Thursday, November 10th, 2016

Since yesterday had been a very good day, thanks to Calo’s weird sense of humour and his copycat actions, I’ve had an easy morning. The fact mom picked my clothes instead of Pyper, didn’t even throw me off. She picked a matching outfit anyway, so what’s the problem?

Turning the lights of before going down went with ease and all in one take. I made the small mistake of not cutting my bread in four equally small pieces didn’t even really catch my attention.

“So, what caused you to be so… relaxed?” Mom smiles, sitting down opposite from me.

I simply shrug, munching down a bite of bread. “Had a good day, and it’s resulting in a perfect morning.”

“Good.” Mom smiles happily. “It makes me happy to see you relax a bit.”

Pyper walks into the kitchen, coughing a bit still, but sitting down next to me to eat breakfast nonetheless.

“Are you going to school again? You came home from hospital only yesterday.”

“And yesterday was a good day.” She smiles amused. “I feel good enough to try. But only half a day, though.”

“But you’re going.”

“Yeah. We can spend lunch together again.”

“That would be a nice change, to not sit alone.” I nod, before taking a sip of milk. “It became a bit boring, the same silence for days and days in a row.”

“Well, prepare for me to talk your ears of your head.” She giggles, nudging me before digging in her own breakfast.

“You can’t physically do that.” I chuckle and nudge her back, causing her to spill some milk over the table because she was holding her glass.

“Hey! Watch it!” She giggles amused. “I like you better when you’re grumpy. Since you wouldn’t be spilling my drink.”

“Nah, you love me regardless of my mood.” I feign a roll of the eye, causing mom to smile happily. She is taking the whole scene in, in silence, letting her breath escape before she gets up to do the dishes.

“So, what’s all the rumours I’ve been hearing about?” Pyper turns a bit to look at me. “Is someone copying your ballerina jumps?”

Pyper is right about the only one who is allowed to joke about my girly way of jumping. Since I know she will always do whatever she can to make things easier for me. She isn’t joking about my OCD, she’s joking about my poor physical abilities to at least jump in a cool way.

The way Calo jumped yesterday.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I mutter, staring down as mom turned around with a surprised look.

“You do know.” Pyper laughs a bit. “Who is he? I like him already.”

“You haven’t even met him.”

“But he’s behaving like you, so he must be pretty cool.”

“Favre…” I whisper, a small smile on the corner of my lip, thinking back of how Calo continued throughout the day, to call everything he thought was cool “favre”.

“What’s that?” Pyper leans towards me. “Don’t murmur when in company.”

“Sorry, it isn’t important.” I shrug it off. “His name is Calo and I don’t know his intentions yet.”

“What do you mean?” Mom turned around again. “What is this about?”

“There’s this new guy in my class. He’s actually the one that got me send to the principal last week.” I tell her, rolling my eyes to pretend it’s not a big deal. But it is a big deal. Because even though Calo caught most attention yesterday, he does remind people of me, indivertibly causing them to be reminded of my stupid habits. “Yesterday, he decided that Favre means cool, and that jumping to enter a classroom was an awesome way of entering, so he decided to do it too. People are now confused because he became mega popular on his first day, for getting saint Faulty Favre send out to the principal.”

“I don’t like it when you use that nickname to talk about yourself.” Mom disapprovingly clicks her tongue. “But why are you doubting his intentions? Why not ask him why he copies you?”

“Because he says it’s “Favre”.” I roll my eyes once again.

“Sounds to me like he’s trying to get you to be a bit more positive about yourself.” Pyper wisely tells me, handing her plate to mom, who moved to grab my empty plate and glass. “Since you are “Favre”.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to use it too.” I groan in annoyance, wishing I would’ve never told them about it. But I guess Pyper’s friends will tell her all about it once she’s in school today. So, she would’ve found out anyway.

The whole hype of calling cool things “Favre” didn’t catch on to other students, luckily. But Calo at least kept trying.

He pissed of Luke and Jimmy in the process of turning every single one of my irky habits into his own, copying most of my behaviour. The way I put stuff on my table, the way I walk through school and into classrooms. The way I keep disinfecting my hands – which he washes in between every class – and the way I tap my fingers three times in between certain activities. How I skip the first and last steps of every stairs, you name it. Anything I do out of the ordinary, he does too. On one hand, at least I didn’t feel as much of an outsider, on the other though, it became a bit annoying because I still felt like he was doing it to taunt me, to make fun of me.

I just don’t know what to think of him.

Or his actions.

* * * * *

As I’m preparing my desk for the first class of the day, I hear Jimmy and Luke walking closer, while nobody is here to witness whatever they will do to me when they find me in here by myself.

