《Perfectly Average People Doing Average Things》5 - 🍿

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Decca motioned for another beer. Normally, she would not lower herself to drinking such waste, but it was more or less expected to have a glass in hand when dining at Chipper’s Grill and Swill. The company meeting was not going well. She had been forced to listen for 52 minutes about how the majority of her incompetent subordinates had failed their respective missions. They always had some sorry excuse about how they barely survived horrific bodily injury.

“But Ma’am! The blades of the helicopter were frozen solid! I had to jump onto the rooftop a hundred feet below! That’s why I’m in this cast right now!”

or,

“I swear! I don’t know why the nanobots developed a taste for human tears!”

or,

“We didn’t see the attack gophers until it was too late! Oh, god, the screams!”

or even,

“Anyone could have crossed the intercom wire with the self-destruct mechanism! I just needed an outlet to charge my phone!”

This last excuse irked Decca the most, as it was the reason that the majority of the senior staff of her organization was sitting at four pushed together tables at Chipper’s Grill and Swill instead of at her lacquered olive wood conference table. While there were more eloquent places that this meeting could have taken place, the budget was strained enough as it was, and she didn’t believe that these minions deserved a meal in a pig trough, much less a high end restaurant. Most lower end restaurants did not particularly enjoy catering to supervillains, even if they wouldn’t dare refuse them. Chipper’s Grill and Swill was different, because it was run by Australians. Australians weren't afraid of supervillains. Here, Decca didn’t have to worry about frightening the wait staff. At other places, she hated the disgusting feeling she got when some busboy cleaning the booth next to her looked like he was about to piss himself.

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While most of the missions we’re not critical, she was still disappointed in nearly everyone here. The only praise she had was for the self proclaimed ‘Dr.’ Zoonbas. Making consistent strides in his work, Zoonbas continued to deliver high quality tech for her organization. He was recently nearing a breakthrough on his remote infiltration tech. Promising tech that was almost ready for a test run. She pondered how perhaps he had the right idea, insisting that his lab remain separate from the main compound, since it was the only building still intact. There was also the mysterious figure in a long gray cloak whose only discernible feature was the pair of yellow eyes that pierced across the table from underneath the hood. Decca did not remember when they had started attending these meetings, but she was fairly certain that they were supposed to be there.

At least the meat dish wasn’t bad. On this Earth there existed 10 foot wide giant spiders called Delightbacks. These creatures could change color due to crystals embedded in their carapace. A common tactic of them was to project captivating images to their victims before striking. Many unwary travelers in the past had been enticed by images of low interest home loans, or a streaming service bundle that had all of the shows that they wanted to watch, before being swiftly devoured. The spiders also tasted like crab. For Decca’s current meal, the Delightback was coated in salt and olive oil, grilled, and served over smoked paprika rice pilaf. The top was seasoned with sweet lime chili sauce, and garnished with candied peanuts. On the side was a lightly buttered and pan fried broccoli, asparagus and red pepper medley.

Deciding that anything important from the meeting was done and over with, Decca stood up and stepped up to her mech suit that had been standing at the table next to her. Recognizing her touch, the suit opened itself to welcome her. Decca turned around and stepped into the suit. Locks engaged, clamping her arms, chest, and legs firmly into the suit. Pneumatic tubes that circled the entire suit hissed as they pressurized themselves. The suit made her nearly a foot taller, and sported high powered motors that augmented her strength. Comms and other information feeds were present in the helmet that snapped over Decca’s face. The back of the suit had a small antenna that allowed short range teleportation, courtesy of Dr. Zoonbas. Finally, four large silver ammunition canisters were attached to the shoulders and thighs of the suit. They were connected to the tubes, and were the most essential part of the suit, letting Decca harness the most power of her unique magic.

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Decca took one last sip of beer through the suit's mouthpiece. If Zoonbos’ stealth tech was ready, she could take a swing at getting something she wanted from MOO, the Multinational Oleaceous Organization. To make stealth tech work even better, you only needed to be loud somewhere else. Decca was good at being loud.

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