‘’Ugh my head. ‘’

I open my eyes to see a world of only white and some old dude giggling at me “WHERE THE FUCK AM I!. IS THIS FUCKING DEATH?!?” The old guy which I presume to be god restrains his giggling with a light cough

Yup. You died, Sucks don’t it? he says resuming his giggling

“Ugh I can’t fucking remember anything with this headache, so how’d I die?” Please tell me it was something cool like stopping a murder or sacrificing myself to stop a bomb

Truck.

“TRUCK-KUN GOT ME?!?” I got struck by a cliché on wheels?! I thought those only happen in anime! The old man bursts out laughing

PFFFT HAHAHA nope, you were drunk and started sucking on its exhaust pipe. That’s a really sucky way to die He manages to squeeze out in-between laughing fits

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING MEEEEEE!!” I scream to the heavens, In this case, All around me

Watch your language! I’m going to need to do something about that mouth of yours he mumbles under his breath

AHA! That will work! CENSORSHIP! With a clap of his hands, my mouth starts to feel weird

You are no longer able to swear and all your swears will be replaced with something more child-friendly

“What the suck did you do to me!” Oh, shizzle my words changed, HOLY FLOP MY THOUGHTS TOO!

Now that that’s out of the way! Here comes the real reason you’re here. For giving me such a good laugh I’m sending you to one of your oh so favourite ‘isekai’ worlds complete with the ‘litrpg’ that you’ve always wished.

“Holy short…” I get to be the main character?

Yup. And you even get to customise your character along with the usual hero pack! I’m doing this just for you, you know.

“Hero pack?” That sounds like the kind of thing stores hand out in goodie bags

You know. Just the usual auto-translate, item box, identify, cheat skill, that sort of stuff you normally get when you cross-worlds.

“Makes sense, so what sort of cheat skill do I get?” I hope I get a cool one like ‘steal’ or ‘infinite mana’

Cheat skills are very powerful (hence cheat) in that they have no max level and don’t require mana or any sort of price/backlash but because of this they overwrite anything related to mana. So no spells, magic, skills (related to mana), mana manipulation and so on.

“Well that balances itself out I guess since you can just keep spamming your cheat skill” Even overpowered things get nerfed so it makes sense that a so-called ‘cheat skill’ has a few drawbacks

Cheat skills themselves vary depending on what they are and how ‘vague’ it is for example, with the cheat skill ‘Fireball’ you can summon a ball of fire, Shoot it, Change its speed, Control other balls of fire, Shange its size. but you can never step outside it being a ball of fire, Such as changing its shape into not a ball or material to something not fire. While the cheat skill ‘’Fire’’ allows you to wield the element itself. So in the case a user of ‘Fireball’ and ‘Fire’ come to conflict, ‘Fire’ will almost always win unless the former’s level is substantially higher.

‘’… So.. what is MY cheat skill?’’ All this hyping up is killing me, metaphorically speaking since I’m dead... I think

Phehehe. ‘Succ’

…

‘’THAT’S NOT EVEN A TRUCKING WORD!!’’ What kind of skill isn’t even a real word! The heck does that even mean?

Hey, you should be thanking me for making it so vague!. Now you can do anything related to sucking in any way shape or form. All that’s stopping you is your imagination and levels, Mainly levels though. ‘’Stopping me from what? What can I do with sucking!’’ Do I have to go into the Corn industry? Do I get a massive straw?

Your problem, not mine. Now let’s make that body of yours

Sigh, How are you even a god? Dodging questions so readily ‘’So what sort of character can I make’’? I hope it isn’t too complicated since I love customising the heaven out of characters to fit just right

Don’t worry about it, it’s just like creating a character in a game, where you select your body type, face, race, class and distribute stats

Hrmm, That’s reassuring. What sort of playstyle will go with my cheat? ‘Succ’ can mean anything.

A lightbulb dings above my head giving me some possible combinations. I could go for ranged, With homing shots that suck towards targets, Melee that… distracts enemies? Magic is out for obvious reasons.

‘’I choose my class to be an assassin, As I would be able to stick to walls and throw homing knives with succ’’ I’ve always wanted to spooderman my way around and be all sneaky sneaks. who knows, maybe I could make my own creed.

