“I’m sorry, the Mayor can’t see you if you don’t have an appointment.”

Carrie Daylon - Level 5 Human Personal Secretary

Many people are contributing members of society, and just as many at least make a living doing… something. And then you’ve got women like Carrie, a glorified calendar and answering machine! Chosen for her looks and lack of wits, the personal secretary is the brief autumn of adequacy that follows the golden days of prettiest girl of the class winding all the boys around her finger. While Carrie dreams of landing a rich husband, she like most other personal secretaries will soon lose the last of her youth and be ‘promoted’ to a real desk job so that a younger model can take her place.

“I didn’t ask to see the Mayor, I asked where I can get a street performer permit.” I said.

“I don’t know. The Mayor hands those out, I think? But you can’t ask him if you don’t have an appointment.” Carrie said.

“Is the Mayor the only person around here handling the bureaucracy?” I asked. “Aren’t there other people around here? People more suited to fill in forms and stuff?”

Carrie shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m the Mayor’s personal secretary. If you’re talking to me, that means you want to talk to the Mayor. Everything else I wouldn’t know about.”

I sighed. “You’re the receptionist. You’re right in front of the entrance. You are supposed to deal with the other stuff too, or your desk should be somewhere else.”

“No? I’m the Mayor’s secretary. I keep track of all of his appointments for him.” Carrie said, frowning as she looked around and clearly tried very hard to figure out why her desk was where it was.

New Quest: The slow grind of bureaucracy!

There is something off about the Mayor’s Office in West Creek! You only have access to one tiny little room of the large mansion, and the secretary is stonewalling your attempts to get whatever it is that you want from her. Unless you want some of that, wink wink. Something is amiss, and you’re clearly not going to find out what through the official channels! Did someone say vigilante investigation?

Your objective is to find out what the Mayor’s up to, and possibly put a stop to whatever they’re doing! Human experimentation? Embezzlement? Overworking themselves? Who cares! You’re a crawler! You walk in, ruin plans and dreams the most direct way possible for short term gains, and then leave for other adventures before the long-term consequences pop up! Doing so will reward you a Silver Quest Box!

I clicked away the quest, we had no interest in it. Livia already warned us that there would usually be a quest or unreasonable demand tied to the Mayor’s Office and crawlers trying to get a permit for anything, and it was usually not worth it.

Though the quest once again called attention to the oddity of this place. From the outside the Town Hall was pretty big, a three-floor mansion in some 18th century style with lots of windows and a decent amount of gilding and decorations. Most of the curtains were closed and the windows were barred behind them, and there was only one entrance that wasn’t locked and guarded. Well, except the entrance into the guard barracks, but only guards were allowed in there.

When we entered the large mansion however, instead of a grand hall we found only a small reception area of Carrie’s desk, two simple chairs and an old rug. There were some stairs up, but renovations had blocked them off and they now led straight into the ceiling. There were three doors leading further into the building, but both side doors were locked and the one behind Carrie led to the Mayor’s office. I saw nowhere to go for any appointment or consultation that wasn’t with the Mayor, but this place was the only government building in town.

“Fine. Can we schedule an appointment with the Mayor, then?” I asked.

“Of course! When would you like to have your appointment?” Carrie asked.

“As soon as possible, please.” I said.

“Alright…” Carrie said, leafing through the only binder on her desk. “I can schedule you in 19 workdays from now at 3am in the morning. How does that sound?”

“Nineteen days!? We can’t wait that long!” Alexa said. “Check again!”

Carrie leafed through the binder again, actually checking everything again and mentally counting the days this time to make sure she had it right. “Yes, 19 workdays from now is the first open slot.”

“That’s unacceptable!” Alexa said. “Why the hell is he that swamped!? He should hire other people to do stuff like help us, if he’s that busy!”

“It’s okay, Alexa. We were just here to check if it was doable, this is probably the unreasonable request that Livia mentioned.” I said.

“It’s not okay!” Alexa protested. “I can see the binder from here! It’s not that full! He should be able to see us! Just you wait, Carrie! I’ll be back, and I’ll bring Livia with me next time!”

“Okay?” Carrie said. “Be sure to have an appointment when you do!”

“Oho~. I’ll have something better. I’ll have my manager right by my side.” Alexa said. “And do you know what Livia’s middle name is?”

“No?” Carrie said. “I’m not sure what’s going on right now, why would I know that? Am I supposed to know that?”

“Her middle name is Karen.” Alexa boldly lied.

Carrie went pale, and quickly leafed through the binder again. “I’m sorry, but there really aren’t any other times that the Mayor can see you. I’m pretty sure he’s the manager, so I can’t let you see him about seeing him either.”

“I don’t care. I’m bringing her next time, if I leave here empty-handed.” Alexa grinned.

“But- But I can’t-” Carrie sputtered, sweating profusely enough that her foundation started to mar.

“We’re not here to see the Mayor. We’re here for a Street Performer Permit.” I said. “If you’d know how to get one without having to see him, we can resolve this without involving Karen.”

“Well, I… Maybe- But…” Carrie said, her mind working faster than it had ever worked before. “Wait! Maybe I know something! Wait here, please.”

She scurried out to the room behind her, and came back a few minutes later with an old cardboard box. “There are some permits that the Mayor signed and put in this box, so that people could pick them up later. Nobody does, though. So I don’t think anyone will notice if an old permit disappears.”

“There’s a box back there for picking up permits?” I asked. “Is there anything else of the sort, like someone else working or a desk for applying for permits?”

“No? I don’t think so.” Carrie said, huffing and puffing after dragging the half-full box to her desk. “Aw, I broke a nail.”

“Are we allowed to go through that door?” I asked.

“Not without an appointment.” Carrie said.

