Borgarsandr, day 15

Complications

Kari wakes up, and everything is wonderful. There is sound and movement outside the room, but for her, right there and now, everything is peaceful and she is deeply happy and at peace. She is now a woman, and lying next to her is her wonderful husband Robert.

Robert tried to be so careful and tender, really assured himself that she wanted them to have sex, that she didn't feel forced, and then he focused on making her first time really special. A tender and skilled lover who really cares about her, instead of a conqueror who takes what he wants, and then throws her aside. Freya will have a great sacrifice.

Robert really appreciated her underwear and she felt so luxurious, and it was so satisfying when he helped her take off the dress and saw the underwear. His eyes and face told everything and they have been worth every ounce, and she was right he would like its black color, but it was expected considering his shorts and tshirts.

He took his time to kiss her, caress her body, cover it with small kisses and gently touch her while he methodically explored her with his hand and fingers, mouth and tongue. Enjoyed every inch of her body and made sure she enjoyed the sensations. Interesting that adult human women in Midgard might still have what they call hymen, but its unusual among Elven women except possibly when they're very young. She loves that he asked, and was afraid that her first time might hurt or there might be a little blood, and he used his fingers to make sure that she was ready, and didn't take her with force.

Her mind is flooded with the painful memory of terrible panic and dreadful shame when she reached climax, and to her horror realised that she peed on his hand. She who made sure to go to the toilet and washed thoroughly before, so nothing would disturb their night! She will never forget Roberts eyes. His suprise and how his whole face changed when he understood her panic and dread, and instantly hugged her and tried to calmed her down. He wouldn't let her go, and prevented her from fleeing the room while he said that it was normal. Human women sometimes do the same, more or less vigorously, and he called it squirting. With his calm voice he repeated over and over that it was normal, and just a sign that she was enjoying sex, and that it isn't something she could control. She shouldn't feel ashamed of it, or afraid to have sex. The reason she's never heard of it before is probably because no-one ever mention if it happens - since they're ashamed of something completely natural that they don't understand.

When she was calm enough, he made her promise to stay in bed as he took out his thin grey towel, wiped them off, and put it underneath them. Then he continued to make love to her. Hold her, kiss her, continue to touch her body everywhere and satisfy her as if nothing happened, and without caring that it might happen again. It did happened again when he was in her, and stronger than the first, but Kari began to accept herself because Robert barely reacted, focused on making sure she knew that it wasn't something that would prevent them from enjoying eachother. Enjoying sex. Robert accepted her for who she is, and what she couldn't do anything about. In that moment Kari knew she truly loved Robert, and much deeper than she had expected to do in a long time.

Her wonderful husband lying there on his stomach next to her, his arm outside the bed and his head in the pillow. Kari gently press her body against his, to feel his warmth and skin against hers. Just enjoy lying in bed with her husband. She gently feels the hairs on his body, while she thinks about how it has been a much more wonderful night than she ever thought. What she have feared for many, many years would be her first experience, and it could have been more horrible than she ever imagined.

She can't imagine that many men would really accept a woman like her, and she will cherish the memory of how Robert held and comforted her when she got horrific thoughts of what a gross insult she is: A Concubine given by The King, who pees on her husband when he has sex with her.

Robert might be the only man who would truly accept her, and he wasn't content with hugging, kissing and taking her - he skillfully used his mouth, tongue and fingers between her legs, aware of what might happen, and saying that she was worth the risk. Her enjoyment was worth the risk. She will never forget those eyes. Such a wonderful evening and night, because her good caring husband is who he is, and she loves him so much.

Kari deeply wishes that she were more than a friend and concubine in Robert's heart, just like Iselin. Iselin who let the man she rightly loves above all else, spend a night alone with her, so her first night made her feel special. Truly a glorious gift, and Kari do feel special beside Robert's warm body and his calm, almost silent, breathing.

She will do her utmost to prevent Iselin from feeling pushed aside, and will try her best to avoid feeling jealous of Iselin - or Ciara - but they're no real threat to Kari's future with Robert. Ciara will probably always have a special connection to Robert, anyone can see that, and she completely understand why Ciara wanted that agreement, and did everything to make herself more desirable in his eyes. She will try to avoid what Ciara feels is her niches.

She will also try to get Robert to marry both Iselin and her at the right intervals, and she will pray to Freya so that it can somehow be made socially acceptable, even though none of them are desirable wives, and absolutely without Robert feeling forced to marry them. Becoming Robert's wife is a wonderful dream, but above all, her soul and body are the only things she truly values. Her soul and body are the most precious gifts that she can give to Robert, as a thank you for her future life with him.

