There I stood—in front of the entrance leading to hell. I didn’t want to be there. But, I couldn’t escape because of the guard dog stationed behind me. Although out running her wouldn’t be a problem—through some act of witchcraft, voodoo magic, or curse; she managed to convince me to go to Iris’ room.

As she demanded, I rang the doorbell to the girl’s room.

There was no answer.

Quick to give up, I turned to face Henrika and shrugged my shoulders in defeat. I gave it my best and had nothing to show for it. Unfortunately, Henrika wasn’t too keen to let me leave that easily.

“Try again,” Henrika ordered as she pointed at the doorbell.

“She won’t answer. Give it a rest.” I complained.

“Just try a few more times. I promise if she doesn’t answer in the next few tries, I’ll let you go.” She pleaded.

“I’m holding you to those words…” I reluctantly turned around and rang the doorbell a few more times as instructed.

Same as before—no answer.

A wave of concern washed over Henrika’s face as she held her hands together. Her eyes remained fixated on the door—hoping that Iris would open it. Unlike her, I didn’t expect much.

One couldn't quickly get over the death of a close friend. Elena and Iris were close. Perhaps the closest out of any of the players. Nothing could come in between them.

Well, almost nothing.

Eventually, when Henrika and I prepared to leave, the door slowly opened. Iris stuck her head out and called out to us. Her eyes were red and swollen—her face, puffy.

“What do you want?” She demanded.

“We came here to check on you,” answered Henrika. “You didn’t come for breakfast. You need to eat something.”

“Not hungry.”

“Look, at least let us come in and talk. It’s not good to stay cooped up in your room all day.”

“I’ll come out when it’s time for the next game to start.”

“Fine. But we must talk. I refuse to let you carry the burden of Elena’s death alone.”

Iris’ gaze shifted from Henrika and I a few times. Her eyes of judgment soon rested on me. “Then what’s he doing here? I didn’t think he cared.”

“What gave you that idea?” I questioned her.

“You didn’t seem disturbed at all when Elena died. You rarely spoke during the debate.” She moved her sight to Henrika. “I bet she forced you to come here.”

“You’re right about that.”

“Ambrose!” Henrika scolded me.

“But regardless of why I’m here—I’m here. Carpe Diem.” I threw my hands up in a cheap imitation of Iris’ cheer. That action alone damaged my pride significantly. However, it brought a soft smile on the girl’s face.

“You’re terrible at cheering,” Iris teased as she stepped aside and allowed us into her room. Henrika found a nearby chair while I preferred to stand. I had no intention to stay long.

The first few moments passed in awkward silence. Surely, no one had any definite clue how to begin. In fact, I had no idea what the meeting was after all.

An intervention? Therapy? Counseling?

Counseling seemed like the best term.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Henrika making faces at me. She also gestured for me to start things off. But, I ignored her. She was the one that forced me along. No harm in having her finish what she started.

However, the one that eventually broke the silence was none other than Iris.

“For people that came all this way to talk, you’re sure not doing very much of it.” She pointed out.

“Sorry…” Henrika shifted her attention to Iris. “So, how are you feeling?”

Iris smacked her lips and rolled her eyes. A fair response. If the girl’s messy hair and swollen eyes weren’t a clear indicator of her mood; Henrika needed to get her eyes checked.

“Starting off with that, huh? Okay then…” Iris ran her hand through her hair. A few strands of it were left in her palm once she showed us her hand. “Obviously, I’m not doing so great. I'm under a lot of stress here."

“That’s fair. You just lost a dear friend after all.” Henrika nodded her head in agreement.

“That’s an understatement. I didn’t lose Elena. She was taken. By that bastard Darius…” Iris tightly clasped her hands together. Veins popped up on her hands and forehead. “That son of a bitch. He’s going to pay for this. One way or the other.”

The poor girl went down a dangerous path. Her frustration and rage buried her better judgment—her morality.

Henrika hurriedly approached Iris and placed her hands on the girl’s shoulders. “Don’t speak that way, Iris! I get that you're angry! You have every right to be! But, don't do something that you're going to regret!"

