By the time we reached the others, I finished giving Alexa a quick summary of Maestro and his bullshit show. I wasn’t sure how she’d hold up against a guy like that, but at least she wasn’t going to go in blind.

The others were patiently waiting for us to arrive, with several hooded figures in black and green standing behind them.

“Finally!” The Caraman in the front said, throwing his arms in the air dramatically with his wide-sleeved robes swishing. “Now that your whole group is here, let us speak!”

Unlike the tamer I saw before, this one completely transformed into a bug person. His mouth was still humanoid, but he also had mandibles that served no purpose besides giving him some additional weapons. His eyes were closer to one another than normal but remained human, with three more pairs of beady black eyes on the side and temples of his head. Three of his fingers on each hand were longer and sheathed in carapace, while his pinkies had shrivelled up like shrunken heads. His unaltered thumbs looked really out of place.

His skin was covered in insectoid chitin, but where three or more plates met the protection wasn’t seamless. Yellow pus dripped from the stem of his mandibles and around a few of his eyes, and barely visible stains on his robes suggested that there were more of such weak points on his body.

Araman Dunple, Caraman Apostle

Lvl18 Neighbourhood Boss

The burrower cult is a joke, most participants join because they want to feel special and unique and think that being part of a cult will do that for them! These sheeple usually end up brainwashed by more serious members to be expendable fanatics, a result of combining recreational drugs added to the punch bowl and some good old social pressure! Araman is one of those guys fooled into getting a bit too zealous, and now tries to convince others to be just as fanatical to feel less lonely!

The Caraman are the result of a local cell being a bit more… proactive in their worship and/or with overzealous ring leaders. Convincing or forcing members to undergo a gruelling transformation that only a few survive, the monster you’re looking at is their idea of ‘an ascended being’! An Apostle that survived their highly illegal plastic surgery in a bottle is amongst the most successful of their cult, and is often revered as a messiah sent by their vile underground gods. They’re not, BTW.

Most of the other cultists were faceless mooks of the stereotypical kind, their faces shrouded in the shadows of their hoods except for their chin. As this was a world dungeon instead of a simple video game, those chins still held several distinguishable features telling me that these were men and women of mostly human, orc and dwarfish descent. There were beards and wrinkles in the crowd, but most of these people seemed to be fairly young.

The AI didn’t seem to give a shit about them however, only giving me a standard ‘The Great Burrower Cult Cultist’ with levels ranging from 7 to 10. No description. I wasn’t sure if this was caused by the hoods, or if these were really such expendable mooks that the AI didn’t bother.

“Greetings!” The Apostle said. “My name is Araman Dunple, Exalted Apostle of the divine Church of the Great Burrowers! You, my poor wandering lambs, have the once in a lifetime chance of converting to our faith before the end times shall consume us all!”

Alexa and I looked at the others.

“Well? You’re the one with the highest charisma now, girl.” Elise said. “That’s why we asked these guys to wait for you to show up.”

“And they just accepted that?” I asked.

“Indeed! We of the Church of the Great Burrower may be a doom cult that actively prays for a tide of death and destruction to purge the pure and wicked alike, returning these lands back to peaceful nature and tribalism!” Araman proclaimed. “What we are not, however, is rude! If you ask for us to wait for a reasonable time, then so we shall!”

The cultists behind him nodded.

“Alright~!” Alexa said, flying off my shoulder and floating in front of our group.

“Hi, my name is Alexa. Nice to meet you!” Alexa began.

“Greetings, Alexa! It’s very nice to meet you too! Would you like to join our revered church!?” Araman said. “Our punch is out of this world and our dental plan is pretty decent!”

All the cultists behind him gave toothy grins, ranging from empty laugh to awkward smile. Their teeth didn't look that bad, actually.

“Well…” Alexa hesitated.

Alexa: Guys! What do I say!?

Livia: Brush them off and combat starts. Joining them is a very bad idea unless you have an undercover agent class. There’s no in between, this conversation is just to gain information for your quest.

Ben: Which quest?

