Lolo saw Philige off through the tunnel.

“Be careful on the hunt tonight,” he said, looking up at the sky. “It looks like a storm is blowing in.”

“I will. I’ll see you at the meeting tomorrow, but I might be a little late depending on when we get back.”

Philige kissed her goodbye. “You know that I love you, right?”

Lolo teased him with a smile and quick peck on the cheek before turning to head back through the tunnel.

As soon as she was out the other end, Standig attacked her. She dodged and spun away. “Whoa! At least let me get my sword up.”

Standig didn’t seem to hear her, and Huo Lohse dodged another attack while she drew her sword.

“Standig? Are you alright?”

Clang! His sword hit hers, creating sparks.

“Standig! What’s wrong with you?!” Lolo was shouting now, realizing that this wasn’t an ordinary sparring match. Standig’s face was dark and tense as he kicked her backwards. Lolo dropped to one knee to transfer some of the force of Standig’s kick to the ground.

Across the courtyard, Fortus heard Lolo yell and saw her go down. He paused his sparring match with Ulana to check it out. “Standig? What's going on?”

Ulana rushed in behind Fortus. “Lolo? Is everything ok?”

Lolo put her hand up to halt their approach. “Stay out of this, guys. I’ll handle this. This is my fight, and I think it’s likely been a long time coming.”

Standig had paused momentarily to stare down Fortus and Ulana, but once it was made clear that they weren’t going to interfere, he rounded on Huo Lohse again.

“Standig, I’m not sure what this is about, but I’m not going to duel you with a real sword,” Lolo said, dropping her weapon on the ground. Standig followed suit, and the two circled each other for a wrestling match instead.

Lolo’s best chance against the giant bear was to out maneuver him and try to wear him out. Frankly, she would lose a direct confrontation every time. She looked around and saw the forest. There, she would have more cover and variable terrain to work with. She waited for Standig to lunge so she could dodge out of his way. With each of his attacks, she drew him closer to the forest until they entered the trees.

Amongst the gnarled roots, Standig’s direct assaults lost some of their effectiveness. He had to watch his feet or risk tripping, and his movements were clumsier. Lolo, on the other hand, excelled at navigating the uneven ground. She just had to wait for Standig to make a mistake.

Her opportunity came when Standig miscalculated the distance between two large, raised roots, and he stumbled, dropping to his hands and knees. Lolo jumped on his back, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck to choke him out and her legs around his chest for stability.

Standig’s hands grabbed her arms and peeled them off his neck before moving them both to his right shoulder. He stood up, and Lolo unwrapped her legs from around his chest to swing around to his front. Standig didn’t let go of her arms, so she grabbed his wrists and used his arms like a slingshot to catapult her foot into his gut. He dropped her and folded over slightly from the impact.

Lolo scrambled back onto her feet while Standig recovered, but Standig was quicker than she'd anticipated and grabbed her upper arms. She responded in kind, and the two circled each other in a deadlock, each just waiting for the other to make a mistake.

Standig was pushing Lolo slowly toward a tree as they circled, presumably to pin her. She caught on and used the tree to launch her shoulder into Standig. He barely budged. Instead, Standig’s arms moved over her head to wrap around her waist, picking her up, upside down.

Lolo’s left foot whipped up over her head and clobbered him in the jaw. Stunned, he lost his grip, and Lolo caught herself as she fell to the ground.

“Had enough yet?” she yelled, rising to her feet again.

Standig responded by dropping his shoulder into her chest, tackling her backwards. Lolo hit the ground hard, but she knew that she didn’t have time to catch the wind that Standig had just knocked out of her. Standig started to sit up and was hit in the back of his head by one of her knees. With Standig now dazed, Lolo took the opportunity to force Standig over onto his back, leaning her forearm into his throat.

Taking hold of her arms again and getting his feet positioned underneath her, Standig launched Lolo over the top of him so they were lying head to head. She landed on her back with a painful thud and struggled to roll onto her stomach to push herself up on her knees. Standig was still lying dazed on his back when Lolo peered over at him.

“'Ready to talk?”

Standig caught one of her arms in a death grip. As she struggled to pull away, he pulled himself off the ground to face her. He was careful to hold her at arm's length so she couldn't get her legs up, and Lolo was stuck. They both knew it. As she continued to try and wrench her arm out of his hand, Standig yanked her into him and pinned both of her arms to her sides in a tight bear hug. Before she could get her legs up, Standig took the fight back to the ground, pinning all four of her limbs.

