NEVER SAY DIE, SAY APOCALYPSE INSTEAD

When Declan’s eyes cleared he found himself standing outside of Bucky Starrs. He could smell the coffee, and the line of people waiting to get inside. Oddly, none of them seemed to have noticed him suddenly materializing out of thin air. He looked around and marveled at just how similar this world was to his own. The only difference that he could immediately spot was that their cars could not fly, but even his world had terrestrial automobiles. All this meant was that they were not quite as technologically advanced as where he was from. That, might also explain why the air seemed cleaner. He tried to connect to the local Headnet, but logged in to what was known as the interweb. It was similar to headnet, but it had no artificial intelligence to help its users search for information.

He put a finger to the side of his head. He checked to see if his system was online and working properly and found that his Hnet was still operating as per usual. “Mother, can you download this world’s information? I’d hate to see it lost just because I must destroy it. Be sure to get all the art and literature. Culture is more important than history. Then,” he said, “run a scan on the planet’s animal life forms. I want to start populating Homeworld with biological life as soon as possible. I miss bunnies.”

It was then that he noticed that several people nearby were looking at him oddly. He realized what he had just said out loud, smiled at everyone, and said, “I’m just going to go see if my fiancée is in right now.” He bypassed the line, opened the glass door and stepped into the café. It was then that he realized that his hands were shaking. He’d been fine a moment before, but stepping into the coffee shop set his mind ablaze. Sarah might be here right now! He had to find her.

He saw her manager, and realized that while the name was the same the person was not. Sarah’s original manager was a tall immaculately dressed black man named Pat, this Pat was a frumpy Caucasian woman who looked like she slept in her clothes. She saw him and waved at him, “Hey, Deck! Sarah isn’t scheduled for another fifteen minutes, and you know how she likes to cut it close to starting her shift. You’d probably be better off catching her outside.”

Declan waved back, “Thanks, uh, Pat! I’ll give that a try!” It was disconcerting having someone that you’d never met recognize you and talk to you like an old friend. Funny thing was, his Pat didn’t really like him all that much. He’d suspected that the man had his eye on Sarah as well, and that Declan had put a kibosh on his plans for romance. He liked this Pat much better. It was a shame that he’d have to kill her in a few hours. He spun about and exited the shop in one fluid motion.

He was back out on the street and scanning the sidewalk looking for Sarah before he realized what he was doing. He wondered if she’d be coming on foot, or if she had another mode of transportation. His Sarah often walked to work, but she also owned a scooter and puttered her way in when she had plans after work. One thing that he found odd was that his Sarah was not only punctual but she was often early to most events; work in particular. Funny how something so small could make such a difference to him; it seemed that this Sarah was more like him. His Sarah, No, he thought, he had to stop thinking of her like that. She never belonged to him, but she was the first so he would refer to her as Sarah Prime. Sarah Prime’s insistence on being at places early balanced out his tendency to be late. They were a good pairing in so many ways. He wondered how different this Sarah would be to the girl he knew as Sarah Prime.

Three minutes later and he saw her. She was a city block away, but there was no way that he could miss her. She was just as stunning as the woman he’d fallen in love with, she even dressed in the same goth manner. He made sure to refer to it as goth, too, because Sarah would blast him if he ever called her Emo. He could tell that she was listening to some bouncy music through a pair of red earbuds because of the way that she was dance walking down the sidewalk. She had not a care in the world. The sunlight shone off of her hair, and even from this distance he could see the same naughty gleam in her eyes as she danced. She didn’t care who she was around or what they thought of her. She just lived the moment as much as she could.

Without thinking he ran to her. His feet carried him towards her before he could even consider to tell them to do so. The second that he realized what he was doing he urged his legs to go even faster. He practically knocked an old man who was using a walker over as he shot passed him. He yelled an apology back, but didn’t stop. He didn’t even slow down until he was ten feet from her. She had seen him coming a few seconds earlier, had stopped dancing, and stood stock still in the sidewalk as he approached her like a guided missile.

When he was several feet away he slowed down and came to a stop before the shocked girl. “Sarah?”

She wore a mask of confusion, and looked a little scared. “Declan, what in the hell!” Her voice carried over the noise of the street, the people passing by, and the rumble of the subway below. She pulled her earbuds away from her head, and wrapped them around what Mother explained to him was known as a Walkman. She slipped it into a backpack that she was wearing while she looked into his manic face.

“Sorry,” he sputtered, “I’m sorry. I was just worried that I had missed you or that I wouldn’t be able to find you in time.” He panted, a little from the exertion that his exercise deprived body demanded, and a little from the mere joy of seeing Sarah alive and well again. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t Sarah Prime. She was a Sarah, and that was what counted.