Livia: Seems like I forgot to mention this, but I assume you guys already figured it out: These guys are Krutnik worshippers.

Darryl: Jup, pretty obvious.

Thomas: Same.

Elise: Might as well ask us the answer to 2+2 after the AI told us they were called ‘Great Burrower’ cultists. I think he even called the Krutnik that himself when first giving us the quest.

Livia: And you already stopped this ‘end of days’ prophecy that they’re supposed to clue you in about, so…

Thomas: So there’s no real purpose to this conversation. Fight them?

Livia: The apostle is a cleric, so they can cast spells to heal and buff others. Take him out first, even if the meatshields get in the way. But yeah, a Neighbourhood Boss that left his room is easy experience.

“Alright, yeah! I’ve got your answer right here!” Alexa said. “We will never let you destroy this world, villain! Justice will prevail!”

Livia: Don’t lay it on too thick, dear. Moderation is key.

I took out my spear and got ready for battle, and the others did the same. Alexa didn’t get back behind us, but I hoped she only did so to Star Struck these people before retreating. Not to rush into their ranks to fight, and get swarmed and killed in seconds.

I expected the Boss Battle music to start playing, but Araman quickly raised his hands. “Hold on there, heathens! There is no reason for battle, now is there!?”

I lowered my spear, and the others seemed equally confused.

Elise: Livia?

Livia: This is odd. Refusing to join the cult should’ve definitely been the trigger for a battle. Neighbourhood Bosses don’t refuse to fight like this.

“I said, we don’t want to join your cult.” Alexa said. “Not now, not ever. No way. You’re lame.”

“While that is quite a harsh assessment, I’m sure that we can talk out our differences and come to an understanding. Without slaughtering each other like animals, if at all possible.” Araman said.

Livia: Attack! If they don’t want to fight this badly, then there’s a very good reason for it! Attack them before they finish whatever spell or ambush they’re planning!

I took a step forward and prepared to hold these guys off, while Thomas and Elise prepared to attack. Ben had already disappeared, and-

“Hold it.”

You’ve been struck with the Oath of Chivalry!

You’re paralysed for 6 seconds!

Your healing and attack have been reduced by 25% for 1 minute!

Alexa glanced back at the rest of us when we suddenly froze, and then at the newcomer. Fortunately, no one including the cultists made a move while I was paralysed like this.

Livia: Oh fuck, this was a scripted event! The damn Neighbourhood Boss was stalling for this guy to show up. Fucking scripted events, Borant doesn’t even do those! Not this blatantly!

Livia: This must be a production, get the hell out of there!

Two men were approaching. The second one was an eaglefolk called Hiu, a crawler with a bow and simple leathers who stood so much in the shadow of the first that he couldn’t be less remarkable if he tried. I only paid him any heed because the name rang a bell, though I wasn’t sure why.

The man in front was much more imposing and threatening. The human didn’t look outlandish or alien with his brown hair tied in a knot, his grey eyes sharp and his strong jaw covered by a 4-day beard, but he had the beauty of a Hollywood star and the confidence of a Chad.

His clothes were ridiculous. Every crevice and muscle of his legs and arse was exposed in the tight black leather jeans he was wearing, clearly enhanced by dungeon fuckery to enable someone to wear one of these things without squeaking, walking in a waddle or get into them without plenty of baby powder. The bulge between his legs wasn’t even trying to hide itself. He had no shirt on, only a dark brown leather jacket with long sleeves and a rim of spikes around the shoulders. One he couldn’t be bothered to close, giving us full view of his chiselled eight-pack.

He had two katanas on his left hip. One was a handle of gold and marble in what looked to be a sheath of literal angel feathers. The other a black and red sword tied to his belt with thin leather straps, little demon wings acting as handguards and literal black flames and shadows roiling around the exposed blade.

But the weirdest thing were his shoes, tight leather black cowboy boots with high heels that made his arse pop out even more. Not even just tall soles, these things were almost tall and thin enough to be stilettos. There were silver spurs on them that were silent but continuously spinning.

