“No, I wasn't always a lizardfolk. You actually called it on your first try, I was a human once. Very much similar to the rest of you, though I'm much older than you. I was something of a mercenary at first, then I would… There is no real equivalent, but I guess it’s easiest to say that I would build stuff. Stuff that would be impossible to build here, not for another couple centuries at the earliest. The things I made were used mostly in hospitals. It was on a different world where magic didn’t exist, but we used technology so advanced that most of the people here would think it was magic.”

“I've heard of Hospitals at least, those are normally something you see in large battles, but they're not terribly useful most of the time. Were there a bunch of battles there?"

"Hospitals are a lot more common in my old world than here. The cities there are bigger, and when people are stacked on top of each other, centralizing where people can go for medical assistance is a lot more efficient and effective than calling the doctor to your own place."

"I don't really see why that would be the case but… is that how you are able to do what you are able to do? With your class, and how it just builds things? I've never heard of any other Architects. Well I have, but not for a class. Is it something special you brought with you?”

“No, I am pretty confident I could teach this to other people if they had a moderate intelligence attribute and sufficient interest. I use magic here, just like everyone else. I think the potential of this class is amazing though, and given enough time it might be able to close the gap between the technology I know of and what this world has available, but the class itself is definitely specific to this world. We didn’t have a class system at all in my world, no super giant special system of any sort.”

“How is that possible?”

“I wonder the opposite, how is the class system possible? Who or what powers it and enforces the rules? Attributes for instance make no sense to me. In my world, if you wanted to become stronger you would practice using your strength and lift weights. Your muscles would break down and rebuild stronger than they were before. If you wanted to be smarter you would do things like play card games, which increase the number of neural pathways in your brain, making your thinking more flexible. By contrast, things that I knew how to do in my old world are… Difficult, here. I was a rather gifted fighter in my younger days there, but here even after getting a class I’m clumsy and slow, my techniques regularly turn into fumbling messes, and I am just generally bad at fighting. It’s the class system at work: Since I haven’t picked up a combat class here, I’m simply unable to perform well. Knowing how to fight simply doesn’t translate to effective fighting, because there’s something watching over what we do and making sure we follow the rules of the system.”

“That is… Interesting. I've never even heard of a theory like that before. I don't think that's right, wouldn't we notice if there was some evil guy in the background making sure we're bad at things?"

"It's not really a theory, it's just not something you'd really recognize because you learned everything you know within the system, so everything you see is just how you're used to things being. Mages not being able to fight worth a damn is just normal for you, and no matter how hard they train, unless they pick up a fighter level or something, they'll always be a mess trying to handle a sword. And if they do pick up a level as a fighter? Boom, suddenly they're competent with a sword. But that's not normal, Regina. In my world, you became good at the things you practiced. Computer nerds, which are about as close of an equivalent to mages as exist in my world, if they want to lift weights and practice mixed martial arts and join power lifting competitions, they can do it. Some of the smartest people I've ever met were also some of the best fighters I've met."

"That's… Interesting. Sounds like it might be pretty easy to get good at a lot of things that way. Just swing around a sword for a while and that's how you become good? I like it, it's simple that way, and lets you be good at the things you want to be good at."

"Well… When you put it like that, it makes me realize my explanation was pretty bad. Practice is definitely required to become good at something, but you'd also want to learn about it on your own time, and unlike the system here there's nothing that just gives you the foundation to be competent at a skill, so there's a lot of trial and error in trying to become competent at anything, and many skills are perishable, where your information becomes out of date and your technique becomes sloppy if you don't keep at it."

"So you're saying that you… What, if you don't practice fighting, you just wake up one day and you can't fight anymore?"

"Well, it's a bit more gradual than that, and you'll usually retain at least some of what you've learned though not always in an immediately conscious fashion. But I guess at a high level it's kind of like that."

"Honestly that just sounds like you're mostly just replacing one class with another and you'd be better off just becoming really good at a handful of things so you don't forget everything. Since we're on the topic of learning things, and you say you can teach other people to be an Architect, do you have any plans to teach others how to do what you do?”

I'll admit, I'm not quite sure how to explain the idea that in my world we can forget not just events, but ideas and skills, much less explain it in a way that she would be able to understand it as the gradual and erratic process that it truly is. I decide to ignore that portion of her commentary and just answer her question.

