The Kkyrunig were a proud and noble species. Some of their most renowned figures had been gaining fame and favour in the courts across the land as both avid capable adventurers and heroes or political figures. Trying desperately as many of their kind did to dispel the initial distrust and prejudices against them which stemmed from centuries of slavery and combat from the neighbouring human realms to the Kkyrunnig homeland. The hearsay and tales which resulted painting the species as barbaric and uncivil, a race as animalistic as they appear. It was only in recent times as more stories of their legends spread that people came to welcome them into cities as genuine citizens and regard them as people, not just animals.

Then there was Lichter. Who just doesn’t give a shit.

As the team casually traversed the countryside with merry abandon Lichter had been switching between walking on all fours, chasing random wildlife, defecating in front of everyone, refusing to wear more clothes or any at all and pretending to be an actual crocodile. The closest to civil he had managed was when he decided to mix things up and pretended to be a road sign. Twice.

“Seriously Lich’ if you won’t put clothes on for all of us, at least consider doing it so someone will actually hire us in the next town?” Ross whined; an argument that was becoming very familiar.

Lichter looked back over his shoulder and raised his tail for his initial response, presenting his backside with a clearer view “I don’t see what the point is, clothes are so uncomfortable and all my goods are tucked away inside me you can’t even see nothin’”

While he had a point, the finer workings of Kkyrunig anatomy were not something any of the assembled team were willing to discuss that morning. Ross continued “A sash, or something then, please! If you won’t play ball come the next town, we’re pretending you’re a pet so that people take us seriously and give us a job.”

“It’s a guild hall Ross, I don’t think they can deny you a job if it’s posted and you want it” Wiesse stated, fully aware that no line of reasoning would get the Croc-man to change his mind.

The old friends walked at the back of the troupe with the front row viewing of Lichter’s arse. Ahead Yerin and Troit were lost in recollections of their early swindling days.

The sun shimmered across the river they walked besides where the gentle ripples of its surface were brightly outlined within the suns rays. Beneath the rivers surface, small fish darted amoungst the pebbels and faught against the mild tide. The hills they had left in the morning had petered out into flat land, where the dirt paths they took, created by centruries of journeymen and travellers was carved through the easiest route of mild planes and feilds. Now the dirt roads had been returned into stone cobbles and lead the team alongside the river between small hilly valleys. Indicating that a town was near.

Yerin had never failed to successfully lead them to civilisation. Drunken ramblings had once let slip that he had been a tracker for his native army, but how much of what had been claimed was true was unsure.

Wiesse tussled his messy dark blonde curls and took his jacket off, the friends kept the attire they wore in the theatre days, designed to be bold and eye catching their matching jackets had big ornate buttons and gold filigree, Wiesse draped his over his shoulders and rolled up his sleeves. “I hope you know that it isn’t going to be damsels in distress and fat gold purses Ross.”

“Well I figured we’ll have to make a name for ourselves before we get anything that lucrative” Ross replied, keeping his jacket on but flapping it to fan himself and blowing a lock of his brown curly hair from his eyes. Ross and Wiesse had markedly similar features and back when they performed had often been mistaken for twins. It made for a great trick or two on stage and they often performed together. Both being attractive they often landed the roles of ‘pretty hero that gets the girl’. Their similar looks meant they could provide backup for a role when the other wasn’t feeling up for the act. It was, in part what had solidified their lifelong friendship.

“We’ll probably need to do some crappy jobs first but that’s part of the fun. Squiz even wrote about the first few jobs the crew he travelled with had to do, little things like clear some giant rats out and something to do with carrots” Ross whimsically sighed.

Lichter, who continued to crawl on all fours, leaving dirt lines across his white underbelly fell back to be between the friends and inject himself into the conversation “What’re these stories you talk about Ross my boy?”

It was of no surprise to either Ross or Wiesse that Lichter had never read them. They weren’t entirely sure Lichter could read for one thing. But Squiz was such a renowned name that Ross couldn’t help being taken aback slightly by Lichter’s confusion “Tales of heroism and adventure, camaraderie and all those great things Lich’ man. It’s hard to say”

“Any Kkyrunnig in these stories?” Lichter asked, a tone of genuine intrigue coming through

“Well I’ll be damned, the man-croc has feelings” Wiesse near shouted, and Lichter playfully swished his tail into the actor’s legs.

“There are a couple as it goes”

The conversation was cut short as Yerin shuffled behind Wiesse urgently “Bandits!” he said and pointed ahead.

Coming down the road to meet them were six large men on horseback. They were well armoured and had an assortment of weapons strapped about their person and chargers.

“Well what do we have here?” one said, revealing himself as the leader

“What do you have here?” Troit responded, blissfully ignorant to any danger

The assembled group laughed mockingly “Well looks to me like we have four little boys out on this here dangerous road”

“Looks like they could be in trouble” another of the bandits added, eliciting more mocking laughter.

Ross took a quick headcount to see if their aggressor was bad at maths, a dimwit or just blind. Only to discover that they were indeed numbering four. At some point a nine-foot Kkyrunnig managed to genuinely sneak off. The bastard.

