《Heroes of Errand》Chapter 36- Inside a Chamber Pot
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Fern went to stand next Meowlynn as she watched the corpses of the white monsters burn. "I think we should go," he whispered. "We have the gem and we are both still alive so let's get out of this hellhole."
"Icehole," she corrected him. "I assume the hells are a lot warmer and more pleasant than this place."
Meowlynn squeezed Fern's hand before walking off without him. Women were more terrifying than any monster he had run into and he knew that woman may very well burn him to ash if he said something wrong on a wrong day. That was also the thing that was alluring to him.
The rest of the party was trying to take care of Kira. A southern woman who never knew a day of cold in her life was close to freezing to death. "Let's head back to the entrance to rest," suggested Gene. "Then we can go check out that other room that Fern wanted to explore. Priority number one though is getting warm and more importantly getting Kira warm."
Gene picked up Kira and headed to the underground lake. Fern tried to stealthily hold Meowlynn's hand but as he interlaced his fingers with her she talked to Gene. "I'll control the raft in Kira's absence."
"Thank you, Meowlynn," nodded the monk. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Your bone came out of your arm and she is freezing to death, in comparison I'm fine," snapped the wizard. Clearly, she was the opposite of fine. Once they got back to the raft, the team climb aboard and sailed across the river. Meowlynn got to vent a little more as some of the ice had reformed on the surface so she blasted it away.
The next big challenge climbing up the giant steps. It wasn't really a challenge for Fern because he could become something that could climb like a polar bear but for the rest, it was going to be tough. "I have a plan," claimed Gene. "But, it's going to be slow."
"Slow is better than not moving," said Aliya. "Any movement brings us closer to getting Kira to warmth."
"Very well," the monk turned to Blaine. "We are going to have to work together to help the others."
"What do you need me to do," inquired the curse-blooded male.
"Fern, I need you as well," yelled the monk. "I need Fern to transform into a bear and then you and I will climb on his back. After I'll boost you up or you can boost me, it doesn't matter. The point is that one of us gets up that step. Once there, it's sticking a piton into the ground, attaching a rope, and helping others up when they get to the top."
"I'll boost you," Blaine looked at Gene's arm. "Even though magic healed your arm, it was just broken. I'm sure it stings like a thousand wasps and you should rest it as much as possible."
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Fern was slightly annoyed that he was going to be used as a step ladder but it would help the team so it was a sacrifice he was willing to make. After all, they were only here because he couldn't resist the chance to have sex with a beautiful lady and now he was going to be corrupted by a curse. As he thought about the curse, he felt something pulse within his chest. "Kill them," whispered a seductive male voice. "All they do is use you. Kill them and rid yourself of that burden."
"Who said that," asked Fern.
"Who said what," scoffed Meowlynn.
"I'll be watching you," the dark and sexy voice said before silence came into Fern's mind.
"Hello, Fern," motioned Gene.
"Yeah, sorry." Fern shook his head and then changed into a polar bear to lift Blaine and Gene up. Fern then had to go through the motions of lifting up the men, climbing up the steps, and repeating until they were at the top. Though while he waited for the boring job to be over he watched Blaine help everyone up. The druid became very jealous as he watched that curse-blooded male place his hands on the asses of the women as he pushed them up.
"They could all be yours," whispered the voice again. "Just kill the men. Then you could have all the women you want. Breed as much as you want even if that means raping them."
"Get out of my head," roared Fern. Not that anyone else could understand him while he was a bear.
"Not that a handsome man like you would have to resort to such brutish tactics."
"Leave me alone," cried the druid.
Again, the voice went quiet as he climbed to the top of the stairs. The Jellybeans went to the warmest part of the cave and made their camp. Using some of the white fur Blaine collected and a few of their diminishing firelogs they made a fire and placed the hyperthermic halfling next to it. Gene and Aliya sat next to her share their body heat and even Meowlynn tried using some simple magic to warm him up.
All Fern could think about was trying to stop this voice from talking to him. He didn't know whose voice but he did know it was evil. Whispers of death and power trying to persuade him, it was the same as the rest of his family. What game was this voice playing?
An hour or two later, the group was ready to continue though they were not looking forward to going down the rancid hall. It was voted that Fern had to lead the expedition since it was his idea. The smell grew more foul the further they went towards its source, walls became slimy and sticky.
A black liquid was covering the floor and on the other side was a skeleton clutching a staff that looked like a snake. Weird webbed gloves that had tiny claws were still on the bones. Suddenly, Fern became excited. He wanted that staff to replace the one he currently had not to mention check out whatever those weird gloves were. If nothing else, he could sell them.
