Regaining her consciousness she felt someone big carrying her, opening her eyes she saw it was Juri. One of the leonin guards that worked for Nathaniel. The taste of blood was still prevalent, and her hands were still wet. Thinking about what she did make her shudder, even worse was how she felt while she did it.

In all of her life, she had never hurt anyone on purpose, and now she took joy in murder. It didn’t make sense, and she didn’t know if the blame should be on her or on whatever had influenced her.

She was at the house in a moment, Nathaniel and Borka were there with shocked expressions. Shame had made her curl up in Juri’s arms. Eva was answering the slew of questions that came as Juri carried her to the bath.

Physically she was fine, but still, she found that her legs were barely holding her up. But it was enough to undress and enter the water. As she entered the water turned red around her, and she started scrubbing her arms and face with fury, her sharp and regrown nails making the task harder.

Being somewhat clumsy Ana never really sported long nails, being satisfied with simple nail polish, so the long nails made her feel awkward and she clipped them the first chance she got.

She was shaking in the warm water, sobs and tears escaping from her as she struggled to remove the metallic taste from her mouth. As she sobbed a gentle hand started stroking her hair, glancing revealed that to be Eva’s hand. “I’m sorry...I’m sor...” Her words were interrupted by more sobs.

It took her several minutes to regain her ability to make coherent sounds, but Eva didn’t ask any questions, and only comforted her while she sank deeper and deeper into despair. First, she plunged into hell itself, twice, then this new world that broke every belief she ever had, her body changed and kept changing, and now she was a murderer on top of everything, and she enjoyed becoming one.

It was unfair, and having little choice on what to do about it brought on despair and depression. After the bath she silently went to her room, avoiding saying anything to anyone. She knew it would help to talk, and that shutting herself off was unhelpful. But she didn’t care, as the shame of her act was that high.

They kept checking up on her through the night, were they afraid, curious, or worried? It didn’t matter as they had the right to be either of the three.

Sleep took her after all the crying and the mental stress as the day's events replayed in her mind. To make the torture worse she did not wake, sleeping through the night and well into the next day.

Feeling well-rested only increased the emotional stress as in her mind she did not deserve to feel as she did. In that pit of despair, the first thoughts of giving up started forming. The first experience had been traumatic but she had still been herself, but now the one thing she had always had control of, was taken away.

And with what she had learned the previous month could make it easy and painless. Her friends were there but she had no words for them, hanging her head down in silence to their questions and worry.

They brought her food and water but she didn’t feel hungry or thirsty, or she did but chose to ignore it. She wasn’t stupid, she knew that keeping to herself would only make her feel worse but again she did not care.

The day slowly tickled by and when the sun fell Borka came to her room with two bottles. At first, it made her angry. It was a wave of irrational and illogical anger towards someone trying to help her, so she kept it to herself and took the offered bottle.

Her friend knew what she was doing and kept silent as Ana force-fed herself the disgusting liquor. Slightly dehydrated and on an empty stomach, the booze took effect quickly.

It started with sobs and whispers of apologies, but soon she was talking and gaging as there was nothing to throw up. She fell asleep in the cozy arms of her friend, while thankfully her dreams, or nightmares, remained a mystery.

In the morning she still kept her head down but at least took some food and water, the expected and welcomed hangover not hitting as hard as she wanted.

During breakfast, she had to face the consequences of her actions, intended or not.

“Tonight then.” Nathaniel was agreeing with a worried look.

“I will rejoin you as soon as my post is confirmed, until then you must keep out of sight.” The big bear nodded in agreement. Ana was touched by how far they were going to help her after what she had done, even after telling them to forget and clean their hands of her.

The question still gnawed at her. By letting them help her she was putting them in danger, for the actions she had taken. On the other hand, those actions weren’t taken by her conscious mind or least by her influenced mind. Did that absolve her of guilt? There was nothing to warn her, and nothing she could have done. But still, it gnawed at her.

“A wig and different clothes out of precaution as well.” Ana perked up at that sentence as she weakly raised her hand.

Nathaniel stopped with lifted eyebrows and nodded to her. “There is no need for that.”

He responded with a slight frown. “We’ve been over this, you have our help whether you wanted it or not.”

Ana shook her head at that. “No, what I mean is I can just change my hair with magic.”

Looking at the dumbfounded looks she continued. “Hair color is just the pigmentation of hair follicles due to two types of melanin: eumelanin and pheomelanin. If more eumelanin is present, the color of the hair is darker; if less of it’s present, the hair is lighter. If I manipulate the level of eumelanin I can make my hair in a lighter shade, and if I style it differently It would look completely different.”

Nathaniel shook his head at that. “That can be too unpredictable and extremely dangerous.”

