We've more than halfway back to the farm, when Alith just says Iselin's name and give her a meaningful look, and Iselin nods, drives to the side and stops the carriage and says we need to talk, so this is apparently something they discussed and take seriously. Crap! Iselin must know about my intimate moments about Alith, and now that Iselin is my fiancée, there will of course be no more, and they want to clarify it. But my thoughts come to a screeching stop when Alith starts talking about something completely different.

Alith tells me that Ciara told her story to her, in more detail than she wanted and what Iselin probably knows, what Jarl Steinnes really did to her, and that Alith won't tell us. It has given her nightmares. Alith continues telling how Ciara, with deep religious tones, considers herself dead and resurrected, and that I am her everything. Her light and warmth. That I as a human is the only man who exists for her, and all elf men arn't men any more, but 'creatures'. Animals. Iselin says that Ciara looks much better but she suffers internally. Something has broken within her soul or mind, and they don't understand it, but Ciara suffers that I'm keeping a little distance from her, and not letting her sleep in my room anymore. She has often sat outside looking at the evening and night sky and cried after we fell asleep.

Feels very uncomfortable when I understand that Ciara has placed me on a pedistal and sees me as some Jesus figure or descended angel, and she's apparently almost religiously devoted to me and how dependent she is on me. Sure I have understood a bit, but not at what level she meant it. Think about her declaration that she would do whatever I ask her to do. It hurts inside when I hear how serious they are, and I suffer partly with Ciara, and partly because I didn't really notice it. Been busy with so much else that I let Ciara be neglected, and I thought she would manage until the Academy was built and she got a valuable service and future there. She has looked happy, but she seems to have pretended.

Alith goes on to tell how Ciara believes that God punished her because she doubted God and her resurrection required a sacrifice, and it was her ability to enjoy sex, because she can't feel any pleasure when she tries to masturbate. Iselin tells how intensely Ciara tries everything possible to be able to feel any pleasure, both wooden things and recently put piercings in her nipples - which explains her posture - but Ciara can't feel any pleasure or excitement. She just gets sore and it hurts.

It's unpleasant to hear them tell me that more or less everything Ciara does is for her to have more purposes in my eyes, to do something for me. To be closer to me. Be worthy enough. Find something she can do, even sexually. Hence the wooden things and why I think she is trying to imitate Alith, so she becomes more attractive and desirable in my eyes.

I don't know how to answer it, but I thank them for telling me, and need to figure out how to help her. I might have to let her sleep in my room again from time to time, and I should probably make her a free neck. It's not like I want to have a slave. Iselin squeeze my hand hard and puts me straight, and Alith just nods in agreement when she talks.

"Robert, you're a wonderful intelligent man and I love you above all else, and I apologize for what I'm about to say - but sometimes you're so blind and stupid. We no longer have an agreement, but Ciara desires an agreement something fierce. So much I doubt you can understand it. If you make her a free woman, she will feel that you are throwing her away. That she's no longer valuable or desired, but only a friend or someone who can work for you. You can't do that - it will crush her soul and hope.

Ciara needs to know and feel that you really care about her. That she is special to you, and that you let her live and sleep close to you. That she can give you something that no one else can do, and preferably fill some sexual pleasure and niche just for her. Which she can give to you. So you want her close. So you desire her for yourself. That may not be right, or what you wish, but that's how she sees it - that's how she is.

If Kari becomes your concubine, it will make Ciara's situation worse, because you will have another woman in your life that you already value, and you will be having sex with sooner or later. Ciara is so scared that Kari who is so smart, stately, confident, beautiful and 'pure', will push her away completely, and take over all the ways that Ciara tries to find to make herself needed, beautiful and coveted by you. Her niches. Just that Kari has kissed you on the cheek a couple of times? Ciara interpret that as Kari taking it from her. Understand that in Ciara's eyes, Kari isn't doing anything wrong if Kari pushes her away to get you more for herself. In Ciara's eyes, there's something wrong with any woman who doesn't want to be in your light, and want a bigger piece of you for themselves. Or doesn't want to accompany you to bed. Ciara believe she's not worthy, or else you would have wanted her. Not smart enough. Not beautiful or desirable. Because you deserve the best, and she 'knows' that she's not good enough, 'defiled' and she might not even be able to have sex with you.

