The boats, Evian had had the foresight to prepare for us, had been meant to carry us away, across the ocean, onward, to a new life far away from this twisted place. Instead, we boarded a lone vessel and made our way deeper into the heart of Antarticum facing certain death. For one month, we battled the element paddling upstream, portaging around immeasurable obstacles. Each day new challenges. We were wet, hungry, exhausted having known only defeat. Hope of better days long gone; we were driven by despair only. Amidst all that, there was a strangely poetic beauty to our dire circumstances. Between the seven of us, there was a quiet understanding that our lives didn’t matter. A sense of peace knowing that we were bound by a greater destiny. We would either die trying or live a life marked by the never-ending fight to challenge the status quo; our story punctuated by death. Death of our families, death of our friends and eventually death of our self.

Regardless, whether we tried or not, we would all end up dead. That was a certainty we could hold on to. No matter what, our story would end. My story would end.

During that month, very little was said. We paddled, we slept, and we paddled some more. Occasionally, I would raise my eyes to the sky, just long enough to see Mount Vinson, in the distance, breaking away from the fading darkness. Each day, it seemed the sky took a different hue of dark. I was hesitant to call it blue. I had grown accustomed to darkness. I had mix emotion about finally seeing the light, the blue sky. It had somehow lost its luster. It was tainted with smoke, blood, ashes, and freezing rain.

As we got closer to the city of Nova Summus, as the sun moved closer to the horizon, as the air became soft on our skin, I became more aware that once more, our lives were about to change. The complacency experienced in these last few weeks was about to end abruptly. The meditative power of physical exertion in the open air was about to be replaced by the anguish of spurt of the moment life or death decisions.

There was no saying how guarded Senex Centralis University would be. Major changes had shaken Antarticum following the double bombing of Nova Terra. We had to expect that security had been tightened. We had to expect that our every move was being watched. We had to expect, they were expecting us. This was the front door to their house, and we were about to walk right in. We could only hope our frontal approach was crazy enough to be unexpected.

We were still a whole day’s walk away from the new capital city of Antarticum when Fiori announced we’d rest for the night. In the distance we could see a dome of light shine over the treetop marking the location of our destination; a deep ravine separating us from civilisation. We would be safe one last time under the cover of the pine trees.

Sheltered by the evergreen, the ground beneath the trees was covered in needles. I laid down on the prickly mat and took in the calming smell of the coniferous forest. Eli came and laid down next to me. Close enough to hear her breath but far enough that our body did not touch. The distance between her and I was new.

“Are you afraid?” she asked.

“No. I know what I have to do,” I quickly answered.

“I see…” she softly whispered.

I was ready to leave it at that, but she went on.

“I’m afraid,” she acknowledged.

Her response surprised me. Eli who was never afraid of anything. Eli who was the strongest, always ready to fight… Eli was afraid.

Trying to reassure her I said: “Don’t worry! I will protect you no matter what. Even if it means I have to kill.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what is it!” I asked. She had piqued my curiosity.

“Fenn, what if this was all wrong. You and I were rescued, but have you ever questioned if we were rescued by the right side?”

My heart skipped a beat.

She continued in a voice nearly inaudible.

“Fenn, I am afraid we are making a mistake.”

I had no way to comfort her. That same thought had travelled through my mind more than once. I had examined that very possibility under every angle possible. Doubts. I had had plenty of them.

Doubts.

Who to trust? What to do? I had reached my own conclusion. Conclusion I could live with, conclusion that made sense to me, but now… once more the door was being opened. What if we had it all wrong? What if Hana had it all wrong?

“It’s ok Eli. Everything is going to be fine, no matter what,” I finally answered. Because that’s all I could say. But it plunged my mind into a whirling abyss of toxic thoughts from which no sleep came.

I waited for her breathing to become regular. I waited until I knew she was deep asleep. A sliver of drool came out off the corner of her mouth. It made me smile. It brought me back to that night on the roof top. Our first night together. It took all my will to prevent me from wiping it off her face, afraid I’d wake her up. I took a good look at her sleeping face and stepped out from under the tree branches.

The boat had been turned to its side on the riverbank. Fiori was leaning against it in deep contemplation.

The man never sleeps.

I didn’t want to disturb him. But he was quicker than me.

“It’s ok Fenn, you can come.”

It wasn’t so much an invitation as it was a command.