Her look shifted from confused and frightened to quizzical, and he was sure that only he would be able to read her so easily. “What are you talking about?”

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He knew that if he didn’t then he would end up rambling like a mad man in some desperate attempt to explain everything to her all at once. “I can’t explain here,” he said in the most reassuring voice that he could, “Just trust me. Ditch work, we can go back to your apartment and I can explain everything, but right now we need to get off the street and go somewhere we can talk.”

“Ditch work?” Her eyes widened and she pulled her head back indicating that she thought he was crazy. She shook her head, “Deck, I can’t just skip work. I’m behind on my rent and it’s the only place I can get free coffee and sneak some cookies or muffins.” Her hand instinctively went to her stomach, making him realize that this Sarah probably didn’t eat as often as he’d like.

“Look.” He said, “I’ll buy you lunch. Whatever you want. Just let me talk to you. This is really urgent, and I mean life and death urgent.”

“Are you in some sort of trouble, Deck?” Suddenly, she shifted from defiant to concerned. He realized that this was his chance. After all, he couldn’t just grab her and take her against her will, could he? He supposed he could, but he wanted her to have as much of a choice as he could provide. “Huh. Yes. Yes! I am in one hell of a situation. I really need to talk to you about it, but it has to be right now.”

She eyed him wearily, “I don’t know, Deck. I don’t see you in months, and then BOOM! You just appear and expect me to pick up the pieces?”

Though it pained him to admit it, she hadn’t looked at him like a lover or even a former lover. She knew him well, though, and she was miffed by his other self’s absence. He couldn’t help it that his clone had ditched her, but he could make up for his other’s shortcomings. “I wouldn’t even ask if it wasn’t important . . .” He let the statement hang in the air.

She rolled her eyes and blew out an exasperated puff of breath. “OK, we’ll go back to my apartment. I’ll call Pat and tell her that an emergency came up and I can’t make it in.” Declan stopped her. “I wouldn’t even bother with calling off. Pat saw me and knows that I was looking for you. Besides, what I’m going to tell you will make missing a day of work the least important thing in the world.”

New Sarah placed a hand on her hip, her elbow jutting outward like a right triangle, and pouted. Her other arm gently swung the backpack back and forth, ticking like a clock. A doomsday clock, Declan thought morosely. In twenty or so hours everyone on this planet was going to be dead, or he was. He didn’t want to rush her, but he could feel the weight of the world resting on his shoulders.

“God! Ok, let’s go.” She slipped her backpack over her shoulders and turned around. She didn’t even wait to see if he was following her. He could tell that she wasn’t happy by the way she stomped her boots against the sidewalk. It was good to see that not everything had changed.

Twenty minutes later and he was walking through the door to her apartment. A small black cat shot out and rubbed against her legs as soon as she entered. “Whiskerbiscuit, stop it. I fed you before I left,” she chastised the feline, but still poured some more food into its bowl. Declan followed her in, and looked at the cat in shock. Sarah Prime had been allergic to cats and had never wanted a pet of any kind. The cat took one look at Declan, and he braced himself to get cat hair all over his new suit, and he idly wondered if the Homeworld had dry cleaning. He needn’t have worried, as the cat ran away from him like its tail was on fire. “That’s weird,” New Sarah said in an ominous voice, “Whiskers loves you. Sometimes I think that puss likes you more than it does me.”

“Maybe he’s just picking up on my stress,” Declan managed to say quickly.

She shrugged. She threw her backpack on the counter, and went to the cabinet and took out a glass. “You want some water,” she asked. “You look a little flush.”

He nodded and watched her get out another glass. She turned on her tap and waited ten seconds before water began to emerge from the spigot like piss from an old man who had an enlarged prostate and kidney stones. It trickled out in a sputtering stream and took nearly a minute to fill each glass. When they were finally full she handed him a glass and motioned towards the couch. Declan chugged the water and before he moved he blurted, “I need to use the bathroom!”

Without waiting for a response he set the glass on the table and moved down the small hallway towards the door on the right. He entered, closed the door, and sat on the toilet. Thankfully the lid was already down because he’d failed to notice prior to his sitting. He pulled up his HUD. The world’s info sheet was already up and waiting for his input.

“Mother,” he whispered, “have you gotten all the data? Do you need more time?”

She responded with a resounding, “I have acquired all of the music art, and other pertinent information that this world has to offer. Most scientific data is useless, but it has been cataloged. If you are waiting for me then you may proceed.”

