounded the Bordeaux, which was a supply port in southern France. The Huguenots army’s attack was persistent, but the defending troops at the Bordeaux fought till their last breath thanks to the supplies provided by the United Kingdom of Great Britain and the Netherlands – My kingdom. So, he had no choice but to retreat at that year’s winter.

1587 Spring

Henry III escaped Paris, due to a revolt. The Catholic League of France has had it with a poor King Henry III, who enjoyed luxury even during the war. So, they’ve decided to kick him out of the throne and make Henry I, the Duke of Guise as their rightful king.

At first, Henry III tried to escape to Chartres. But, thanks to my suggestion, he moved to Brussels. And I, on the exchange of helping him take back Paris, I requested him to return some part of the Flanders Count Domain – Calais, which my mother (Mary I) lost thanks to Felipe II’s foolishness, to be exact. He had no choice but to accept it, because I – Edward VII, king of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and the Netherlands – was his biggest, perhaps only, supporter now.

I requested the Parliament to allow drafting 24,000 soldiers for the war, and they agreed. Soon, the United Kingdom’s 24,000 soldiers swiftly marched to Paris, via the Netherlands route. And Henry I the Duke of Guise, who didn’t fully take control of Paris due to a power struggle within the Catholic League of France, suggested a compromise.

But Henry III, who was confident at the sight of my troops, refused his suggestion. So, Henry I decided to fight till the end, but his army was outnumbered by my army and Pro-Henry III’s troops. So, after a week later, he was caught in the act as he tried to escape from Paris and was assassinated by Henry III’s men.

“Congratulations of returning to Paris. Now, would you kindly return me the Flanders Count Domain (Calais)?”

“…I’m sorry. But they were just betrayers in the Catholic. There’re still Huguenots who follow Henry, the King of Navarre. I’ll return Calais as soon as I crush them as well.”

After the war, I met Henry III and demanded him my share, but he changed his words, claiming he’ll return Calais after he finishes Henry, the King of Navarre.

‘Oh, you’re trying to go away with it? Then, take this!’

“…Okay. Then, the United Kingdom of Great Britain and the Netherlands will just wait for your victory.”

After I returned to London, I left only 10,000 out of the 24,000 troops - who I hurriedly drafted - at the Netherlands for just in case, and sent the remainders back to their homes after handsomely rewarding them with royal assets.

Henry III demanded Henry, the King of Navarre to surrender. But Henry, the King of Navarre, gained hope at the news that the United Kingdom has turned neutral, and refused his request, so the war went on.

1587 Winter (December)

Cologne War, the Civil war of the Holy Roman Empire (Germany), ended with an unconditional peace. It was thanks to the news that the Ottoman’s Viceroy of Bosnia was gathering an army to invade Croatia, which is the Holy Roman Empire’s territory. The name ‘Ottoman’ was powerful enough to stop the civil war and unite the feudal lords of Germany for the moment. Of course, the real victor was the Archbishop of Cologne, who was allowed to keep his Prince-Elector position despite his conversion to Protestantism and the Calvinists who showed their strength.

1588 Spring

I killed the fucking Yard-Pound system. That is, I accepted the Gregorian calendar made by the Papal States under Pope Gregory XIII. Also, I ordered the scholars of Oxford University to make a new measurement system based on this calendar.

So, in the end, a day was defined as 24 hours, and an hour set as 60 minutes, and with a minute defined as 60 seconds, a day was equal with 86,400 seconds.

1 meter was defined as a length of a simple pendulum whose cycle was exactly 1 second, and 1 Liter was a volume of a water cube whose length, with, depth was all 1 meter. The freezing point of water was defined as 0℃ and the boiling point of water became 100℃. And finally, the weight, 1 Kilogram was a weight of a 1 Liter volume of water at 4℃.

And I had a Prototype of a 1 Meter to be made into a block of pure platinum and keep it in an Oxford University.

1588 Summer

This new measurement system was declared as an official measurement unit of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and the Netherlands – my Kingdom – under the name of a Gregorian Measurement Unit after getting the Congress’s permission. After that, I sent the Papal States an extra Prototype of a 1 Meter which was made with a bar of pure gold - the other one besides kept in the Oxford University under my order – with a message.

“Thanks to a late pope, Pope Gregory XIII, who amazingly made the Gregorian calendar, we could have made this new measurement system. I humbly give this honor to the Pope in the Rome and almighty God and Jesus Christ.”

