I drag my dripping, weary body out of the room and collapse in the gathering hall.

I wake up in a puddle of sadness and pain, abs aching from puking while my body attempts to catch up.

Steering clear from the pool room I take out my trusty water flask and wash my body the old fashioned way, scrubbing off all the salt and unidentified remnants clean.

Finally being clean from head to (regenerated) toe after so long, I regain full function of my nose.

The air smells so sweet I tear up.

My stomach announces its presence with a loud grumble.

I head back to the kitchen area to make some food, there might not be any stock but ill make do.

I shuffle around the pantry before finding a suitable pan, trying hard to make sense of how this stove works I somehow turned it on.

Alright, what would papa Ramsay do? Look for the lamb sauce? Wait I don’t even have my ingredients out!

Uhh, what do I have...

I take out a handful of greens, fruit, mystery meat and half a tuna. No condiments or sauce in sight.

My body shivers slightly when gazing at the headless fish and only now do I realise how fluffing big it is. How am I supposed to cook something twice my height?

How do I cut it? I search around for a bit and find a big fudge off cleaver. Perfect.

Firmly grasping it with both hands, I cleave a chunk out of the fish.

The tuna jolts up from the impact and slaps me across the room with a loud SMACK.

I dazedly get up, clattering the oh so helpful pots and knives that cushioned my fall.

...

‘’DON’T SAY A WORD IDENTIFY’’

I stomp over to the fish and put it back in my inventory. With the bloody tuna chunk now in hand, I chop up the rest of the ingredients with a vengeance.

I scoop everything up and dump them in the red hot pan. A plume of smoke erupts with loud crackling sounds. I hurriedly flip the pan and turn off the fire.

I stare at my magnum opus (now on a plate) and take a deep breath, the strong fishy smell perfectly complements its beautifully charred exterior, greens shrivelled up into nutritious bite-sized chips.

I cut into the main dish with my knife, crunching through the armour of charcoal, bright red blood oozes out as the meat still pulsates with the sauce of life.

I sniff, hand shaking as I put the delicacy in my mouth. Huh, I don’t remember adding any salt.

I wipe away my tears and finish the rest of the dish.

Thanks. Eatadakimas for the food. Clap clap.

Title get: Cursed Chef

I drag my soulless body out, up some stairs and into the next room. Thankfully it’s a bed or bunk.

I curl up in the loving embrace of a bed and just shut down.

Level up

--

Rumble

No

RUMBLE

I don’t wanna

R U M B L E

Please just

WEEEEEWOOOOOWEEEEEWOOOO

ALRIGHT WHAT IS IT

I jump out of the bed and get blinded by the blinking yellow lights

I leave the room just in time to find the top of the tower sliding open as a team of winged figures descend from above.

They fly around in circles scanning the area dispatching members to check the button room, kitchen room then pool room.

One of them lands right in front of me.

‘’Is it only you here?’’ the armoured birdman squawks in a commanding(?) tone

“Uhhh, y-yes?!” I blurt out

‘’Do you know where you are right now or where you came from?” he questions from behind his helmet

“I think I was eaten by a big fish or something. but I was on a journey to the dwarves and came from the big elf tree place” I mutter, still rubbing my eyes

“Noted. Follow us so we can take you out of here to be processed” the birdman turns around with long strides as more guards appear behind me

Processed?! Are they gonna eat me like a tuna??

I’m politely escorted to a large cage placed in the middle of the hall. Its cubic design really compliments such sturdy metal bars. two large birds are perched on a horizontal rod sticking out of the roof that reminds me of a bucket handle.

I sit comfortably in the middle of the cold metal floor, wrapping my arms around my knees as the guards lock the door.

The jail cell shakes as the tower rooms descend from my line of sight.

After a series of twists and turns, I finally reach the surface thanks to bird uber express and guard chauffeur. We land in front of an important-looking building where they finally let me out.

Is this where they will cut me up and ship me off in cans? What kind of processing requires such fancy buildings? This doesn’t look like a factory.

“This is where we will do all the questioning for customs to admit you into the city or back to the ground should you want to leave”

I’m led into a room devoid of anything but a wall-sized mirror and a chair, staring back at me is a healthy young boy with fluffy blackish hair, cat ears and, a long tail wearing nothing but a tattered grey cloak.

Wait, is that me? How long have I been naked?!?

I shiver in my seat slightly and ask identify “hey identify what the heartwarming shin tickler is going on?”

you made it out. Congratulations

“You smug littl-”

“Tap tap, is this thing on? Testing, one, two.” an older sounding voice questions

“Uh, hello?” my head jumps to where the voice is coming out from but find nothing

“First of all, I want to ask. Are you dressed like that for cultural reasons or just because you like it?”

I look down and my face turns beet red, “c-cultural of course! I-i mean the fish dissolved all my clothes!”

“Hmm, Anyways, greetings friend! How did you get into this predicament” the old man asked

“I was fighting some fish when a bigger fish ate me, then I woke up in a stinky cavern and hid in a tower when the guards showed up” I complain

“All alone?” he questions, slight doubt in his tone

“I had party members but we got separated before the whole eating thing so I don’t know where they are” I cross my arms and think of how side is doing

“Where were you heading to?” he inquires

“I was planning on going to the dwarven city, capital-place but not too sure after that”

“Gyah hah, you are quite a distance from your goal my friend” he chuckles

“Now for the serious questions, who are you and what do you plan to do here?” the voice deepens with an air of authority

“Uh, y-you want my guild card or something? I didn’t really plan to do anything here since I got swooped up by accident. Do you have a taxi to the dwarves by any chance?” I stutter, tail twitching

“Place your id here. A flight to the dwarves will open next month and your permit will last for three. Have a deflightful stay, pal”

a small slot opens up in the wall, I place my adventurer’s guild card (that I took from my inventory) in and receive a printed receipt covered in bizarre runes and stamps.

I return everything into my inventory and exit the now open door.

Name: Sucksuke

Level: 67

Str: 125 (+60)

Sta: 60 (+4.8)

Race: Beastkin - Cat - Other?

Class: Assassin

Spd: 121 (+39.93)

Agi: 45 (+17.1)

HP: 95% aliveness

MP: --?

End: 50 (+8)

Vit: 47 (+10.11)

Unspent points: 3.5

Status: worn and wary

Int: 40 (-8.14)

Wis: 33 (-3.72)

Skills

Titles

Cheat Skill: Succ lv 36

Immortality lvl 26/50

Otherworlder

A kitty

Accuracy lvl 7/10

Item box lvl 13/20

The unchanging

Cheat skill holder

Night vision lvl 7/15

Identify: wheezing

Sucker

Main character

Catlike

Bad luck

Clutz

hold E to heal

Martial arts

cut me some slack

Pyrophobia

Hand to claw combat lvl 6/10

Sharp claws MAX

Superhuman strength

Snowball warrior

Swordbreaker style lvl 6/10

Summon sword style lvl 3/10

Dungeon diver

Cross-dresser

Party members

Baboon king

One who overcame calamity

Every Side Character - level 55 cardboard mage

Illuminate - level 43 light elf guide

Superhuman speed

An idiot

Cursed Chef