Time meant nothing anymore. There was pain and hunger. There was pain and hallucination. There was pain and torture. But there was no time. Days and nights, days and weeks were undistinguishable.

Water was still being pushed to me at irregular interval.

What was I to them, I couldn’t tell? Maybe they needed me. Or maybe they didn’t. I was a trapped animal refusing to die. Staying alive was all I could aspire too. But for now, that was enough. It was my purpose and I clung to it for dear life.

Like a dog, I licked the bowl of water dry. Like a rat, I nibbled at the crumbs thrown at me. Whoever had me prisoner must have taken a sick pleasure in seeing me denied of my humanity.

But that was fine with me. I could handle it. Nothing could break me.

In my head, the music played on.

I killed the time by letting my fingers hit notes in mid air.

Entire scores I had never seen.

Melodies I had never heard.

Coming from deep within my soul.

Soothing.

Warming.

Heart warming.

Eva came back to see me. She’d stand in the corner and stare. The few times she did, not once did she speak to me. I didn’t care to speak to her either. Yet she kept coming…

Soon enough I realized she didn’t come for me…

Perhaps…

…she had nowhere else to be.

She didn’t bother me; I didn’t bother her.

But, when the door opened today, it was Ted that walked in. Ted Weatherspoon in person. Casual. Friendly face. A terrifying man, in his own way.

Ted struck first.

“Elliot is such a lovely girl. My wife and I are truly enjoying her company. She’s a breath of fresh air in this lonely abbot.”

I pretended not to be listening.

“Can you believe it… not once since your arrival in my humble house, she has asked news on your condition. Not once she has asked to see you. You really ought to pick your friends better…”

I hadn’t had a thought for Eli in a while. More accurately, I had not allowed myself think of her. She had carved a deep wound into my heart. I had to take a deep breath to keep calm.

“Eva’s been visiting you. Have you had a chance to renew your old friendship? Ah! I forget sometimes, she never was your friend. She was simply doing her job… but then again, she did have me wondering… sometimes. Her and Elliot are quite the opposite…

“What do you want!” I abruptly cut him off.

He smiled.

It enraged me furthermore.

He slowly started.

“I can give you food, shelter… safety...”

“I said WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?”

Ted turned to me and dropped all pretense.

Without warning, he unleashed a kick hitting me square in the ribs. In severe pain, I curled up but not before taunting him with: “Congratulation Ted, you’re quite the man! Beating a dead dog!”

That seemed to trigger him furthermore and landed me another kick to my side.

The direness of the situation made me laugh.

“Remember,” I articulated with great effort, “you need me alive.”

He grabbed me by the hair and flipped me over.

“You shouldn’t touch me, Ted! I can kill you, Ted!” I warned him as the heat spread through my body.

“But you won’t. You and I both know that you won’t! And do you know why? Because you need me just as much as I need you!”

I laughed again, stirring more sharp pain to my side.

“I don’t need you, Ted. I have everything I need. Look at me! Life is beautiful! I am so glad to be alive. I adore my life!”

“So, tell me then! Why wouldn’t you kill me? This is your golden chance. It’s just you and me. I am unarmed. You hate me. Go on. Do it!”

He let go of me and took a step back, opening himself to an attack.

I painfully sat up and leaned against the wall. Every movements sent jarring pain to my sides and lungs. I was hot. I was having a hard time breathing. I could try to get up. I could easily kill Ted. As he had said, this was my golden chance. But then what? Ted dies, another replaces him, the wheel keeps on turning. I was alone, starved, injured and without connection. There just wasn’t any point anymore. The battle was long lost.

Exhausted I asked again: “What do you want from me?”

Ted smiled.

My stomach turned. Was I about to make a deal with him?

“I need a few things from you… primarily, I need your Heighten Characteristic. Then there are a few other little things you could do to help us…”

“I want to see my brother.”

“Ah, yes… that seems to be a common request from your lot.”

“I want to see my brother!” I repeated with great pain.

“Then we have a deal! See Fenn… it didn’t have to be this… violent… I want you to see your brother. You want to see your brother… now look where miscommunication and mistrust led us. Broken ribs, punctured lung… maybe…”

Without finishing his sentence, Ted walked out leaving me there, baffled as to what had just happened.

“Wait!” I screamed at the man who had just thrown me in a loop.

“Wait! Where is my brother. When can I see him!”

I dragged myself to the iron door that was now shut. I hammered it with all my strength.

“Wait! Wait! WAIT!!!” I kept banging in despair.

I went on for a while, until my screams turned to sobs, until my sobs turned to whimpers, until I passed out on the cold ground.

When I woke up, my hands were swollen and red. My entire body stiffened. My lungs burning. Next to me, a small bowl with barely a lick of water.

It broke me.

I laid back my head on the cold floor. I closed my eyes and waited for the music… or death. One or the other. Or both.

Time was just a nuisance wherefor death was a solution.

I grabbed my right wrist with my left hand. I could feel my heartbeat. Draining my own energy was futile as I would automatically reabsorb it. But if what Meyer had said was right… within me laid the power to discharge my own energy.

Suicide.

It was worth a try.

It was faster than waiting for the time to pass.

I opened my eyes and focused on the bowl in front of me. I reached out just coming short from touching it. I searched for my heartbeat. I imagined a small thread connecting me to the bowl.

Lub-dub.

Lub-dub.

Lub-dub.

Then what? I wondered.

Lub-dub.

Lub-dub.

Lub-dub.