I obeyed; except I didn’t wait for him to school me. I jumped right in.

“I’m afraid, Eli’s afraid, Meyer doesn’t like the idea… What if we are making a mistake? We could leave Antarticum, find people, other people, there has to be people out there, organized people, people ready to fight… we could go looking for them…”

“I think we might see the sun this morning. It should be just high enough over the horizon for us to see it.”

“Are you even listening to what I am saying???”

“You’re afraid.”

“Yes! I am afraid.”

“But that doesn’t change anything. Being afraid doesn’t matter.”

“Of course, it matters!”

“Of course… it matters…” he airily repeated.

A sudden burst of wind lifted a cloud of sand between us.

We both stood there, in silence.

A world apart.

“Help me understand Fiori. What the hell are we doing?”

“You have a bullet in your arm, it is getting infected. You need medical attention. Remember Fenn, this was all your idea. We are going to save your brother. Your little brother.”

My brother, my decision.

“Quit changing the subject! You know it isn’t about my arm! You know it isn’t about my brother.”

“It’s perfectly normal to be afraid. We are all afraid. I am afraid. I’ve been afraid my whole life. Everything I do scares me. Every decision I make, every bullet that flies past my head, every person I encounter scares me. But you can’t let it hold you back. Because then you might as well be dead. Everyone is afraid, Fenn, that’s what makes us human. That’s what makes us fight to protect what is near and dear to us. Without fear of loosing, fear of failing, fear of dying, nothing in life would be of any value. You should be afraid. And you should be grateful to be afraid. Because being afraid means you have a purpose. It means you have something worth fighting for.”

“A purpose. You always talk about having a purpose… I don’t want a purpose; I don’t want a reason to fight or a reason to stay alive. I want… I want to leave all this. I want to live somewhere, surrounded by fields, under the blue sky watching the clouds slowly drift away… Maybe I’d get married. I don’t know. But I don’t want to spend my life running away, fighting something I don’t understand…”

At that moment tears unexpectedly started flowing.

“…I want some peace. Some peace right here, in my heart. I want to sleep at night. I want to know life, without fears. I want to own my memories, own my thoughts. I want to build a simple life far from the noise in my head. I want…”

“Look Fenn!”

Fiori was pointing at the sky.

Above the tree line, the outline of a bright orange giant orb of fire appeared. It took me a back. It was a million time bigger than I had imagined it. It was terrifying yet so majestic. A sleepy Eli appeared next to me. She, too, was enthralled by the sight. Soon Meyer, Doran, Arno and Yuki had joined us.

“Dawn,” Eli called it.

“It’s morning,” Yuki added with a smile. I could see their silhouette against the orange backdrop.

“We have to get moving, time for us to pay a little visit to Dr. Bari,” announced Fiori.

But I wasn’t ready to go. I wanted to finish our conversation. I wanted to let him know, make him understand that I didn’t agree with him. I didn’t want a purpose. I didn’t need a purpose.

As Fiori passed me to take the lead, he put his hand on my shoulder and whispered for none to hear: “A simple life, is a great purpose. I once had a simple life and I let it slip right out of my hands. Don’t make my mistake! Ah!” The man paused.

“Look Fenn, do you see it?” Fiori finally said after a few seconds.

“I do!” I gasped. “The sky is blue!”

“It’s beautiful isn’t it.”

“It’s beautiful.”

Then he was gone.

I let the group take a head start on me.

I wanted to be alone; alone with myself, alone with the blue sky. Tears were running down my cheeks as the sun burned my eyes.

I walked behind, starring at their back. Fiori was leading the way.

I pressed my hand on the soaked bandages on my arm. He was right. The infection had gotten worst. Red lines, like a spider web, could be seen running up and down my arm.

We walked for what seemed like an eternity along a neglected dirt road. The sun had come and gone, staying low on the horizon. It would be a few more weeks before it would reach full zenith.

Soon, we reached the outskirt of the city. Scattered dwellings made of old rumbles and junk. It was difficult to know if these were abandoned or still housed people for none peeked at our sight.

We marched on.

Then, we reached the first circle of the suburb. Like Nova Tera, the city was built of concentric circles. Unlike Nova Tera, the central point wasn’t an administrative building, it was the university.

Rows of white houses lined the streets.

We marched on.

By the time we reached the footstep of the university, a crowd had gathered at the unsightly sight of our travelling group.

