So I stand surprised and look at her, as Astrid looks at me. When she stares at my beard, we make eye contact and she see me staring at her. She gets a little embarrassed and lowers her gaze, takes a couple of quick steps forward, picks up the t-shirt I put on the bench and begins to gently wash it in the larger washbasin with a bar of soap. I just stand there watching Astrid's back while she continues to wash my t-shirt.

That was not a facial expression I expected to see aimed at me from a beautiful young woman.

Ever.

Especially not here, where work seems to make most men quite muscular, and a slightly chubby 36 year old nerd isn't exactly what you might call sexy. Does she have a fetish for hair? But I remember what I was doing and make sure that the pockets are emptied, put my pants on the bench and put my things in the top compartment of the backpack. I can't help looking at her wondering from time to time, and I see how she sneaks glances at me while she gently washes my t-shirt. The sound from the zipper make her react, and she glances at what I put down.

Then I just wait. It feels a little uncomfortable standing there in breifs leaning against a bench when a young maid stands a few feet away and washes my t-shirt, but... deal with it. Adapt to the customs where you are. Accept reality. Move on. Pretend to be worldly and nonchalant, and I think I do it better than the guard. If I could swim in front of her in shorts, I can stand here in my underwear. Thankfully the stone floor is a bit chilly and I'm too physically exhausted, otherwise I think it would've been a bit embarrassing. It's also really entertaining how often Astrid tries to peek at me, but is quick to look away when she sees me looking in her direction.

I stand there leaning against the bench when the door opens and the other maid comes back with the bucket full of hot water, but when she sees me standing there, she stumbles a little and stares at me. She walks slowly and empties the bucket in the tub while she also looks at me with quick glances, then she disappears with the bucket, probably to fetch more, because she says something close to 'tilbak snart' which sounds like 'back soon' in Norwegian, and she gesture to the chair.

This is a bit funny, but of course I'm probably fascinating simply because I'm different. They should have noticed my round ears and a slightly more angular face shape, but it can also only be a difference on the ones I have seen so far. But my ears should make it clear that I'm not one of them. I sit down and wait and relax on the chair.

It's been many long worrisome days and even if everything is wrong, it's at least civilization, and I will soon take a bath in hot water. Life could be worse. Astrid, who washes my clothes, continues to sneak a peek sometimes but focuses on washing, and she has just finished with the t-shirt when the second maid returns with a third bucket of hot water. This time she doesn't stumble, even though she is clearly fascinated by me. I don't think too many interesting things happens in a village like this, and I assume I don't blend in as one of the likely travelers they get here. How many travelers actually pass by? Shouldn't most travel and trade take place via boats?

I get up and take a few steps forward to check the water, and the water level is low but useful for sitting and scrubbing. The maid with the bucket abruptly turns around and we collide into each other, and I reflexively grab her so that neither of us falls. It's a little embarrassing when I press her against me, but I quickly let go of her and take a few steps back. Awkward. We're both a little red in the face, but she disappears to get more water, now with the empty bucket in front of her. Astrid accompanies her and disappears with the clean wet t-shirt, and I guess to hang it to dry. So a good opportunity to take off my underwear and slip into the water.

So damn nice!

The water is shallow but it rises when I sit down. Hot water and the opportunity to get rid of all the sweat and grime that has accumulated the last few days. So nice. I can feel my feet soften and I play with my toes in the water. I take the soap and starts scrubbing myself. I have washed my face, upper body and groin every day in the nearest stream, but it is not the same. Especially not in terms of temperature. Norwegian mountain stream from snow and ice fields isn't nice. Clear and fresh; yes, but not comfortable. You do wake up, but I only wash my face and hands in the morning. I do wash my face, arms and hands quite a lot. It's nice to get rid of sweat and dirt.

It's barely a couple of minutes before Astrid comes back in, without knocking on the door, which makes me quickly cover my groin with my hands. It's a little embarrassing to see the smile on Astrid's face when she sees the reaction and she calmly takes the underwear and starts washing them with her back towards me. Surprised look when she feels them, but thin light strech fabric is certainly unknown here. After a couple of minutes without glances from her, I start to gently wash myself again.

I barely have time to start before the door opens and I repeat the same covering reaction. The second maid returns with a third maid carrying another bucket, apparently they have started to get a lot of hot water. The new one comes forward and pours the water in the hot tub ... while the other slowly pours the water over my back and body. I'm just sitting there, with my hands above my groin and waiting for them to leave. Apparently they have another plan, for the third maid disappears while the second take a brush and with another soap she starts scrubbing my back and washing my hair from behind. I don't really know what to do so I just sit there, slightly bent forward, with my hands covering my groin while Astrid is washing my underwear in front of me, and the other maid seems to take all the time in the world with my hair and back. I can feel my face turning redder, especially when the maid behind my back is obviously playing with my back hair.

"Can you leave me alone so I can wash myself?" I ask more cautiously than desired, and I see Astrid glancing over her shoulder and making eye contact with the maid behind me, who is quick to calmly respond, and I manage to understand what is likely to be:

"Wife Gudfridr said we should wash the honored guest. We would appreciate if we could continue, so that Wife Gudfridr doesn't get angry at us for doing such a poor job, that such an exalted guest refused our help."

Sounds like bullshit, but it can be true, or just misinterpreted by me. I don't know the social norms here and if they would end up in trouble with the Lawmans wife, which I don't want. I guess it's common for maids to help with things like this? Trying to be a good man who tries to be accommodating is sometimes ... embarrassing. I don't know what to answer so I just make a short nod with a "Continue."

"Sir, my name is Lova."

