Miho

The audience cheered as Tatiana finished off the Town Guard, but quickly got over it. This society was clearly addicted and used to short and extreme bursts of enthusiasm, and the scene’s excitement was quickly forgotten once it was over.

Instead of lingering any longer than necessary, a very pleased Maestro declared that there was no reason to send one of us back now that all of the danger was gone. Instead he decided that we wanted to use Darryl’s teleport to bring Ben back to the table, and did it before we could object.

After that we were put on pause for a bit, as Maestro brought in some other guests to torment while we could only watch without interacting or being heard. A reel of the best moments of the fight in sepia-tone and super slow motion were displayed in the background as he ridiculed and played with a group of real estate single moms that all picked merchant or support classes.

I didn’t want to be mean, but they didn’t seem like they were going to make it far. They apparently survived for about four days now, descending early twice and having to pick a class while still at level 5. Maestro had an easy time poking fun at them suggesting they’d put out for any strong man and making vague hints at whoring them out to the audience. I knew, or at least strongly assumed based on how he threatened it rather than actually doing it, that he couldn’t actually do such a thing.

When one of them broke down in tears and another began to scream about being an independent single mom and how Maestro was a fascist pig, she found that this audience didn’t give a fuck about feminism or any of our current western values. The Maestro had a field day roasting them.

Half an hour later, they lost all but one of their Death Watch clip predictions. The still sobbing woman was teleported to the nearest Safe Zone, and the others were returned to the time-frozen scene where the two men of their party were just being torn limb from limb by a group of cat-faced horses with barbed lasso tails.

The audience cheered and laughed as the horse monsters played with the women as they futilely tried to run away. The monsters made a game out of one horse snatching up a victim with their tail, and trying to avoid the others as they tried to grab another one of the flailing limbs. Once they succeeded, the woman got quartered and they ate the limb they ripped off as they ran after the other women. Whoever got the torso won.

I had seen a quite a few things in my time down here, but this was honestly the most grotesque thus far. Alexa looked queasy even after she stopped looking at the screen, and Ben and Elise just seemed to retreat into their minds trying to block it all out.

“Alright, that was fun!” Maestro bellowed. “But let’s get back to our party of the evening!”

The audience returned their attention to us.

“So, let’s start with the obvious.” Maestro said. “Elise! I know that your species isn’t that sophisticated as us, but haven’t you invented tampons yet?”

The crowd jeered and Elise just sighed.

“Really? That’s the best you came up with?” She deadpanned, not even sitting up straighter or seeking eye-contact with the Maestro.

“Oh-oh! Seems like someone’s grumpy that she ruined her favourite pants!” The Maestro said. There were a few chuckles, but the joke fell flat when Elise didn’t even react and the Maestro quickly moved on. By turning his eyes to me.

“But enough about her! Let’s talk about the exhibitionist in the room!” He said, the background screens immediately switching to the times I was naked. “So, how about you take off that ugly thing and present yourself in a way that makes us click that follow button!”

“No, thank you.” I said.

“Well, dress a bit better, at least! How about putting this on?” He said, holding his hand up so that a coat hanger with a bright yellow Borat-string could appear in it.

“No, thank you.” I repeated, trying to keep my cheeks from flustering.

Maestro grimaced as he found no purchase to nettle me, at least not fast enough to keep the audience’s attention, and turned to Alexa next.

“How about you, little one? Do you want a new outfit?” Maestro asked.

“Why don’t you put it on, it matches the quality of the show better!” Alexa said.

The audience oooooh~’d, and Maestro smiled.

“Well, now there’s a thought. Too bad we’re not going to do that, it doesn’t match the preferences of our target audience. Not like this.” Maestro said.

Footage of Alexa in her self-made leaves outfit and before that was shown, and Alexa blushed heavily as she grinded her teeth.

“I think everyone can agree that we like you most when you’re in tune with nature!” Maestro laughed. “You’re right. We should be giving you something like this instead! It’s called an Eve outfit on your planet, I believe!”

The string disappeared and he instead held up a little mannequin of an elf wearing nothing but maple leaves to cover her breasts and genitals.

“Alexa is eleven, you paedophile!” Ben said.

“Indeed she is! Hence why I am not really attracted to her! Also the lack of tusks and muscle.” Maestro coyly shrugged. “But paedophilia laws are to be determined and enforced by the local authorities, and as a prince I am the local authorities. And I say, why not have a little fun needling at her? She chose to flutter around naked like this, and I’m not forcing her to do anything.”

“Then put that thing away, I’m not wearing it!” Alexa said.

