Borgarsandr, day 4

Chess & Usefulness

Iselin woke me up in the usual way and crawled up and rested her head on my chest. I told her she didn't have to do it. Appreciated of course, but a little variety is better. So don't do it next time, okay? She just nods a cute little smile, which gets devilish from 'next time'.

Just feeling peace and happiness. I wonder how far it will go before I really think about marrying Iselin, because I would already like to have her as girlfriend and fiancée more than maid. Someone who is my equal.

I need pastimes. Games etc. There are of course games here, and I need to test them. There seems to be some chess like where one starts in the middle and the other along the sides, but I won't try to pronounce it again. There are dice here, but they arn't very accurate. Can be done better, and with rounded corners so it will be harder to get deliberate throws. Need to let Alith and Bodil train and also train myself. Run a couple of times a week. Won't be fun but need to stay in better shape. But at the same time, why not introduce something like chess? Bodil has said she likes to carve wood, and here it can be done compared to a rocking boat. Maybe can get her to do the chess pieces. She and Alith seem to be bored a lot.

Iselin, Ciara and Alith go into town to leave the contract, pick up the slate etc she ordered yesterday. So in the mean time I describes my chess idea to Bodil, and she eagerly agree right away. It will ofcourse be her game but would be fun to teach them to play it. Not so good myself but enough to be interesting. Sketch a little on the small slate board and show, and describe the shape of the board, how it is made of wooden blocks that are glued together, etc. Bodil is very interested, asks questions and when Alith returns, she disappears out into the yard, and during the day manages to get sawn wooden blocks in two shades that can be reinforced with a little oil or paint at the end, and has got the beginning of a board made. The glue needs to dry and then everything is planed and leveled. I was good practise to sketch the different figures on paper, and Bodil looks happy when she sits leaning back on the bench outside, and carves a horse.

Don't know why Ciara looks so miserable, but best to ask, so I ask her to come out into the garden so I can talk to her.

Gesture for her to sit on the bench next to me and speak out. She looks ready to cry. Havn't seen her this miserable last week - thought she seemed to get better and get a drive in her. Asks if she wants a hug, and she throws herself around me and hugs me as if her life hangs on it. Maybe memories. Given what she's probably been through, I wouldn't be surprise if it bubbles up when she least expects it. I hope that time can heal those wounds.

Ciara confess that she isn't useful, that there is nothing she can do. Everyone else constantly finds new things, gets new tasks and is useful. First Alith and now Bodil. Can't figure out what Alith has to do with it all so I ask.

It's so embarrassing when I understand that Alith has talked to Ciara about our sex activities, but Ciara's experiences make her distort everything, and now Bodil has also become more useful. Ciara looks me in the eyes and declares that she would do everything I ask, everything, and would like to try to fulfill the need Alith does, if I just allowed her to sleep in my room, or share my bed, and she looks so dejected when she says she know I don't want to have sex with her. Wonders if Ciara understands why I can't have sex with her, and I really don't want her to believe she's only useful if we have sex, or worse - that she's only useful for sex. I have to try to keep some of the principles that make me myself.

Argh. I must try to come up with something Ciara can do to make her feel useful, but first I say it's good that she's found someone to talk to, to trust. I tell her that it isn't always about being special and several can fulfill the same tasks and chores. Ciara doesn't have to have a niche just for her, even though I understand that she wants it. I ask if Ciara believes me when I say something, that its not a lie. Without a doubt, she replies 'Absolutely!' and I have no doubt she means it. I tell her that she will fill a valuable niche, especially at the future Academy; it's just not the right time, and she must try to endure a long time. Its not even built yet. It won't even be the first building built.

In the meantime, I make Ciara fully responsible for food - that we eat regularly and well. She knows that I think this is important. If she need to buy some food, tell Iselin to help her do it. Ciara looks much more collected and more relaxed. I holds her against me and as we continue to hug she gets a small content smile. She hasn't stopped hugging me. Ask if she wants to sit on my lap instead, so it will be more comfortable, and she happily jumps there and continues to hug me with her head against mine and her smile becomes wider.

Asks if she wants me to give her a kiss on the cheek from time to time, because I don't do that with anyone and she quickly and entusiastically nods. She really shines when I give her a kiss on each cheek.

When I leave Ciara, she straightens her clothes and looks happily towards the horizon and the sea with a determined face. I have to make sure I really find something she can do at the Academy, and preferably before.

Ciara just sit there and thinks for a long time. Of course Robert has had something planed for her at the Academy. Robert is such a kind smart man, and he thinks and cares about Ciara. She should have trusted him from the beginning and not doubted. Not been weak in her faith in Robert. She let Robert down because she thought short-sighted, gave up and didn't believe in him. Just as she gave up praying to God last winter and stopped believing. She will do her best to never let Robert down again. Never waver in her faith in Robert, no matter what trials she faces. Robert has given her a purpose and she will take care of it well, so she can come back up and feel the warmth and light. She's so looking forward to the kisses and hugs, and it was absolutely wonderful to sit on his lap and feel embraced by Robert. She could have spent all day like that.