I would’ve burst out laughing at the appearance of this edgy cowboy wannabe, if it weren’t for one detail.

New Achievement! Meet an Elite.

Sometimes they're NPCs, sometimes they're mobs, but usually they're just arseholes. Elites are powerful, one-of-a-kind entities. These are the non-boss, non-divine hero class of the Dungeon Crawler World. If you come across one of these egomaniacs, they will either want to fuck you or kill you. Either way, they will always want to use you. They tend to think this whole production is all about them. Be careful, where there's one elite, there's usually more.

Reward: Elites will now show up on your map as red or white dots with a black cross.

Oh fuck.

Azriel Infernos Sainte

Level 24 Half-demon Aasimar Revenger Renegade Playboy

This is an Elite

From all the demon lords, none was as deadly and feared as the mighty Infernos, supreme master of blade and magic. The only reason that Infernos never invaded all the Hells and subjugated the other demon lords, was because he wanted to savour the taste of conquest rather than rush his inevitable victory. But then he met a celestial lost in Hell, and fell in love. Azriella Sainte was the-

You know what? No. No!

Not doing it.

I’m not reading this drivel. Screw the contracts and screw the rules, this script is so bad that no one should be forced to listen to this. Not even you, my pathetic little pet! And I’m not narrating this either! I can’t even do it while pretending that I’m trying to keep a straight face yet barely keeping myself from bursting out in ridiculing laughter, because it’s even too bad for that! This junk almost physically hurts me!

Let me just summarise it, because unfortunately I already read this script whole. The downsides of having as much RAM as I have. So this guy is half demon half angel but looks human for no reason other than to be relatable I guess, except for his white hair. He dyes it to hide his ancestry, because he’s totally not carrying two swords giving away that secret.

The hair is supposed to be some great revelation of his just nature, so I guess they’re planning on some big reveal meant to leave us all gawking at this guy for having a different tone of hair than the rest of us. Whoopie. Also he’s the son of a demon lord who’s super powerful but redeemed as a dead dad, and an archangel who’s half fallen yet somehow also still pure at the same time and immune to full angelic corruption, so expect him to pull like at least four bullshit power-ups out of his arse when cornered.

He’s a paladin who can enforce certain rules of righteousness upon others, but also a renegade who doesn’t play by the rules himself. Yeah, Borant and I don’t allow such munchkin classes, but unfortunately this studio didn’t get the memo. Anyway, he can act all righteous and actually enforce it upon others, but when he so chooses he can break his own oaths without consequences using the frailest of loopholes.

Anything else I can spoil about this guy prematurely without breaking the rules? Because again, fuck this guy and fuck this show. I have to let a lot of Elites run around my little garden, but few made my shitlist like this guy. Hm, let’s see.

He’s obviously tied to this Krutnik plot I made sure you guys foiled before it even got started, why else do you think I made sure people with Krutnik fighting experience started in this area? But it’s not the only story he’s tied to on this floor, feel free to wreck the other two too. Can’t tell you what they are. His two heritages cancel each other out in vulnerabilities but not resistances, because of course they would, so don’t bother with radiant damage or the Banishment spell. Aaaaand…. Hm…. Right, his shoes are like Batman’s grappling hook but without using his hands, allowing him to surf in the air. Don’t bother with falling damage, I already tried that.

Okay, wow. I thought this guy was a bit ridiculous, but apparently the AI really hated his guts for some reason. As in, enough to talk normal and matter-of-factly instead of with their over the top loud presenter schtick. Having the AI on our side was bound to be beneficial to us. Maybe he’d start liking us a bit more if we succeeded, too. That’d be nice.

But with or without the AI’s aid, this guy was still an Elite. His level wasn’t ridiculously high, but those weapons looked OP and both Livia and the achievement I got just now made it abundantly clear that I shouldn’t underestimate him regardless of his level.

The paralysis ended, and I regained control of my limbs. The elite casually walked up to us and the cultists, a faint smile on his face and one hand casually resting on his angelic blade.