Chapter 3

Orientation Video by SilverMoonGrimm. Go read the original version when you have the time!

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--oOo—

WELCOME TO CAMP HALF-BLOOD

A BRIEF ORIENTATION VIDEO

Produced by the Hermes cabin

--oOo—

THIS MOTION PICTURE HAS BEEN RATED PG-13

PARENTS STRONGLY CAUTIONED

--oOo—

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: Hello kids!

*Three 80's cartoon kids pop up on screen: one white boy with brown hair and a ball cap, a girl wearing a vest, and a black boy with glasses*

KIDS: Hello!

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: Now, as you all have started to grow up, you may have noticed that certain things come more natural to you than other kids.

*kids look thoughtful*

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: Perhaps you've discovered you have a green thumb-

*cut to scene of cartoon girl gardening*

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: Maybe you uncovered your knack for mechanics-

*cut to cartoon black boy restarting his car by kicking it*

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: Possibly even picked up a new hobby or two-

*cut to cartoon ball cap boy shooting baskets

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: But these ordinary activities may not be as ordinary as you might think!

*Gardening girl turns away from garden, just missing the tomato plant rapidly growing behind her. The inside of black boy's car is highlighted, showing the gears lurching into movement. A basketball casually tossed over shoulder somehow makes it into the basket*

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: Noticing these changes, you might begin to feel scared, but not to worry! You aren't in this alone!

*Another cartoon, a short boy with the beginnings of a goatee, walks up to kids*

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: Chances are, you have been brought to this camp by your friendly neighborhood satyr! Your satyr only wants the best for you, so he will go out of his way to help you make it to Camp Half-Blood!

*the cartoon kids high-five cartoon satyr, then follow him off-screen*

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: By now, you must be wondering what Camp Half-Blood is for. Simply put, we train you so that you won't end up like this-!

*Real-life shot of a teenager being pulled apart. limb-by-limb, his agonizing screams toned down to a volume that won't break a child's eardrums*

*Another real-life shot, of a giant mouth full of sharp teeth, chewing on something looking suspiciously like flesh*

*Man, with face blurred out, spontaneously combusts*

*Woman screams bloody murder for what appears like no reason, until fire ants begin to pour out of her body*

BALL CAP DUDE: *suddenly pops up, frowning at camera* Hey! I don't want that to happen to me!

*other kids nod in agreement*

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: Don't worry! Here at camp, we have state-of-the-art training equipment-

*campers manually operate a device that swing spiked clubs at a person at various heights*

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: Friendly and supportive counselors-

*an old man with curly black hair and a leopard print shirt is seen screaming at campers*

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: And a totally rad gift shop!

*camera pans around a small room, whose walls are covered in 'Camp Half-Blood' tie-dye shirts, racks of deodorant, and bell-bottom jeans with orange side-panels*

*a guy wearing an orange T-shirt gives the camera a thumbs-up, grinning*

BOY WITH THE GLASSES: *pops up next ball cap guy* But, wait?! Why are these monsters trying to kill us in the first place?

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: Good question! You see, a long time ago, the world was ruled by hundreds of gods, commonly referred to as the Gods of Olympus. These deities all took control of certain parts of the world. For example, Zeus *cartoon old man in toga walks out* controlled the sky and weather. He was ruler of the gods, famous for his powerful lightning bolt

*Zeus smites tiny people with lightning*

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: They were worshipped by the ancient Greeks. Nowadays, people think they are just myths

*a crowd of average cartoon people walk out, talking on phones and playing with each other*

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: They are wrong.

*Zeus begins zapping the civilians, one by one, leaving a cartoon pile of scribbles and a pair of eyeballs behind each time while the people run screaming*

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: They are very real. In fact, they really aren't so different from you and me. They fight-

*cartoon Zeus and Poseidon fight, creating gigantic storms in the process*

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: They play-

*cartoon gods enjoy a fun round of Pankration (a type of to-the-death wrestling match)*

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: And they, er, *coughs* love to love!