Ciara's satisfied smile grows because she understands that she can fill a niche that someone else is already doing. She can't guard, or carve wood. She can obviously never fill Iselin's duties. But she can partially fill Alith's niche. Alith learned from Liv and Ciara can learn from Alith. If Robert wants it, she should be ready.

Bodil sits leaned back and carves on the wooden horse when Alith comes out because Sir wanted to be alone with Ciara in the garden. Bodil has a half grin when she wonders why Alith isn't looking out the window.

Bodil cuts herself when Alith angrily hiss at her with a hard look. She stares annoyed and questioningly at Alith as she sucks on her finger, who sighs and slowly and discreetly begins to tell what Ciara told her the night before, and what Iselin confirmed. Never touched Ciara? Gave her everything and treated her so well for no reason? Refuse to have sex with a slave because they can't say no, even when the ambott is willing and fanatically devoted to her master? Would refuse a rich beautiful noblewoman? He has sent a willing naked free woman from his bed, just because he suspected that she might have been pressured by his master or mistress?

Bodil just stares at Alith who deeply sigh before she sits down on the bench next to Bodil and continues;

"Bodil, think of what Sir's like. Look past the fact that he is incredibly powerful, rich and masculine and what that usually means. Think about how he behaves towards everyone and what he says. Has he ever during the two weeks we have been in his service, made hints that he would like to have sex with someone or asked for it? Have he hinted at something to you? I was thinking last night and can't think of any occasion - even when we were alone - even though we've been intimate, which we both loved. Since that evening he has made no suggestions towards me, and he doesn't give me lascivious looks as most men do, and when he happens to look at my breasts he's disappointed in himself.

We both know that if Iselin got what she wanted, they would share a bed every night, with or without sex, because she is completely in love with Sir, but he doesn't want that because she works for him. He has power over her - even though he's obviously in love with her. Iselin's necklace must be an annual salary for us, and it certainly wasn't given to entice her to warm his bed. You saw how quickly and without a doubt he gave her a tenth to reward her for the deal. He cares and rewards her. They have sex once in a while, yes; he is still a man who needs an outlet and they're close to each other day after day, but it's like a reward when Iselin has done something good and really wants sex. You have seen how he treats them both, and how he treats us and others we have encountered, like the slaves on this farm. He's kind and polite whether he's talking to a slave or the King."

Bodil just stares at Alith and forgets to suck on his finger. Sir has never done such a thing, and its on the spot for Iselin, as well as his behavior towards everyone.

"Do you remember how Sir took us aside the first night, and told us to protect and keep track of Ciara from the beginning? It wasn't like we assumed because she's his bedslave and wanted control over her, and so no other man would touch her, it really was to protect Ciara from men who can assault her without real consequence because she's a slave. You do not want to know what her last year was like, don't ask her because she might tell and you don't want that memory. Just her tone and face when she told... I had nightmares last night, and have barely slept. Nightmares of what she experienced, how her life has been. She has been about to kill herself just to escape, aware that her God would punish her with eternal suffering, and she believes that Sir was sent by the Gods to save her.

We as shieldmaidens were largely employed instead of male warriors, so that Ciara would be protected and feel safe. Remember Iselin's words about how Sejdmann Arnesson was, so we would seek the service, and just think about how we sleep here compared to the ship or tavern. Sir would never allowed any man to sleep in the same room as Ciara or Iselin. They slept in Sir's cabin so he could keep them safe, not because they had sex, and he gave them sleepdresses so they had privacy. Should any man have to sleep here in the house one night, I'm convinced that Iselin and Ciara immediately would move in to Sir's bedroom, even if it meant letting them sleep in his bed. Ciara only sleeps well in Sir's presence, whether we are there or not. She wish that he snored, so she atleast could hear him and feel safer."

It's just to much for Bodil. Who does something like that for an abused and raped slave woman? Many wouldn't even look away but instead participate, because its 'just a slave woman'. Many women think they're the lowest slave too, and the gods wouldn't have given them such a fate if they didn't deserve it. Such lives usually continue in misery until they happen to die, or until they take their own lives. They arn't saved and treated like noblewomen by powerful men.

"By the way, have you heard of Iselin's agreement?"

Bodil has not heard of any agreement, so she just slowly shakes her head.

"Iselin quickly mentioned the agreement, as she wanted me to know. Apparently she was also a slave until the days before we met - born slave, and also in the service of that swine Jarl Steinnes in Kambsnes - you sleep better not knowing, and just be happy that we never went and sought service there. But Iselin was so much better off than Ciara and was given to Sir as his reward for that impressive sejd we've heard about."

All that hate towards Jarl Steinnes kind of make her curious, but she trusts Alith.

