How the flock am I meant to fight that?

The monster's roar launches debris at breakneck speeds, I know this because an elf next to me just got his neck broken from a piece of shrapnel. Now how am I supposed to fight this thing? It’s hard enough to fight something that massive and the type disadvantage to elves certainly ups the certain doom level in my things that can kill me list. Now if I had some way to distract it I could try using suck to… do something.

As I was pondering on what to do a certain white-suited elf strums his guitar causing the whole ground to ripple ‘’JAILHOUSE. ROCK!’’ with a shout, pillars of earth shoot forth from the ground in an encirclement of the titanic treant… in the form of a giant ship.

The giant wooden fidget spinner thrashes against its stone confines in an attempt to break free but to no avail, I guess its gonna stay like that for a while. Fiddling with my necklace I try to think of a way to contribute, oh right! The baboons! I totally forgot about them, how do I use this again? I grab the necklace and beat my chest plate producing a tink tink sound, take a deep breath and scream HOOOOO!

A high-pitched echo sweeps through the forest outside followed by thousands of screeches and the beating of flesh, numerous ugly faces pop out of the ruined forest with eyes gleaming with hatred. Baboon elders raise their tree branch staves summoning fireballs encasing stone and throwing any kind of magic a baboon can throw. The melee oriented baboons whack at it with flaming branches ever so slowly reducing the size of this timber titan.

All the elves stare in mute shock at the events currently underway, not that I blame them since this is quite the spectacular sight if I do say so myself. Where did the baboons learn to use magic and coordinate like that? Some of them are even wearing special armour! Well now that the lumbering legend is preoccupied I try to suck a little piece out of it, drawing a strand of the wood element from its fibrous figure into my item box. Surprisingly, it works! I continue sucking its wood making sure not to attract any attention as it battles against the combined forces of elves and baboons. I continue storing up a ball of wood element in my item box, watching as it slowly expands filling up a dangerous amount of space, I stop sucking when my inventory filled and notice I barely made a dent! How much mana is in this thing!

‘’I! AM!! GROOT!!!’’ with an earth-shattering roar, the earth shatters freeing this timber tyrant from its earthen enclosure and ending the lives of thousands as chaos ensues. A groovy tune lifts the spirits and stats of all who are facing against the mahogany monstrosity, so this is what it feels like to have a high levelled bard in your party, with a single tune our output tripled and recovery doubled giving us a fighting chance again.

Picking up the pace everyone pours in spells like nothing before, explosions rocking the heavens, tornados connecting the sky, flames melting the ground, golems emerging, laser beams, water jets, hail, you name it. At this point a 2km radius around the pine perpetrator has been converted to a land of death, anything that enters instantly vaporizes from the heavy spell bombardment leaving the warriors just… standing there awkwardly. Normally a 2km distance from your enemy would make you too far away to even see it but the sheer size of that cedar calamity makes it that you can shoot anywhere and still hit it albeit at a drastically decreased level taking account of magic range and dissipation.

CRACK

With a rumble that was unlike anything before, cracks appear all throughout the city, yup, all this time and we are still in the tree. The gaping hole that that balsa being created is collapsing like a bridge made of glass, my sensitive ears have long since stopped working as the decibel levels continue to rise. I swear, making my body extra sensitive has been the worst mistake of my life and it keeps haunting me every time.

A profoundly ancient aura sweeps through everything from the top down seemingly from the heavens themselves, a cold snort followed by the space itself tearing draws all attention to the frail old elf that just stepped out of the tear in reality. Long white beard flowing in the wind as he leans on an ancient cane that weathered the test of time, worn robes made out of an unidentified fluffy animal, knitted wizard hat with the words ‘Deus ex’ on the side and pink slippers that squeak every step he makes.

‘’WHO THE FUCK DISTURBED MY NAP!!’’

Like a cranky grandpa flinging spittle whilst scolding naughty children, the old elves magic infused voice ceased all movement and the air itself solidified. One glance around would instantly point you to the perpetrator, the terrible teak elemental struggling under some invisible pressure.

‘‘Hmph, so it was you?’’ the elder elf looks at the quivering quaruba with disdain and takes a deep breath. ‘’BEGONE FAG’’ a shockingly deep bellow erupts from the senior sage, magic in the air begins to seethe as countless mystical circles appear all around the trembling tatajuba and with a blinding flash of light our foe is no longer with us.