*cute cartoon couples snuggle together for a few moments, before beginning to make out passionately*

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: Being alive for thousands of years can become pretty boring. Sometimes, they meet some nice mortals (that means humans) and just can't keep it in their pants anymore.

*A 'Hey! This is for kids' is heard in the background*

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: *huffs* Many times, this results in a baby!

*cartoon infant appears*

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: These demigods- half god and half mortal- are raised on Earth without any knowledge of their celestial heritage. But not only gods are real- monsters are too!

*live-action footage of Minotaurs, drakons, and dracaena play*

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: And monsters really don't like demigods. At all. So they try and kill us. Well, here at Camp Half-Blood, we do our best to stop that from happening!

CARTOON GIRL: Whoa! So this means I'm a half-blood too?

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: Yes!

CARTOON GIRL: And now I get to learn how to stab stuff?

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: Yep!

CARTOON GIRL: Wicked!

*the three children high five*

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE: Now that we've covered the bases, you are ready to learn all about being a demigod from your peers and camp counselors!

*cartoon kids turn to camera*

THE THREE KIDS WHO WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONES LEARNING BUT NOW SOMEHOW BECAME KNOW-IT-ALLS: And remember to always listen to your cabin counselor!

*camera zooms in to a close-up of an exasperated live-action cabin counselor, rubbing his head and watching some children running circles around a pair of bleeding campers*

THE THREE KIDS WHO WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONES LEARNING BUT NOW SOMEHOW BECAME KNOW-IT-ALLS: Otherwise, who knows what can happen?

QUIET OMNIPOTENT VOICE: *speaking quickly* Video production sponsored by the Camp Half-Blood Gift Shop, there for all your essential demigod needs.

--oOo--

WELCOME TO CAMP HALF-BLOOD

HOPE YOU ALL SURVIVE

LOUD OMNIPOTENT VOICE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dick Razer

BOY WITH BALL CAP (voice of) . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mr. H. Aught

GIRL (voice of) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ima Mazing

BOY WITH GLASSES (voice of) . . . . . . . . . . . . Jack B. Nimble

HEAD-SCRATCHING COUNSELOR . . . . . the awesome Tony

Bartman (please don't kill us)

GRIZZLY DEATHS (by order of appearance)

. . . . . . Mike Fells

. . . . . . . Winnifer O'Henry

. . . . . . . . . Aaron Johnson

. . . . . . . . . . . Jamila Parker

RIP

(and thanks for the footage!)

SCREAMING COUNSELOR . . . . . . Dionysus (aka Wine Dude)

GIFT SHOP GUY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mr. Sir

-oOo-

ANIMATIONS PROVIDED BY

THE APOLLO CABIN

WITH HELP FROM

THE HEPHAESTUS CABIN

-oOo-

CAMERAS PROVIDED BY

THE HEPHAESTUS CABIN

-oOo-

PERMISSION PROVIDED BY

CHIRON

(supposedly)

(Davie was supposed to be getting permission)

(but he hasn't returned yet)

(we think he may have died)

(possibly)

(probably)

(Dionysus probably did it)

(Dionysus killed Davie!)

(Who did Dionysus kill?)

(Davie's dead!)

(Fuck!)

(We must seek revenge for our lost cabin mate!)

(Arm yourself, Hermites!)

(Prepare for battle!)

(Now we sound the drums of war!)

(Hey guys, what's up?)

(Not now, Davie; we're plotting revenge)

(Oh fuck wait)

(Davie's A-LIVE!)

(Uh, Chiron said sure)

(Great! And, um, we certainly weren't about to storm the Big House, seeking revenge on Dionysus for murdering you)

(Certainly)

(AN-Y-WAYS)

-oOo-

VIDEO SPONSORED BY

CAMP HALF-BLOOD GIFT STORE

FOR ALL YOUR ESSENTIAL DEMIGOD NEEDS

-oOo-

That video…was just…*sigh* I thought this video was supposed to teach us about Camp Half-Blood and make us feel better. I. DO. NOT. FEEL. BETTER!!! They just showed us clips of demigods being torn apart, with all of the blood and flesh. If you were going to do that, at least make it into a cartoon! Now I feel like I’m going to be sick.