“But then how would someone pick up their form from this box, if it’s back there?” I asked.

Carrie gave me an uncomprehending look.

I sighed. I knew that Carrie and this place were designed as a joke, but this was just stupid. Did the audience find this funny? Maybe, but I could only imagine the joke falling flat more often than not.

Alexa was already in the box, half submerged in paper and quickly going through it all. I grabbed one of the chairs and dragged it over, before grabbing a handful of papers to go through.

Most of the papers were pointless, something I could easily tell thanks to the item descriptions that the AI provided me with. So it was easy to sift out the worthwhile items in here. Which was definitely needed, as Carrie was starved for social interaction and kept talking to us about gossip and other useless nonsense. Thankfully, I was a master at tuning out static. Half an hour later, Alexa and I gathered a small pile of documents that could be interesting.

One form that I immediately pocketed was a piece of paper called a Gate Pass, which seemed to be a general guard pacifier allowing you to pull more stunts without lasting consequences. The item itself was a simple note with the mayor’s signature, his name was Herald Cornhall as it turned out, and a scribble that the bearer of the pass was acting in his name. There were four of them, but only one wasn’t assigned to a specific person. I wasn’t sure if we could do something with the others.

Darryl: Livia, would this one work?

Livia: It should, yes. The others aren’t going to work, not unless you have a class that can forge names on documents or adapt personas with false names.

I kept leafing through the forms after finding the Gate Pass, just to be sure. There were permits and certificates that were more specific, though most had a name to them. There were quite a lot of search warrants and other permits assigned to an Inspector Dago in here, but I ignored those. They were either a quest and everyone was currently quite fed up with those, or it would be worse somehow. There were also a lot of kill and capture permits and search warrants for bounty hunters, and though they were all named I took them regardless. Some of these might be to apprehend Ben, so it would be easy if I delayed them by making some paperwork disappear.

We eventually went through the whole box, finding three more documents of interest. Two were assigned to a company rather than a person, and according to Livia it was easy to get hired and just as easy to quit those. The companies would take a cut from your income, but on this floor we were mostly in it for the skill grinding and the free raw materials that some companies provided.

The first one was for sewer cleaning, not a job I think any of us were going to do, but it would give us permission to open sewer grates and wander down there without guard trouble. It was a potentially useful item, and as Carrie wasn’t really paying attention I took it.

The second was a masonry permit. Making bricks. It didn’t seem that useful, but maybe Elise needed something simple to keep herself occupied? It wasn’t quite pottery class, but…

My third find was interesting, though. A certificate of ownership without a name on it, the mayor’s signature was next to a blank line to be filled in by the owner. The paper looked somewhat old and was near the bottom of the box, so it was fair to assume that the real owner wasn’t coming to get it. The certificate was for a tannery on the outskirts of town.

Darryl: Leatherworking?

Livia: Turning animal skins into leather. It smells. Really, really bad.

Darryl: I know. I meant more as in, what is leatherworking exactly to the system? I’ve got a tannery here. Could I get some skills to loot better quality pelts from corpses?

Livia: With leatherworking, no. With a tannery, maybe. It’s really hard to get your first level in loot-improving skills, but places like that tannery often have something to make it easier. Once you have it, you’ll automatically train it every time you open the inventory of a mob that can be skinned. Though entering the dungeon with such skills is of course the easiest.

Livia: Tannery or not, you can’t skin something you already took the pelt from. Or if anyone opened the inventory. That automatically happens when you drop a corpse in your inventory. So you won’t have a stack of corpses to start with, you’ll have to collect new ones.

Well, I guess I knew what I was doing for the time being. I just needed that first level, which should be doable given that the outskirts were littered with corpses right now.

“Alright, I think we’re done here.” I said, getting up.

“Already?” Carrie said, her endless stream of gossip ending as she looked up from the broken nail she was filing in hopes of salvaging it. “Did you find what you were looking for?”

“It’s a bit overkill, but this one should do it.” I said, holding up the unnamed pass.

“That’s great. I’m glad I could be of help.” Carrie sighed sadly. “Too bad you’re leaving already. It’s so quiet and boring around here.”

“Thank you for your help.” I said as Alexa landed on my shoulder.

“Come back any time. I wouldn’t mind someone like you hanging around here to keep me company.” Carrie said, once again sighing longingly.

“Okay. Bye.” I said, and walked out of the Mayor’s Office.

As I walked out and the warm rays of the sun replaced the somewhat dreary and pressing gloom of that small room, I stretched and looked around.

“Alright, Alexa. We should pick a spot with a lot of foot traffic, and preferably the kind of people with gold. Do you know a good spot?” I said.

Alexa shrugged. “Let’s just wander around and see if we find a good spot.”

Darryl: Ben, do you know any places where there’s a lot of people walking around with some gold in their pockets?

Ben: I did. And now those people are no longer carrying any money.

Fair enough.

“The money is nice, but secondary. We need a spot with a lot of people, to optimise your skill grinding.” I said. “I think I remember a busy spot.”

Alexa grumbled. “But more money would be better too…”

“We can’t get the best of both worlds, and you’re just getting started.” I said.

Darryl: Miho, everything still going well?

Miho: Yes. I’m making good progress, helping the herbalist make stuff and grinding my skills. With Ben’s… uhm, appropriation of her stock, we’ve got enough for me to make tons of useful potions and salves on the next floors too. My herbal healing potions aren’t as good as the usual deal, but they’ll eventually be better!

Darryl: Ben?

Ben: Haven’t been caught yet! Tatiana and I are making good progress burgling houses. You?

Alexa: It’s time to take this town by storm! Look out, West Creek! Here I come!

Alexa made a superhero pose on my shoulder, and then pouted as I patted the adorable fairy’s head.