Completely oblivious to the obvious, Fiori marched on.

“The front door,” announced Eli.

“Welcome home Meyer,” said Arno with a smirk.

Meyer didn’t need to answer. The frown on his face was enough to convey his feelings.

“This is such a bad idea,” I kept repeating to myself. “No! It is a horrible idea. Horrible.”

We marched on.

“This way!” said Arno as we entered the building.

Eli was now next to me: “I can’t believe we made it this far into Nova Summus undetected.”

“Don’t kid yourself, they know we are here. They’ve been watching us all along,” retorqued Yuki.

Eli stopped in her track astounded.

“How I wish I could be as naïve as you,” Yuki taunted her.

“Keep moving, people!” Fiori commanded.

We marched on.

We crossed a main hall with ceiling four stories high. We went down a hallway crowded with youths, scientists, and government employees. People cleared the way as we walked pass them. I could see the fear on their face. They knew who we were. I spotted a few guards observing from higher ground.

“There are six of them,” I said without breaking rank.

“No. I counted 9,” corrected Yuki.

“Why are they not attacking us,” Eli asked. Her doubts were becoming more and more obvious.

“Not yet,” Yuki said.

“Ted Weatherspoon likes to play with his prey,” Fiori explained.

“Ted Weather-who?” Eli asked.

Fiori ignored her question.

We marched on.

We turned left and Arno came to an abrupt stop.

“Here we are.”

On the door, could be read a sign: “Dr. Nadja Bari”

No one knocked. Fiori walked in. We all followed. We found ourselves in a small, crowded office. Dr. Nadja Bari was sitting at her desk. She barely reacted as we entered her space. Nor did she raised her head from the papers she was reading.

“I was told that you might try to contact me. I must say, I wasn’t expecting you all to walk through my front door. How daring. But what I find most puzzling is… why of all people did you come to me. You very well know that I will not help you in any ways. Ted knows you are here. It won’t be long until they show up. You are all murders. And you!”

She was pointing at me.

“YOU!”

There was deep hatred in her eyes.

“I should have killed you when I had the chance. Count yourself lucky that Ted stepped in.”

“We don’t have time for old quarrels. We need your help Nadja,” Arno pleaded. “That boy is going to lose his arm if he doesn’t get medical care. There’s a bullet lodge in his forearm and it is infected.”

Dr. Bari erupted in a joyful laugh.

“You have to be kidding, right? And what makes you think that I will help the son of Shaun Li?”

“Because!” I blurted out without thinking. “Because I can help you get revenge.”

“Revenge? Revenge from what? Revenge from whom? Shaun Li is dead. Hana is dead. Evian is as good as dead. And you will not walk out of my office alive. So, tell me, how exactly will you help me get revenge against the Li family?”

I didn’t know what to answer. I quickly looked at Fiori begging him silently to help me out. Begging him with my eyes to step in. To say something. To save the situation. But he was just standing there, calmly, ignoring my plight.

“I can help you get revenge,” I said again completely uninspired.

She suddenly got up, made her way around the desk, and stood right in front of me. She was a short woman. A very short and skinny woman. She had short brown hair and black framed glasses. Her movements were sharp and precise, her body in constant motion. She looked at me straight into the eyes as her words, full of rage, left her tight lips.

“Your father killed my son. Your father used my son as his lab rat. He used my son and injected him with his poison. He killed my son the same way he destroyed his own children. Jessi, or JESS0305 as the lab renamed him, would have had a great future a head of him. Instead, your father sent him straight to hell. I will never forgive him. I will never forgive your family.”

“Evian killed his father. Fenn killed his sister. Fenn killed the other scientists that had worked with his father. I understand your anger, but you are not directing it at the right person. Fenn is on your side.” Fiori had finally spoken.

Dr. Bari seemed surprised to hear him talk.

But perhaps, it was Eli who was the most surprised of all.

“Fenn killed the other scientists who worked with his father? The other scientists? What do you mean Fiori? My mom was one of the scientists.”

Eli’s eyes were quickly filling up with tears.

Dr. Bari took an interest in how quickly the conversation was evolving.

As for me, I had, once more, fallen victim to disturbing newfound knowledge. I collapse to the ground hiding my face into the fold of my elbow.

“It is as I said,” Fiori simplified. “Fenn killed the other scientists who had worked on the species reunification project.”

His words hit me straight through the heart.

They pierced Eli’s heart too.