“Not particularly. I think it would be good for your world if more people picked up my class, but I don’t think I'll be able to convince many people that it would be worth taking if I don’t get strong enough to do things that they can’t. Maybe eventually, I think it would be worth doing at least, but I need to at least get strong enough to be able to prove that it’s a worthwhile class. These early levels haven't exactly been mind-blowingly good, they've been downright bad if I'm to be honest. A mage or priest or even a fighter would have a much easier time in the early levels than I've had so far. At level one my class doesn't have anything at all to offer, it's probably on par with your noncombat classes. Although to be fair, I don't know much about the class system, not really. I didn't even learn that noncombat classes were a thing until I followed Joaqim and Jim to Diamond Lake. So that's probably another reason I shouldn't start proselytizing the virtues of my class right now, is I just don't know enough about the alternatives to know I'd be right to suggest someone else pursue it. In my Lizardfolk village, Metro, they thought all humans were a combat class, even the kids. I've got a lot to learn before I should start trying to teach anyone anything."

“Hah. I don't know how common combat classes actually are, but there are a lot more merchants and artisans than there are actual fighters. You convinced me your class was worth taking, though. I’m far enough down my own path that I don’t think I should switch, especially since you spend so much time having to read and research to be able to do things. I wouldn’t be a good fit for it, being outside means too much to me. But I’d be happy to include more of your version of crafters in… Whatever it is I end up doing in the future.”

“I see. So are you planning to quit?”

“I think so. I can’t keep going through this. I even got to where I thought you were some sort of lucky talisman, that just by having you around, somehow people would stop dying. I knew all along it wasn't true of course, Jim died the first time we went out, after all. But he never stood a chance, he died so fast it couldn't have been prevented, and I was able to accept his death because of that. So, somehow even with it being obvious that it wasn't true, I still though you were some sort of a talisman. But there is no lucky talisman, Braza. People I’m close to just die, and I can’t save them, and that’s just how it is.”

“I’m sorry, but people die around me. Constantly. I’m quite certain that I’ve seen a lot more people die than you have, people I couldn’t save. I'm not disparaging you, just… I'm a lot older than you, and the way the army I was in organized people… I've seen a lot of people die.”

“How old are you, exactly?”

“I’ll be turning 11 in a couple more months. Lizardfolk are adults at 10. That might seem young but when it comes to physical maturity, but it's sufficient considering our life expectancy and physiological condition. As for my other life? I was… 39, I think? It was close to that, I might have already turned 40 but I think I was still a few months shy. So I think I'm probably about 50, maybe 51. Having lived here for almost 11 years, combined with having had my brain crammed into a baby skull caused a lot of harm. I remember a lot, but I’ve also forgotten a lot from my old life. My actual age when I died, even my birthday, those aren't things I remember anymore.”

“Any family?”

“Back home? Yeah, a big one. A wife and two kids, too.”

“Lucky girl, you seem like you must've done pretty well for yourself. That's not very many kids though.”

“It is a lot of kids for the country and world I came from.”

“Small population? Any plans to turn into a human again?”

“Huge population. There were pushing close to 8 billion humans, we were the dominant species for the planet so there wasn't much competition to slow us down. As far as turning back into a human? I don’t know. I probably would if I had confidence in making it happen, but I'd need to be pretty confident about it. Right now I don’t even know how I would go about it. I've got some ideas on how to maybe do it, but nothing I'd be confident enough in to call it a true goal. Anyhow, I’m used to this body now, so I don't feel like it's a huge issue anymore, and there are a ton of other things I need to worry about before switching species might become a priority. Like right now for instance, I think there are other, more important things I should be talking about than the birth rates back at my home. Joaqim and Bucky are dead, right? That's my assumption at least. And you, you look like you’re not far behind. So, can I try and heal you?”

“You assume correctly, they are both dead… And no, you should heal yourself.”

“You’re stronger than me, and my magic is not reliable, I’m not sure how successful my healing attempts will be. If one of us is going to remain seriously injured, it’s better for you to be the one who is healed.”

“No. I refuse. Until you are at full health, you’d better not waste a potion on me.”

“Right, I was wondering about that. What happened to the potions? Each of us had 2 of them, and the ones I've been making for this trip were higher quality than the ones we had before, the level of healing they could provide should have been close to the same strength as what Joaqim was doing with his spells. So… What happened with those? I haven't pulled mine out to see how much is left but… And it looks like you've still got yours, too…”

“…”

I try to raise my eyebrow in suspicion, only to remember that I have no eyebrows. Now I wonder what my attempt to raise an eyebrow looks like. I settle with tilting my head in an inquisitive fashion, a more lizardfolk appropriate response. “You’re obviously not in much better condition than I am. Why didn’t you drink any healing potions, or feed any to me?”

“It’s… You're right, but… It's hard to explain. It's not something I can explain, really...”

“You were wondering if it would be better to just let me die. To let yourself die. Let it all go.”

She demonstrates how an eyebrow raise is supposed to work “That’s… Yeah. That’s pretty close, actually. How did you know?”