“No, we’ll wait for him when schools done. Nobody dares to interfere with us anyway. Let’s ambush him in the bike sheds so no teachers will be able to see.”

That can’t be about me. I never came near the bike sheds because riding a bike is too much stress as I kept pulling my break in between two trees, I kept tapping my bel whenever I passed a street on my left, and the acceleration gears on my steering wheel whenever I passed a street on my right.

Let’s just say that a ride that should have taken 20 minutes, took about an hour and I was only halfway before reaching school grounds.

Mom had to pick me up.

“He’ll know better than to pretend Faulty Favre is cool.” Luke spits out, at least confirming the fact they’re not talking about ambushing me.

But they are planning on ambushing Calo.

I should give him a warning, but since I don’t have his phone number, I have to wait until he enters class and sits his annoyingly copying ass next to me. I stand silent as Luke and Jimmy enter the classroom, expecting sneers and taunting coming my way.

But they simply send me a disgusted look, further ignoring me as they make their way over to their own desks.

I frown shortly, before shrugging it off and residing in sitting down in silence, taking another look at my homework.

Slowly, more classmates start dripping in, most ignoring me, but I see them staring at Calo’s empty desk in curiosity.

I get it, because Calo is certainly a weird kid if you ask me. Not in a negative way. Nobody is as weird as me. But he certainly behaves different from all other students. I just don’t know why Jimmy and Luke seem to hate him so much, after he got me send out of class. They could interpret his actions as making fun of my habits, but they don’t.

Which might be because he stood up for me during art class. That story most certainly made its way towards them since Damon is one of their soccer buddies.

Our teacher, Mr. Conner, enters class as the second bell rings, indicating class starts. I can’t help but frown, because by now, I’m used to Calo being here about five minutes early.

Mr. Conner starts class by calling out our names to check for presence, skipping Calo’s name without faltering, causing me to wonder if Calo is sick. He seemed fine yesterday.

Why would I care? He was acting annoying and he somewhat drained my energy.

So, then why do I feel a bit disappointed that he isn’t here today?

Probably because he’s the first, besides Angela, who isn’t noticeably bullying me. Angela being right about the only student in school, besides Pyper, who sometimes sits with me during lunch. She wasn’t here last week, but I’m sure she would’ve sat with me as soon as she noticed Pyper’s absence.

Much to my surprise, Luke and Jimmy not once call me names, make fun of my behaviour or laugh at me as I made my way towards the door to go to the bathroom while avoiding all the usual spots on the floor.

So, whatever Calo’s intentions are, he caused the attention from my biggest tormentors to divert to him, instead of me.

But in Calo’s absence, I’m back to being alone during and in between classes. Pyper sat with me during the first lunch but left before the second break of the day started. She made sure to check if I was doing okay, and I truly am doing okay today.

My tics and habits go the way I want them, no bad thoughts coming up because I do everything the way I’m supposed to do them.

Off course, that is until classes are done, the teacher kept us a bit longer because he forgot to give us back some grades and by the time I went to the bathroom, wanting to walk towards the parking lot to meet up with mom, Luke and Jimmy enter that very same bathroom.

“Where’s you buddy, huh?” Luke sneers at me while I’m washing my hands under the tap. “He’s probably sick because he had to spend a day in your presence.”

“He chose to follow me around.” I respond in annoyance, pointing out the fact he wasn’t obligated to stay with me.

“You’re just an attention seeking idiot.” Jimmy grumbles, standing in front of the door. As it opens, he kicks it back shut. “Get lost!”

“I don’t want attention…”

“Then why do you keep acting so fucked up?” Luke stepped closer, kicking my backpack aside and away from me. “You didn’t once try to snap an invisible rubber band today. What’s up with that anyway? Like to torture yourself?”

Jimmy sniggers, shaking his head. “No, Faulty Favre needs a therapist because he’s a freak, right? Faulty Favre?”

“I’m not seeing a therapist…”

“Don’t lie, you do, you’re a freak. They should really just put you in a mental facility. So that you’ll be with freaks like you.”

My hands start shaking as I dry them with a paper towel.

“You’re a freak, Neo.” Luke hisses, stepping impossibly closer. His eyes flicker down towards my hands, a devilish smirk appearing on his face. He chuckles over something as I step away from him, knowing them well he’s planning to do something. Then I watch him as he walks towards a toilet, peeing without saying a word.

I can’t help but frown and I notice even Jimmy is a bit confused right now. But he keeps the door closed nonetheless, keeping me locked inside.

As Luke finishes up, he zips his jeans back up, turning back towards me, still with a devilish smirk on his face.

It’s completely silent, and then Luke walks back towards me. He first shoots forwards, grabbing my arm with both his unwashed hands, causing me to shriek in surprise and disgust.

