Chapter 12: Stay Alive

Hana had just walked into my room. She looked frazzled. More than usual. All composure was gone. She threw a quick glance around, like she was afraid of something. Then, satisfied, she sat down on my bed. I just stood there, unsure what to say or do. I decided it was best to keep quiet.

“You’ve been practicing with Eli and Meyer, I heard.”

Ah! So that was the reason for her visit. But how did she find out?

“That’s great, but that’s not the reason I came here this morning,” she added.

Ah! Well, I guess that’s not the reason she came. I was starting to be a little frustrated. My head was splitting.

“Put some pants on will you,” she said slightly discouraged.

“You know, when you walked into my room, without knocking, you didn’t give me much time to get dressed,” I retorted.

I just wanted to go back to bed. I had no time for her little games.

She frowned and threw me a look that froze me to my bones.

I took a deep breath and asked as politely as possible: “Ummm… so why exactly do we need to talk?”

It took her a while to acknowledge my question.

It was weird.

Like she had a delayed reaction.

It was too obvious not to notice.

She noticed that I noticed.

For a second there, she almost looked embarrassed.

She wasn’t just frazzled. It was like her mind had wandered off. Like she wasn’t quite all there in the room with me.

“I’m tired,” she said.

But it was a made-up excuse, I could tell.

The hostility had vanished. It was unsettling in its own way.

“I came here this morning because… I needed to talk to you. Things… have gotten complicated, and well… I need your help.”

She was talking slowly.

Quietly too.

She was acting so different from the woman I had come to know. It wasn’t that she looked weak. There was not an ounce of weakness in her. It was more like she looked defeated. And for whatever reason, seeing her like that made me feel uneasy.

I sat on the bed next to her.

“The government is after us. It’s not surprising really; after attacking three of their orphanages and hacking into their system. I can no longer guarantee your safety here. Actually, I can no longer guarantee anyone’s safety.” I could hear the sadness in her voice as she told me this. The disappointment weighed heavily too.

She continued: “This week, Fiori and I went to make preparations, to ensure everyone’s safe withdrawal. But things didn’t go as planned. In the end, we weren’t able to secure a deal.”

I cut her off: “Of all people, why are you telling me this?”

She turned away from me.

She was looking for her words… again.

She was thinking.

Once more, she looked like she was far off, gone.

Away from this room, caught completely in her mind.

She then suddenly turned back toward me, and with a very intense look said: “I think you’ve probably figured it out by now. You are special Fenn. You, Eli and Meyer are special. People made horrible mistakes in the past. I tried to fix them. I wish I could have done more for you, but this is how things are. I’m sorry they turned you into a killer. I’m sorry Eli had to endure beating after beating. I’m sorry Eli’s brother had to die in such a place. I’m sorry you had to starve. I tried to come sooner. I tried to tell people that this was wrong, this was all wrong. But no one listened. Then it took me a while to find people willing to help me. If it wasn’t for Fiori, you would probably still be in the orphanage. So, I come to you today because I need your help. Soon, I will announce that we will attempt a coup d’état. Everything is in place. This is the grand finale to what has been my plan all along. Fiori has all the details worked out, but you, with your characteristic, you will have a key role. First though, I need to know you can kill. I need to know you WILL kill when needed.”

I was taken back; shocked by what she had just told me. Attacking the government? That just seemed like a bad idea. I mumbled something like: “Sure.” But frankly, I didn’t know that I could do that. I didn’t know that I could trust her.

“Fenn, I am counting on you. I am counting on you to protect Eli, to protect Meyer to…” She suddenly stopped talking. It was like her face had seized up. It had happened before. The entire right side of her face stopped moving. A look of fear spread in her eyes. With great pain she said: “Just promise me you’ll stay alive.”

Again, I pretended not to notice. She got up, stumbled to the door. I watched her fiddle with the doorknob. Her condition was worse than I thought. She was having a hard time. She stopped and pressed her forehead to the door and started laughing. It was a sad laugh. The laugh of someone who had just lost everything.

I got up, made my way to the door and turned the doorknob.

I opened the door.

Fiori was standing guard on the other side. As soon as he saw her, panic spread to his face. He moved quickly to support her.

“What did he do to you? Did he touch you?” he asked Hana.

She shook her head. It didn’t stop Fiori from giving me a death stare.

“I didn’t touch her I swear.” And of course, it was the truth, but then again, he had no way of knowing.

Hana started shaking violently. Fiori swept her off her feet and said: “Do not tell anyone what you saw. Or I’ll come after you!”

Although the words had been threatening, his tone was not. Instead, it sounded more like a desperate plea.