Lolo knew that struggling was futile at this point. "What? 'Not going to finish it?" she taunted him. "Or are you ready to talk now?"

Standig still refused to say anything, but the anger in his face from the beginning of their fight had tempered into something else-- something equally as intense and tumultuous.

"Standig?"

He was breathing unusually hard.

"Say something!"

He kissed her.

It was so sudden and unexpected, Lolo didn't even have time to catch a breath first. Standig moved his hands up to cup her face, and Lolo's now unrestrained hands, moved to his chest, pushing him away. He grabbed her hands, threading his fingers through hers, and pinned them back to the ground by her head.

Kissing her was euphoric, so much so that Standig was oblivious to Lolo's distress. She turned her face away from his, and he took that as an invitation to kiss her throat and neck. This was even more intoxicating as his nose buried into her hair, taking in her scent.

Underneath him, Lolo was choking on her panic. She was helpless against his inhuman size and strength, and memories of Sattal's assault came flooding back, mixed with the subsequent horrific images from her nightmares. She wanted to tell him to stop; in her head, she was begging him to stop. But she couldn't get the words out. She couldn't breathe. Her body tensed uselessly, trying to get away. Her head was spinning.

Standig felt Lolo go limp and stopped kissing her momentarily to look at her. His euphoria was immediately replaced by fear. She was unconscious, silent tears dripping from the corners of her eyes. He picked her up and ran as fast as he could through the trees to the courtyard to find Jadu.

As Standig set her on the ground, Jadu scanned her for injuries and checked her pulse which was elevated. "She's not hurt. She just passed out-- probably a panic attack."

Fortus and Ulana had been waiting for Standig and Huo Lohse to reappear and came running. Fortus recognized the already fading marks on Lolo's neck immediately, and Standig hit the ground without ever seeing what happened. Fortus had murder in his eyes.

Ulana shrieked, "Fortus, stop!"

"Do you have any idea what you've done?!" Fortus roared at Standig, landing a couple more punches in his ribs. It took both Jadu and Ulana to restrain Fortus. Standig laid on the ground, stunned. "I swear, Standig, I'll kill you for touching her!"

Ulana started shouting. "Fortus, what are you talking about?!"

"LET GO OF ME!" He fought viciously to get his hands around Standig's throat. After a while, Fortus realized that everyone was staring at him in shock. He stopped fighting to strangle Standig, and Ulana and Jadu cautiously released him. Rubbing his face in his hands, Fortus started pacing to keep his temper in check. He turned to look at Standig. "She really never told you?"

"Told me what?"

Fortus closed his eyes tightly together and grimaced. "I was sure she'd tell you eventually. She made me promise not to talk about it."

"Fortus?" Ulana prodded.

He exhaled a deep breath. "Dragon Tribe exchange. You remember when we came back from the cave, and she was wearing my shirt?"

"Yes, you said you'd both been tortured, but that she took the worst of it,” Ulana replied.

Fortus just shook his head. "Do you recognize the marks on her neck?"

Standig felt his face drain. "You mean-?"

"Yes."

"Mean what?!" Ulana was losing patience.

"Sattal figured out that he could manipulate her by hurting one of us. He brought me in to make her watch while they tortured me. They only had to hit me a handful of times before she was willing to do anything to make it stop."

"So what happened?"

Fortus looked sick just thinking about it. "Sattal demanded that she kiss him." He paused to collect himself. "Of course, one kiss wasn't good enough for Sattal. He forced himself on her. She’d already been sedated, so she couldn't even fight back."

There was a painful pause in which the group processed what Fortus had said. Ulana looked like she was about to cry. "Did he… finish?"

"No. Something Tamkhee said made him stop before he got that far, but I will never forget the sound of Lolo's crying. And I couldn't do anything to help her." By this point, Fortus was fighting tears. "That's when her nightmares started. You'll remember how she woke up crying in a cold sweat whenever she managed to get to sleep at all. The assault has been terrorizing her ever since."

Ulana lost the fight against her tears and went to hug her still unconscious friend as Fortus rounded on Standig. "She really never told you about any of this?"

Standig shook his head weakly.

"Not even with all of your partner meditations? It never came up, not even once?!"

Again, he shook his head.

Fortus started crying angry tears, and knelt down to grab Standig by the collar. "Even after the battle, after everything that’s happened, she trusts you, Standig. She thinks of you in the same way that she thinks about her brothers. Whether you knew about the assault or not, how could you do something like this to her?! After everything she's been through! You actually forced yourself on her?!"

