Here’s where I’d love to describe how absolutely amazing my response was. All that wonderful bragging about how I was faster than I looked despite my age, and how I was amazing at this and that and basically everything…

But there was no chance to react. No human would’ve been able to do anything meaningful under those circumstances, I hardly had the time to begin processing the significance of that light before the shockwave passed through the wall, with fragments of burning wood vaporizing even as they scattered out and through me. From the time the light appeared to the time that it was revealed as a threat it may have been a couple seconds delay, but after the threat became clear? I barely had time to realize that I should be screaming in pain before I realized that I wasn’t in pain. Maybe I’d been in pain, but if I was, it was such a brief period that I’m no longer certain I felt any at all. There was a light, and then I was being disintegrated, and then there was nothing left to disintegrate.

That had to be a nuclear blast. It had to be. A missile or an RPG would’ve been more concussive and less fiery. There’s also the matter of distance and speed. An explosion with that much light occurring from so far away that I was able to notice a clear gap between the light and the blast reaching me? It must have been at least a few kilometers away, and it would have had to have been impossibly fast. That’s… Not the end I wanted. And honestly, I don’t know how I feel about my wife and kids dying either. I really wish they hadn’t died, obviously, just… it’s kind of hard to be angry at a nuke. You can be mad at the person who fired it, of course, but even that’s a problem because I don’t know who it was. I can’t even come up with a good reason for why someone would have dropped a nuke here.

There’s a space center about 50 kilometers away and they launch shuttles and satellites and so on, but it wouldn't have any military value, it’s used for scientific research and facilitating commercial endeavors. Its purpose is quite publicly known, and its launches are well publicized and effectively impossible to disguise; the proximity of the space center is part of why one of my degrees ended up being in aerospace engineering, because at one point in time I was thinking I would love to work there. I did a lot of research on the place, it's a far cry from a strategic target.

So who should I be angry at? The only countries I can think of that might send nuclear missiles our way would be either China or North Korea… But North Korea is… I mean… It’s North Korea. They definitely didn’t send a nuclear warhead. Not because they wouldn’t, they definitely would if they had the ability, but that’s kind of the crux of the matter, isn’t it?

I guess it pretty much had to have been China, then. But why? Last I heard at the national level we were on, maybe not great terms with China, but I thought we were civil? Certainly we shouldn't have been at the point of “let’s blow each other to itty bitty bits” right? That could at least explain why me and my family died though; China has enough Nukes to end the world several times over.

As for their willingness to carpet bomb a country and killing everyone in it? The idea that they might is simultaneously shocking and… Not. They are kind of old hats when it comes to kicking off genocides should they decide there’s a reason to do so. I guess speeding up the process of taking over as the global super power must have been enough of an incentive for them, though frankly I still don’t see there as being an actual benefit even for them. I’d expect anyone starting a nuclear war at this point would be nuked into oblivion themselves by the time the first of their warheads hit the ground. Maybe they decided to skip being the leader and decided to be the sole remaining player? I just don't get it, I honestly have no idea as to why a nuclear warhead kicked off where I live.

Frankly I’m not even confident that it was China, plenty of countries have ample motivation to see us wiped out, China is just one of the few countries where they might have a chance to succeed if they chose to pursue it. There’s no such thing as a perfect defense, and while our technology is better than most civilians would guess, it is also far less advanced than our military budget suggests, much less what our staunch military advocates fantasize as being the case. There is simply too much corruption and waste running from the top down for that massive budget to be well spent.

My thinking is… Fuzzy. I’m not thinking right. I was already sleep deprived and loopy before the bomb went off, but I'm even less mentally present now than I was before the bomb. I guess that makes sense considering that I’m extremely dead right now, so it’s not like I have a brain to be doing the thinking. How exactly AM I thinking right now? I know consciousness is tied directly to the brain. There is no “soul” in a meaningful sense. I wouldn’t rule out that there’s a component of consciousness which we don’t entirely understand associated with say one of the many dimensions which most string theory models posit exist, but even in the unlikely event that were true, the brain is clearly the one running the show.

Why am I so certain? Because of the documented cases where a traumatic brain injury resulted in a dramatic personality shift. If something resembling the soul exists in a multidimensional format, then it must be divorced from our personality, and if our personality isn’t present, then any relationship this hypothetical existence has with our consciousness must similarly be lacking. Right? I think that’s probably right.

So… What now? I don’t actually see anything; after the light of the bomb things got dark. It’s strange, I don’t feel anything. No heat, no air, nothing at all. I didn’t put any thought into the idea that even gravity resulted in a sensation until just now, when I find that sensation no longer present. There’s nothing to do, nothing to see, just… me… Alone with my thoughts… Oh. Oh no. Nonononononono. This is not what death is supposed to be like. I’m supposed to be unthinking. I’m not supposed to be trapped with nothing whatsoever to do except think. There is nothing good that will come of this, nothing at all. If I knew being dead would be like this, I’d have… There’s nothing I could have done actually. I couldn’t have saved myself or my family or done anything whatsoever to avoid ending up exactly where I’m at right now, except if I’d gotten very lucky and happened to have decided to go on vacation out of country with my family just before this happened… And frankly even if I had, I’d still end up here eventually, right?