I watched them disappear down the hallway and was finally about to go back to bed, when Meyer came rushing in. The annoyance must have been written all over my face, for Meyer greeted me with: “Don’t worry the feeling is mutual.”

He then proceeded to grab me by the neck and mess my hair up while walking me back into my room.

“Weird isn’t it,” he said. “This is how guys display their friendship to one another. I don’t get it but, oh well.”

I pushed my hair back and fixed my shirt.

Yes, it is weird, I thought. I don’t see how roughing it up is a way to display friendship.

“Why are you here?” I asked irritated.

“Ok. Someone’s in a bad mood…”

“Yeah. So what?” I cut him off.

“Well, I’ve been thinking about your problem…”

“My problem?”

“Yes! You know, how not to kill. And I think I might have a solution.” He seemed so please with himself, it was almost disgusting. Especially this early in the morning.

“Ok, I’m listening,” I conceded totally uninterested.

Meyer was so excited. He sat down on my bed.

Here we go again, I thought.

He started to explain: “It has to do with your heartbeat. You said the first thing you do is sync your heartbeat to that of your victim.”

I stopped him right there. “Can you please not say victim… Eli is not my victim!”

“Ok, whatever.”

He wasn’t too happy with me, but he continued: “So, I think, because of that, because your hearts beat as one, you can’t notice the fading heartbeat of the other person. Therefore, you need to figure out a way of taking the energy without syncing your heartbeat.”

The smile on his face was obnoxious. He was proud of his theory. Unfortunately for him, I was less than enthusiastic.

It was too simple. It failed to take into consideration that I needed to sync my heartbeat to even start absorbing the energy.

“Wow, you really are a genius!” my tone covered in sarcasm. “It won’t work,” I added sharply.

Meyer’s smile disappeared and was replaced by an exasperated scowl. “Are you at least going to try it?” he insisted.

The day had just started, and I was already done. Done dealing with people. Done listening to them. And I had no intention of killing anyone. Not today, not tomorrow.

“Eli’s upstairs waiting. She brought enough food for breakfast, lunch and recovery.”

He was trying to entice me.

“Leave me alone, I’m going back to bed,” I yawned.

“Oh my god, seriously! You are such a pain in the ass. Eli’s waiting for you!”

I stretched out my arms and cracked my back. My head was still hurting a little, but not as bad. Meyer was eagerly waiting for my answer, though clearly him and Eli didn’t leave me much room to decide. Both, always charging forth with foolish eagerness. I was fine with just sitting in my room, reading, enjoying the silence. I really, really, didn’t want to go, so I started trying to think up some dumb excuse. Something, anything, but all I said was: “Sure, let’s go.”

And as my voice resonated, my stomach sank. Hana’s voice came back to my mind: Stay alive she had said to me.

Stay alive, I thought. I need Eli to stay alive.

Meyer hadn’t lied. Eli was there waiting for us. She had kept busy doing some repetitive kicking exercises. Since she had been rescued from the orphanage, Fiori had taken it upon himself to give her proper training in the martial arts of kickboxing and Okichitaw. She had also been learning kenjutsu with Yuki. Looking at her, I pitied the fool that would unknowingly cross her path with malicious intent. It’s funny that Hana would have asked me to protect her, clearly, she could protect herself.

As soon as we walked in, she stopped and gave each of us a big hug. I wasn’t expecting it. Person to person contact was still an odd thing for me but it felt good. I could tell that Meyer had already talked to her and undoubtedly, she shared his excitement. She was bubbly and full of energy. Before meeting her, I would have never thought that anyone could have this much energy, so early in the morning. I grabbed an apple that she had brought and watched her and Meyer as they got into an animated argument over food rationing.

There was something so reassuring, so peaceful in watching them goof around. Before I knew it, a smile had spread across my face. And I think it was then and there, the first time ever in my life, that I had felt that feeling: I was grateful. From the bottom of my heart I was grateful. I was safe, I had friends, I had food and to me, this was freedom. But looking back, it was also then and there, I realized that being safe, having friends, having food and having freedom, just meant for the first time ever, I had everything to lose. And that made me incredibly sad. It was then too, I decided, I did have to stay alive. I wanted to protect Eli. I wanted to protect Meyer. I wanted to protect my freedom. And if it meant I’d have to kill… then… maybe… I would.

“Let’s do it guys. I’m ready.”

And I meant it.

Eli walked up to me like she owned the room. She tucked in her hair behind her ears. I put my hand on her cheek. Meyer came and stood right by my side.

“Ready?” I asked.

“Ready!” she answered.