But, on the other hand, if any other woman tries to have something more than just a night of carnal pleasures with Robert, or threatens their little group or push herself in between Robert and them... then she will have to pray to the Gods for mercy, for Kari won't have any, and Robert's status and knowledge will keep her quiver full of arrows.

Robert is THEIRS.

Time goes by a bit like in a trance; there are adjustments both for me and the others, and after requests I am more than receptive to, I will order a new larger bed, with the best possible mattress, pillows, duvet and bed sheets. Three sets. Every time Kari accompanies me, a set will need to be washed.

Hadn't anticipated that disadvantage, and it came as a horrible surprise for Kari, but its so important that I down play it for her and our sake. There is nothing she can do, and she looked so horrified and tried to escape from the bed, and probably the room. My thoughts went wildly while I held her and tried to calmed her down, for my empathy, compassion and protective instinct had immediately struck, and struck hard. The only thing that mattered was to comfort, make her feel safe, and ensure that it doesn't become a huge issue in our relationship and future together. So I did my absolute best, and I will continue to do so, and I realized that I had immediately accepted that it will sometimes be unpleasant. But thats less important than Kari's happiness and that she feels safe. Everything else is just problems to be solved, or minimising the impact of. Maybe we should try to have sex in the morning instead, so that we don't sleep in a wet bed, or try to have sex in places other than the bed, like on the floor, against the walls or on furnitures.

It's quite ironic that my empathy, compassion and protective instinct have led me to having more feelings for Kari, and that I'm motivated to continue having sex with her, so she knows that her squirting it's not a problem for me - than if we just had sex and enjoyed each other, like with Alith. Alith's still just a friend, and time will tell if that include occasional 'benefits', while Kari immediately became something more due to an unexpected complication that makes me try to 'fix' the problem, want to help, want to comfort and make everything well - no matter how it affects myself.

Slight annoyed with myself, since I no longer see Kari as just a friend, even though I don't love her. Feels like what happened to Ciara when I understood how she was treated, after she became mine. I know this is a personality problem, but I can't really stop it. Thankfully, rational logical thinking helps in most cases, and I don't need to save others like some kind of junkie needing a 'high', but I do avoid putting myself in situations where it might strike. But if it has struck, it has. And the greatest risk is when it happens abruptly and unexpectedly, like with Kari.

Accept reality, learn and move on.

I even avoid watch nature documentaries where animals suffer, fully aware of the laws of nature and the harsh reality. Very manly of me.

Ineffective morning, as nothing really is done, and I just accept that this will be a lazy day. Try to relax, enjoy life and go for a walk with the wonderful woman who shares my bed. But with three women sharing my bed, and in the company of four female guards, one of whom I have occasionally shared it with, it mostly feels... oppressive, and difficult to be fair as I only have two hands. Helps that Iselin and Kari take a trip to the city to shop, so I can spend some alone time with Ciara, before focusing on Iselin and Kari. It was nice, and we all enjoyed eating cookies, fruits and other things on the coastal cliffs in the sun. Kari's starting to influence Ciara too, or Ciara has just started to regain lessons from her own upbringing, and its impressive how dignified she looks while sitting on a small rock, eating a carrot.

Infront of the others, I give Alith the third monocular, due to her position as my guard captain. It's not Alith's personal monocular, but she decide who can lend it depending on how the guards are distributed. But its theirs to freely use, and they behaved as I've given them a child to protect. There's hardly any difference compared to my own in image quality, but I can rank them. Bodil is water-forming a pair of lens covers in leather that we'll attach to the monoculars intended mounts tonight when they are dry.

One thing I've noticed is that Gunhild and Hillevi have nice looking chain mail and swords. Not surprising since they worked for the king, but I will give chain mail to Alith and Bodil as a 'thank you' for their service so far, all three weeks. I know I need guards who are well equipped to prove my status, especially now that I'm a Furst, and I prefer to raise Alith and Bodil compared to pushing them aside to choose Gunhild and Hillevi. Gunhild would probably be the best Captain since she's more than five years older than Kari, and have been a Sheildmaiden for almost 14 years. But I trust Alith more, and logically its the smarter thing to do, to keep her loyalty and appreciation.

Damn all this status thinking, but it's hugely important here so I just have to adapt, and it would be stupid to ignore Kari's lessons about it.