“~~~~~~!”

“Hmmm?”

“M~~~~~!”

I felt like someone called me from far away in the darkness. The void of nothing all around me comforted and soothed me. The yelling was the only thing that disturbed my otherwise peaceful nap. I guess I should see what they want. This was an eerily familiar sensation to when I first came into this body.

“Vampir!”

“Master! Pull yourself together we have to go after the lord!”

I come out of the nothingness as I suddenly gasped. My eyes opened to a grizzly scene. I was covered in blood from head to toe and dead mages were piled underneath me like a throne of corpses. The Foliora, Dog and Leyara all looked at me like the monster I was.

“Derbegun”

The spell left my mouth before I really thought about it. The looks of horror on everyone’s face was too much to bear at that time and I almost lost my shit for a moment. I took a deep breath and re-centered myself as the magic did its work. Almost lost my cool...

“I’ll go after him now. Sorry for…”

I looked around at the carnage and the obvious PTSD that these warriors and dog were undeniably going to have if they didn’t already. I began to feel the blood well up in my eyes as I searched internally for what was left of my humanity. Dog came with a look and I set off for the castle proper through the door that Croshute had used.

A series of flights of stairs met us as we entered into the next corridor. A group of men was creating quite a racket as they fled up the stairs. I was looking and feeling particularly dejected. I remembered being mad and my vision going red and the rest is well… Like seriously, who the fuck drinks people?

Just as I was feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders, Leyara’s hand went into mine and she pulled me to her chest.

“You are not a monster. They would have died either way, it’s part of the mission and well, a part of life. Especially for bad ass vampires.”

She grinned at the last words. I looked up and seen her kind smile. Kind words didn’t make me any less of a monster, but for now I could continue if for nothing else then Leyara’s smile and dog’s gross, wet nose stuffed in my hand.

“We gotta catch up Master! Stop making kissy faces with your girlfriend!”

When did this become high school? I shot dog a death glare and dropped Leyara’s hand. This caused him to relieve himself, but the mood was restored and I felt a bit better.

“Hang on to me, Let’s see if we can catch up with them.”

I stuffed Ron under my arm and wrapped my arm around Leyara’s waist and she held on to me. My first jump cleared the first 3 flights of stairs and we landed gently on the platform. I looked up and seen the dim torches that lit the way up. The lord and his entourage had just gone through the huge double doors at the top.

My next attempt landed us at the top of the stairs which resulted in Leyara’s magenta mohawk to be wind blasted to one side and Dog’s lips were stretched over the top of his head and over his bottom jaw. The latter put a smile on my face as Leyara fought to straighten her hair out. Once everyone had straightened themselves out, Leyara drew her sword and I kicked the double doors open which blasted them off their hinges and right into the face of what could only be described as a soggy house?

The troll was by far the largest thing in the room and the only real comparison I could make was, big as a house. The troll shambled around with a massive hunch on his shoulder and its knuckles literally dragged the ground. It was at least 12 feet tall and almost that wide as it swung a small tree as a club and broke it over my face. The pain wasn’t the issue, but I have to say I felt something like pain when the troll picked me up in its massive hands.

Leyara was casting some kind of magic off to one side and dog was latched to the thing’s wrist that held me. I needed to stop being this victim person, that I seem to gravitate towards in times of trouble. This isn’t urban America where we can hope for police intervention and every decision is made for you if you let it.

I forced open the troll’s hand and dropped to the ground. Dog followed suit and dodged away to avoid the troll. Leyara finished her chant and shot ice across the floor that enveloped and snared the troll’s feet which caused it to topple. The troll stumbled and fell from its awkward gait and hit the floor. Like a total bad ass, I drew my sword and sliced its head off and sheathed my sword with proven muscle memory all in one fluid motion.

Dog looked up at me in total admiration which of course melted my undead heart. Then for some reason, I was slammed into a stone wall with excessive force. Truck-kun is that you? I felt the bones in my body break as much as I heard them. The cracked bones and exploded blood coming out of my body would have killed most men, but I was not most men. I wasn’t really a man at all. I was a vampire, and I had just had a feast.

The regeneration kicked in right away as my body began repairing itself. The healing process was almost as traumatic as the event itself as impossible to regenerate bones just fell to the floor and entire new ones were formed. All that aside, I just got bitch slapped by the troll. Didn’t I kill that thing?

My clothes were ruined and in tatters. I looked down at myself as my garments began repairing themselves too?! I wanted to pursue it further but the troll was coming back. It no longer dragged its knuckles and no longer hunched and instead stood smartly and walked with purpose. Something was different though, out of place even. I just can’t put my finger…

I had cut his head off! Its head was now firmly growing out of its abdomen and it was moonlighting as the Headless Horseman. The head was attached with what looking like roiling blood.