I came out of the room at the big house where Luke was waiting for me, grinning like a madman. “You have a sick sense of humor.”

He kept grinning at me. “I can’t have any new campers missing out on our orientation video, can I?”

“You know I’m eventually going to get back at you for this, right?” This means war.

“Oh, you want to start a prank war with one of the Sons of Hermes? You’ve got guts.” He looked at me pretty impressed. Maybe this was a bad idea after all.

I just grumbled.

I had been really tired when I came in, so I basically took a nap straight on the floor. When I woke up a few hours later, I was really uncomfortable since I didn’t have a sleeping bag. There are a lot of people in the cabin, so sleep was fleeting as well.

A horn was blowing in the distance. Somehow, I knew it was a conch shell. Must be a demigod thing. I thought we might be under attack from some monsters or something, but it turns out, it was just the sound signaling time for dinner.

I was hungry so I followed Luke and the others to the dining pavilion to get a bite. That name sounds way better than “mess hall,” so I gave it a mental thumbs up. On the way, I got to see the other cabins in a lot more detail, and they were amazing. Luke gave me a rundown of all the different cabins, especially cabins one and two. Apparently, a kid of the God of Thieves can get into anywhere without being noticed. Man, Luke is so cool.

The pair of cabins at the head of the field, numbers one and two, looked like his-and-hers mausoleums, big white marble boxes with heavy columns in front. Cabin one was the biggest and bulkiest of the twelve. Its polished bronze doors shimmered like a hologram, so that no matter what angle you looked at it from, lightning bolts seemed to streak across them. I was told that the cabin inside has a fluctuating mosaic ceiling and several bronze braziers, along with a statue of Zeus in traditional Greek clothes in the center of the room. Supposedly, demigods of Zeus don’t feel comfortable sleeping there because that giant statue creeps them out. Go figure. Zeus is the God of the sky, weather, air, lightning, honor, and justice. I thought he just used lightning. You learn new things every day.

Cabin two was more graceful somehow, with slimmer columns garlanded with pomegranates and flowers. The walls were carved with images of peacocks. Apparently Hera also has a giant statue of herself in there as well. I guess couples do begin to think alike after a while. I’m told that there isn’t any furniture in there because she is the goddess of marriage and she doesn’t cheat. Well, if you don’t have any demigod kids, why do you need a cabin? Did you get jealous of all the other kids (gods) with their toys and want one too? It just seemed like a waste of space since it’ll never be used.

“What about the other cabins?”

“Nope. Not telling. That would be spoilers, you know.” Luke seemed happy to keep me in the dark.

“Seriously?”

“Half the fun of Camp Half-Blood is exploring everything. I only told you about those two cabins because no one is allowed to go inside. Well, you can if you’re invited, but that’s highly unlikely since there aren’t any demigods from those two gods at this moment.”

“You went into those cabins and saw everything,” I said dryly.

“True, but I didn’t get caught. I doubt you could do the same thing. Cabin Eleven kids are built to do these kinds of things. Who knows though? Maybe you’re actually a kid of Hermes too.”

“Maybe.” I was doubtful. All of the Cabin Eleven kids had similar characteristics. They all had elvish features and this mischievous smirk, like they were about to pull off a crazy prank. I don’t think I fit the list. It would have been nice being a part of their cabin though. They seem close.

“Wait until you see Mount Olympus. This place will feel like a total dump then.” Luke had a faraway look in his eyes.

“Wait, Mount Olympus is real? Are they going to take us to Greece then someday?” That would be so cool!

“Of course it’s real! But it’s not in Greece anymore. It’s in America right now. It’s strange that they don’t live on Olympus anymore right?”

“Not really.” I responded. If I can move somewhere, why can’t they?

“Come on! You should be more shocked” Luke whined. “Gods don’t change that much so it is strange that move around. Chiron explained it us before. They say that the gods follow the Heart of the West, which basically means they go wherever the center of all culture and spirit exist in the world. It started in Greece. From there, it was carried by Zephyros, the Western wind, to Rome, and then traveled across Europe, stopping in Germany, France, Spain, and eventually stayed in Great Britain for a while. After that, it went to America around 1860, and has been in New York City since.”

