Arc 0: Prelude 17 - Adrift the Ocean

longing /ˈlɒŋɪŋ/

a yearning desire.

It was pure white.

A world of pure white. A scene that could be described better as a void of nothing and everything all the same rather than a place. A void that became the home of Lauren Cherith.

All that ever was and all that she knew to be was that void. As her body sank into melancholic comfort, she’d sometimes pick out a mistake, a flaw, a “crack” in this pure empty world. Much like a dry colorless canvas no matter what brush one used to fill it, the void wasn’t uniform. It was rich in detail but that didn’t matter.

None of it mattered.

Lauren hadn’t left this void for days, possibly weeks or even months. It was slowly becoming her new reality.

The wind pulled a few leaves and hurried into the room through the vacant window to take shelter from the snowstorm outside. For a moment, she felt her reality become distorted — like it shouldn't coincide with the natures of the outside world. The white void was the ceiling and the melancholic comfort was courtesy of her bed.

「How… How long?」

She thought to herself.

「Maybe I should try calling again…」

On cue, her phone rang.

She quickly went for her phone. It was… Yeong-Gi.

“...”

She sighed and put the phone aside, leaving it to ring for a few more minutes. This might have been one of the few times he ever called her, yet she ignored it. She should have been hot on her feet upon seeing his name, yet she didn’t. It didn’t matter.

Shortly after, it turned to voicemail.

“Hey, Lauren!” Yeong-Gi’s cheerful voice came through, “Just uh… checking up on you. I know it’s prolly weird for me to call or leave a message so we don’t talk much but… you haven’t been to school for a while. Teachers are worried… I’m worried…”

“...,” she opened up her mouth to speak but immediately pursued her lips. For a moment, his words almost caught her attention.

“Wait… this prolly came out the wrong way uh…,” his voice seemed slightly shaken from embarrassment, “W-Well, we’re worried about you, Lauren. Please give us a call… anything. Thanks.”

*beep*

That sound had become familiar; very familiar. The same could be said for Yeong-Gi’s voice. Ever cheerful and ever-optimistic with no hint of sadness or worry. Still lost in that quiet void, Lauren wished for that optimism. She desired to have the smile on her face to be back yet it wouldn’t return — she didn’t understand why it left in the first place.

Suddenly, a gust of wind rushed into the room once again, this time slamming the door shut.

*SLAM*

Lauren jumped; frightened, confused, and… in pain?

A strange, raw sensation coursed through her cheek pulsating with every heartbeat. Every twitch, every drop of sweat, and every breath exacerbated the intense pain. Yet deep down she felt something.

A connection?

No, it was more akin to a live operation without an anesthetic where her heart was laid bare and the first incision was made.

Operations take time and this one would prove no different.

This was going to be a long, painful one.

△▼△▼△▼△▼△

「Come on…」

【Call Failed】

Lauren sat in the corner of her bedroom, alone and downcast, with her face buried deep between her legs.

It was just another day since Zachary disappeared; just another day since the impetus of her life completely changed.

Yet she herself did not know: what exactly changed?

What brought her this immense feeling of melancholy?

What took that boy away from her?

She glanced over to her nightstand in the barely lit room. There lied her magnum opus, the manuscript that won her first genuine prize, the thing that proved her worth as an author of true art, the thing that was going to elevate her to a world yet unknown.

Was it a bright-colored world? Doubts would fill her mind.

Had it been the ‘Lauren’ from a month prior, she would have been high off the ground, endlessly celebrating her key to the new world. Now, she had the same outcome, however, it wasn’t the same feeling she had expected.

Perhaps she needed someone to celebrate with, to share that passion with. If it was someone, then her father, Chloe, her friends at school, and practically anyone would do just fine. But no, it had to be him, it had to be that boy. No one else understood her as well as him. Initially she thought she was merely helping someone who was somewhat similar to her, even as far as considering it that she was saving him through this act of goodwill.

The matter of the fact was… he was saving her.

Yes, the girl who always smiled and offered optimism wherever she went needed saving. She needed someone— no, that boy, to pull her out of this pit of melancholy.

A person who genuinely existed with her happy facade in this apathetic town simply did not truly exist. It would be something out of a fairy tale; out of a depressed and affection-starved piece of “fiction” that perfectly reflected its author and their readers.