So, Pope Sixtus V was very pleased with me donating this system and ordered all Catholic Churches in the world to use this Gregorian Measurement Unit.

‘Yes! I have done what Henry VIII and the Elizabeth I and the Stewarts in original history couldn’t try due to religious problems! Thank God I’m a Catholic, just like my mother, Queen Mary.’

1588 Fall

Henry III finally got surrender from Henry, the King of Navarre. Henry, the King of Navarre, had to give up his France throne succession right, and the Huguenots who joined with him and revolted had their right of freedom stripped off. Henry III officially declared the Huguenots exile and they were forced to leave their hometown and fled all over Europe – the Netherlands, Switzerland, the German Protestant states, etc. That means the French civil war was officially ended.

“Congratulations on your victory! You’re the hero of the Catholic World.”

“Don’t mention it. It was all thanks to you!”

“My pleasure. Now then, isn’t it time that you keep your promise? Hmm…?”

So, I congratulated him his victory and reminded him of the secret agreement which we made when I helped him return to Paris. In short, bring me Thano…I mean, Calais!

“You only helped me fight Henry I the Duke of Guise, and didn’t help me defeat the Henry, the King of Navarre and the Huguenots. So, you broke the promise first. No.”

‘Oh, so you ate your word, huh? Well, time to show who’s the boss around here!’

“…And that was what Henry III said to me. Gentlemen? What do you think? What should we do?”

“War!” “War!” “War!”

“Death to France!” “Death to Henry!” “No mercy to a liar!”

Just as I expected. The Parliament went bananas and with a unanimous decision, they granted me a free-pass to prepare for anti-France war. So, I both hired German mercenaries who became jobless after the Cologne War ended with an unconditional peace and drafted soldiers from all over England.

1589 Summer

The United Kingdom of Great Britain and the Netherlands declared war to France, and soon, 54,000 troops – which included the German mercenaries – swiftly attacked Paris via Netherlands route. Henry III fled to Chartres, and Paris was occupied by the United Kingdom’s army.

But since I only wanted Calais and didn’t want to fight with entire France by claiming myself as King of France, I sent a Henry, the King of Navarre a secret message.

「My friend Henry. If you return to right and just Catholic faith and return me, Calais, I’ll gladly help you become the true King of France.」

Henry, the King of Navarre, sent a short but impressive reply.

「Paris is worth a mass!」

So, he was re-baptized by the Catholic Church and with Royal Navy’s escort, he returned to France and entered Paris and claimed himself as Henry IV.

Later, I heard the news that Henry III said to his closest men

“Edward, that motherfucker apostate! He fucked me and sold France to antichrist heresies!”

I just replied by saying to my aides

“Let him whine. He lost Paris, so, how can he claim himself as King of France?”

Afterward, Henry III tried to reassemble the Catholic League of France and tried to fight with me and Navarre’s army. But it was futile. Hadn’t he already joined with me and fought with them before, when he eliminated the Henry I, the Duke of Guise?

So, their trust for Henry III was relatively weak and their strength was weakened and most of all, he lost Paris.

1590 Winter

Henry III’s Catholic League surrendered. He was forced to give up his crown and was locked up in a monastery at the Paris suburb while Henry IV was officially coronated. At the coronation day, Henry IV returned Calais to the United Kingdom.

Also, I suggested him a favor.

“As far as I know, you don’t have a wife, right? Then…how about accepting my eldest daughter, Elizabeth Tudor, as your partner?”

“…Thank you!”

So, Henry IV officially requested divorce with his queen – who was in separation with him from 1583 – to the Pope and was granted.

1591 Summer

Elizabeth Catherine Mary von Tudor Habsburg, my daughter, who was 16 years old and Henry de Bourbon (Henry IV) - never mind his age - was wed at Paris and became official couple which the Catholic Church endorsed.

On the day she was heading to France, Elizabeth stared at her father – me – and said fiercely

“I.am.the.Princess.Royal.of.England!”

I just replied

“Then, fulfill your duty as a princess to your kingdom and your king.”

‘What’s her problem? Does she…want the crown of the United Kingdom and plans to be the Queen, like my mother – Queen Mary? Fat Chance, girl! I’ll not put my kingdom at risk, you know.’