Backstory sat at the top of a four story building.

As expected, he spotted two MOO enforcers with silenced rifles. He frowned. Was it two? It was probably two. Anyway, they were watching the cash drivers on the streets below. As far as Backstory knew, MOO had split their important data into three parts, and planned a different method of transportation for each. One method involved broadcasting the data from a warehouse. Dr. Zoonbas had some overly complicated invention to get that part. Another was still at their headquarters, to be shipped later. Armisonant would get that. The final part used some unaware local cash drivers to move it. Backstory was here to deal with MOO, while Flapper was positioned several blocks away. She was ready to intercept the van with her truck full of pink, feathery rats.

After some time, the drivers arrived, so it was time to make his move. Backstory was ready to stretch his arms and get out of this darned wind. Backstory was sure the snipers could hear him here, so he stood up and started shouting.

“Hidden fellows!”

The snipers looked towards him.

“Yes you two! You should have called in sick today with sadness, for I am your match!” He paused for dramatic effect. “For I am a highly skilled individual! For decades, I have trained under the elite chapter of parkour monks known as ‘The Freerunning Fists’. Prepare to see the reflection of your surprised face in my sunglasses as I punch you a bunch! ”

A second passed, then Backstory felt himself obtain the powers he had literally just made up. He was ready to take on the snipers. ackstory broke into a sprint towards the edge of the building. After a moment of hesitation, the MOO snipers opened fire with their silenced rifles. Backstory twisted midair and avoided the two bullets while throwing out a rope and hook. Hooking onto a fire escape, he swung upwards into the air above the other roof.

Backstory took two knives off his belt and launched them at the snipers as he fell. The snipers dodged to the side.

“We’ve been compromised!” One shouted.

“You were compromised when you left the house with that ugly ass outfit.” The other replied.

“Dammit Jake, we’re fighting the enemy!”

“Yea, he looks compromised too.”

While wondering if that was a slight, Backstory slid under the next volley. The abilities he had given himself were not the most suited to combat, but he was fairly certain he had the advantage in a close brawl. Backstory ran into melee range. He ducked under a sniper who jabbed at him with a rifle stock, and punched the other in the shoulder. That sniper spun in place. The other took another punch and missed.

“Aww geez. I’m an idiot.”

The sniper wildly swung with his arm. Backstory blocked it and countered it with a punch to the ribs.

“Ouch! I can’t believe I thought that. ‘You’re going to be a sniper, you don’t need to attend the hand-to-hand workshop.’ ” The sniper said in a mocking tone to himself.

The sniper tried to tackle Backstory, but Backstory flipped him over his shoulder and slammed him onto the ground on his back.

“‘You can just stay home and catch up on your shows’-WILL YOU HELP ME OVER HERE!”

“Sorry, I’m really nauseous.”

“I told you that the second doughnut was a really bad idea.”

“I mean, I’ve been really good at sticking to my diet, so I thought I deserved an extra treat.”

“HAVING TWO DOUGHNUTS IS NOT ‘STICKING’ TO YOUR DIET. HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE COMBAT READY LIKE THIS.”

At this point, Backstory wasn’t sure if he was supposed to continue punching, because he felt like he would be interrupting something.

“But you thought we wouldn’t have to fight anybody tonight!”

“Obviously I was wrong! I will make sure to rectify the numerous number of mistakes I have made tonight!”

“Okay I guess. Do we have a plan?”

“What do you mean, a plan?!”

“I mean, how are we gonna beat this guy?”

“He is currently punching us. Any plan we come up with will be heard by him, who is literally right here.”

“I know! I’ll punch him really hard!”

“Wait, Jake, don’t just run up and-”

Jake tried to punch Backstory, but Backstory just tripped him.

Now both snipers were laying on the ground.

“Ready to stand down?” Backstory asked.

“Never! We’re best friends! Our bond will let us beat any opponent!”

“Dangit, Jake.”

At that point, Backstory just hit them until they stopped talking.

With nothing better to do, Backstory watched the van carrying the USB. He kept up by jumping from building to building. As they passed the intersection, he watched Flapper parked at the intersection. She successfully stopped their van by ramming it with her truck, and having her birds break inside. She easily got the lockbox. It almost looked like a textbook clean steal and wheel, but Backstory had seen enough overconfident villains to be fairly certain that it wasn’t over. The truck suddenly stopped in place. Someone in the van could stop time. Backstory watched as a short, angry man walked over and started beating at the back window with a bat. The moment the time stop was released, he contacted Flapper.

“Look behind you. They have the drive.”

Flapper got out of the truck, and tried her best to look threatening. That worked until she started getting dragged around the road like a cowboy who tried to ride a centaur with a saddle. Then she got her hand broken by the guy with the bat.

His last set of powers had faded, so Backstory would need to make up some new ones and shout them at the people down there. He chuckled to himself.

“Alright, I guess I should go help.”

He jumped down.