“As your bitchiness demands.” Maestro made a mock bow. “I get it, I truly do. You’re saving yourself for him, aren’t you? Icons are supposed to be fair maiden virgins, pining for forbidden love.”

Darryl appeared on the screens behind us. Then a 3D rendering of his naked body, which turned out to not reveal anything as there was nothing to dangle around, appeared on the table between Alexa and Maestro.

Maestro snapped his fingers, and Darryl’s crotch unfolded. I gulped, and even Elise and Ben looked up to frown at what came out.

“How… Why…?” Ben asked.

“How would that even work? Why would that even work?” Elise asked, tilting her head sideways.

“What kind of horror even is that!?” I said, covering my mouth with my hands. This might actually be worse nightmare fuel than the horses!

Maestro just laughed at our reaction, and the crowds with him.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s not going to fit, little girl.” The Maestro said, leaning in uncomfortably close to Alexa. “So you’re not going to be taking that virginity of his. But don’t worry, he can still take yours. It might even be kinkier, too!”

“Dude! Eleven!” Elise said.

The Maestro ignored her as he snapped his fingers again, and Darryl’s mouth opened like two double doors to let a monstrously long, barbed and dexterous tongue out. It reminded me of those Venom trailers that came out just before the Collapse.

“It’s thematic, at least.” Maestro grinned. “Underaged girls and tentacles, I mean.”

“Well, but- but!” Alexa stuttered, heavily blushing and clearly both extremely uncomfortable and unsure of half what was going on. She was still eleven, and thus unaware of most of the things that were hinted at or outright said here and how they even worked.

The Maestro laughed. “Oh, looks like you are interested! How lewd! It’s the ribbing, is it not? Or are you a vore, fantasising that he’ll gobble you up with that big mouth of his?”

“No, you!” Alexa said, head steaming.

“Me?” Maestro smiled. “I understand that my charms are hard to resist, but as I said I’m not actually interested in you. Sorry, but I’m going to have to let you down! Even with the vore thing!”

The Maestro closed his eyes dramatically and made tragic rejection motions, getting some laughs from the crowd. “It’s not me, it’s you.”

“N-No! I meant, you’re going on and on about Darryl’s junk and put it on display like this! It sounds like you want to do the adult stuffs with him! To have him use that thing on you!”

“Ooooooooohhhh~!!!” Most of the audience howled, with only a few people abstaining. Most of which I remembered were amongst the first to cheer when the crowds hadn’t warmed up yet.

Maestro’s big smile was frozen on his face as his eyes rapidly showed panic, shame and then a lot of hatred. Slowly his face started moving again, turning the smile into a grimace of bared fangs.

“Naughty little piggy!” One of the shadowy silhouettes in the crowd screamed. He disappeared to be replaced with someone else, but it was too late. Others chanted the same thing, and were tossed out of the audience as well. But it seemed like nobody really cared, and whomever joined next chanted it as well.

“You fucking-! Stop saying that, filthy ingrates!” Maestro bellowed, cursing at the audience. This only seemed to incite them to shout it louder. “Nothing happened! It was just a snerk! Fuck you!”

We all grew quiet, not knowing what the hell was going on. Ben and Elise were paying attention now, but kept their tongue. Alexa seemed torn on whether she should rile up the crowds more, or keep quiet. And I was again at a loss as to what was going on. At least it wasn’t just me this time.

“Cut it! Cut the feed! Fuck this, fuck you all!” The Maestro shouted. “Stop the show! Stop it! NOW!”

The audience disappeared and the screens turned off, Darryl’s 3D rendering with… that… thing, disappearing as well. Thank goodness.

“Fucking hells! Things were going so well, and then you! Fuck! Fuck you!” Maestro said.

A second figure appeared from behind the set. She was as tall as Maestro and almost as broad, but clad in make-up. Her tusks had an almost mascara-like pattern painted on, she wore thick red lipstick and for some reason she applied ochre yellow eyeshadow. Dear lord, what kind of twisted sense of fashion did the Syndicate have, that this woman would maim her appearance so?

“Simmer down, Maestro! You were the one who lost the audience! I told you not to cut the show halfway again! I told you to not ruin yet another episode by letting this happen! I told you to MAKE ANOTHER FUCKING THREE EPISODES PROPER before ending this little project of your brother and yours!” The orc bellowed at the show host. The moment she spoke, I realised that she was the deep grumbling voice that told me to stay seated just before the show began.

“Fuck you, mom! You saw what happened!” Maestro shouted back. “I couldn’t do anything about that! The moment she said… The moment she even came close to mentioning that snerk, the audience turned against me!”