The bandit leader continued “I’m thinking you boys could get in a lot of trouble around these parts. That is if we decide you should that is”, He grinned from behind a greasy black beard and showed off his missing teeth. “Best you search those pockets of yours, see if we can’t come up with a little toll for the safety we’re offering”

“Ask him how much” Yerin said from behind Wiesse. The older man was clutching to Wiesse’s sleeve and trying his best to hide behind the thin frame of the actor.

At this point Ross finally saw Lichter. The fat useless Crocodile man was floating lazily in the river watching events unfold. He’s actually pretending to be a crocodile to get out of this, the dickhead Ross thought. Then the idea that his friend may be waiting to ambush the attackers crossed his mind and a scheme played in Ross’s head.

Taking a deep breath and calling upon the long unused acting skills Ross stepped forward, directly in front of the lead bandit, puffed out his chest and began laughing, matching the bandits mocking tone as he bellowed, behind him Yerin let out an audible whimper as his imminent death became apparent.

“You dare approach us you scum with such petty claims on our safety?” Ross’s voice started to falter as he finished the sentence and the idea this plan of his wouldn’t work became as possible a reality as the very displeased frowns on gathered faces were. The bandit leader looked annoyed and shifted in his saddle, ready to say something. Ross cut him off, momentum was key for his plan.

“Why, you dare address the most fabled adventuring party in the land. We, who have slain countless monsters and bested armies to shackle corrupted kings, you address us?”

A burst of confusion was elicited by the bandit leader but Ross kept moving, drowning out any further statement with his speech “You stand before the greatest swordsman in all the land and dare mock me with claims that I require you for safety?!” He had their attentions alright, but Ross was running out of steam and needed Lichter to make his move soon before he lost his head.

“Greatest swordsman is ya?” one of the other bandits stated and Ross used it to his advantage laying claim to some great deed he wasn’t even sure was possible.

“Where’s your sword then?” A different bandit said and suddenly the facade was lost. Ross didn’t own a sword. He never had.

“Shit” he said, after a moments silence had occurred “Lichter, now would be the time to help”

The bandits collectively followed the gaze of all four of the adventurers on the road to the gently floating crocodile next to them. Another silent pause followed as all eyes were cast on the face of the Kkyrunnig.

“What’s that?” the bandits asked one another. Again Yerin whelped.

Then all of a Sudden water was being splashed about and the Kkyrunnig stood up in the shallow river before them.

“Fine, but only because you’re an idiot” Lichter said.

Being suddenly presented with a nine-foot crocodile man does a lot of things to a person and unsurprisingly it does a lot more things to a horse. Especially when that crocodile man emerges from apparently nowhere, making a big splash as he does, a lot of noise and is immediately next to your head, with his own significantly toothier face.

What preceded Lichter’s immergence was essentially the equivalent of six full grown horses shitting themselves and absolutely losing their minds.

All six horses reared up and began whinnying. One of the horses fumbled, too much weight from the rider that rearing up onto two legs pulled it back and the creature landed on its rider. After messily getting to its feet it bolted, spooked from the scene dragging the rider along where his feet were caught up in the saddle.

One down Ross thought.

Another horse was well handled by the rider, but the bandit lost his nerves and turned tale screaming that the Kkyrunnig was a monster all the while disappearing further into the distance.

Two down.

The leader was thrown from his horse, landing square on his back and winded he gasped for breaths as his steed backed away, it stayed close, but put as much distance between it and everyone as it could.

Three down.

Of the three left one horse began bucking and eventually demounted the rider, whom dropping to the floor, was trampled by the creature.

One hell of a bruise that’ll leave, four down.

One rider was skilled enough to turn the situation into a smooth dismount and got away from the panicking animal, however in doing so he left his weapons behind and just stared at the Kkyrunig next to him.

As good as dead, five down.

The last bandit corrected his horse and pulled his blade, aiming it at no one in particular. Well crap Ross thought, we were nearly there. It wasn’t quite his plan, but it certainly seemed to work, this revised course of actions just looked a little bit more stabby than he would have liked.

Lichter wasted no time and punched the nearest bandit, the one without a weapon or horse, in the face. The blow sounded heavy and liable to leave the man unconscious for a long time as he splatted against the ground with speed.

The significantly larger threat gingerly approached and Lichter dropped to all fours making it hard for the bandit to reach with a short sword from atop his horse. The man-croc then proceeded to snap at the horse and rider and chase them around leaving Ross fully confident that once again they had avoided certain death at the hands of bandits thanks to sheer dumb luck and mild fuckery.

The leader of the bandits continued spluttering on the floor.

“Ah, Troit do me a favour and take him out would you” Ross said, looking down on the bandit

Troit grinned and moved forward, taking the table leg from his belt and in one swift blow knocked out the last conscious bandit.

“I must admit, I can’t believe that worked” Wiesse said as he came up next to Ross

“Wasn’t too bad for a bit of improvisation no?”

“Ross?” Yerin squeaked from behind

“What’s up?”

“So, you don’t have a sword?” Yerin looked about and there was not a single blade on anyone’s belt.

“That I do not… do you think I’ll need one?” Ross asked, the question genuine

Wiesse grimaced as he watched Lichter devour the poor bandit’s steed while the rider ran away “You’re an idiot Ross” he said “but to be honest, I’m not even sure we’ll need one”