I imagined my own energy travelling through my body, amassing in my hand, travelling through an invisible thread, and hitting the bowl.

Lub-dub.

Lub-dub.

Lub-dub.

And just like that, unexpectedly, the bowl flew across the room.

Did it work? Had I just freely released my own energy?

My heart stopped.

The foot that had just kicked the bowl stopped only inches from my face.

“Won’t you die already. So, I don’t have to keep starring at your pitiful face,” a very frustrated Eva said.

I curled back up in a ball, expecting her to kick me.

“Enough already, I know you’re awake. Eat up. Ted wants to see you in his office.”

I opened my eyes and peeked.

She placed a tray on the ground next to me. Water, in a cup. A full cup. I grabbed it, my instinct stronger than my will and drank it all in one gulp. There was bread. I took a bite. The piece of food burned as it made its way down, but I didn’t care. I took another bite and then some more.

“Don’t eat so much, you are going to throw it all up anyway. Your body is in shock.”

I didn’t listen to her. I ate it all. Quickly. Fearing it might be removed from me. Ted would be the kind to do just that.

Yet Eva was right. The bread didn’t sit well in my stomach. I forcefully had to keep it down. That too caused more pain.

“I need more water,” I finally asked.

It annoyed her. Still, she answered: “Where you are going next, there will be lots of it. Get up. You need to clean up.”

I looked up at her in disbelief. She avoided my eyes.

She didn’t look so good. Her face was tense. Her bottom lip very slightly twitching. So slightly in fact, I would have never noticed if it wasn’t for the fact that I had seen this before.

I tried getting up. I heavily leaned on the wall. Unable to find my strength or my balance. The room started spinning, leaving me lightheaded. I wanted to throw up. I slowly put one foot in front of the other. Eva turned her back to me and left the room.

I managed to make my way to the door. A long hallway with doors lined up on each side.

“Hurry,” was all Eva said.

She opened a door across the hallway, ushered me in, then left.

“You have one hour,” she said on her way out.

Like everywhere else, the room was brightly lit. A long bench ran on one side, with hooks and eye level shelves. There was some neatly folded clothing, towels, and small bottles of soaps. The rest of the room was one big, enclosed water closet.

Again, tears ran down my cheeks. I stepped into the shower and turned the water on. Not to wash myself but to drink.

The water flow was strong but in hysteria, fully dressed, it didn’t stop me from drinking way more than my stomach could handle. No longer able to fight it, I ended up throwing up most of it.

Thankfully, the effect of the water dripping all over my body calmed me down. Like a nightmare being washed away. I took off my clothing, uncovering bruises and lesions, and started scrubbing away. Although I was dirty, it wasn’t the filth I was scrubbing, it was the fear, the pain, the blood that had been spilled. I was vehemently scrubbing away everything that had happened to me in the past year: Eli’s touch, Hana’s cheek, Fiori’s hand on my shoulder, the feel of the sand scratching my face, the heat from the ambers, the mud, the rain, the sewage water…

And how I wished, I could do the same to all these memories. I’d scrub them away and slowly watch them drip down the drain.

I scrubbed so much that my skin became raw and tender.

I turned off the water. It was enough.

The freshly folded clothing was just the right size. I put it on. It was government issued. The tags told me as much. I looked at myself in the mirror. Seeing myself was always weird. Growing up, the only idea I had of myself was the distorted reflection of my light onto the heavy machinery. Even now, looking at myself was like looking at a stranger.

Today, in front of me was a sad and tired looking person somewhere between teenage years and adulthood. My brown hair was now well below my shoulders. My eyes, just a sliver weighted down by my sorrows. The tapered black pants and the slim fitting long sleeve t-shirt made me look taller than I really was. But even so, I was nothing but a sad sight.

Someone knocked on the door.

“Are you ready?”

It surprised me. Caught me off guard and reminded me of where I was.

“Yes,” I finally answered after clearing my throat twice.

I opened the door. A man, a few years older, stood in front of me.

“This way please,” he said in a most polite manner.

I followed him as well as I could. Trying to appear in full possession of my senses. But the starvation still impaired my whole body and made me sloppy in both my movement and my speech.

My escort pretended not to notice.

“We’re almost there,” he finally said.

I was just now realizing how big the place was. This was no ordinary house. This was a full-scale compound, housing different sections linked by long hallways. We were passing through what seemed like a green house producing fruits and vegetable, I was marvelling at the sight, the high humidity, the fragrance of the newly turned soil when we crossed path with Eli.

She was smiling. The most beautiful smile as she walked towards us. She seemed well. She seemed in good health. Perhaps even happy. My heart skipped a beat and my throat clenched shut. On the narrow path between the cultures, she walked right by me. The smile was for my guide. She exchanged civility with him, not once did she look at me. Not once did she acknowledge me. Yet she left on my heart a burning trail of fire. I lowered my head and continued walking.

She belonged to another time.

Not today. Not now.

But I was not stupide. I understood very well. It was planed. All planed. Nothing was left to chances. Eva in my cell, the starvation, the hope, the beating, the water, the shower and now Eli. Ted was trying to mess up with my mind.

I understood that much.

At the end of the path, in the greenhouse, Ted stood self-absorbed by a small tree in a pot the size of his hand. He was meticulously trimming it.

“Thank you Benagher. That will be all,” he said to my guide.

We both waited for Benagher to be gone.

Neither of us making our next move.

Exhausted, I sat down on a planter ledge.

It was he, that broke the silence first.

“Tell me Fenn… what do you know about the 8 minutes in Hell?”