So offer Ciara an agreement, but not for 5 years; makes it much longer for her dream is that it lasts forever. Describe her as your concubine in the agreement, so she gets paper proof on her value to you, so she know you need her and that she is special to you. Let her have the same ceremony I got, because she really wants it, and let her use your name. Let her sleep near you even if it's not the same room most of the time, because Ciara needs to know that you, her light and warmth - her everything - want her close by for a long time to come. You don't seem to be looking forward to having such a relationship with her, and no-one knows if she can even have sex, but she still wants to be embraced and accompany you to bed. You may not be able to give her pleasure or orgasms, but for Ciara it is far more important that you can enjoy her. That she can give you pleasure, even if it has to be with her hand or mouth. You may not love her, but what she feels for you transcends love.

So give Ciara what she so desperately wants. If she can; have sex with her from time to time, and do your best to ejaculate no matter how it happens, and try to be happy and avoid showing disappointment if she can't let you take her. Eventually she might. Let Ciara love and worship you while she lives near you, and show that you appreciate her and that she's special to you."

I'm quiet, and Alith swaps places with Iselin and gets the horses to pull the cart again after she's agreed with Iselin. I say nothing, for what fuck should I say? Iselin hugs me and holds my hand while she comforts me;

"I understand you both, and I know that relationships are different in Midgard. That I am now your fiancée and that you are my fiancé, shouldn't prevent you from having other women, and especially not Ciara that I gave you. If you give up sex with others because of our relationship, you reject Freya's blessing and your masculine side, and it is only with marriage that changes. It is especially important for you as Sejdmann."

I should be happy about that declaration, and feel honored that my fiancée gives me all that trust and open relationship, but I'm worried that it will still change our relationship more than I wanted. At the same time, I know I will have sex with other women sooner or later, as I've already accepted Kari as my future special girlfriend, and it feels like I'm betraying Iselin. Betraying our engagement. As if our relationship is just a false mask in front of others. A game for the galleries. Pretending. Dishonest. Dishonourable. Meaningless.

As we get closer to the farm, I can't help but reluctantly agree that Iselin's solution is probably the best, no matter what I want. They hadn't taken me aside like this and clearly told me, unless they didn't see this as the best solution, and if it hadn't already gone too far. I'm really blind in some areas, and have to try to be better, especially if I'm going to have two... three girlfriends. The tragedic thing is that I think they're right, and I do care about Ciara, so it's just accepting reality. Learn. Move on. But I have the opportunity to shorten the agreement duration and can cancel it if Ciara 'gets better' and wants it.

Damn it. The same day that it felt so good that I terminated the agreement with Iselin and she became my fiancée, Ciara will become my official concubine, probably for many years to come.

I just sit there quietly and hug Iselin during the continued journey back to the farm.

When we have eaten, I go in to my room and look for the extra agreement papers. I was planning to light a fire with them tonight and have a nice evening with my girlfriend as we grilled pieces of meat and vegetables. I have just freed Iselin from her chains and I had hoped that I would never force anyone to sign any more. But we have different wills and I will bow to Ciara's wishes, because I care about her. After staring at the papers for far too long trying to find another solution, but where the brain is mostly blank, I call for Ciara so we're alone in my room, and I ask her to sit down on the bed next to me. She gets such a happy little smile from just sitting next to me, and the smile increases when I put my arm around her back and lean her against my shoulder. That it has been so easy to make her happy, has been explained.

"Is it true that you tried to feel sexual pleasure, but couldn't, and you think it was sacrificed for your new life with me?"

The smile is gone and it is with big, scared and sad eyes that Ciara looks at me and slowly nods. I almost tear up myself in how resigned she immediately has become, and she's probably scared that I don't want her because of it. Shouldn't have formulated it in such a careless way. I just hug her and she lightly sobs against my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry I havn't noticed how you suffered. I'm a stupid blind man sometime. As I've been told, what you want more than anything else, is to get the kind of agreement Iselin got - more than just becoming a completely free woman."

Her weak nodding on my shoulder gradually increases in intensity. I just make a slight gesture, and she quickly climbs into my lap and hugs me. Intensively. It feels like she's hugging me for the same reason a drowning person hugs a lifebuoy. Because its a lifeline and a vital need. Not love or intimacy, but security and salvation. Damn it!

"Are you trying to make yourself more sexually attractive to me, so that I will covet you, think you're more beautiful and want to have sex with you?"

More nodding on my shoulder.

"Are you trying to imitate Alith?"

More nodding.