General Elfis rushes to this esteemed elder and bows pale as a sheet and trembling slightly ‘’s-sorry to disturb you elder but… where exactly did you send that thing?’’ huh? Send it? So he didn’t kill it outright? Aw, come one!

The elder smiles and walks away, slippers squeaking accompanied by a ‘tack… tock’ of his cane. A wrinkly hand akin to gnarled wood stretches its index finger up. Up? What does he mean by that? With a look of nonchalance, the venerable elf says just one word. ‘’Space.’’ And vanishes with a squeak.

What… was that?

A minute passes

Everyone erupts into cheer.

We.

We did it?

WE DID IT!

A grand celebration is held throughout the tree city, everyone who partook is invited, even the baboons. laughter and tears echo throughout the following night.

Cheat skill: Succ levelled up Level up Level up Level up Title get: One who overcame calamity

Wait what? I sit here in my room at the inn and think, why did I get that title? I wasn’t the only one who fought. I turn my head to side buried somewhere under her bed ‘’Oi Side, did you just get a title?’’

A thin head pokes out of the bed sheet ‘’y-yeah, ‘one who witnessed calamity’, right? M-my stats increased by a bit’’ witnessed? Huh, does that mean everyone got a title? Side didn’t even do anything yet she got one. Is it based on contribution? Even then I didn’t do much. Oh well, I will take what I can get.'' hey identify, tell me about my new title''

One who overcame calamity - granted to those who participated in a fight against a calamity level being and won. +8% all stats

We meet up again with I while touring the festival, he says he wants to join us in our journey while flying around us in circles, not sure where exactly our journey is but side seems to approve of him so I give my consent. I-it’s not like I accepted him because of his pats or anything! His general knowledge will be very useful since side only cares about magic and I know nothing. Yup. Oh right, I never identified him. ‘’hey identify, show me his stats’’

Illuminate, level 36 light elf guide, threat 20%

You only now ask about your companion’s stats? A normal dude. He is proficient in flying and light magic. Knowledgeable on a broad spectrum and has high people skills. Friendly and outspoken with a thirst for adventure.

We walk around buying all the wood elemental themed snacks and chatting along the way, getting to know each other and whatnot, eventually coming to a giant stone slab near the centre of town with a list of names.

‘’This is the death toll, 523,643 confirmed and a lot more missing. Some even say that triple the deaths simply vanished before the attack, erased from our minds and we are only now noticing along with the strange changes happening all around, like that giant bouncy castle near the entrance or chocolate coming from our fountains. They just seem so. Right. Being there that no one ever questioned how they got there in the first place until now’’ I questioned while scratching his head.

what?! They had a bouncy castle near the entrance? Why did I not know about this! And a chocolate fountain too!

Those matters aside I think this must be the work of the demon lord, no one else has the power to do that shift for the lols without anyone noticing. I don’t know how long ago he changed those things but this makes me uneasy.

A warm hand lands atop my head sending tingles through my body ‘’relax, what's done is done and the tree is still standing. What we should focus on now is to help repair. Maybe the adventurers guild has some jobs?’’ h-hey! I wasn’t worried about that. S-stop stroking my ears! I swat away the needy hand with a red face, d-don’t laugh!

‘’Y-yes lets go to the guild and check some jobs!’’ I hurriedly say and speed walk towards the guild

we reach the polka-dotted guild swarmed with people and head in. inside is just as expected, full of people. How are we meant to get anywhere with all these people? I look up at the floating I and have an idea. Kicking off the ground and grabbing side I jump and land on I’s back, with a startled yelp he falls to the ground with a soft thump.

‘’What was that for!’’ he flails about eventually getting back in the air.

‘’it is too crowded on the ground so carry us! And It’s not like we’re heavy, now fly us to victory my trusty steed’’ I whisper to the elf beneath me with a smile. The guild being as rowdy and crowded as it is, completely ignores the screams of the elf as we fly past them.