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A slight drop led into the room, submerging Fern's foot in the disgusting liquid. It made a disturbing suction sound as he lifted his foot out of the thick gelatinous substance. The others just watched as greed pushed the druid further and further into what Fern surmised to be the room equivalent of a chamber pot for those snow apes. Fern guessed that the fool at the end of the room was some unfortunate traveler who was brought here or somehow accidentally stumbled upon this cave and ran into this room to hide.
Finally, Fern reached the other side and grabbed the staff. It was shaped like a python standing on its tail and the head part was arched seeming like it was ready to strike. The skeleton seemed like it was some poor human and this was where his bones would be forever but not his fine things. Fern wasn't going through the trouble of picking his bones out but was willing to put in the effort to take the weird gloves off of him.
After grabbing the strange gloves, he placed them in a bag and started to walk back to the rest of the group. He made his way about halfway through when he stuck his foot into a very thick part of the puddle, probably a pile of dung. His foot started to feel a burning sensation similar to when acid from Meowlynn's ball of acid accidentally splashes on his bear form.
A huge black pile of sticky black sludge, like a ball of scraped-off sewage, sprang out of the waste and tried to wrap around the druid. Aliya summoned a radiant version of her foot and kicked the ooze away from Fern.
"Fuck," yelled Blaine as he ran into the filth. He dragged a blade across his neck but instead of igniting his blood into flames, his blood shed a bright white light illuminating the room. Radiant energy sliced into the black blob cutting it in half. Instead of one giant heap of sludge now they had two smaller ones.
The wizard conjured a fire into her palm and shot a bolt of fire at one of the blobs. The blob bubbled slightly but kept relentlessly attacking the druid. Kira then shot her bow at the same ooze that Meowlynn also fired at. Some of the gelatinous mass flew off and splattered into the rancid liquid that covered the room.
Gene also joined into the fray and moved his way through the muck. He made his way to the slime mound everyone was attacking because it was still attached to Fern. The monk delivered an uppercut to the pile of waste and some of his flesh started burning away. After he swung two more times, the black ooze released its grip on the druid and tried to return to its other half.
Freed from the acidic sludge, Fern morphed into a bear and bit at the piece trying to return to its bigger counterpart. He caught the tail end of it and a mouthful of shit. The bear then vomited uncontrollably as the flavour was so foul that it made him want to tear his mouth out.
The small ooze rejoined itself and then attacked the bear again. It wrapped around the muzzle of the bear and started strangling it with its acidic body. Aliya used the giant foot to try to make the slime let go of Fern but to no avail. Blaine tried to slice off the ooze but only succeeded in cutting it in two again. The second half then wrapped around the midsection of the bear, trying to squeeze the air out of the bear. Vomit continued to come out of Fern's bear-like nose. Fern was suffocating on his own vomit while his throat was being melted so he couldn't even swallow it.
Another bolt of fire came sailing through the air and hit the ooze on the bear's face, freeing Fern from the choking sensation, and allowing him to vomit. The black waste writhed on the top of his head where Kira sniped it. The force of the arrow was so great that it made went into the ooze the was trying to squeeze his lungs. The small ranger then collapsed where she stood, luckily not falling into the waste and feces.
The leader of the Jellybeans then grabbed the ooze and tore it off Fern and kicked the thing further into the room. "Get that hell out of here now," order Gene. Everyone got out as fast as they could, Fern clutched Kira's fur coat with his teeth and carried her all the way to the mouth of the cave.
Once there, he dropped her, returned to his normal self, and summoned a handful of purple berries. He shoved them in his mouth to get rid of the foul taste seeping into his tongue. After, the druid quickly checked the weather, clear and sunny skies showed up in the orb in his palm.
"I hope it was worth it," commented Meowlynn.
"Well the staff looks good," he replied. "Now let's get out of here before while the weather is still good. We don't want to return during a blizzard."
"Okay," agreed Gene. "Let's get out of here. Even if there was a blizzard, the sooner we head back south the warmer we'll get."
The monk turned to the druid, "I'm going to strap Kira to you and we are going to run as fast and as far as we can."
"Yes, sir," he jokingly remarked. At the request of his leader he transformed and waited for the halfling to get strapped to him. He then left the cave but there was a blizzard tearing through the wind. It wasn't right, his weather magic was never wrong. Regardless, once the Jellybeans got out they all started racing away towards the Ardent River as fast as they could.
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