Fuck. She's really pierced herself and is suffering in the hope that I'll find her more desirable. No wonder she's afraid of Kari's cheek kisses, and sees it as Kari taking it from her. Because she's trying to take from Alith. Must tell Kari to stop. I feel so sorry for Ciara, and it hurts my soul to know how desperate she has been, especially when I realise that she still has to be sore in her nipples, and still press herself against me. Can't push her away from me, so I just sit there while we hug.

"If you're in pain from your breast piercings, it's important to me that we stop hugging so hard - so you don't suffer."

Directly and quickly, she lets go of her hug and separates us a little, and her "Sorry" when she avoids looking at me is so damn heartbreaking. As if she have failed and disappointed me again, because she wanted to hug me and thought it was worth the pain. I have to think about what I say. I lie down on my back, and make her lie down next to me so she can lean against me and I can gently hug her from behind, but so she lies comfortably. We just lie there for a few minutes while I make sure what I have to say, change the wording and practice it in my head. Her fingers play a little with mine while she holds my arms against her.

"Ciara, I have suggestions for you, and you don't have to decide today. Take all the time you want even if it takes weeks or months. I have three options, but you can make suggestions or changes, because you are important to me.

I offer you to become my concubine, and that's something I've never offered a woman to be before. But you have to understand that for me a relationship is not about sex and children, so for me, a concubine is a woman I enjoy spending time with, who I want as mine and who is special to me, but it can mean that I maybe just want to lie in bed and feel you with me much like now, or sit with you on a bench or go for a walk in the woods. Sometimes I will just want to be close to you, or give you a hug and kiss, and other times I need to be alone. Sometimes we will have sex in some way. I expect you to try to be honest and show me your feelings, good and bad, and say your opinions and wishes to me, because as my concubine you are special. If you want to cuddle like now, have sex etc, you can show it, ask or tell, and I will try to be fulfill that, even if its not always possible or long lasting. As my concubine, you will be forbidden to have sex with anyone except me, unless you ask before.

The choices I give you are as follows, but you can come up with your own choices, and when we have agreed, we declare it to the others as witnesses.

Option one; I free you, and you're a completely free woman.

Option two; I free you and you become my concubine.

Option three; an agreement similar to Iselin's, but where you become my concubine instead of a maid, and when it is signed, I free you... "

"Three!" she interrupts me, and before I've had time to finish.

"Ciara, please let me finish. When it is signed, I will free you, just as I did with Iselin. Should you ever want the agreement changed or considered fulfilled, you can ask for it, and I will do it, because you is special and valuable to me. Your will is important."

It's quiet and Ciara is obviously waiting to see if I'm done.

"Three!"

Ciara turns around, and looks at me as she happily, resolutely and eagerly says "Three!" again. She kisses me on the cheek, and says "Three!". So we go out into the hall where the others are waiting. I tell briefly what happened and clarify what is going to happen, and that they are witnesses. I ask Ciara what she wants; to become a completely free woman, that she becomes a free woman and we declare she is my concubine, or an agreement as my concubine, where she becomes a free woman.

"I, Ciara Mawr, daughter of Aonghus Mawr of Mair, want an agreement as your concubine more than I wanted anything else in my whole life. With all my soul and heart. Forever and all the future."

It apparently surprises none of them, and I can't help that it is with a faint sigh I fill in 'concubine' and 'Forever and all the future'. Ciara's hands shake when she slowly, with Iselins, Aliths and Bodils help, stumbles her way through the agreement. So that every woman that she trusts verify its contents. Ciara gathers courage and asks if we can delete the part about proof, and replace the word 'slave' at the end with 'Concubine', so that even if she breaks the agreement, her punishment will continue to be my Concubine. She's really desperate to be my concubine forever - so I do. At least she didn't ask to delete the whole part that I can shorten the duration or consider the agreement fulfilled, but she seems to have wanted to. I suspect she just didn't dare to ask about it, and I sign both papers.

Ciara's tries to stop her hand from shaking as she practices writing her name correctly and clearly on another piece of paper. Then she writes, with both letters and runes, and it is happy tears from her eyes that she does everything to wipe away so they don't defile the paper. She holds up her left hand, and it is only with a gesture from Iselin that I remember that we put bloody fingerprints on each document, so I repeat it with Ciara. I tell her to keep her copy in a place I don't know about or give it to someone she trusts. I ask her to sit down and wait there while I fetch my multitool and a piece of leather. I think it's actually the same piece of leather as for Iselin's necklace. Ciara expectantly sits on the bench and has pull her hair away from her neck and leaned forward. I file down the rivet of the ring and break it apart as I remove it from her neck, remove its pendant and place them on the table in front of her, kiss her free neck and give her a hug.