Jimmy laughs loudly, Luke chuckles, letting go of me after rubbing one hand over my bare underarm.

“You’re disgusting!” I call out, wanting to go back towards the sink to wash his germs off my arm, but he pushes me back away from them, grabbing hold of my hair.

“What did you say?”

“You’re disgusting!” I repeat in a louder voice, trembling at the thought that he’s preventing me from washing his germs off me. Then he pulls me into a stall by my hair, causing me to whimper in pain.

“Luke! Let me go!”

“What’s wrong, Favre? You want to wash your hands, right?” He laughs loudly. “Here’s some water.” He kicks the back of my knee, causing me to fall down on my knees in front of the toilet. He pushes my face against the toilet seat, causing me to gag in disgust. He forced my hand into the toilet bowl, me fighting him as much as I can.

“Jimmy, he’s struggling too much. Call Damon and Marcus and tell them to keep people out.”

He let’s go of my arm, but still keeping my face in place while smirking down on me. His knee is in my neck, pushing it painfully hard.

“Luke, stop it!” I cry out in panic. “Let me go!”

“No, see, we have to make sure you won’t tell on us.” He brings his face closer to mine. “So, I’ll give you a warning. Tell anyone our names, and our revenge will be worse, got it? I will make sure you will never want to leave your bedroom again if you tell on us.”

“Get away from me!” I shout out in anger. “Go fuck yourself!”

“You’re really stupid, Faulty Favre!” Luke spits out. “Stop pissing me off further! You’d think you’d know better!” He hits my cheekbone with a fist, causing tears to start rolling down my face, pain coursing through my head.

“They’re keeping everybody out.” Jimmy appears behind Luke, amused by the sights of me, with my face, pushed against the toilet seat.

“Let me help you to wash your hands.” Jimmy moves to grab my right arm, stuffing it in the toilet while Luke covers my mouth with the same filthy unwashed hands that started my panic to grow.

I gag, I struggle, but the two of them are way too strong for me. Jimmy puts my hand in the toilet, flushing it while keeping hold of my elbow to keep my arm in place.

I wiggle and struggle, but they’re not giving in.

As soon as the toilet stopped flushing, Jimmy pushes Luke aside, hitting me in my stomach twice, Luke kicking my back, before they laugh loudly, leaving me behind as if nothing happened. They wash their hands, they smirk at each other in the mirror, and then they leave, while I break down crying. Disgusted by myself, but unable to move to wash the germs off. What’s the use? It’s all over me anyway. I need a shower. But I can’t be seen like this. I crawl backwards, hiding in the corner of the bathroom stall, shaking, crying uncontrollably, dark thoughts clouding my every move.

I will catch a serious disease, I will end up like Pyper. Then I won’t be able to do the things the right way and she will die; the house will burn down. Mom and dad will drown in sadness over the loss of Pyper, they will hate me for being their only child, unable to function properly. They will divorce, be depressed. Mom will die because of a broken heart and dad will remind me, for the rest of my life that it is all my fault.

And then I remember the fact I cut my bread the wrong way, Calo being sick on the very same day. Don’t tell me that cutting my bread the wrong way is affecting Calo. I don’t even know the guy! It’s too much responsibility. But I can’t let him suffer because I’m too stupid to cut a fucking piece of bread the right way.

I’m Faulty Favre, but I should be able to at least execute some things, the simplest things, the right way.

I have to. It’s proven that Calo will be sick when I cut my bread the wrong way.

It’s previously proven the house will burn down if I don’t turn of the lights the right way.

It’s proven that three times a charm and will bring what my parents want most.

I have to do good, or all of their lives will be affected.

And in moments like these, when I fail to get myself towards the sink and wash of germs to prevent myself from getting sick, I wish I wouldn’t be here at all. Because all of my weaknesses affect others, and if I wouldn’t be alive, I could no longer fuck things up, to fuck their lives up.

They could all live happily. Mom and dad could focus on Pyper and her health, I couldn’t cause any deteriorating health issues, so Pyper could be a bit more of a normal teenager.

Maybe I should just end my life and liberate them from the curse my parents decide to call “Neo”. Which is such a wrong name, since in African, it means “gift” and I’m not a gift at all.

I’m a disaster, I’m a curse. My illness should be solely my burden to bare, not anyone else’s. It’s unfair for them to be affected by my inability to do right.

It’s selfish of me to wish for my parents to adjust their entire life to me. I’m sure mom would love to start the day of in a completely different way for once. But she can’t, because she knows I will panic if something goes different.

Don’t change successful formula.

Or get rid of whatever causes those formula to turn for the worse with any minor alteration.

So, unavertable, they should get rid of me.

I should get rid of me.