In a show of defiance, Iris removed Henrika’s hands from her shoulders. “Too late for that! It’s far too late for that! I regret all of this! I wish I never decided to play these stupid games! If I knew I’d go through all this pain again…”

“Again? What are you talking about?”

It was at that moment Iris told us everything about her situation. Throughout all her school years, she had a best friend named Tam. The two of them were inseparable. Unknown to others, the two of them were in a relationship—a couple.

When their status as lovers was revealed through mysterious sources, their lives took a turn for the worst. Iris’ parents demanded that she cut ties with Tam and that she sought treatment for her disease. Tam’s parents called her a disgrace to the family and disowned her.

The constant bullying and harassment at school didn’t make their lives any more comfortable. It eventually got to the point where Tam reached her breaking point and committed suicide by jumping off the school roof. No funeral arrangements were made for her.

Tam’s parents didn’t even bother to claim the body.

Iris was the one that took the burden of doing that. She did several odd jobs to raise enough money to give her lover a proper funeral and burial. It was then she encountered a recruiter for the games—Tanet. The son of a bitch manipulated her during her time of stress into becoming a player.

“Iris that’s…that’s just awful. I’m so sorry…” Henrika lowered her head.

“What do you have to be sorry for? You didn’t do anything wrong. None of this lies on any of you. It’s all my fault…” Iris’ voice shook. Her body trembled as she hunched over and wailed, “It was my fault! I couldn’t protect them! I couldn’t protect either of them! I swore that I would!”

“Don’t think like that! It’s not your fault!” Henrika sternly protested.

“Yes, it is! Tammy jumped off the roof because I couldn’t stop others from bullying her! Elena died because I wasn’t there to protect her!” Iris shouted, erupting from the bed. “Both had goals—dreams that they wanted to achieve! I swore that I would help them! And what was the result? They’re both dead!”

“Their deaths are unfortunate. But, you can’t solely take the blame for them.” Henrika looked over at me with pleading eyes for assistance.

I didn’t know what to say. What could I say to remedy the tense situation?

I understood where Iris came from. She felt responsible for the deaths of her friends—loved ones—those that she failed to protect. She witnessed firsthand her lover jump off a rooftop. And another friend of hers was found murdered in a restroom.

That alone could break a person; especially someone like Iris. When someone fails to protect the ones that they care about—severe feelings of self-deprecation and judgment cloud the mind. They blame themselves for their inability to stop certain circumstances from taking place. I understood all too well how that felt.

The guilt.

Even then, it continued to eat away at me. It would never go away. I was surprised I wasn’t more than just an empty husk.

Iris blamed herself for the unfortunate deaths of her loved ones. No amount of cheap or half-assed words would ever convince her otherwise. I didn’t blame her.

“Iris, you can blame yourself for the deaths of Tam and Elena all you want,” I said. Henrika and Iris turned their eyes of confusion and frustration towards me as I continued, “They’re dead. Nothing is ever going to change that fact. However, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is what you’re going to do afterward.”

“Afterward?” Iris asked.

“When Tam died, you mentioned that you tried to raise money to give her a proper funeral and burial, right? That’s a noteworthy and admirable goal to have. It’s the real reason you joined these games, isn’t it?”

“It is…” She nodded.

“Good. Let that continue to drive you to push through these times of hardship.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“It’s not going to be easy. I can assure you of that.” I bluntly stated. “The deaths of your loved ones will continue to weigh on you for the rest of your life. You’ll never get over it. But, that doesn’t mean that it must keep you down. Use their deaths as inspiration to move forward.”

“What is there to move forward to? Should I survive all this and have the funeral for Tammy—what then? What’s left for me to strive for?” Iris returned to her seated position on the bed. She kept her head down and stared at the floor.

“That’s something you’ll have to figure out on your own.”

“It’s just not fair. Tammy and Elena had dreams. I don’t have anything like that. Why did they have to die?”

“I don’t have all the answers. You can’t switch places with those that have died. All you can do is live on.”

The river of tears ceased. Hollow laughs had come from Iris as she stood up once again. “Thank you. Both of you. It will take some time, but I promise that I will move onward from this.”

I was nearly blinded by the intensely bright smile from Iris. It only lasted for a moment. But the Iris that I grew accustomed to had returned.