“Find the blood mage! If we stop him then the tr – ugh!”

The troll had upgraded its wooden club to one of the marble pillars in the room. I didn’t have any time to react and this monster was not conveniently waiting around like they did in comics or tv! The pillar connected to my face…

Darkness.

I floated through the emptiness of what I was firmly dubbing the “afterlife”. I went back to a firm cycle of taking naps and waking up as I drifted through the darkness. My slumber was disturbed after what I could only assume was a brief time.

“Excuse me sir, hey Shawn, can you hear me man? Hello, Mr. Mullins?”

Shawn. That name sounded vaguely familiar. Who was that again?

“He’s too far gone! How did you manage to mess this up too Ringo?!”

“I didn’t plan this, he just unexpectedly died!”

“He’s a fucking vampire man, he doesn’t die!”

“Shit, you’re right. Hurry use a Resurrection Token on him! We don’t need another gate incident with him on the loose.”

“The boss is going to be pissed. If anyone asks this is on you man! We only have 2 left.”

A warm sensation spread through my head and neck as I slept. It made my nap the most perfect slumber in the history of existence. A sudden pull started bringing me out of my slumber as it felt like I crashed through layers of reality on my way to my destination.

“Wait, where is the other token?!”

“I thought you had it…”

“Hmmm va…”

The voices faded as I got further and further away from the undead stooges. I felt a sensation on my chest and felt a small coin. I instinctually slipped it into my pocket as I opened my eyes. My vision was a bit blurry as I woke up with a pretty rough headache!

“Gross, his head is regrowing! AWESOME!”

There was Dog reiterating the obvious…MY FUCKING HEAD IS REGROWING! My vision returned or regrew however you want to look at it. Leyara and Dog dodged the resurrected troll as it swung its marble baton of doom. I swung my head around looking for the mage responsible for the monstrosity.

“It smells like magic in the corner Master!”

There. In the corner was a haze almost like I looked over scorching black top in the dead of summer. I threw my sword into the middle of the haze. Like a dropped cloak, the haze unveiled the blood mage pinned to the wall with my sword sticking out of his chest. He was trying to mumble words as the light turned off in his eyes. Leyara came up with a look of concern in her eyes.

“Are you ok? I thought you were… ya know.”

The troll stopped dead in it’s tracks as the mage died. It deteriorated right in front of us. The head rolled to the ground.

“I am fine. Just had a brush with death.”

“I told you he would make it. HAH ye of little faith amirite?”

Dog had once again become overly full of himself all of a sudden, except this time I didn’t have to do anything. Leyara smiled venomously as she kneeled down to get eye level with Ron whispering almost imperceptibly.

“Do you think it is funny for your master to die right in front of you? I thought you were the best loyal dog ever who smelled the troll first? It’s very disappointing to hear you act this way.”

SAVAGE! She didn’t threaten, beat or maim Ron to punish him. Instead she made him feel bad! The power of women showed itself to be truly terrifying and amazing. Ron drooped his head, his ears laid down flat and his long reptilian tail tucked between his legs. He skulked off to a corner to feel bad for himself, the image of misery.

“Dog did smell the troll first. You have to give him that, Leyara.”

His ears perked up from across the room. He was too indignant to turn yet, but he was listening.

“I guess he did and he fought so valiantly earlier and even protected me.”

“See? He is a good boy.”

Ron’s tail began wagging slowly, his back still turned on us.

“He’s certainly an alright boy.”

Ron unable to contain himself began trotting back to us, stopping to relieve himself on the troll’s decaying head.

“Yeah, that’s right, I smelled the troll first.”

Ron held his head high as we continued our pursuit into the castle proper after Lord Croshutes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Name: Vampir Darknaciel - (Shawn Mullins in former life)

Date of Birth: 23rd day of the month Reign in the year 3015

Race: Vampire (Human)

Hair: Black

Eyes: Red (Unholy Glow)

Current Value: 239.9 million Gold Coins, Approx. 149 trillion Gold Coins worth of Invisibility Potion, Resurrection Token

Magic Pocket: Pretty much one of everything (unverified), Journal of a Madman

Powers: Voice Mesmer, Animal Transmutation, Super Strength, Super Speed, Immunity, Kinesis (Psycho), Hissy Fit Vaporize, Derbegun (Cleaning Spell), Hemiowgun (Healing Spell), Stop (Time Spell), Dauntlet (Shadow Armor), Regeneration (Heightened after feeding)

Weaknesses: The Sun, Holy Water, Dog, cries blood, Leyara, Grave Box at Witch’s, Blood Rage, Definitely, not immortal.

Strengths: Barfights, Takes arrows to the chest like a champ, Digging Holes, Fungus House Demolition, Dog, Blood Rage, Chucking swords