Vai stared into the dirty water, barely able to make out his freshly shaved face through the ripples. Time stretched and it felt like the hardest thing in the world to finally wrench himself back to reality, close the razor, set it on the basin, and turn back to his morning routine.

He avoided looking at the small bundle of blankets that was Fiona, instead busying himself in their small room. He set out her clothes, straightened the chairs at their small table, and absently slipped through her notes from yesterday’s lessons.

With nothing left to do—and the hour much too early to wake his young mistress—Vai fretted. He used to be able to stand at attention for hours until needed. Now he couldn’t be still for ten minutes before his mind turned to dangerous forbidden paths he had no desire to travel.

It was shameful and made the knot in his chest so tight he felt he couldn’t breathe.

He wanted...he wanted…

He shouldn’t want.

Deciding that abandoning his post was the lesser evil, Vai tiptoed to the main living area—relieved to find no Fenrin—and out into the just barely lightening morning.

He breathed the chilly air deeply, grateful it cleared his head. He should do something, tend the garden or start breakfast, but instead he just stood there focusing on the sensation of the breeze on his cheek, like the brush of a lover’s fingers.

“Vai?”

Panic rose to his throat and he jumped as Fenrin looked at him with surprise from the front door, a hatchet over his shoulder. Vai swallowed dryly and bowed. “May I be of service?”

The grizzled man brushed some graying hair out of his face.

“What? No, I just didn’t expect to find you out here.” He hesitated and asked, “Enjoying the morning air?”

Embarrassment flooded Vai and he barely avoided squirming.

“Yes,” he choked and took a step. When Fenrin cleared the doorway, he slipped back inside and leaned against the shut door, back in the stifling house.

Heart pounding, he waited until he was sure Fenrin wasn’t coming back inside and then held a hand to his mouth to push down a rising sob. Shame. Shame. Shame.