"Fortus, I swear, I didn't. I just... I just kissed her."

"Did you restrain her first?!"

Standig didn't answer.

"Did she try to fight you off or turn away from you?!"

Standig didn't answer.

"Was she struggling against you?!"

Standig looked sick, but he still didn't answer.

Fortus lost control again and backhanded Standig violently across the face with a shout. Standig didn't resist. Once again, Ulana and Jadu each grabbed Fortus by one arm to pull him off of Standig. Fortus was raging through his tears. "HOW COULD YOU, STANDIG?!" Years of watching Lolo's suffering had taken its toll, and Fortus's knees buckled as his tears turned into uncharacteristically bitter sobs. Ulana and Jadu nearly dropped him.

Standig just felt numb. He didn't know how to feel, so, true to form, he shut down instead.

Fortus collected himself at about the same time that Lolo woke up, once again panicking. Fortus was quick to find her hand and assure her that she was safe, and Ulana had her wrapped in a hug before Lolo even saw her.

Jadu checked her pulse. "You've had a panic attack."

"That hasn’t happened in a while," Lolo thought out loud as she worked to rein in her breathing.

"You passed out," Jadu said, concerned.

"Like I said, that hasn't happened in a long time."

Jadu nodded and handed her a water bag.

Lolo looked around at her friends. Fortus and Ulana showed traces of crying, Jadu looked unusually anxious, and Standig was still on the ground, pale and disoriented with a new cut on his lip where Fortus's first punch had struck him. "What's going on?" Lolo asked. "Why do you all look so upset? It was just a panic attack!"

Ulana sobbed so hard, Lolo startled. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Tell you what?" Lolo asked, bewildered.

"About Sattal!" Ulana cried.

Lolo's heart stopped. "Fortus? You didn't...." Fortus couldn't meet her eyes. "You promised," Lolo pleaded, nearly in tears.

"I'm sorry, Lolo. But after what he did to you…. I'm sorry."

Lolo looked at Standig, studying his expression of shock and identifying the return of his self-loathing. "Guys, could you please leave us alone."

Fortus stiffened. "Are you sure that's a good id-"

"Please, Fortus," she cut him off.

Fortus fought with himself over it, but eventually he stormed off with Ulana and Jadu on his tail.

They sat on the ground in silence, each hoping that the other would break it first. Eventually, Lolo stood up and offered her hand to Standig. He accepted it cautiously, and she helped him to his feet. They walked in silence to the meditation circle, and Lolo sat down, pulling Standig onto the grass in front of her.

"I don't think this is a good idea, Lolo."

"Then talk to me."

Standig looked down at his lap.

"Why were you so angry with me earlier?"

He hesitated. "I... I saw you."

"You saw me," she repeated.

"And Philige."

"You followed us?” She was surprised but not upset. “How much did you see, exactly?"

“Enough.” He blushed.

“I see.”

"Lolo, why did it have to be my brother?"

"What do you mean?"

"You could have picked anyone. Why him?"

“Is that why you were angry?”

He nodded.

"Is that why you kissed me?"

"I swear, Lolo, I had no idea. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"... which is why you’ll never do it again, so I forgive you and that’s no longer important,” Lolo said with finality, trying to end Standig’s downward spiral of guilt before it could begin. “Standig, I need to understand. Are you jealous?"

Standig opened his mouth to say something but closed it again, thinking better of it.

"You've never given me any reason to think that you felt that way about me. Why now?"

"... I’m afraid of losing you."

"Standig, we're friends. Close friends even. And teammates! That doesn't change because I'm romantically involved with someone else."

“That’s not what I meant.”

Lolo cringed, finally understanding what he couldn’t say. “Standig, you can’t lose what you never had,” she said apologetically but firmly.

There was a long, brutal pause.

"But why Philige, Lolo? Why does it have to be him?" There was a hint of desperation in his voice.

"How important is this to you, Standig? How badly do you need to understand?" He couldn't answer her, so she answered for him. "You won't be able to let this go, will you?" She sighed. “Give me your hands.”

“Lolo, I really, really don’t think that this is a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“Because... because I just hurt you.”

“And I’ve already forgiven you. So what’s the problem?” She looked at his eyes and recognized the self-directed digust there. She took a deep breath. “Standig, you’re going to have to learn how to forgive yourself. You didn’t mean to hurt me. You had no way of knowing that you could hurt me that way, and I wasn’t able to tell you to stop.”

