He walked back to his room in a daze, completely forgetting that he was supposed to be guarding an elf.

He played me.

Daniel Bowen, aka famous porn author Daniel Blake, was very angry.

He freaking PLAYED me!

He didn't so much as sit as collapse into his chair, fuming.

He had been distracted by his greed. An elf who can make gold coins and weapons, superior to actual gold coins and weapons, appear out of empty containers? The possibilities! What else can that boy…?

“[‘Medic’.]”

“What?”

Joan had looked confused. Perfectly natural, if you don’t speak the same language.

Healz Pleaze the elf pointed at her, making a weird curling motion with the first two fingers of his other hand.

“[Select. ‘Joan’, ‘Joaniekins’, ‘The Joanmeister,’ ‘Joanario’.]”

He pointed at himself, again making that strange hand gesture.

“[’Medic’, okay?]”

Ah, so a nickname, huh? Why that, though? What’s a ‘medic’?

The boy pointed at Joan once more.

“[Examine you try it. ‘Medic’.]”

“’Medic.’” Joan reluctantly said.

“[Good! Isn’t that easier to say close?]” For some reason Healz Pleaze looked really happy with himself.

Oh dear, I think Joan is starting to fall for him. Look at that blush.

“[Now you. Select. ‘Medic’. Examine?]”

Me?

A normal man would have noted the blushing girl and given that some more thought. For some reason, that irritated him, as a man, and as a writer.

“I can say your name perfectly well, Healz Pleaze.”

Hah! THAT ticked him off. I wonder how much he hates his name. Perhaps it means something embarrassing like “Butterfly dancing on the morning dew”…

Then the elf picked up the kitten he had been playing with and held it to his naked chest.

With moist eyes, and in a quiet and sad voice, the boy asked,

“You can’t?”

“Mew?” echoed the kitten.

TOO. DAMN. CUTE.

*Badump!*

In one heartbeat he could feel his face turn completely red.

“KUH! I just have to say it, right? That’s all, right? ‘Medic’.”

He could hear the roaring in his ears as they too burned with embarrassment.

Once more, the elf smiled a satisfied, happy smile.

That was on purpose.

He did that cute play on purpose!

“Damn it, this boy could make married men switch sides…”

Angry at himself, angry at this manipulative elf, he pulled out a scroll from underneath his most recent work.

“Using the Will of Somnus I cloud your mind, steal your energy and close your eyes. Sleep!”

The scroll disappeared into blue flames –

And the elf went down, his head hitting the pillow once more.

“And THAT should keep you quiet until I can tell Lord Bowen in the morning everything that’s happened.”

He staggered out the door.

When he calmed down enough, he looked at the last thing he wrote. The despoiling of a pure elf princess:

“No!” The princess panted, her tongue hanging out, “It’s so shameful, and yet I’m so aroused!”

“Hahaha!” He laughed scornfully, “You can deny it all you want, but your body is honest!”

What utter crap.

He threw all the pages he had written, a good two-and-a-half hours’ worth of work, into the trash.

Innocent?

Pure?

That elf?

That BASTARD?

He began writing again, from page one. The words of his anger, the desires of his revenge, made the quill flow quickly across the paper:

Volume 1 – The Cat-Eared Princess

After a good three hours of solid work, he realized four things of major importance:

1) Nobody was guarding the elf;

2) Joan still had both his bronze dagger, and the newly-created dagger;

3) It was morning, and that means Teresa will be waking soon;

4) And so will Lord Bowen.

He propelled himself out of the room, uncertain which door he should head to first.

Many years later, The Humiliations of a Wandering Elf Princess series would become known as THE quintessential work of pornography, the one by which all other works would be judged. It sold incredibly well across the world, and was translated into 52 different human, demi-human, and even some non-human languages.