Ana knew that but at the same time, she didn’t care. Dangerous or not it was her choice, and so would be the consequences that follow.

She couldn’t remember exactly the relationship of the two types of melanin, but she remembered a few details like that red hair had two-thirds of pheomelanin and only a bare smidgen of eumelanin. And that blonde had low percentages of both but the ratio determined the outcome.

Before they could stop her she focused her mind, shutting off the room around her. Her goal was simple, to reduce the amount of melanin so that her hair would be lighter. There were many artificial ways to achieve this goal, simple UV exposure lightens hair over time. But instead, she imagined she was bleaching her hair like she used to do almost a decade ago.

She knew the steps and imagined applying them, and after feeling confident in the image on her mind she released the pent up energy she had been holding. But the one thing she did not expect was the pain that assaulted her. Who knew that experimenting on yourself could be painful. What was worse it made holding the image hard and she slipped a few times.

The whole spell was over in seconds and left feeling exhausted as she used a lot more power than was necessary. She leaned her head on her hands, eyes closed, panting. Her head felt like it was on fire, and worse yet it was itching.

She still felt the hair on her shoulders and back, which meant she wasn’t bald. A small victory, but she was afraid that if she touched her hair it would crumble into dust.

After confirming that she still had her faculties Nathaniel gave her a loud speech that ended with her being banned to use magic without his say so, if she still wished to learn from him that was.

Opening her eyes to look at the man finally she got blinded for half a second by the stray locks next to her eyes.

The silvery sheen was so unexpected that she forgot the talking to she was just on the end of. In a frantic motion, she grabbed her hair, looking at the curls and their new shine.

It was horrifying. She was hoping for a light chestnut color with some highlights maybe, but not the albinism route. At least it wasn’t definitely white, just really silvery grey blonde, reminiscent of platinum with its metallic shine.

“Fuck.” Was all she could manage. “I’ll stick out like a sore thumb now.” Looking at the faces of her companions she knew it to be true.

“Looks like you just grew fond of hoods.” Nathaniel chuckled, bringing some levity into the situation.

“Yeah, then I will look like a lantern, shining only at the front.” They all laughed together, and the laugh really improved Ana’s mood. The pain was slowly receding but she skillfully ignored it.

They went to pack, her clothes washed by Madeline, for which Ana was extremely grateful, having no idea how the woman got all the blood out of her coat. Not having much stuff helped with packing, her only possessions being the ones she brought and the clothes she got. A tied sack later all she was missing was a stick and a pair of fingerless gloves.

The day was moving slowly and Ana spent her time sitting in the garden, enjoying the sight as she didn’t know if she would ever return. The staff was to remain in the household, their service to the property more than Nathaniel himself, so she was gathering her courage to talk to Eva before she left.

Thankfully an opportunity presented itself as the elf appeared in the garden carrying a basket of vegetables they would bring with them. Ana walked up to her, hoping that she wouldn’t run away. Thankfully she didn’t, but her eyes did tell Ana that she held fear towards her.

“I just wanted to apologize for what happened. I can’t explain it, but I’m thankful you brought me back.” A small smile appeared on Eva’s beautiful face. To Ana, she looked more cute and adorable than beautiful but the girl had a certain charm that will serve her greatly in the future.

“I’ve known you for a month, if that was really what you were like I would have seen through it.” Those words lifted a few stones that were weighing on Ana’s heart. Not wanting to be in the way she offered help carrying something, but like usual it was refused, so she took a few walks, trying to memorize the house as best as she could.

Night came and with it all the goodbyes, she would see Nathaniel in a few weeks but the staff she didn’t know. In this new world, she grew accustomed to them, even if she disliked using their help, not being accustomed to that kind of lifestyle. Not washing dishes or dusting was a pleasant change though.

With Borka near her, they didn’t need an escort but Juri volunteered to walk with them to the gate of the city. To Ana’s surprise, the night-life of the city was abundant. There were fewer people for sure but not by much, some races that preferred the night were more abundant than others.

Their walk to the gate was unimpeded, Ana covered in a hood and a cloak. Information still traveled only by the word of mouth and her description only a verbal one from distressed individuals. Still, it was a good call to get out while she could, as they were leaving anyway.

With Nathaniel’s connections, they got out without any delays or problems, hugging and thanking Juri for everything he had done. He was an excellent friend on those sleepless nights, and she would miss him dearly.

Teary eyes they left the first city she had visited in this new world she found herself in. Taking a different perspective, she was fortunate to have met Adrasteia and to have gotten her help. She was alive and well only thanks to the powerful entity, and it made her think more about religion in this world, wanting to show respect.

There were prayers Borka was teaching her as they camped out in the wild the next day, and being genuinely grateful it felt too good to express it to a few words directed at the entity.