Class set to Assassin

So many races to choose from, Sadly none of the more powerful ones like dragon is on there but there are a bunch of really obscure ones. What the flake is a cardboard boxkin? My race needs to be nimble and fast with good reflexes.

‘’I choose the race to be cat-type Beastkin’’ they have a debuff on magic stats which is useless to me and a buff on physical type stats that I need, Focusing on agility and speed. That bird type looks really tempting though since wings are cool and all. ground-based birds like the emu-type beastkin also look really powerful but for some reason, its greyed out.

Race set to Beastkin: Cat

‘’Set height to small and face to Cute’’ I need to be a smaller target for my enemies

Being an assassin and all, it is vital for me to not get hit. Setting my face to cute now makes me look like a little kid albeit a little girly. Perfect for tricking people. After all, Cuteness is justice and totally not to do with anything else. Nope

Height set: 140cm (4’7’’)

Now for the details.

‘’Set gender to male, hair and eye colour to black’’ I need to blend in the dark after all, And definitely not because all main characters are like this, assassins work in the dark and cats like the dark so logically I also need to blend in the dark as well. I wonder if I could set other genders too? can I set it to hermaphrodite?

hair/fur/eye set: natural black

Natural black? as opposed to night black or void black? I wonder what kinds of other things I can set. I wish there was a function to show me all the available secret settings. Umm ‘’set hair to soft?’’ I might as well have super soft hair if I’m going with the whole child assassin look.

All hair now soft and fluffy

You can do that?! what other things can I set? seriously, where is the ‘secret options’ tab? and why am I saying what to set out loud?

‘’set the sensitivity on high’’ I need to be able to feel my surroundings, I saw in somewhere that a good assassin can be able to track using the vibrations on the ground.

You will now feel more

That’s pretty vague

‘’set pain off?’’ I hope this works or else I will be in a whole world of hurt. Like what do you mean ‘Feel more’? Like my feelings? My senses? My physical body? Everything?

Unable to execute

Rip in peace anytime I get hurt. Can I set myself to be a moderator/god?

‘’Set the profile to admin’’ it would be pretty funny if I can be a god just because I set myself to admin

Unable to execute

It was worth a shot, Can I at least regen? ‘’set regeneration to high’’ since I would get hurt a lot it would be nice to have a handy regeneration so I don’t need healers or potions

Regeneration set to high

Oh shirt that actually worked can I get magic with this? ‘’set magic to high’’ it would be a loophole if I can just give myself magic here to counteract the cheat skill no magic rule

Unable to execute

Yarn cant get around that one, ‘’Set skills to high’’ or ‘’Set skill gain to high’’ Can I be one of those protagonists that can learn everything just from looking?

Unable to execute skill levels now easier

No swinging a sword once and getting 10 levels for me. What else is there? ‘’Set strength to high’’

Please wait for the next section to allocate stats

Oh, So you cant set stats in this section? Then what was I doing? Do hidden stats count? ‘’set charisma to high’’

People will get a favourable impression of you

I guess that counts, So I can set hidden skills here? ‘’set luck to high’’ I hope I can be like those Mc’s that can stumble on a pot of gold because they tripped or something

Unable to execute

Does this world not have RNG/luck or am I just unable to set that here? Oh, I almost forgot! ‘’Set mini-me to large’’ even though I’m a kid, That doesn’t mean I will never use it in the future

mini-me no longer mini

I can't think of anything else to set so I guess that’s it for looks

would you like to confirm your looks? Yes No

In front of me is a cute, young boy approximately 10-12 years old. About as tall as my chest with short black hair and eyes, with triangular cat ears and a rather long tail.

Natural black hair on his head, ears and tail included. When shined with light reveals it is just really dark brown, His eyes are also that really dark brown colour that looks like it is a normal thing that people can be born with.

He has triangular sharp pointed nails on each finger but not on the toes. An innocent face that you want to protect, Soft fluffy yet short hair that you can't help but pat, And junk that looks out of place on the body of a child but not too monstrous. The perfect disguise for a ruthless assassin, And in no way, shape or form part of my interests

Yes