“Mount Olympus is in New York City? No way! There aren’t any mountains here!”

“It’s not located on a mountain anymore. Right now it’s located on the 600th floor of the empire state building.” I just knew Luke was enjoying that look on my face. I bet he set up that whine earlier just for this moment.

“Wait a second…I’m pretty sure that the Empire State Building doesn’t have that many floors!”

“Well, it doesn’t really have 600 floors, but rather, that you take an elevator there to the “600th floor” to reach the entrance to Olympus. It’s like another metaphysical plane of existence that is hidden from the rest of the world, and exists in another dimension.” He noticed that he was kind of losing me. “Just think of it as a magical place in the sky that requires you to use a magical elevator, which no one can get to other than people like us.”

“Ok, that makes a lot more sense.” I nodded in understanding. “Man, just hearing about it all makes you feel like everything is just nuts.”

“True.” Luke said smiling. “But on the other hand, Camp Half-Blood is like a place we can relax and enjoy ourselves, while learning to survive. While we do a lot of demigod stuff, there’s a lot of normal camp things you can do here as well. Just take a look.”

So I did. The camp truly was beautiful. There were groves of trees, a winding stream, acres of strawberries spread out under the blue sky. The valley was surrounded by rolling hills, and the tallest one, directly in front of us, was the one with the huge pine tree on top. Even that looked beautiful in the sunlight.

The valley extended all the way up to the water, which glittered about a mile in the distance. The landscape was dotted with buildings that looked like ancient Greek architecture, with an open-air pavilion, an amphitheater, and a circular arena. The only difference was that they all looked brand new, with their white marble columns sparkling in the sun. We passed a nearby sandpit, where a dozen high school–age kids and satyrs played volleyball earlier. Canoes glided across a small lake. Kids in bright orange T-shirts were chasing each other around a cluster of cabins nestled in the woods. Some shot targets at an archery range. Others rode horses down a wooded trail. Some of their horses had wings, which wasn’t as weird as I would have expected. Somehow, I’m already beginning to adapt to this place. Must be another demigod thing.

The whole cabin, about twenty of us, filed into the Mess Hall. We lined up in order of seniority, so I ended up being last. Campers came from the other cabins, too, except for cabins one, two, and cabin eight, since none of them had demigods. Satyrs joined us from the meadow. Naiads emerged from the canoeing lake and Dryads came out from the woods. Yes, I had to ask what they all were. They were spirits of nature that were basically beautiful maidens inhabiting rivers, woods, or other locations that are associated with a certain aspect of nature. Crazy stuff.

In all, there were maybe a hundred campers, a few dozen satyrs, and a few dozen assorted wood nymphs and naiads.

At the pavilion, torches blazed around the marble columns. A central fire burned in a bronze stove the size of a bathtub. Each cabin had its own table, covered in white cloth trimmed in purple. Four of the tables (Zeus, Hera, Poseidon, and Artemis) were empty, but cabin eleven’s was way too overcrowded. I had to squeeze onto the edge of a bench and I barely had any room for food. Why can’t they make a bigger table for cabin eleven or give us a second table? Why don’t the unclaimed have their own cabin? This is stupid.

Chiron stood to one side at table twelve with Mr. D, a few satyrs, and a couple of plump blond boys who looked just like Mr. D. He was standing at the table because it was too small for a centaur.

Finally, Chiron pounded his hoof against the marble floor of the pavilion, and everybody fell silent. He raised a glass. “To the gods!”

Everybody else raised their glasses. “To the gods!”

Wood nymphs came forward with platters of food: grapes, apples, strawberries, cheese, fresh bread, and yes, barbecue! My glass was empty, but Luke said, “Speak to it. Whatever you want—nonalcoholic, of course.”

“Speak to the glass?” I was skeptical. I’ve been here less than a day, and I already heard about the cabin eleven kids and their pranks. I’ve seen those dirty looks directed towards those guys from some other campers.