The port was a few hours away from the city, not wanting to stay in a populated area for weeks, they decided to wait for Nathaniel at the cabin where she had first met the odd duo.

But as they were breaking their camp on the second morning, trouble came as several riders on what resembled horned horses that were on steroids as their muscles threatened to explode were coming their way. Five in total, dressed and armed for trouble with steel shining in the morning light.

Two of them looked human, one resembled an owl, with two arms and wings on its back. The fourth member was the largest with four arms visible on the massive frame. The leader was the shortest among them, but with a stocky build, a long beard, and a stern face even he presented a menacing visage.

While they made their way towards them, Ana gaped with a combination of fear and awe, while Borka equipped herself with a shield and maul that looked larger than Ana’s head. Jumpstarting her brain she remembered what Borka first told her in case she got into a fight, hit hard, and run. But they had tough-looking mounts beneath them and an open field all around, so escape seemed impossible. They had to hit hard and make it count. And that meant more murder.

Ana hoped with everything that they could resolve the situation without bloodshed. But a voice buried deep, told her that was wishful thinking. The leader took a few steps forward, looking down on them.

“This does not concern you, Winters Dew. We are here for the girl, you need not throw away your life for nothing.” His voice was deep and menacing, but after talking to Adrasteia it was hard to be terrified from it.

“If you knew anything of my people, you would know that what you ask is impossible.” Raising her shield she made her stance clear. The same feeling as before started to grow in her chest, and Ana didn’t know either to welcome it or suppress it. While the thought of violence was abhorrent, the drawn weapons of those in front of her told her that it would be the only way that she would survive.

The thought of surrendering, not wanting to risk her friend's life was heavy on her. But as Nathaniel had explained there wasn’t a prison for criminals, and you would either be executed or fined. And she highly doubted that her crimes meant a fine. Not wanting to die she decided to embrace the feeling of anticipation that was welling within her.

In a straight fight, they would lose, but Ana had a trump card that hopefully, they couldn’t match. Repeating the steps of the first actual spell she had done to impress her hosts, she used the knowledge she had gained in the last month to make the process faster and smoother.

As she had learned words were used to carry spells, having the effect of focusing the mind while the wild energies coursed through the body. Not having time to overthink what to focus on, she gave voice to the first associations she had with lightning, as the charge between her hands was building up, small arcs jumping from one hand to the other.

Her spell had shocked the members of the party, but their experience showed as the shock only lasted a few seconds. They charged their mounts forward. Coupled with them being at a dead stop, she had time to finish her spell. “Thor! Let your hammer fly! Let the lightning crack the blackened skies!” Ana screamed as she released the spell, feeling bad for using the lyrics of a beloved song for such a purpose.

Having more time to think about it, she knew how to improve on how she wove the spell. Specifically targeting the spell at something was instrumental, but also preparing herself for the backlash of air pressure with proper footwork was as important. She targeted the leader, thinking that it might demoralize the others to continue the attacks.

The lightning surged from her hands, and in a blink of an eye, the leader was flung from his mount, striking one of his companions as they both fell to the ground.

Instead of slowing down or stopping, the others added fury to their charge. Borka jumped in front of Ana, deflecting a blow from the other human. Passing them he dismounted, now behind Ana and Borka. The four-armed enemy jumped from his mount, aiming directly at Borka. The winged one took to the skies, knocking an arrow in the process.

The fluid motion of their actions looked like a practiced routine of a performer. They had experience and teamwork on their side.

As the spell left her, Ana almost fell to her knees from the sudden wave of exhaustion, but instead, she swiveled, facing the human behind her. The armor and the helmet hid most of his features but she could see wisps of his black hair. She also notices that her hood was down, blown back from the thunder. He was half a dozen meters away, bringing his spear in front as he rushed at her.

Surprised at herself for not panicking, she started bringing another spell in her mind. The first proper one she was taught, a simple and yet very effective one. But there were only a few seconds to bring it into fruition, and with how exhausted she felt she knew that he would arrive first.

Not having much choice than to trust the instinct that was the reason for her abrupt exit from the city, she let her body lead the way as she continued to form the spell in her mind. A feminine voice said something obscure in the back of her mind as she did. There was no time to think about that and she focused on the spell.

The way Nathaniel explained this spell should be practiced until one could call it with minimal effort, but having only a month to practice she was still a novice.

The spear's head was heading to her heart when her left hand smacked it out of the way, her nails sharp and long again. Using the motion she sidestepped, turned, and pointed the finger of the other hand up. For a moment she didn’t know why but then she saw the arrow trained at her head.

Yelling “Alberts fist” as she released the kinetic force at the same time as the arrow was. Using English both times meant that nobody would understand what she spoke. While learning this spell she used the last name of the famous scientist but that felt somehow wrong so she decided to stick with the first name.