《Leslie's Poems》drowning again
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call to call for an ancient dream
feels like
(i feel like)
i feel
not me
wanna know her hands
but what does this mean?
she's no more real than god is
(for He is not there, never has been for me)
need to prove myself, feels like (i feel like) a man
insecure and afraid to be laughed at
so strange, strange that i want to touch her thighs
(but she isn't real, she's a goddamn fantasy)
i need to be strong, need to push and force and punch and fight
and
shoot
my
way
out
like something vicious, pushed to the brink of being someone im not
im not a prince but i want to be
im not a gunslinger but i want to be
but i don't want to be a man! im happy in my skin! this is my home and im trying to make it fit me! (me!)
something about sirens something bewitches me
and terrifies me
im already in love im already happy i dont need to prove myself
but i must--i have to shoot (bang bang)
and i have to run
i have to go go and im scared
someone following me long dark shadow
if you get any closer bastard ill fucking show you who wins this standoff
ill cleave your eyes from your skull
but you gotta, i gotta be tough
gotta, gotta do this aint no way aint no way round it
round it off, checked and recieved
gone again deep dark hole in a deep ocean drops and brine suffocates me
(me)
(December 2021)
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