「Starved for affection…」

*DING*

All of a sudden, her phone lit up, and so did the smile on her face.

「Please…」

She sprung off her feet and grabbed it.

【Chloe: “Hey!”】

Not Zachary.

The smile on her face quickly faded.

【Chloe: “Why aren’t u answering ur calls?”】

【Chloe: “and ur door too”】

【Chloe: “Do u know how many times I waited outside for you?”】

【Chloe: “Yooo”】

【Chloe: “Lauren come on”】

【Chloe: “Its been 4 days, where are u?”】

【Chloe: “Teachers won’t stop hounding me cus of u.”】

【Chloe: “If ur feeling down”】

【Chloe: “wanna meet up together with Yeongi?”】

【Chloe: “Or maybe alone...”】

【Chloe: “Ik u been dying to spend time with him.”】

【Chloe: “No?”】

【Chloe: “What about a girls’ night out? Up for the task? Whaddya say?”】

【Chloe: “I’ll make it a special one ♡”】

【Chloe: “Heeeeeeeeeey”】

【Chloe: “I know ur in there”】

【Chloe: “Lauren”】

【Chloe: “Answer me”】

【Chloe: “please”】

「Annoying…」

Lauren frowned with disgust in her eyes. She ignored the text messages from her concerned friend and threw the phone on her bed.

Never a time came where she would imagine losing her connection with her oldest friend. But it was very clear why and when it would come.

It was the same connection she projected onto someone else once.

Chloe was a beacon of light, one that she could not stand to look at for too long. She tried to be that beacon as well, but for someone else, and ultimately, the result was all the same. They shied away from her “light” and disappeared just like she was doing now with her friend. All those feelings of jubilation she once felt toward her withered into dust.

She would often wonder in the dark corners of her mind if he could have felt the same. Not a thought went by without her thinking back to him. There was no way to escape. This was no time to dwell upon the meaningless things in her life.

Zachary had to be found.

And yet… What can she possibly do? She had been cooped up in her room for days like an angsty teen who had given up on all life and crawled to a dark corner of their own, where they could hide from unnecessary noise in the shelters of the abyss.

“It’s all…,” she desperately spoke from her dry mouth that hasn’t uttered a word for days.

Once again, she looked at her manuscript; the epitome of her success.

What was it? She would think while looking at the manuscript.

The pit she had fallen deep down into had caused her to even forget why or what she wrote in that manuscript. It could bring to doubt if it was ever really worth praise.

After all, there was one thing she wouldn’t forget.

These sad and lump pieces of paper were bundled together in a matter of two days. For any writer of any kind, it wouldn’t be much of a surprise, especially if one had won a couple of awards before then — “childish” awards, but still awards in the end.

However, Lauren, who hadn’t written a thing in the past two years since her last competition, who was faced with a deep slump beyond any help, managed to finally write this manuscript so quickly and so elegantly it had won her the ultimate prize all of a sudden. It was crazy to think about it. Something like this would not be this far-fetched in a fairy tale of overcoming failure.

But as the memories would rush back to her mind, the answer became clear.

Yet again, it all tied back to that boy. She would have never written a thing if it weren’t for meeting that boy if weren’t for looking into his eyes, if it weren’t for touching his hand, if—

“GAAH!!!”

Lauren screamed at the top of her lungs as she vigorously swung her arm around the desk, throwing the manuscript aside and making a mess with all the papers scattered around the room, floating down to the ground.

As she realized what she had done, she shivered in her place, losing control over her legs and falling to her knees. Following that second, she quickly crawled to the side of her bed and leaned her back against it.

“How—ah…,” she struggled to enunciate her words as she whimpered, “How can you do this to me?”

The whimper became louder, in which case, she buried her face back in between her thighs. The neighbors were sure to have heard her scream and she didn’t want to attract any more attention, especially with her parents gone.

But still, she could not hold back the pain.

Soon the whimpering turned to sob. And then as tears flooded her eyes down to her cheeks and her body trembled with fear and pain, the sobbing turned to cry.

“Why…,” she would snivel, “Zach…”

Yet another day for the girl who shunned everyone out for a dream.