Since it's been a while since I've last written something, expect the chapters to be a bit clunkier than usual while I try to get back into some kind of groove.

Also, to get you back up to speed here's a cast of characters:

Healz Pleaze (aka 'Medic'): MMO elf character of a deceased human sent to a completely different RPG world than even the game he was playing. So adorably cute his chastity has been in danger from day one. Hates his name and wishes everyone would call him by his class name instead. His ears are erogenous zones. Classes: Cleric / Alchemist (dual class name: Medic)

Sister Teresa Gedder: Follower of the Goddess Ilya, and the main personality of her body. A naturally sweet woman, half of her body is covered in burn scars and she only has one eye. Deeply in love with Mike Evans. Class: Cleric.

Cynthia Gedder: Once Teresa's eldest sister, her spirit now lives inside Teresa's body. A tomboy who likes fighting and alcohol. Ambivalent about Mike Evans. Hates thieves. Class: Monk.

Joan Gedder: Once Teresa's elder sister, her spirit now lives inside Teresa's body. Obsessed with fighting evil in all forms, she has a crush on Healz Pleaze for being the only one who wasn't repulsed by Teresa's scarred body. Despises Mike Evans. Class: Paladin.

Mike Evans: A playboy who has made Teresa his latest conquest. Has become extremely confused about his sexuality after meeting Healz Pleaze. Thanks to a certain incident everyone thinks he also goes after little boys. Class: Fighter.

Sheila Ellis: A poor girl who has been swept up in recent events. Although able to hold her own in a fight, since since officially joining Medic's 'Party', leveling up has overwhelmed her mind and traumatized her. Class: Magician.

Heinrich Ellis: Sheila's brother who has sworn to keep her out of danger. Joining Medic's party has NOT helped things in the short term even though her life has been saved multiple times. Hates Medic and considers him a devil who has enslaved both him and his sister when they joined this thing called a 'Party'. Class: Ranger.

Lord Blake Bowen: The lord of Bowen village. Has a deep sexy voice that makes everyone just automatically want to follow him. Class: Lord.

Farmer Johnday: Once a commoner, now quite dead. Used to be one of Lord Bowen's best friends and was known for his sense of humor and loud voice. Class: Ghost.

Daniel Bowen: Bowen village's antisocial treasurer, and secretly a porn author with the pen name 'Daniel Bowen'. Has sworn vengeance against Medic for humiliating him... twice! Is currently writing volume one of The Humiliations of a Wandering Elf Princess, in which the main character bears more than a passing resemblance to someone he might know... Class: Aristocrat.

Robin Evans: A very large-breasted woman who runs the General Store and is infamous as the Town Gossip. Teresa's best friend who STRONGLY lusts after Medic and wants very much to dress him up in goth loli fashion. Class: Commoner.

Fellowship Near Some Rings

“If you offer the world, they will build stars.”

This is an elven expression that…

Um…

Well……………..

Elves are notoriously difficult to understand.

The more crude, much more human version of this saying is:

“When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.”

A beautiful elf boy smiled at the room, and everyone stared back with differing expressions.

For his part, Healz Pleaze had a very happy smile.

Two weeks of being hated, lusted for, touched, groped, manhandled, and stared at like a panda at a zoo.

Healz Pleaze had a very cathartic smile.

He had them over a barrel, and he knew it.

Everyone knew it.

There was also the little matter of a prophecy by a freaking GODDESS, and the fact that he fulfilled two of the requirements.

As an elf and as someone who walked the whole damn thing in these last two weeks, he knew the forest.

As an MMO character with a map and a quest marker, he knew exactly where to go.

Also, as someone who had a countdown timer ticking away in his vision, he also knew exactly how long they had until the end.

Healz Pleaze had a very blissful smile.

No pressure.

Take your time, guys.

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Close to a thousand goblin zombies shuffled outside the human village.

Almost the same amount of ghosts flittered and wafted above it.

But something unusual was happening.

The front gates were opening.

At the same time a number of small objects were thrown from above.

Fun Fact #1: Alchemical Grenades are a useful weapon in Legendary Tales Online, doing a flat 10 points of damage with a 1’ radius at level 1.

Fun Fact #2: Alchemical Grenades are not NEARLY as useful in actual fantasy worlds. Throwing loud noise-makers around zombies is not conducive to a long life, especially since they are attracted to sounds.

*BOOM!*

*BOOM!*

Fun Fact #3: Goblins, and goblin zombies in particular, do NOT tend to have more than 10 hit points of life.

The area around the gate was quickly emptied of unlife.

A small group of people ran out, just barely avoiding getting caught in the gate slamming shut behind them.

The glowing blood surrounding the village had split into two circles, one wider than the other, and crimson runes were forming on the ground between the two.

“Can I hit it?” asked Heinrich Ellis. His flowing blond hair moved a bit as he drew his very special long sword. His leather armor looked brand new and somehow... sturdier… than you would expect. More than that, it seemed tailored to fit his body absolutely perfectly.