"But Sir wanted someone to trust as his personal maid, who could protect his secrets and who could help him with the transition to here. But a slave can be beaten, raped, etc, by others and it will only be silver for it legally, if something even happens. You know how it can be even with free women, if there is a powerful Storman or Jarl involved. We both remember Mildri. So Sir wrote an agreement with her, where she agreed to serve him well for 5 years, and as if it weren't short enough can be shortened by Sir - which he certainly will - and then she's a free woman without reservation for all time to come. No ordinary free-neck, whose children are still in debt to the old master, must obey and vote in Thing as the master, and so on. Not Iselin, and not even during the agreement. He released her so that during these 5 years she could have the protection of the law from others and from him. He made sure she had a document he don't want to know the location of, as to guarantee her protection against himself. Have you ever heard of something like this?"

Bodil can only slowly shake his head, its a lot to take in. What man in power would weaken himself so much because he cares about others, especially slave women? Unfortunately, several powerful women don't differ much there either.

"I just realised something. There's a really important part of that agreement. Iselin isn't allowed to own slaves while serving Sir. They instantly becomes his if she buys or gets one. Considering all the rest I believe that the more power Sir feels over someone, the more responsible he feel for their wellbeing, and the more protective he becomes. We've never seen Sir do any kind of real sejd, and he avoids it. You've seen how controlled he is, and you said he didn't show the least bit of fear or worry standing infront of the King. I think he really didn't see the King as powerful, compared to himself. He might be kind to everyone because to him there isn't much difference between a slave and a King in power. I think he's so controlled because he has to be, because he's too powerful. He might be afraid of what his power could do if he got drunk, or started to use sejd because it was the easy way, so he won't abuse any power. That's why he doesn't even touch Ciara without asking, and that might be why he wants to start that Academy. He feels responsible for the future of all elves."

That's one hell of a scary thought, but it becomes clearer to Bodil why Sir wouldn't use Galdr with such an attitude. To spellbind someone would be contrary to Sir's core principles, and its no wonder that Freya really blesses Sir. She doesn't have to worry about Sir looking down on Alith because they were intimate, or will lure her to bed. She needs to worry about Alith giving herself to Sir, because she's very well aware of her outspoken friend's beliefs, dreams, fantasies and what she's attracted to when it comes to men.

"So, I don't want to hear any comments that Sir's a lustful man and that he would force himself on someone. We swore an oath to protect Sir, his property and his honour, and you have unknowingly just insulted it. We both have. We're guilty of that, in several ways, against our Sir. But Sir is a better man than we knew, and I will protect his honour and glory even against you."

There's an unpleasant silence between them, and Bodil can only agree. They have both had preconceived notions about Sir, for who would guess the reality? They stare out over the farm, the fields and the people who work. Many slaves and some free men and women. Finally, Alith breaks the unpleasant silence between them, with an unpleasant thought:

"During these two weeks we will be here... How many Sir, guards or just general men do you think would have forced themselves on one or more of the slave women who work here? How many times will it happen while we are here by others on this farm?"

The silence continues for several minutes while they watch the life and movement of the farm. Finally, Bodil asks:

"Why doesn't Sir just free Ciara or give her the same agreement as Iselin, and give Ciara what she dreams about?"

None of them come up with an answer to that. After several minutes, Alith sighs and a little hesitantly and resignedly say:

"Maybe he's just blind to the obvious like many men, and just havn't thought about it?"

That guild really know how to sew things, and seem to have many who work for them. I didn't expect to see four different models, one or two yes, but apart from a sports bra for work or for warrior women, there's a 'normal' everyday bra in linen or something, one in really nice silk or something like that, with small embroidery, lace, ruffles and patterns. How did they get make it in a day? They must have had prepared ribbons and fabric they could use, but then again, its probably something to do while waiting for work. The last bra model Alith's rightly proud of as a design proposal from her, but Iselin says that they where many women who collaborated when they understood the purpose. Front opened and made to make women feel luxurious, and men to drool. Alith proudly says that she named it Valhalla, because the man who sees it thinks he got there, and unlike wrapped breasts, there is an easily opened front glasp.

Iselin happily model a fine model in dark blue, and its a revelation to see her in it, matching the gold necklace with blue stones that she normally wears, and framed by her beautiful long red hair. Her intense eyes are drilling into my soul, and I'm happy that I'm sitting down. But Iselin then switches to the everyday model, just like Ciara. Alith and Bodil are happy with sports. I'm happy that it works, and that I've hopefully introduced another good thing in this world for women that can help relieve back problems. If it helps with future sagging breasts or not, I have no idea.

I sit leaned back and think about how to puzzle between the maps, exactly what covers what, when Alith knocks asking if she can have a quick word. She leans back against the table, with a sinful smile and a bare upper body with only her Valhalla bra in bright red, framed by her blue-gray braid lying down in front of her shoulder.

Damn. They are perfect at my eye level and I can only stare as I appreciate the view.

"If it works that well on someone who has seen them before, it might cause shock death in other men. Maybe I should have called it Hel instead...", then Alith puts on her tunic again before she goes out to the others. I'm just looking at her, and there may be something in it. Its again lucky that I'm sitting down.