Staring down at the board with my excellent eyesight greets me with a bunch of construction quests. ‘’What kind of quest do should we take?’’ I ask

‘’I-I think we should come back later, w-when the place is a little less crowded’’ side says while shaking

Why didn’t you say that when we just entered? I floats us out of the guild and back to open air while I munch on snacks behind his back. ‘’What do we do now?’’ I ask the group with a full mouth.

‘’Can you not eat on me?’’ I asks me while floating around, taking us wherever the breeze goes. Hmm is there anything else that needs to be done? ‘’OH let's go shopping again! I still need a bunch of miscellaneous ship’’ I also need to upgrade my door sword, give it an actual handle and make the whole thing generally usable. ‘’do you know any smithies capable of upgrading my sword?’’ I ask. I don’t recall elves being the greatest blacksmiths but who knows.

‘’You have a sword?’’ I exclaimed in shock. Why are you so surprised? Just because I'm small doesn’t mean I can’t use a sword. ‘’well duh, anyway, do you know a place that can forge my 5-meter door?’’

…

‘’I don’t think we have the facilities for that kind of project if you are talking about a sword that size the best place would be the dwarf city of Mountain Place’’ I says thoughtfully

Mountain Place? That sounds like the perfect city for dwarves to hang out.

We spend the rest of our time shopping and filling my inventory with random frap that might have a use later but most likely not and go back to the inn for a nights rest. I marvel at the technology of the elves while on the toilet, how they made a system where your excrement gets turned into fertilizer to fuel everything in the city and magic commands move plants like machines. Elves always gave the impression of being primitive by relying on plants for everything but looking closely shows that they are just as advanced as every other place, not that I've been to many places.

Item box levelled up

The next morning we leave the inn and get greeted by the general, Elfis Presley ordering around some construction workers and playing his guitar to speed the growth of plants. The coolest thing I noticed about the city being in a tree is that the construction and repair are super easy. All they have to do is use plant magic and the houses grow back and repair, already the giant hole in the wall is almost patched up and waiting to get reinforced. I wonder how much money they save using this model.

Elfis turns around and we lock eyes.

Oh no.

He strides over flashing a dazzling smile ‘’hey there, baby. Do you want to, Boogey down?’’

I remember what identify said about me being in his strike zone and promptly turn around, heading to the adventurers guild and meeting I along the way. ‘’you have everything sorted?’’ he asks.

I check everything and confirm ‘’I have done everything that needs to be done, not like I had anything to do anyway. Side wants to stay in the library but half the books got destroyed in the attack and the rest would still make us stay for a few years. So all good’’ as I say that side looks longingly at the library as we enter the adventurers guild.

I walk up to the board and get any relevant quests and dumping them at the counter. This is so much of a hassle. The receptionist takes the tags and our cards ‘’oh and can I make side and I in a party?’’ I ask, apparently, you can officially be in parties unlike the agreed on groups I was in before. ‘’I take it is those two? One second, Done. Happy hunting’’ he says and waves us off. You can tell he had to deal with people the whole day and just wants to be done.

We leave the city through the tollgates and head to our next destination.

Home of the dwarves: Mountain Place.

Status: Chaos begone! Name: Sucksuke Level: 57 Race: Beastkin - Cat Class: Assassin HP: 1656.19 MP: -- Str: 125 (+60) Sta: 59 (4.64) Spd: 50 (+9) Agi: 42 (+15.2) End: 50 (+8) Vit: 47 (+10.11) Int: 40 (-8.14) Wis: 33 (-3.72) Unspent points: 35 Skills Cheat skill: Succ lvl 32 Restore lvl 21/50 Accuracy lvl 7/10 Item box lvl 11/20 Night vision lvl 5/15 Translate Identify Feline reflexes Md rstan͏c ar̵g Feline intuition Luck down Feline curiosity Martial arts: Hand-to-claw combat lvl 5/10 Sharp claws MAX Swordsmanship Swordbreaker style lvl 6/10 Summon sword style lvl 3/10 Titles Otherworlder Beastkin - Cat Character creator Cheat skill holder Sucker Main character One who stared into t̴he abyss Scaredy cat Black cat Natural airhead hold E to heal cut me some slack Pyrophobia Superhuman strength Snowball warrior Dungeon diver Cross-dresser Baboon king One who overcame calamity Party members Every Side Character - level 48 cardboard mage Illuminate - level 36 light elf guide