Eight a.m. I yawned and stretched, went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My hair is messy, eyes filled with rheum as I look like a zombie just woke up from the grave trying to have a good mood. I don't even know if this morning would be good or not because I didn't wake up because of the alarm, well, partly. It was because the air force called me and scolded me for a torrent for over an hour.

After they finished scolding, I tried to get back to sleep, but my lifelong enemy, the damn alarm clock, rang like a rooster and pulled me out of the beautiful dream back to reality.

I looked out of the bathroom and saw the alarm clock "looking" at me. It must be happy when it takes "revenge" successfully.

Honestly, I threw the alarm in the corner of the room countless times and without any mercy. I bet it must hate me very much. I groan and mumble, look at the clock with a predatory look. Then I keep my head under the cold water coming out of the tap. It felt like someone poured more than three billion tons of ice on my head, it was very annoying, but I couldn't stop and let the water run down my head.

Refreshing and feels like it clears away my big mistakes and sins. After more than ten minutes, I turned off the water and looked in the mirror. A twenty-six-year-old boy with life's mistakes, struggling, trying to fix the misconceptions he did so long ago that should have been buried with time.

I watch the drops of water roll down my cheeks. It's like tears replacing real tears that I can't cry.

Behind the glory, behind the media, behind the admiring eyes of the people. Behind the sparkling medals is a responsibility. It has always been my dream to serve the people, to see their smiles and happiness whether they remember my name or not. But I have to carry consequential responsibilities, public and colleague pressures, and vital decisions. A small mistake is sometimes the border between life and death.

How can I forgive myself when past mistakes are like zombies in the grave come to life and haunt me? I remember the times Wojtek encouraged and comforted me when a mission failed. It was like I failed my exam and ran home, crying to my parents. He advised me not to avoid mistakes and obsessions because it will always be there no matter how I choose to hide will always find me and torture me mentally. The best way is to face it, look straight in the eye and learn the mistakes I made to become a better person. But how can I face it? I was too scared to stand on my feet to face it.

"What are you afraid of?" Wojtek's words echoed endlessly in my mind. It was like a fatal shot deep in my mind. I was too scared to say it as I never told Wojtek or my teammates. I have always avoided that question though it has been clinging to me since I joined the task force.

I sighed. Guilt and regret have been haunting me ever since Wojtek left the 18th force. I took a deep breath and continued with personal hygiene.

*

Cyro, or Kwan Seong, and I had a conversation while on our way to the cafeteria. Cyro explained why Ikki, known as "Clock", coming back to the base late yesterday is because they have to eliminate all those who are still alive in the barracks to hide the clues. I don't know what to say, only keep quiet, listen and nod.

We walked into the cafeteria. The smell of bread emitted from the kitchen made me drool and want me to eat it all. But because of the bad mood, I only took two sandwiches, one mineral water bottle and an apple then took a seat near the window.

Kwan was sitting across from me. He took a bowl of noodles and a mineral water bottle and then started enjoying breakfast while everyone entered the cafeteria in a good mood. I also started to eat a sandwich.

Kwan noticed it and waited a long moment when the bowl of noodles was half gone. He continued his conversation with me:

Kwan: "Bad mood?" He said calmly, with a heavy Yeohung accent. I took a bite from the sandwich and slowly nodded, "ah so. I didn't guess yet and already know why."

-"You barely know what I did yesterday," I said with a heavy sigh.

Kwan: "No need for scope. My eyes are sharp enough to see you running for your life to that tent."

-"A sniper must always keep his eyes sharp, huh?"

Kwan: "Partly, but that's one of the most important things," Kwan chuckles.

I nod and eat breakfast slowly. Since I knew Kwan is mad as well as disappointed about me:

Kwan: "The problem is. Oskar, you only see one pathway that leads to results and doesn't notice the other. The other path can be very long or complicated, but they all lead to the same destination. You can not always choose the shortest route to reach your destination. The shortest path is not regularly the safest, fastest way to achieve something."

I pondered for a moment and nodded. Kwan's words permeated me so much that I was ashamed of what I did last night and seeing this as a punishment. Mentally punishment. Kwan says he doesn't disappoint or blame me. He wants me to open my eyes and look around, and there will always be another path leading to the same destination.

I looked up at him with fearful and sad eyes. Said I'm scared, but just like last time, Kwan eats all the noodles and leaves the bowl aside. Looking me straight in the eye as if staring into the weak side of me and asked:

Kwan: "What are you afraid of?"

This question again. My legs trembled as I tried to stay calm as best I could and looked at Kwan with eyes trying to hide my fear. Kwan looks me in the eye and has no intention of looking away. He looks me right in the eye the way fear looks at me when I try to face it. A pair of sturdy, mysterious and threatening eyes seemed to want me to despair and slowly devour me.

I feel like Kwan is testing me, seeing if I'm as strong as on the battlefield. I take a long breath and want to distract Kwan with other questions, away from the topic, like the weather today, who's going to be on duty today or what's the tasks you do with Ikki? No matter how bland or stupid the questions are, as long as Kwan stops forcing me like this. I gulped and prepared to ask these ridiculous questions:

-"I-"

Announcement: "Dear Specialists, the new director wants to meet you in the conference room after breakfast. Make sure everyone is eating well because, after the meeting, all daily activities will continue normally."

I was startled and looked at the speaker in the cafeteria ceiling. Kwan groaned and slowly shook his head. I'm glad inside that I at least have avoided this question:

Kwan: "What an annoying announcement. Well, maybe next time then," he looks at me as he stands up with the bowl and walks away. I nod and wait for a moment to clean the table and then leave the cafeteria.

I and everybody went to the conference room. Eyes and Ghasts are still talking to each other about the beans. Krugz is reading on the old phone while Finka is surfing the social network. I don't see Kwan anymore. Ikki is ahead of me and walks at a pretty fast pace. I heard whispers behind me. Emma asks Louis a lot about the new director, which makes him uncomfortable. I don't know anything about the new director. But I was still scared of something. I didn't step into the office or the conference room since Wojtek left. I hope the new director isn't too hard to be.

When everyone entered the room, we saw Illina and a black woman wearing a black suit. The woman didn't look very friendly. She looked at everyone with hunting eyes as if she's checking us for drugs smugglings or something. I had a bad feeling looking at her but said nothing and entered my seat, a large elliptical table with 16 chairs.

I sat across from the window next to me was Eyes on the left side with real names Ethan Roy and Vilhelm "Nova" Frisk in the defensive team. Everyone murmured and waited for about 2 minutes and then fell silent. It's so quiet that I can hear my heart beating. The woman stood up and looked at everyone with mysteriously murder eyes and speak in a sharp tone, so attentive that when that voice turning into a knife, it can cut everything easily:

-"My name is Savannah Goncalves Alcaraz. The new director of Task Force 181."