Declan nodded. He found the section where it asked if he wanted to Apocalypse Now and hit the Yes button. In the details section he typed: Every human inhabitant on this planet twenty five minutes from now will be struck by five different virulent and deadly viruses that have secretly lain dormant in their bodies for months. Strain one will be a Hemorrhagic illness that will cause them to bleed uncontrollably from every orifice of their body until death takes them. The second with be a pleural effusion that will lead to congestive heart failure within minutes of its appearance. The third will be a febrile virus that will cause the host body to increase in temperature until a core body temperature is an average one hundred and ten degrees Fahrenheit. The fourth virus will be a neurotropic virus that will cause the brain to swell and lesion so that madness sets in, making the carrier incredible violent and striking out at anything humanoid in shape. The fifth and final virus will cause a pulmonary edema, filling their lungs with fluid making it impossible for them to breath. If any human manages to survive the instaplague they will then become suicidally despondent and kill themselves in the quickest manner possible. He then hit enter and hoped that he’d been original enough to please the boss.

OK, Declan, he thought, the timer is running if we aren’t off this planet in twenty five minutes then we are both dead. Time to stop being coy. He burst from the bathroom and looked for Sarah. He found her on the couch, sipping a glass of something that he doubted was water and holding the TV remote out before her.

“No time for TV, Sarah,” he said breathlessly, “We need to go now. As in right this minute!” He tried to remain calm, but there was an urgency in his voice that he could not control. She picked up on it immediately, “What’s wrong, Deck? First you make me come back here, now you are saying I have to leave. I’m not a freaking yo-yo. Tell me what’s going on!”

He could feel the clock winding down as she spoke. Sweat began to cover his upper lip, and rolled down his back in great globs. He suddenly realized that if he were on this planet when his apocalypse hit then he would also be vulnerable to the diseases that he had let loose upon the world. The inconceivable part, and yes he knew what that word meant, was that Sarah would also fall victim to the microscopic murderers. He could not allow that to happen.

“Sarah, I know that you trust me,” he hoped anyway; he had no idea of what kind of relationship that they had on this world, “I hope that you know that I would never lie to you or do anything to hurt you. That’s why I’m here. I’m here to save you, but we don’t have much time. Can you trust me that I’m here to help?” She stared at him, remote in one hand, and a knee casually thrown over her other leg. She wiggled her boot in the air as she stared at him. She dropped the remote beside her, took a long sip from her glass, and stood up.

She approached him slowly. She stopped less than an arm’s length away from him, and drove her finger into his chest like her hand was a nail gun. “What in the Hell, Deck,” the words sputtered out like she was breathing fire. “You vanished months ago. No word. No goodbye. Just poof, and you were gone. I thought someone had killed you.” Tears welled up in her eyes, and her voice was strained and hoarse as she struggled to get her next words out. “Then you show up like nothing happened, tell me to basically quit my job on your say so, and come back to my apartment where I think you are going to tell me what happened to you. Instead, you rush off to the bathroom, and then burst out with a crazy look on your face asking if I trust you. Are you one drugs?” With every sentence she drove her finger into his chest harder and harder until her finger became a fist, and she began to gently, though forcefully, pummel his chest as tears streamed down her face.

He softly grabbed her hands, and held them against his bruised ribcage. “What? Drugs? No!” He released her hands and pulled her into a slight embrace, he so very badly wanted to crush her in his arms, and let her know that he was going to keep her safe, but he held off. He realized that she was both vulnerable and weary of him at the moment, and he did not want to scare her or set her off any more than she already was.

“Please just trust me for a few more seconds, and I will explain everything, but we need to go right now. This very second or we’re both dead.” He kept one hand on her shoulder and brought a finger to his right temple. “Mother, it is time for extraction,” was all he’d said when a shimmering heatwave rose from the floor two feet away from them. “You need to step through right now,” he said with as much conviction he could muster. “That is a gateway. A doorway to a safe place. Step through, and I’ll tell you everything on the other side.”

She stared, dumbfounded, at the portal before her. It had shifted from appearing as a simple heatwave to a glowing green rift in space. It shimmied and shimmered, wavering before her like a flag caught in a heavy wind. She looked back over her shoulder at Declan, and he smiled at her as he pantomimed pushing her forward. “I can’t go without Whiskers,” she choked. Clearly she had no idea of what was happening and terror was causing her to freeze up. Declan reached over to the counter and grabbed the cat by the scruff of the neck. He stepped towards her, and she reached out to take the cat from him but he stepped around her and swung the cat into the air and through the glowing aperture.

“What the hell, Deck!” Without thinking she chased after the cat, and vanished through his gate. Declan breathed a quick sigh of relief and followed her through knowing that he was going to be in for it when he made it back to Homeworld.