That’s not true.

"What do you mean that’s not true? Exactly what could I have done?"

The rest of it. I generally don’t intervene, people follow their own path based on the gods of their worlds.

I’m more than a bit confused now. You see, the voice you’re reading there? It isn’t a voice at all. Do you have a mental voice that you use when you talk to yourself? I do. And that voice just now? That was my talk to myself voice. You know, similar to how I'm talking to you, right now? Except that I’m not I'm not talking to you.

This isn't some random mental voice at work, this is my mental voice talking to me right now.

You’re not wrong.

"Well technically you just told me what I said wasn’t true, and now you’re saying I’m not wrong, so which is it?"

Different statements.

"Look I’m just trying to drag the conversation out. I’m not entirely sure if I’ve become more crazy than normal or if the myself that I’m talking to is actually a different myself than myself. Ya dig?"

"Nothing, huh? Ok so… What is this? Am I spending eternity hanging out here? Am I being reincarnated? What’s the deal? And if you are a me that’s not me, why would you be intervening here? It sounded like your interventions are specific to godless worlds, which… Would explain a lot actually?"

Question 3 no, question 4 yes, question 7 good fodder, question 8 wasn’t a question at all but yes. Gods do with the afterlife as they please, I merely channel souls that don’t have a plan in place to other worlds when the mood strikes me or I see a reason to.

"Wow ok you’re definitely not the normal me, because I didn’t keep track of the questions." At this point I take a few moments trying and failing to remember what I’d said well enough to try and associate his answers with my questions in a way that would make sense, after which I ask myself "what happens to souls when you don’t intervene?"

You’ve heard of Hell right? That’s what happens to most people. Not the Christian version though, more like the version you thought you were in. A few are fortunate enough to believe they reincarnate already, but they've got some weird clauses relating to ascension, so it really only works when they're confident that they aren’t sufficiently good to make the next step. That small group really does get reborn sooner rather than later. For now at least. But the rest of them end up just like you, stuck in the void, awaiting the abyss.

"The abyss? What’s that?"

No idea. But frankly it looks terrifying, and it eats people like you. Not looking forward to when it eats me.

"Oh. What are you?"

Ah yes the eternal question that’s not really a question at all. I’m me. Just as you are you. Which means exactly what it’s supposed to mean.

"What?" At this point I'm beginning to suspect that he's just having fun at my expense, it would at least explain the way he answered my questions earlier by numbers and in the least clear and helpful way that he could. I can't remember for sure if he really did answer them in good faith, but I don't think he did, except maybe the bit about fodder if that lined up with the question about why he would intervene.

Ready to move on?

"Ummm. Where? And, frankly, yes. How long have I been here anyhow?"

Question 1, it’s not here so does it matter? Question 2, uncertain. Times a bit wibbly wobbly for me.

Ah yes, these responses line up perfectly to try and get my to doubt my own sanity. Nice gaslighting but the joke is on you, I maintain no personal pretenses that other people would find me sane in the first place. "Was that a Douglass Adams reference?"

So you’re ready then. As both a notification and a warning you’ve accrued a lot of karma. Much of it good; you’ve done a lot of amazing things. Helped to build schools for children in need, helped build houses for those in need, helped build power stations for underprivileged areas, directly administered lifesaving first aid to several individuals, dedicated your career towards facilitating healthcare needs, and much more besides. You’ve done far more good than most people would ever think possible for an individual who wasn't born into wealth or power. But then there’s also that whole psychopathic killer thing, which really complicates the matter. You not only killed people over the course of one of your jobs, but you also genuinely enjoyed it. You knew that not all of the people you killed were particularly deserving of it, but you didn’t care. Some of the people whose life you saved by applying first aid were also people that you were responsible for putting into a critical state in the first place… You’ve accrued a truly enormous amount of karma for the world you live in: most of the people who have managed to accomplish greater deeds than you were able to do so courtesy of having been leaders in positions of extraordinary authority, such as the rulers of countries. For a single individual, and one with your background at that, it's downright extraordinary. The gods where you are going are sure to make a unique class option or two available for you if you hunt for it, but choose your class carefully; I didn’t send you over there because they need a talented baker.

"Wait, why are you sending me wherever that is? And why on earth would you even jokingly suggest I’d go the baker route, I’m terrible at baking?" But there is no reply.

After this my vision went from black to… Not as black. There was no sense of motion or movement, I was simply… Somewhere else. It was warmer, and I could feel a little bit again. Pressure, occasionally even variations in light. Am I… A fetus? I’m what, floating around just waiting to be born? How… How long am I going to be stuck here, without the ability to do anything at all, eyes sealed, alone with nothing but my own thoughts? Again. Couldn’t you have moved me into an already existing person? Or at least a baby? Instead… I guess there’s nothing I can do but wait, and hope that in the coming time I can retain some of my memory and some of my sanity until I grow sufficiently large to start trying to take my destiny back into my own hands.

At this point I started whimpering inside, dreading the days to come. The months to come? The time remaining.