I'm sure she's dying to see my library but I can't go upstairs until they come down. Maybe they're asleep.

I saw her maid standing near windows.

-maybe she's awake, her maid is there.

I approached the maid to talk. She was crying.

-is everything fine?

-oh yes I'm fine.

-why are you crying? Is princess alright?

-yes she is. No…

She hesitated for a second.

-she's physically fine but I'm not sure about her mental. I'm worried about her.

Oh she's such a great friend. Good for Caroline. She's so kind.

-I knew that you're more than her maid. You're so kind.

-she's my only friend. I lost my family many years ago. She's like my family.

She looked up for the first time and looked in my eyes.

Everything stopped.

---------

I was lost in my thoughts all the time. While dinner and lunch. Caroline was glancing at me all the time. She's curious and wants to know what's wrong with me. But I just can't say it and I wont tell anyone forever. this secret should be buried with me.

I told myself:

-I think I need to act normal and forget all of it.

I went upstairs to ask her to visit my library. She opened the door.

-good morning princess. Would you like to visit my library? I know you were waiting for it.

-oh sure. Please wait a minute, I need to tell Audra.

Her name was like a bucket full of cold water pouring on me.

We headed to my library. She seemed so excited.

-so here we are.

I opened the door. Her mouth fell open.

-oh my goodness! Is it real? Have you read all of them?

-yes I have.

-then you must be so clever.

She ran everywhere and watched every book with excitement.

-you can come here whenever you're bored.

-thank you! I will come for sure.

I was lost in my mind and she was searching everywhere. She wasn’t even paying attention to me.

After an hour she sat down.

-I think we have to go.

I didn’t even hear her.

-prince Charles?

-oh yes princess!

-are you alright?

-yes I am. I was just thinking.

-I think we have to go it's late.

-yes. We can come here again later. You can read all of them.

-of course I can't. there's so many books here.

She was talking all the way to her room and I was just nodding and approving.

-I have to change my dress for lunch. See you at dining room.

She went in and I went downstairs.

-what's wrong with me? I must have gone crazy.

I can't do this. I'm not that kind of men. No one should be aware of this but I'm so lost in my mind that everyone is asking what's wrong with me.

I hate myself…

-------------

Our parents were talking about wedding day. I went in garden to concentrate my mind.

-now I can understand Caroline's feelings. I'm so nervous and I feel like a jerk.

-good morning!

Oh no it's not the right time for coming here!

-oh good morning princess.

-we are allowed to buy souvenirs and some stuff today. Would you like to come with us?

-of course I can show you things that you've never seen. Just wait a minute.

I couldn’t go alone so I asked Tim to come with me.

-this is my friend Tim.

-oh you have a friend like Audra in your palace.

-he is like my older brother.

Tim said:

-it's a pleasure to meet you princess.

We got in carriage and headed to center of the island. Caroline was talking about things she wants to buy. I couldn’t look in her eyes. Heaven knows how sorry I am.

There was silence for minutes. Tim broke the silence:

-have you heard about the wedding day date?

-when is it?

Caroline didn’t seem upset or angry.

-last day of this month.

Caroline said:

-they didn’t even ask about my opinion.

I know that she just wanted to look angry but she wasn’t angry at all. I guess she likes me now.

They were buying all they wanted and I was thinking about myself.

What have I done?

I don’t deserve her.