“Are you hiding anything else from me?”

“I don’t think so. Are you saying that you’re having a hard time trusting me now?”

“No, that’s not it.”

“Then what?”

“Why was Fortus allowed to know about Sattal, but not me?”

More jealousy. Lolo sighed. “Fortus only knew because he was there. Standig, back when the assault happened, what would you have done if I’d told you about it?”

“'Probably tried to kill Sattal.” At least he was honest.

“... and gotten yourself killed or at least tortured in the process. I made Fortus promise not to tell you in order to prevent that, and, since then, why would I bring that sort of thing up?”

She had a point. “What about your relationship with my brother?”

“What about it?”

“Why did you hide it from me?”

“I wasn’t hiding it exactly. It’s just never seemed like the right time to tell you. We’ve all been so focused on finding ways to discover our ultimates and preparing for the war, my relationship status hasn’t come up. Besides, it’s been kind of hard to talk to you lately. You’ve been a little prickly.”

Again, she had a point. “How long have the two of you been, you know, together?”

“Officially, a couple of weeks.”

“And unofficially?”

“About a month and a half. We’ve been spending our evenings together since that day I walked out of training and the two of you got into a fight. That’s when he told me that he had feelings for me.”

“Lolo, do you love him?” The question was earnest.

She extended her hands to him again. “Are you ready to understand?”

He took a deep breath and finally accepted them. Lolo breathed, Standig followed.

Standig saw a fifteen-year-old Huo Lohse sitting next to Philige in an overgrown apple orchard that he’d never seen before.

“Sometimes when bad things happen, it can leave you feeling sort of messed-up on the inside. I’ve always found that a good cry helps sort things out,” Philige was saying.

“Are you offering an ear?”

“Two, actually.”

The scene shifted. Lolo was nineteen again, sitting in the same orchard, though it had been cleaned up.

“Are you alright?" Philige asked her.

"No. I'm not alright. Philige, I'm not alright at all." She started crying, and Philige sat down to hug her. As Philige talked to her, Standig felt Lolo’s relief from being understood for the first time since her mother died.

The orchard was replaced by Lolo’s room, and Philige had a fat lip. "I know that now is not the time for you to even try to think about dating, so I won't put any pressure on you. Just keep me in mind for when you are ready to think about it someday?" A feeling of warmth and comfort washed over him, Lolo's feelings.

Standig saw many walks to and from the apple orchard. He felt Lolo's calm and happiness as Lolo and Philige talked and laughed with each other, releasing their stresses together and supporting each other through them.

“I told you I would wait for you to be ready, and I meant it,” Philige was saying, “but my feelings for you have been growing, Lolo. It’s getting harder. Take just now as an example. It took everything in me to stop myself from kissing you.” Standig felt Lolo’s appreciation and affection for Philige and a deep desire to make him happy. He watched Lolo kiss his brother and felt his own heart rate accelerate.

“Lolo, are you really ready?”

“I will regret it if we don’t try.”

Everything went black and Standig felt Lolo’s fingernails suddenly dig into his palm. She was losing control of the merge as something dark and invasive crept into it. Standig was suddenly panicked, terrified, but he was unable to flee. His heart rate and breathing accelerated dangerously. Somehow, he just knew that, out of the darkness, something was coming to consume him. Slowly, a sinister, formless figure appeared over him. He was fighting as hard as he could to get away, but he was completely helpless against it. From a distance, Standig could hear Lolo gasping for air. The figure was on top of him now. His head was spinning, he closed his eyes, and turned his face away, his body straining uselessly. Something was smothering him, tearing at his clothing, and biting his throat and neck-- pain, exquisite and gnawing. He smelled blood, his blood, and tried to scream, but no sound came out….

The merge ended abruptly with Standig gasping for air and Lolo’s hands slipping out of his grasp. Panting hard, Standig opened his eyes to find Lolo unconscious on the grass again. Checking first to make sure that she was still breathing, Standig pulled his friend into his arms. He was trembling violently.

Even though he knew she’d never meant to show him her nightmares, the stark juxtaposition of the warmth and peace of Lolo’s feelings for Philige against the unadulterated terror of her nightmares not only testified of how much she loved and needed Philige, but also just how much Standig had hurt her.

He dared to look at Lolo’s tear-stained face. Tears of his own dripped down his nose and into her hair. “I’m so sorry, Lolo,” he choked between sobs. “I’m so, so sorry.”