“Then don’t let it come to that! If you can’t even dominate the conversation with a fucking ignorant savage, then why the fuck did I even bother raising you!? Worse, she’s a savage CHILD! You didn’t even see it coming or lead her to some other topic, Maestro! You’re a prince! You’re supposed to know better! You’re supposed to be able to talk like a politician! You’re not supposed to be such a massive dunce!”

“Fuck you! FUCK YOU!” Maestro said, all rage and clearly not even noticing our presence any more. “You never even wanted us to do this show! You called it stupid when we set it up, a waste of our time! But then I want to quit, and you started to fucking nag at me until I started it again! I told you it was a stupid idea to continue this dumb show!”

“We are not rabble, or cowards! We are not swayed by the will of the people!” His mom shouted back. “If you cancelled Death Watch! and left immediately after that snerk came out, like Stalwart did, then you would’ve declared for the whole Syndicate to hear that that filthy ingrate and his cat have you beat! Humiliated you into hiding from the public and toss a personal project of yours in the bin immediately, just because of a fucking snerk!

“Your half-sister would’ve used that like an anchor around your neck for decades to come, and you know it! I don’t fucking care if you fill the entire audience with paid actors next time, but you’re going to do another two episodes before we bury this joke of a show, and you’re going to do it live!”

“No! I’ve had it, mom! This was a stupid idea, and none of this is going to solve shit!” Maestro said. “There is only one way I’m going to fix my reputation, and that’s by killing Carl! All of this has just been a waste of time!”

Maestro stormed out, ignoring his mother’s screamed demands to come back.

“Fuck!” She said, glaring at the door for a moment before realising that we were still here. “Oh, right. You lot. I’ve got better things to do right now, so wait here. I’ll be back later.”

She walked away, leaving us to sit awkwardly at the weird table on a set with the lights turned off. Boxed in by invisible walls. Having to wait for an unknown period of time.

Ben got up and pried his dagger out of the invisible wall. “Sooooo~. Does anyone have any idea what the fuck just happened?”

...

“Yeah, me neither.”

The orc returned a good twenty minutes later, still livid but more composed. “Right, you lot. I guess that I have to take care of this, now that both of my sons went to play in the dungeon prematurely.”

She sighed dramatically. “Fucking hell. Why didn’t I have any daughters? Their egos are not as massive and frail, at least.”

“Let’s see…” She said, slowly sitting down on Maestro’s throne while lots of data scrolled in front of her eye. “Right. A plot of 9th floor land. You’re still wearing the item, I take it?”

Elise nodded, gesturing at the tiara. The orc seemed displeased at the lack of energy, respect or perhaps just seeing Elise’s current state and lacking hygiene, but didn’t say anything.

“Right. I see that you managed to get the demigriff we gave you killed, though.” She said. “Just because you no longer have it, doesn’t mean our agreement is void. You keep that damned thing on, make it to the ninth floor and fulfil your end of the bargain. It cost us a lot of money to send stuff into the dungeon before fan boxes are even a thing.”

“We never agreed to shit.” Elise said.

“Yes you did! You-” The orc said, before reading something over again. She looked like she was having a minor migraine, closed her eyes and just groaned. “I’ve raised two fuck-ups. They can’t even do something simple like this right.”

“We don’t plan on dying, and we’re smart enough to know that we shouldn’t piss off a whole country. Especially on the floor where you guys can strike us down for looking at you the wrong way.” Ben said. “We never agreed to your earlier offer, but it’s not as if we’re going to be stupid for pride’s sake.”

“Right. That’s… decently good to hear, at least.” The orc said. “Well, then let’s get to negotiating. Which is to say, I’m going to give you terms, and you’ll like them. First-”

The orc stopped talking as the ship shuddered. “Why the fuck did we just fire our armaments?”

Ignoring us again, she started talking into the air. Presumably talking into some kind of device so small we couldn’t even see it, she was ordering someone to tell her what was going on.

Then the world around us shuddered even louder, and the walls cracked. Everything that wasn’t bolted on tight suddenly flew out into the vastness of space, and the orc screamed silently as the vacuum took her. The table flew in front of us, suddenly incorporeal, and then we too flew wildly.

I felt nauseous as the ship spun around us, focusing on the rest of the party who weren’t moving at all at least from my perspective. We flew through a wall, and then the four of us were sitting in space.

“Huh.” Ben said, curiously looking around.

“I wonder what ju-” I asked, as space suddenly disappeared and we were inside the tiny white boat trailer again.

“Please hold.” The flying Roomba said. “We’re experiencing technical difficulties.”