“It's my second life, remember? I have had similar thoughts many times. I have a philosophical objection to suicide, a bunch of objections, really. I dress it up in 100 kinds of negative descriptions, I say it’s the cowards approach, I say I’m not that weak, and so on. A psychologist would be horrified by my approach and say it makes things much worse, but it works for me, and it has worked for others I’ve known who had to deal with similar problems. It keeps me going when I really wish I could bring things to an end, so I stick to it. But it’s a whole lot harder to resist when you don’t have to do anything at all. When you are not looking to kill yourself, and all you have to do is just… Not stop it from happening. It feels so much easier, and so much less bad.”

“Are you angry?”

“Not at you, no. I'm angry at myself, for not coming up with a way to turn the battle around, for not coming up with a way to avoid it entirely, for bringing the wagon this far when it's so hard to hide, for being too weak to do anything at all. But no, I’m not angry at you. I only ask that in the future you don’t presume to usurp my autonomy by making the choice for me. It's my life, and I intend to fight to keep it for as long as I'm able.”

“That's reasonable, I can agree to that. And even if you really aren’t angry at me, I’m still sorry. Have you decided? What you will be doing next?”

“Healing you, lighting a fire, and going back to sleep.”

“No to healing, no to fire. Heal yourself first, I don’t even want to be healed right now, I… I want to hurt. I don't get to decide to let your life end, and you don't get to force me to keep mine going. As to the fire? We’re only a few hours away from the encampment, It’s too likely to attract attention. I don’t want you to die, too.”

“Too much blood loss, and I’m cold blooded. Honestly, it’s a miracle I woke up at all, and if I go back to sleep without being able to draw in heat, I really might not wake up a second time. One of the benefits of working on the forge at night is that I can sleep beside it when I’m done working, it holds heat well and releases it slowly.”

“I wondered why you always slept so close to that thing, I thought you were just… Very dedicated to your work.”

I chuckle. It wasn’t very funny but I don’t care, even the small things can help to bring you back a little, even when you feel hollow.

“You asked about after. I’m going to finish the commission. Then I’m going back to Diamond Lake, and I’m going to collect the payment. Then I’m going to keep working. Keep crafting. Keep leveling up. There are ways to bring back the dead here. They are rare, and they are expensive, more expensive than a small job like this can cover. But they are possible. Now that I'm level 3, I'm finally able to start crafting minor magic items. Persistent ones, not just potions and scrolls. Eventually, I should be able to craft better ones. Someday, I plan to get strong enough to make magic items that will bring Jim, and Buck, and Joaqim back, as well as try to bring back some others that I’ve lost over the years, if such a thing is possible. My plans end there for now, but that’s what I have in mind for short-term goals.”

“That’s short term? You… Are absolutely insane.”

“Yeah. I mean, didn't you realize that when you first saw me pulling up with a cart? I kind of thought it was pretty obvious.”

“And you plan to finish the commission? By yourself? How? You are great at a lot of things, but fighting is one thing you’re not even adequate at.”

“That’s true. And to be honest I don’t know yet. I'll use my original plan as a framework, but you’re right, I can’t take out the leader, probably not even one of his shamans. I don’t know how, yet. But I can’t be in your debt forever, can I? So I have to do something to pay you back the rest of the money you lent me and make this plan a success. That was blood money, Regina. Even if you tell me it's ok and it doesn't need repayment, there's no way I'd tolerate owing a debt like that forever. You'll get your money back, or I'll die trying to get it back to you.”

Regina sighs, “Fine, go ahead and heal me. I was hoping to find a way to get myself killed anyhow, so I might as well die trying to help you out. But we’re still not doing a fire tonight. Not when there’s just two of us. I’ve got a blanket; you can use that.”

“Being cold blooded means I don’t generate heat. A blanket wouldn't really work for me since those use your own body heat to warm you up, while I need to borrow the heat that's around me. That’s why it has to be a fire.”

“I generate heat. I’ll join you under the blanket and keep you warm.”

“Oh. Are you sure you wouldn’t prefer a fire?”

“I’m sure that a fire would almost certainly get us both killed.”

“Fair enough.”

I try and activate my 2 skill related schematics, failing with the first before succeeding with the second. After that, I use the invigorate schematic to heal Regina first, and then I use all 4 of my imbuements on spell releases, casting invigorate first on Regina and then myself. She has a large health pool, but after the schematic and 2 spell releases she says that she is fully healed. She certainly looks to be in much better condition. After 2 castings of invigorate, I am up to 23 health.

Once we're doing healing the worst of our injuries, Regina pulls out her blanket and we try to get comfortable underneath it.