I closed my eyes. I could feel my heart beating. I could feel her heart beating. I had to figure out a way to keep them separate but still connected. I opened my eyes. She was staring straight at me, not an ounce of doubt. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes again. Concentrating on her heartbeat, trying to find a way to stay connected. Trying to hear her. To not lose track of her heart, to not give in to the surge of power.

I was listening. But it was getting harder. My heartbeat was trying to take over. I could still feel her heart beating but it was like grasping at straws. Harder and harder and… I was about to lose connection, so I opened my eyes.

Eli was still staring at me, but her eyes were glossy, her determination gone. The blood had been drained out of her face and her lips were of a slight blue. I moved my hand away from her cheek. At the same time, both Meyer and I launched forward to prevent her from falling. She was still conscious, but it was like all her strength had been syphoned away. We helped her sit down. Meyer helped her drink some water, though it was difficult as she was shivering violently. I quickly took off my sweater and threw it on her shoulders.

“You did it,” she whispered to me. “I’m still alive.”

I wrapped her tightly into a blanket. I wasn’t sure exactly what had happened, but it seemed, Meyer had been right. Or maybe I had it wrong all along. I had so far, assumed, synching my heartbeat was the precursory step before I could steal the energy. But if today was any indication, that wasn’t the case. The energy transfer started as soon as I made the conscious physical connection. The synching of the heart, into one heartbeat, happened once my target no longer had energy of their own.

How had Eli survived it the past two days?! Cold sweats ran down my back. No doubt her characteristics had saved her. But this was a huge breakthrough. It meant, as long as I could feel our heartbeat separately, the other person was still alive. This was the marker I needed. I just had to be careful, to stop myself before taking over the other heartbeat; before achieving the perfect synch.

“Ah!” I gasped. That had to be it.

“Figured it out yet?” Meyer asked.

“I think I did,” I carefully answered.

“Good. Because, you are trying on me next. Eli needs a break and my scientific mind is curious.”

“On you? I don’t think that’s a good idea. I need more practice.”

“Well more practice would be great, but we are out of time,” he announced.

“What do you mean out of time?” I asked.

“I don’t think we’ll have another day to practice,” he bit his lip.

Meyer sighed heavily. A shadow slid over Eli’s face. She didn’t seem to know what he meant, but the gravity in his voice told us it wasn’t good.

“Obviously, I’m not suppose to talk about it. But long story short, Hana had me hack into the government’s system late last night. A practice run she called it. She wants to blow up the government. And she plans to do it soon.” He had blurted out the whole thing quickly, like someone getting rid of a burden.

We all went quiet. Meyer stood up. I followed him. I placed my hand on his cheek and without hesitation, searched for his heartbeat. It was strong. It was loud. But it didn’t take long for my heartbeat to overcome it. It was a lot faster than with Eli. I had to be careful. I had to hold on to the sound of his heartbeat. I had to hold on but not for too long.

Just long enough before the synch… and… almost…another lub-dub… was it mine or his?

Lub-dub. I started doubting.

Lub-dub. I started panicking.

Lub-dub. I had to stop it.

Lub-dub. I opened my eyes and yanked my hand way.

“Welcome back,” Meyer uttered with great difficulty. He was smiling.

What a relief it was to see him there, still standing. I helped him back to our little picnic and handed him some food and water. Eli already looked much better. Meyer didn’t look too bad himself.

“Good work guys! I knew you were a special bunch, but you are all exceeding my expectations.” That was Fiori. None of us had heard him arrive. He came and took a seat with us.

“Mind if I grab something to eat?” he asked. Eli handed him a sandwich. We were all on edge.

“Great! A cucumber sandwich… my favorite,” sarcasm resonated in his voice.

“It’s fine,” he said. “Why do you all look so worried? You aren’t in trouble. I just wanted to see my 3 kittens in actions. I am so glad to see how well you are all doing. When we set out to rescue you, we weren’t sure what we’d find. We expected some level of post traumatic stress disorder, some anxiety and deep trauma. So, you don’t know how much it warms my heart to see all three of you adapting to your new life as quickly as you did, outside the orphanage, making friends and everything. Anyway, I came here for a reason. I’m heading out this afternoon. I’m going to scout a few locations in town. I thought maybe you’d like to come with me?”

We all jumped on the offer. For all of us, it would be a first. Going to the city; I couldn’t wait to see something more than darkness and old wallpaper! Eli was jumping up and down. Meyer could hardly hide his eagerness. He was no longer the quiet teenager I had first encountered. His true personality was quite interesting. Part of him lived for high stakes excitement, while the other part was quite conservative and focused.

“Go get ready,” Fiori instructed us. “We leave in one hour.”

So, we did.