“Don’t!” Sister Teresa quickly put her arm in the way of his sword swing. In addition to her regular platemail (which was missing a helmet, gloves, and leggings), she wore a strange belt with multiple leather pouches sewn onto it. When asked about it she just replied it was something her deceased elder sister wore once, and somehow it made her feel safer. The metal from her armor softly scraped against her ordinary round wooden shield. The most odd thing was that her usual mace had been replaced with one that constantly burned with a red fire.

“She’s right.” Sheila affirmed, still shaking a bit. “It’s a summoning circle. If you touched it your life would just be added to the spell.” Although she wore a standard gray blouse and brown pants, even a casual glance at her would tell any thief she was someone worth stealing from. Her magic staff, her rings, her amulet, all screamed ‘expensive magic items’. The aura of power emitting from her would make all but the most confident think twice though. Her eyes were haunted, and wouldn't focus properly. Occasionally her hands trembled as well.

The party of six carefully stepped over the glowing lines of blood.

“Summoning what though?” Asked Mike Evans. Everyone was surprised to hear him volunteer, but he quickly explained that it was to protect his ‘dearest love Teresa’.

For some strange reason all he got was a bow.

It still glowed with a soft white light though.

“Something BAD, obviously. I can feel it. Whatever it is, it’s BIG, and it wants IN. Won’t be long now.” Farmer Johnday somehow looked even more pale, which is unusual considering he has been dead for more than 15 days and was currently a spirit.

Healz Pleaze double-checked his map and the countdown timer at the bottom of his vision.

“Six minutes. This way.”

So saying, the elf boy swiftly ran ahead, his bright white clothes, and the red cross on his cloaked back beckoned them away from the doors, and into the forest.

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Meanwhile, inside the village…

Fun Fact #4: No MMO player would stand for his favorite character’s favorite legendary sword of epicness going ‘whiff’ at a monster, so all monsters in Legendary Tales Online hit can be hit by any weapon, with only the type of weapon (blunt, piercing, edged, etc.) being the base modifier for the amount of damage taken before stats and skills become involved.

Weapons were swung.

There was a sudden reduction in the number of ghosts in the air.

Fun Fact #5: Any weapon from Legendary Tales Online can therefore deal damage to ANY monster from this world as well.

Arrows flew.

There was a similar reduction in the amount of zombies wandering around outside.

Morale amongst the guards and the population they were protecting soared.

Talks had ended remarkably quickly.

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“Pour,” he commanded.

The skeleton SLOWLY filled his cup.

It had taken forever to teach it to do just that.

The slave would have done a better job, but it was currently busy outside.

Only one slave. How far he had fallen.

He giggled, and a little saliva dribbled from his mouth.

He had ‘fallen’ when he had been forced to go up.

He took a sip. A bit hasty to be drinking again from the ever-dwindling ‘victory stash’, but his throat needed something wet.

Mind-controlling almost a thousand goblins and casting multiple spells in one day makes one thirsty, after all.

Too bad he couldn’t pour the wine over his head as well.

Winters are so DRY!

His skin was itching and cracking like mud that had been left next to an oven. Quite unpleasant.

More moisture needed. Always more moisture needed.

The door to the room opened, and a bald dwarf stumbled in past the armed skeleton guards with unfocused eyes, carrying two buckets of ice.

Immediately the colder air from outside the room wafted in and assailed him.

He stuck his tentacles into his mouth, sucking on them to keep them wet and warm.

Even after the door closed again he kept his hands under his armpits, waiting while the dwarf shuffled its way to the cauldron and *bash* *bash*, emptied both buckets into it.

A primitive humidifier.

Seriously, how far he has fallen to have to use physical labor like this.

The fire was dying.

A pile of ornate-but-ruined sticks lay nearby, but no, even without any charges left burning magic wands is a terrible idea.

The dwarf clumsily tossed a couple more wooden logs onto it.

He’ll have to send it out to chop more trees soon.

More wasted time.

Damn.

The fire died, overwhelmed by the very thing it should be burning instead.

He was inexperienced in the ways of tending a fire.

Damn damn.

He never had to worry about heat and moisture in the Underdark.

Damn damn damn.

Well, no help for it. He had a schedule to keep, and a few more spells to cast.

It was the home stretch, so the wine was just a little early, is all.

He picked up the cup again and gulped it down.

Wasteful, but good wine should be enjoyed while its still warm.

He flicked a thought.

The dwarf yanked out the last of its beard.

It made a strange, sobbing sound as it did so, and its mind struggled a bit again, but not for long.

Tears dripped from its eyes, but it still used its hair as kindling, bashing the flint and iron pyrite together from its tinderbox to make sparks fly.

Tomorrow he will have to use up the dwarf’s mustache.

It would take a full two minutes before the heat built up enough to begin casting again.

He really needed more slaves.

If only some more were to conveniently walk in…

He giggled again at the thought, but this time the giggling turned into coughing and hacking as liquid went down the wrong pipe.