I hear the maid say close to my ear, then she continues to wash me. Damn! That voice and tone is not to be played with, and more something I expected to hear in a bedroom. They're beautiful elf women, and even though the clothes arn't directly flattering, their waist belt helps to emphasize their body shapes quite well. Astrid who washes her clothes puts my underwear aside, and before she starts on my pants, she turns around and curtsy to "Astrid". That damn smile.

Thankfully the water level is higher and the soap as well as sweat and grime are starting to make the water hazy for this is starting to get ... uncomfortable. It's just too many years since I had a woman so close, during something like this. This is not sharing a hot tub or sauna with family or friends. Deep breaths. Avoid thinking about how red my face probably is. Deep breaths.

Lova continues to lather in and massage my back, and methodically works her way up to the hair on my head. The third maid returns with another bucket of hot water and slowly pours it over my head while Lova continues to clean my hair with her fingers. She curiously feels and massages my ears while she cleans them, and it sends shivers along my spine.

The third maid is reluctantly chased away and takes the buckets with her. Lova attaches a simple but smart wooden plank solution to the edge of the bathtub behind me so it becomes a high back and I let myself be softly but firmly pushed back against the plank, and with more deep breaths I tilt my head back, close my eyes and relax. Lova begins to methodically soap her hands and wash my face but is careful to not get any soap in my eyes. I have probably never given my beard such a thorough cleansing as Lova gives it, and she uses a comb as well. I glance at Lova who has a satisfied happy expression on her face while she massages my chin and hairy cheeks. When she see me looking at her, her smile and eyes almost require a weapon license. I didn't even notice when Astrid left the room with the wet clothes, I just see that she's gone.

The beard is rinsed and Lova starts to wash one arm at a time, and then my chest gets a far too thorough cleaning, and Lova seems to enjoy taking her time and playing with my chest hair. Sitting there in the hot water with her massaging movements, I almost start to doze off.... until I feel a hand that dives under my own and begins to massage my penis. I immediately react and press my hands down, trying to drive away her hand, but she holds a delicate thing and are not letting go as she massage her hand. I just stare at Lova who makes a bad attempt at playing innocent as she slowly lifts her hand out of the water.

"No." is my short but clear answer. It's easy to see that she's planned this, and she is bad at playing hurt.

"Wife Gudfridr said we should wash our honored guest and I don't want to go against her order."

A contemptuous 'HA! Fucking bullshit!' is all I think, but what comes out is a pathetic; "No."

"Sir, it is important to wash your manhood properly." Lova says in an innocent voice.

"I can do it myself."

"I have no doubt that Sir can do it, but wouldn't it be nicer and more enjoyable if I do it? I promise to be gentle but thorough, and given how quickly Sir reacted to my hand, it may be necessary to really relax after the hardships Sir have been through."

I just silently stare at Lova as she quietly and with a wounded look say;

"If Sir rather wish that Astrid continues, I can fetch her..."

It takes the edge off my irritation and I give Lova a 'oh please be serious' look with a smile on my lips, to which she confidently replies;

"Just relax and let me clean the rest of the Sir's body. Sir won't regret it."

I sit there and watch her, and the thought strikes me that a young beautiful elf woman wants to give me a handjob, and I'm resisting. She is trying to persuade me to, damn it, and it's quite innocent between two adults, even though she is a maid. It was a long time ago...

I look at her and with a deep sigh, I rest my arms on the edge of the bathtub. Lova's face lights up with a devilishly satisfied smile, and her hand disappears under the surface.

Twenty minutes later when I get out of the then lukewarm bath, I have to admit that she was right. Both in her skill, and that I don't regret it, for oh my lord. She helps to wipe me dry, and I ask her to leave when I have to get new clothes out of the backpack, which she happily does with a nod and a: "I wait outside the door."

Damn, that was different. Nice, but different. Many new experiences today. I quickly open my backpack, take out a set of clean underwear, see that it will be purple again, and black socks and a pair of thin black shorts. Have no extra pants with me. Thin merlino wool underpants in black is a bad idea, and it's too hot for the usual insulated underpants I sleep in if it's cold. Thick olive green insulated underpants in about 25C heat? Nope. I would be sweating in no time. I stop when I open the bag with clean t-shirts and realise I only have three options, and nothing is appropriate given the situation.

Lova opens the door and curiously looks in when she hears my roaring laugh, and looks very curiously at me when I'm having to hold back laughter, but I just wave her away and she closes the door.

It takes a couple of minutes before I manage to recover. The body hurts from laughter. I needed that release. I put down the remaining t-shirts and close the pack, but still have a bit of a hard time gathering myself and quietly laugh and giggle.

The least bad option was the black with dark gray text print and embroidery in white, red, black of an artificial coat of arms of a well-known brand. It still feels better than a black t-shirt with green-brown Boba Fett in profile, or the one that made me break out in hysterical laughter; a black t-shirt with color print of a snowboarder going full speed down a mountain with the text 'Don't follow me - I'm crazy and I'm lost!'

So fucking true.

Start to giggle again, and I assume no one here could have read it anyway. The giggle give way to more laughter when I think of the selection of remaining t-shirts I usually carry with me on activities, and what's in my car. About half of them are black, but if I remember correctly there is also one who has a skiing Apollo astronaut on the moon, another with an evil clown mask with 'Can't sleep, clown will eat me' who, among other things, a couple of customs agents at Heathrow airport loved, and one t-shirt with a medieval knight in armor with 'Dressed to kill' from the Tower of London. My packing plans for this trip didn't include 'pack something useful for a trip to the Elvish Middle Ages.' It's simply not possible to be prepared for everything.

A few minutes later, and in a much better mood, I throw the backpack on my shoulders, open the door and is met by questioning looks from both Lova and Astrid, who are looking at my black t-shirt and black little shorts. "Tell me when the pants are dry." is all I can say with a smile.