Clearly Luke noticed. “Yes. Here, watch me. Give me a root beer float!” His glass filled up with a delicious looking root beer float.

I decided to follow suit and said, “Milk”, and the glass filled up with it. I would have gotten Coke or something, but I was just told to lose weight, so yeah.

“You don’t have to get something like juice for your health here.” Damn Luke, how do you know about that? “Don’t give me that shocked look. You make it sound like you’re the only fat demigod to ever grace these halls. Regardless of what you know from the mortal world, every drink that comes here is super healthy. That’s one of the perks of living in Camp Half-Blood. Everything that goes into our bodies is so healthy, you’ll lose weight even if you don’t exercise. Working out makes you lose weight twice as fast.”

Holy crap, this is a gold mine! I could make so much money if we could market this to the public somehow.

“No, it can’t be marketed.”

“Damnit Luke! Stop reading my mind!” Stupid magical Greek world with everyone being able to read your mind!

Luke just laughed. “Hermes is the god of merchants. I saw that look of a money making scheme in your eye. The Hermes cabin has long tried to think up of a way to market this weight loss food to mortals, with no success. Anything we would do could cause people finding out about all of this.”

“Damn, that sucks.”

“Keep thinking though. You never know if you’ll be the one to figure it out!”

Yeah, I don’t think I’ll figure it out if none of the kids of the god of merchants could figure it out.

After I filled up my plate with lots of different foods, I noticed everybody getting up, carrying their plates toward the fire in the center of the pavilion. What’s the deal?

“Come on,” Luke gestured at me to follow.

As I got closer, I saw that everyone was taking a portion of their meal and dropping it into the fire. It would be the ripest strawberry, the juiciest slice of beef, or the warmest, most delicious piece of bread. What are you all doing? Stop wasting food!

Luke whispered, “Burnt offerings to the gods. They like the smell.”

“Are you for real?”

His look warned me not to take this lightly. So an all-powerful god wants my burnt food? I can’t even begin to understand why that would be the case.

Luke approached the fire, bowed his head, and tossed in a cluster of delicious looking red strawberries. “Hermes.”

I was next.

I wished I knew what god’s name to say. Or even the gender of the God. Or anything really.

Finally, I decided to just to think “Hi, I exist, whoever you are.” What do you want from me? Clearly, whoever my parent is doesn’t want anything to do with me. I’m not going to beg someone who abandoned me.

I dropped a piece of chicken into the flames.

When I caught a whiff of the smoke, it wasn’t cough inducing like I imagined it would be.

In fact, it smelled nothing like burning food. It was the exact opposite. It smelled of freshly made pizza and burgers on a grill, fresh baked cookies and brownies, and a hundred other good things that shouldn’t have gone well together, but somehow did. No wonder they want this. I bet it’s like crack for gods. Apparently we do this every night.

When everybody had returned to their seats and finished eating their meals, Chiron pounded his hoof again for our attention.

Mr. D got up with a huge sigh. “Yes, I suppose I’d better say hello to all you brats. Well, hello. Our activities director, Chiron, says the next capture the flag is Friday. Personally, I couldn’t care less, but Chiron will nag me about it incessantly if I didn’t remind you all now. I don’t know why I have to bother. It’s every Friday, but Chiron insists. Also, I should tell you that we have a new camper today, Krishna Khanna. That’s right. Hurrah, and all that. Now run along and do your silly little things. Go on.”

Everybody cheered. We all headed down toward the amphitheater, where Apollo’s cabin led a sing-along. We sang camp songs about the gods and ate s’mores and joked around. It felt so surreal. I haven’t done fun stuff like that in a while. The best part was that everyone around me was just like me. I didn’t have to explain about any of my weirdness because everyone here was just as weird as me. It is wonderful and for the first time, in a very long while, I feel safe. I wonder if this is what home is supposed to feel like.

The conch horn blew again, and we all filed back to our cabins. I didn’t realize how exhausted I was until I collapsed on my borrowed sleeping bag. I think I went to sleep with a smile on my face. I bet this will be the best summer ever.