Theo Evans was… for lack of a better word…

Disappointed.

The adorably cute elf GIRL that had catapulted over his head once upon a time turned out to be a BOY.

-- Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

He’s married now, after all.

He has a pretty wife, and a VERY happy father-in-law.

It’s not often a man can say that.

But still.

Disappointed.

It turns out someone had, against orders, hung laundry out to dry over the ovens on the night the BOY escaped the village, and since having clothes is better than NOT having clothes the BOY was forced to cross-dress.

Perfectly understandable.

Perfectly reasonable.

But still.

Disappointed.

It was also perfectly understandable that the elf BOY would not WANT to return to the nipple fort he had escaped from.

It was even more understandable that he would want nothing to do with the guards of this village, considering one of them (a total bastard named Mike Evans) tried to rape him.

Oh yes, nobody in the guards is going to let Mike forget THAT entertaining little detail:

“Hide your sons, mothers! MIKE is coming!”

“And you DATED that pedophile, Emily? Poor thing. Come, let a REAL man comfort you…”

The BOY tried to talk his way out of going to the nipplefort… poorly.

“I go CAn’t! No! It A bad place is! ScaRY!”

It seems his language skills are not quite up to the task.

He also needs help pronouncing things.

He tried to run and hide… poorly.

It’s not like he doesn’t stick out in every way possible. Especially not with that white outfit.

Billy easily caught him.

He tried to use puppy eyes and cute pleading, but that didn’t work either, because… well…

Disappointed.

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Robin Evans had been KIDDING about wanting to molest an elf boy.

Really.

It’s true.

Even if he looked so freaking adorable in that white one-piece, so much so she just wanted to hug him and never let go.

Many men had courted her, but honestly, they were too… much like men.

Cuteness is LIFE!

Cuteness is LOVE!

-- has nothing to do with it.

It’s true!

The fact that he was an elf and so would probably look that cute for a long, long time was a bonus NOT IMPORTANT AT ALL.

Really!

And, sure, MAYBE she might have thought of other clothes he could wear besides a white one piece… Like perhaps something black, with lots of frills and lace, and maybe a bonnet…

But dressing up a boy like a girl is NOT one of her hobbies.

Even if he WOULD look devastating in it.

Really.

So was it karma that ‘forever-a-virgin’ Billy and ‘married at sword-point’ Theo practically threw him in her direction when everyone gathered at the nipplefort’s inner ring?

The poor thing seemed terrified, trying to avoid contact with people and scanning each guard’s face as he or she ran to the tower or back. He also pulled a hood over his head in an utterly charming attempt at NOT drawing attention.

Well. Clearly he needed SOMEONE’S help.

Well fine. Nice Big Sis will protect Little Lost Lamb from all those mean Wolves.

It took a bit of work, but eventually she was able to persuade everyone to not rush at him and to give him a bit of room.

Naturally, protecting an elf boy required her to stand within touching distance next to him.

Perfectly reasonable.

Really.

Hmm?

He wasn’t wearing a dress anymore.

Instead of wearing a white one-piece summer dress (in winter?) he was wearing normal pants, boots, and a cloak…

Does he like the color white?

-- all of which could be used in a laundry bleach commercial.

Except for the cloak, his entire outfit was completely white.

Despite his adorable shyness, ‘Medic’ (that’s what he called himself) seemed to crave conversation, even if his language skills were poor. What was interesting was that he never made the same mistake twice after each time she gently corrected one of his cutely bad sentences.

Could he be a natural genius at languages?

She was honestly having fun talking to him, repeating his sentences back:

"What was that pyramid thing you came out of earlier?"

"Ah. That [Travel Gate]. Um, 'a door from A to B'."

"Oh, so it lets you travel from place A to place B?"

"Yes. A 'Travel...' What word not door, but go through?"

"A 'gate'?"

"Yes! It a 'Travel Gate'."

His relieved face every time he learned something he needed was simply charming.

“So why white?” She asked, touching his cloak.

Instantly her shopkeeper instincts awakened.

What is this material? Soft, yet strong. And that weaving…!

“White?”

Oh Goddess, even his confused face is KYUUUTE!

“…Hm? Um.”

DOWN girl.

Focus girl.

You're the Nice Big Sister, remember?

Be the Big Sister.

“Er, YOU put it on, dear. Didn’t you notice?”

Actually, no, he didn’t, because they WEREN’T white when he put them on.

Quickly he took off his cloak to look at the simple red cross on the back.

Ah.

Robin Evans, village gossip and owner of the General Store (and voted ‘Best Rack in Bowen Village’ for four years straight – not that she was supposed to know that), received a rare treat shock:

He wasn’t wearing a shirt.

A topless elf boy.

Fluffy silvery-blue hair, in need of a good brushing... and petting.

Large purple eyes, like liquid velvet. One could drown in such eyes.

Long pointed ears, just like in that song which told of how to seduce an elf.

“Hah…”

Perfect white skin, begging to be licked.

A thin neck, perfect for hickeys and for tickling one’s fingers along the back of.

Slender, yet fit arms. Thin enough to grab and pull towards you... or to push away while you reached for...

“Hah… Hah…”

Perfect collar bones, ripe for caressing.

Pert nipples, raising up in the cold air. One could easily imagine teasing and pinching them.

A flat, athletic stomach, leading down to his...

“Hah hah hah…”

Someone nearby was breathing quite loudly and spoiling her focus. How rude.

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In the top floor of the tower, it was a chaos of orders, guards rushing in and out, magic items being brought in, and maids moving the non-essential stuff out of the room.

Lord Bowen wasn’t any less confused, but there was one thing he WAS sure of:

The entire village is in the grip of an EVENT, one that has been building since Teresa/Joan/Cynthia had arrived.

A strange boy appears, seemingly offering the hope of much-needed funds and weapons.

The Sentinel, the early warning system he been waiting for, arrives along with a wizard, something else his village has long needed.

A GODDESS deigns to talk to them, and a mysterious quest is given...

Just before an entire ARMY of goblins and other monsters appears, just outside the walls.

And yet… the army wasn’t doing anything.

They weren’t saying anything.

They were just quietly standing there, surrounding the village.

Staring.

WHY?

In case you're wondering (and assuming I have any readers left), my friggin' harddrive died on me. All my notes and references and chapters went *poof*. All gone.

It's taken me this long to get a replacement (I'm not rich) and get things downloaded/copied/sorted to the point I can work on things again.

You know what? I think I might honestly like someone going "FIRST!"

Nah. Probably not.

How about some The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy quotes instead?

"Life...? Don't talk to me about life!" -- Marvin, Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun To Be With!