"Ciara Mawr, you're now a free woman and my concubine. What do you want to do with the neckring and the pendant?"

"I wish to have that ring destroyed and melted down, and to have my pendant on a leather strap instead, and hope to get a new necklace in the future that shows that I'm Sir's concubine."

She says the last thing a little more cautiously and quietly, but of course she will get it. Until then, I have leather straps, one of which is suitable as a necklace strap, so I fetch and cut a piece while the others congratulate her, and I put her pendant on the strap and make a necklace that I lift over her head and straighten her hair over. I squat down next to her, look into her adorable purple-blue eyes that twinkle and say;

"Ciara, you never have to call me Sir or similar, and I appreciate if you use my name Robert. I can take you to the smithy here on the farm, or a blacksmith in town today so you get your neckring destroyed and it's your choice what happens to the lump, or if you wish we can use it the next time we make steel and destroy this ring beyond all form. It can be mixed with other iron scrap and turned into steel, gone forever, or you can do something completely different. It's entirely your choice. "

"Shining steel, and gone forever! But now I wish to accompany you in your bed, Robert." Ciara looks at me hopefully, and I don't think she means to cuddle. Everyone nods or smiles in the background, so I take Ciara into my room and close the door.

Asks if she means we should try to have sex, and she smiles a little uncertainly and nods while she says "Yes, Robert.", and gives me a little chaste kiss on the lips. Damn, Iselin became my fiancée today, and I'll be unfaithful to her just hours later. I'm a swine. But we sit down on the bed, hug and cuddle a little and I start to gently and tenderly touch, kiss and caress her, afraid that she will be scared or get back nasty memories of how she has been treated, and I focus on her face first. Trying to be attentive for any sign of uncomfort, but without showing it. She loves to kiss, but it's much chaster than Kari was. It feels like we're fumbling teenagers.

I'm afraid I can't give her sexual pleasure, which doesn't get easier when I can't touch her breasts or nipples that must be really sore, and which also complicate or prevent a lot of positions or pace.

We quickly discover that Ciara isn't the least bit afraid of my fingers and mouth, but loves to feel them, and I consciously move on by gently kissing her body and legs and approaching her vagina, going down on her since no man will ever have done that, and its in a more submissive position where she is half lying on the bed and I am kneeling outside. I'm grateful that Iselin earlier told Ciara to take a bath.

Her screaming moan of pleasure makes me jump and my anxiety peak, before I hear and understand that its due to pleasure followed by an orgasm, and its like a bursting balloon. With her following equally loud vocalisations, everyone can hear that her sexual pleasure wasn't sacrificed for her 'resurrection', and she's so happy.

The first penetration happens when I ask her to try to ride me, so she's still in control, and we cautiously proceed and try several positions, but not the missionary or anything I think feels forced. Difficult; especially considering her breasts, but we have a sensual and intimate hour, and I don't have a problem coming. Ciara is so blissfully happy, pleased and in complete peace. I don't want to disturb her peace but instead make her feel more special, so we just lay there in the aftermath and cuddled while I recover a little.

"Ciara, if you want, you can stay while I work. Because you're special and mine." followed by a kiss, I pull on a shirt and shorts and sit down to work, and she lies in my bed with a happy face and just looks at me.

I guess that no matter what I do, Ciara will like it, but I want her necklace to be really special, so a mix between drop and diamond shape where the upper part is an open ring with a gemstone below the ring. Her old pendant can be attached to the ring parts but it will look better without, and I don't want Ciara's necklace to cost more than Iselin's. I don't want her first necklace after her neckring to be metal, and a wider gold link that will probably be really expensive considering what Iselin's cost, even if it was silver. Silver also feels wrong and a risk, since I don't know how pure it is. Ciara will probably be wearing this all the time. Instead of some kind of braided wider leather band, and I come up with the idea of a finely embroidered silk ribbon with a clasp at the back. Less durable, shorter lifespan and harder to keep clean, but it can be replaced.

Realize that I seem to have been inspired by some of Stjepan Sejic's creations, as it is a mixture of a choker, a fetish collar and a necklace. Thankfully not a fetish slave necklace in leather with a ring, because even though there already are similar wide leather chockers here with metal decoration that free women wear, I'm uncomfortable enough with the agreement as my concubine, and don't want to start seeing her as something else. Would prefer to see her as a close female friend.

Argh, I miss Ravine & Death Vigil; wondering if he will ever continue them.

Ciara gives feedback on the design and the necklace even though she doesn't get all the details, and she loves every second of it. I cut out and together we try out a suitable and comfortable shape for her that she likes that I recreate on paper. A little distracting when she sit and model in front of me; adorable, happy and in just a bra, and I take the opportunity to give her a few more kisses and sensually caress her skinny body, while I actually begin to understand that I will probably have her as my special partner for the rest of my life. Hope her almost contagious happiness over her role holds up, but she now know that she can ask me for things and I will try to fulfill them. That is why I agreed to the changes in the Agreement. I told her I would let her change it, and now she knows that it is true. I hadn't just imagined changes in that direction.

As I will take another trip to the jeweler, I can make a template for my magnet and bring it, which is quick and easy in brass. Then I start figuring out how to finish the ship compass and if I need anything else. Fit the parts together, fix the shoulders so it rotates easily and bodge on a lump of lead at the bottom of the puck so it stays more horizontal and uses the movements of the gyro arms. Works well, so must make the lead lump properly and rivet it in place, and complete the compass disc. Ciara is still sitting and watching what I do with a blissful smile.

Its late in the afternoon when I, Iselin and Bodil go back to the city to pick up the manufactured brass parts, even if the casts will take longer. Just sit there beside Iselin as the wagon rolls along. I need to learn how to ride and build a better carriage. Will have spent hours just back and forth to Borgarsandr today, and I'm tired of seeing the fields with drying crops.

Digraldi's craftsmanship is clearly better than mine, but I expected that. I didn't even really try to do it nicely. Then we visit the jewelers shop, for the second time today. After talking to the jeweler, he makes Ciara's necklace with the star sapphire he has and it still fits her a bit as it is dark blue, almost black, but its in any case exclusive. I ask the jeweler to make it finer than my sketch but keep the general idea, and I get him to contact the seamstress guild for the ribbon and use the template, and ask them to do it nicely in matching silk or similar with embroidery and almost layer effect if they can. It should be comfortable, exclusive and subtle elegance, so its up to them. If they can't do it then some kind of beautiful matching braided leather band or something. He will try to rush it in 4 days, but can't promise it will be finished in time with my ring, and depends on the seamstress guild as well. I give him the advance payment anyway.

Once home, we ready a picknick basket and with Ciara accompanying us, we walk along the coast, and have a little picknick looking out over the sea. Partly cloudy, but mainly dry, sunny and warm. Bodil stands a short distance away and eats the two cookies she received. She understands to not disturb. Iselin and Ciara sit on either side happily cuddled up against me, and both with their heads against my shoulder when I have my arms around them. It just feels so wrong to sit here with them this way, but I am happy about it. Can't really completely relax as I want to show Iselin that she is more special, while I don't want Ciara to feel like the third wheel and excluded. I would have liked to sit here and just cuddle and enjoy the day with Iselin, but I can't ignore Ciara. Should have left this day to be Iselin, and given Ciara tomorrow, but I suspect I would be distracted today by knowing, and Iselin was right in telling me so that she didn't keep it to herself.

My life is complicated and will become more complicated, since I will probably have a fiancée and two concubines in just a few days. A hell of a change. How the hell am I supposed to balance that and will I be able to do it right? Will they put up with each other's company in the long run, or will they fight and hate each other or me? I should be grateful that at least Ciara is supposed to have faith in me, because I will surely be an unthinking moron sometimes. The positive thing is that the future problem that I have to have more women due to my status, has already been solved. The child problem can be partially solved with adoptions, but it can still be a problem. Damn laws and culture.

I really need to let them know that I might not be able to make them pregnant. That will be a hell of a conversation.

Do some work on fixing the compass, cast a lead weight and grind a glass plate as a lid on the puck, and drill out the middle for a brass needle to hold the compass disc, make the disc and engrave its compass rose.

But when it's getting late and after supper, I put the work aside, sit in the garden and enjoy just sitting there with Iselin, and then just crawl in to bed, feeling happy to have done a good job, with my wonderful fiancée next to me and just be happy. Occasionally my thoughts wander to Ciara on the other side of the wall. I can't let her sleep in here every night, and better that neither Iselin nor Ciara have their beds in here.